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Writing Contest #127 Secret Origins

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  • Writing Contest #127 Secret Origins

    Writing Contest #127: Secret Origins

    The theme this month is:

    Secret Origins

    Write a new origin for an existing comic book character.

    The Rules:

    *Nothing sexual in nature (romantic love scene is OK, but nothing graphic)

    *Nothing Political (or at least real-world politics)

    *1-5 Pages in length

    * No published/franchise characters that you haven't created and own the rights to (public domain characters should be OK - just make sure they're in the public domain)

    * The winner of this contest gets to choose the topic of the next contest.



    DEADLINE: Last day of October.

    Last edited by cresc; 09-29-2021, 07:33 PM. Reason: https://discord.gg/pv8CKAEcC5
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  • #2
    Interesting idea

    Comment


    • #3
      Is anyone doing this?

      Comment


      • #4
        There is renewed interest in Discord so I'm updating this post. The theme is the same. The deadline is now the end of October.

        https://discord.gg/pv8CKAEcC5
        Last edited by cresc; 09-29-2021, 07:35 PM.
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        • #5



          Hey son, I didn’t make it. I could only take so many risks before I blipped out.

          I want you to grab the swankiest dame you can find and have a cat’s meow. While you're out, have a swig for your old man.

          I am going to be looking after you from above…...Gotcha, I am not some sap. You're on your own kid.

          I’ll be square with ya, so you don’t make my mistakes.

          You know how I said, I’m not from around here…..well that’s actually true.

          Where I come from, people worshipped actors and rockstars instead of Supers. They adore them because there are no hyper competence or supers. There were only hard working people.

          It was a lot like your roaring 20’s. Squares dried the place up while Speakeasies threw Beez Kneez of a time.

          I was born Geseppi Giovanni. My dad died in the great war and my youth denied me my revenge.

          Dough flowed to everyone with the right last name. Mine tossed in the cooler.

          Prohibition started drying everything up. It was a perfect time for a hood like me. Cops got a kickback, farmers brought the alcohol, clubs sold the goods. Boozehounds drank it all up.

          I was the big cheese until one day I noticed some hinkie stuff. A bunch of weirdo’s started meeting up. I didn’t want some Jamestown garbage bringing heat to my house.

          I brought my crew packing Tommy’s to one of their meetings. They told us to buzz off. I thought they brought knives to the gunfight. We dropped some Chicago Lightning. Little did I know they were ready for a firefight. They literally threw fire. They caught us off guard which put us in a jam. Coppers came in and bailed us out. I gave the fuzz an extra slice for their services.

          Some powerful people found out about what happened that day. They weren’t the Feds, MI6, or even the KGB. They called themselves the Pantheon. The Pantheon hunted cultists like the ones we met.

          I know I could have left well enough alone but these were my streets. There was no way I was going to let some cultists mess em up.

          Fighting a cult isn’t too much different than a street war. I kept my head down while they kept getting everyone sore. I slowly rooted out those weeds.

          Winning cost me more than I was willing to pay. Knowing how a cultist thinks kind of makes you one. A lot of the crew went goofy and switched sides. I did my best to protect my crew but I had to know what I was fighting. By the time the war was over, I knew too much. I had to leave otherwise the Veron would come for me and bring a world of trouble with them.

          I joined the Pantheon and their bunny war.

          The Pantheon sent me here. Super Villains had the control of the underworld. Their Ego’s were huge as their garish costumes.

          I couldn’t gain any traction when me and my crew started. The Supervillians were hypercompetence who never had to spend time learning nothing. Goons couldn’t respect someone like themselves. I changed the game with just one move. I donned the G-man outfit. Goons came like moths to a flame.

          Super villains treat their crews like palookas. I treated them like earners. I might not be a mastermind but I was patient.

          My life might seem glamorous, but it wasn’t worth it. It took everything to outwit a mastermind. You never know if a Superhero is going to crash through your wall.

          The worst was not being there for you and your mom. I gave you all my extra time but I know that wasn’t enough.

          I am so sorry son. You had to train instead of party. I would have done it differently if I could. I know this letter doesn’t make up for nothing but it's all I got left.


          I am not sorry father. You taught me to live with purpose. I may not have known why you’re driven but I knew you had a good reason.

          These aren’t just your streets. They were mine too. Just like you, I will take care of them. I just can’t as the son of the G-man (Lorenzo Giovanni). I can as the superhero, The Torpedo.
          Last edited by celtichost54; 10-08-2021, 12:38 AM.

          Comment


          • #6
            The Origin of Maverick II (AKA son of Maverick-An original character I invented)
            It took five years and a thwarted alien invasion for the vigilante known as Maverick to become a recognized as a legend. It only took three bullets to end his story.

            He was escorting his wife and son to a Chinese restaurant-it was his son's birthday, and he loved the food at Cheng's- when a man came up behind him and put an end to his life. Most people at the scene acted like they knew nothing. It was a normal practice in Norwood City; see no evil, hear no evil. But his son did see something. He saw the face of the man who shot his father in the back like a coward. He disobeyed his mother and ran to the precinct to give his statement.

            He was expecting the police to help. Maverick had had a hand in reforming the corruption in the NPD, to the point people in the six boroughs weren't afraid to call anymore. He had been photographed getting the key to the city. He shook hands with the President, for god's sake. So imagine the son's surprise when the first cop he saw had the same face as his father's killer. Soon as he saw the scum, he ran out with tear streaming down his face. Everything his father had done, all that hard work, undone by a corrupt cop with three bullets.

            So he and his mother left the city. Went into the protection of the M2 Initiative-the governing body for superheroes- and began hopping the globe to for ten years. Ten damn years, until it was obvious no one was targeting them. Settling into a poor neighborhood in Louisiana with a basement that flooded every hurricane, the son silently trained with those he befriended during his years under Hero protection. He learned to fight, to detect, and to patch himself up for round 2. And while he trained, his home town grew rotten. When he returned under an assumed name, he learned the man who killed his father had risen the ranks to become commissioner of the NPD, and had his hands in every dirty deal in the city with the blessing of a powerful, unknown entity.

            It took three bullets to end the first Maverick, but the legacy lives on. Finding an old hideout belonging to his father, had patched up and improved his suit and equipment. The original Maverick may be gone, but the Son of Maverick endures. And he will avenge his family and his city... no matter what.

            Comment


            • #7
              Made some progress. May as well workshop it here.

              Characters:


              Kitty Kelly: Kitty Kelly was an air hostess who wanted desperately to become a pilot. During the course of her appearances, she ran into Nazi spies, saboteurs and general criminal types but, because she was a bit of an airhead, she won through luck as much as she did through effort.


              Lauren Mason: A young socialite, who changes into Yankee Girl. She was able to use the words because she'd gained knowledge of some kind of ancient, mystic practice of one sort or another. Mason is engaged to Dr. Cory Habot.


              Red Seal Giant: This fearsome giant armed with a large spiked club was an enemy of Master Key and Black Dwarf. He only appeared on the cover of Red Seal Comics #18 and is only named here as a conjecture based on its appearance.


              Summary:
              1. Kitty and Lauren are the only women on a plane that is brought down by a boulder thrown by the Red Seal Giant.
              2. Lauren turns into Yankee Girl and flies the unconscious pilots to safety while Kitty crash lands the plane.
              3. Lauren attempts to stop the Giant from carrying the rescued passengers away from the beach but the giant swats her away.
              4. Lauren decides to share her powers with Kitty, finally giving her an explanation for her powers, and they use palm trees to sweep the Giant's legs and hit him over the head.
              5. They defeat The Giant and are thanked by the Captain, the women declare they are now THE YANKEE GIRLS!
              Script


              Page 1 - Kitty and Lauren are the only women on a plane that is brought down by a boulder thrown by the Red Seal Giant.


              Panel 1 - Top panel Fokker F-32 Transport is getting hit by a palm tree mid-flight. The Red Seal Giant is standing on a tropical island below them having thrown the tree.


              Caption - High above the South Seas Kitty Kelly’s plane is transporting an important Ambassador to vital peace talks when…


              Kitty Kelly: NO! THAT HIDEOUS GIANT HAS THROWN A MEDITERRANEAN TREE AT OUR PLANE AND KNOCKED IT OUT OF THE SKY!


              https://i.pinimg.com/564x/ac/9a/d1/a...44ecf276e0.jpg


              Panel 2 - Kitty stands left front panel taking control of the situation. Beyond her the soldiers and ambassador are standing and sitting. Furthest away we see Lauren Mason running towards Kitty.


              Kitty: FASTEN YOUR BELTS AND HOLD TIGHT--BOTH MOTORS ARE DEAD AND WE’RE CRASH LANDING!


              Panel 3 - Lauren Mason has opened the cabin door and is pulling off her dress to reveal her Yankee girl costume underneath.


              Kitty: M’AM YOU MUSTN’T… WAIT YOU’RE YANKEE GIRL AREN’T YOU?


              LAUREN: THAT’S ME! SEE IF THE PILOTS CAN LAND THIS PLANE. I WILL FLY THE AMBASSADOR TO SAFETY!


              https://th.bing.com/th/id/R.82f03856...pid=ImgRaw&r=0



              Page 2 - Lauren turns into Yankee Girl and flies the unconscious pilots to safety while Kitty crash lands the plane.


              Panel 1 - Kitty is in the cockpit punching out the pilot.


              Pilot: I… I CAN’T PULL HER UP! I HAVE TO TAKE THE PARACHUTE AND JUMP IF I AM TO SURVIVE! OOOH!


              Kitty: YOU’RE A COWARD! I WILL LAND THIS PLANE OF AMERICAN PATRIOTS MYSELF IF I HAVE TO!


              Panel 2 - On the beach Yankee Girl flies into panel carrying the Ambassador.


              Lauren: YOU WILL BE SAFE HERE SIR!


              Ambassador: HURRY YOUNG LADY, YOU NEED TO HELP THE MEN GET OUT OF THAT DEATHTRAP!


              Panel 3 - Large Panel. Yankee Girl looks on as Kitty lands the Fokker F-32 Transport in the sea.

              Lauren: SHE’S LANDED THE PLANE! THAT WOMAN COULD TEACH THE MEN A THING OR TWO ABOUT FLYING!


              Panel 4 - The Giant has reappeared, he’s holding the Ambassador in one hand and swinging his spiked club at Yankee Girl who jumps out of the way.


              Lauren: YIKES! THAT REPULSIVE GIANT HAS PICKED UP THE AMBASSADOR AS THOUGH HE WERE A CHILD!



              PAGE 3 - Unable to beat the giant Lauren decides to share her powers with Kitty, finally giving her an explanation for her powers, and they use palm trees to sweep the Giants legs and hit him over the head.


              Panel 1: Large. The Giant swats Lauren away as she tries to fight him.


              Lauren: I MUST RESCUE THE AMBASSADOR! OOOOH!


              Panel 2 - Kitty is climbing out of the plane as it slowly sinks. She has taken off her hostess jacket and one of her blouse sleeves is ripped and hanging off her shoulder, her skirt is action-girl ripped. Above her Yankee Girl is being knocked into the ocean.


              Kitty: YANKEE GIRL NO! THAT UGLY GIANT HAS SWATTED HER AWAY AS THOUGH SHE WERE A FLY!


              Panel 3 - Kitty crouches on the wing of the sinking Fokker F-32 Transport, she is holding Lauren’s hand pulling her out of the water.


              Lauren: THAT DISGUSTING BRUTE IS TOO STRONG FOR ME ALONE. I’ll SHARE MY POWERS WITH YOU AND WE’LL FIGHT HIM TOGETHER!


              Page 4


              Panel 1 Lauren and Kitty stand on the wing of the sinking plane holding each others hands in.


              Lauren: QUICKY! RECITE THE WORDS “I’M A YANKEE DOODLE DANDY!”


              Kitty: SERIOUSLY?


              Lauren: DO IT!


              Panel 3 - Kitty Kelly is excited, stars and stripes surround her and she is now dressed in her superhero costume.


              Kitty: I’M A YANKEE DOODLE DANDY!


              https://th.bing.com/th/id/R.7cdc4856...pid=ImgRaw&r=0


              Kitty: WOW! I’M OVERFLOWING WITH THE FORMIDABLE AMERICAN SPIRIT!


              Panel 4 - Kitty Kelly and Yankee Girl yank one palm tree each out of the ground.



              Page 5 - They defeat The Giant and are thanked by the Captain, the women declare they are now THE YANKEE GIRLS!


              Panel 1 - Kitty Kelly swings her tree like a bat tripping up the giant. Yankee Girl flies above swinging her tree at the Giants head.


              Lauren: That’s it Kitty! Sweep the leg!


              Panel 2 - The Ambassador thanks the 2 patriotic females.


              Ambassador: Amazing! You girls fight almost as well as a man!


              Panel 3 - Kitty Kelly and Yankee Girl face the camera standing with their hands on their hips. The Ambassador stands between and behind them.


              Ambassador: America is a safer place thanks to you YANKEE GIRLS!
              Last edited by cresc; 11-12-2021, 09:02 PM.
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              • #8
                And done! Thank you for the extra time. We can vote now and maybe give some positive feedback. You know the kind that doesn't begin with "Somebody else should have written this." Whoever gets the most upvotes picks the theme for the next contest.
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                • #9
                  I vote for the Maverick story. It was set in a traditional setting of alien invasion and corrupt society giving it the over the top feel. At the same time, it gave the comics a little more grounded feel with only three bullets. Nice writing hook with the three bullets by the way.
                  The story of how Kitty becoming a yankee girl told a story of how she becomes a yankee girl, not how she becomes a hero. I liked how the writing style really gave me a good set of imagery on what was going on. If the contest was something of a comic flavor rather than origin story I might of had to consider swinging my vote a bit more.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    reposting this because I got a spam warning and I have no idea if moderators are still around.

                    celtichost54

                    I liked the way you delivered information by having the protagonist read a letter, then we learn how he reacts to it and makes a decision. Another detail I liked was that Geseppi was a good boss. Only a bad guy because he’s on the wrong side of the law. There was a good amount of world-building in this little excerpt, gangsters casting spells at each other is pretty cool. I can easily picture that.


                    I also liked that his Dad did bad things to take care of his friends and family, at the cost of not being there for them. The hero was supposed to take over for his Dad but instead uses his power to reclaim the life he was cheated out of.


                    The only Con I can think of is that the story of his father may be more interesting than his.

                    ---------------------------------------------------------



                    WriteRiteMan

                    Some really cool ideas here. Kind of like Serpico with superheroes. It’s could be a very unique modern take on comic books. I get Gotham PD or Batman: TAS vibes. You both created Legacy characters based on a previous character. This is a great method because it gives the world a build in history. You can always flashback to how the world once was without being too jarring.


                    I liked it a lot. My only negative is that the origin is a bit Batman-ish.

                    --------------------------------------------------------

                    Really good work from both of you. I think I want to read Torpedo a little more, so my vote goes to celtichost54
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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by cresc View Post
                      reposting this because I got a spam warning and I have no idea if moderators are still around.

                      celtichost54

                      I liked the way you delivered information by having the protagonist read a letter, then we learn how he reacts to it and makes a decision. Another detail I liked was that Geseppi was a good boss. Only a bad guy because he’s on the wrong side of the law. There was a good amount of world-building in this little excerpt, gangsters casting spells at each other is pretty cool. I can easily picture that.


                      I also liked that his Dad did bad things to take care of his friends and family, at the cost of not being there for them. The hero was supposed to take over for his Dad but instead uses his power to reclaim the life he was cheated out of.


                      The only Con I can think of is that the story of his father may be more interesting than his.

                      ---------------------------------------------------------



                      WriteRiteMan

                      Some really cool ideas here. Kind of like Serpico with superheroes. It’s could be a very unique modern take on comic books. I get Gotham PD or Batman: TAS vibes. You both created Legacy characters based on a previous character. This is a great method because it gives the world a build in history. You can always flashback to how the world once was without being too jarring.


                      I liked it a lot. My only negative is that the origin is a bit Batman-ish.

                      --------------------------------------------------------

                      Really good work from both of you. I think I want to read Torpedo a little more, so my vote goes to celtichost54
                      Moderators are still around. Since you reposted, I deleted the original one.
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                      Comment


                      • #12


                        WriteRiteMan

                        Some really cool ideas here. Kind of like Serpico with superheroes. It’s could be a very unique modern take on comic books. I get Gotham PD or Batman: TAS vibes. You both created Legacy characters based on a previous character. This is a great method because it gives the world a build in history. You can always flashback to how the world once was without being too jarring.


                        I liked it a lot. My only negative is that the origin is a bit Batman-ish.

                        --------------------------------------------------------

                        Really good work from both of you. I think I want to read Torpedo a little more, so my vote goes to celtichost54
                        Thank you for your feedback! I feel a little dumb posting an original character's story on a contest meant for characters who have already been made (albeit not copyrighted or used in an official capacity) and it feels good to get some good crtitique.

                        And now I have to vote. I like the story of the Torpedo as well, so it has my vote. I need to flesh out the lore and characters of my story.
                        Last edited by WriteRiteMan; 11-23-2021, 10:48 AM.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Okay, we got another vote, and if it's okay I'll declare celtichost54 's story "The Torpedo" the winner. Congratulations!

                          So that means celtichost54 chooses the theme for Writing Contest #128. I'll create a new thread and set the deadline for February.
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