Cyerforce for TopCow Talent hunt, WIP.

[joakimhagstrom]

Yo!

Trying to refine the way I ink my own work. This is the first page for the 7-page script TopCow gave out for the talent hunt this year.

I'm really torn between trying to push myself into something that feels like an industry-standard of digital inking versus remaining in my own "style". Sigh.

Anyway, here's my overworked in-progress page 1. Any feedback and critique is welcome.

[joakimhagstrom]

Threw some quick colors on it as well...

Trying to pass enough time to miss out on today's BJJ, but I'm too tired to work more so now it's time to go get my ass kicked! cheerio dudes!

[Black Walrus]

Damn dude! This represents a huge amount of work, well done! I love how panels 1-4 float above the larger image/panel 5. The bricks in the background add a lot of texture without being distracting.
I really like your shading, especially on panels 4 and 5.

A few crits: First off flow, each panel on its own is a solid drawing but it’s not obvious how they link into each other in a sequence. I did not see the rocket initially, nor did I see the little floating thing from panel 4 bouncing off the bricks in panel 5 on my first, or even second look. The first time I read it, each panel stood alone and didn’t have a meaningful place in the order. Highlight the rocket and the little floaty guy more. More line weight might help separate the various elements you have going on here.

2^nd, her posture doesn’t convey “running” so much as floating or flying. I’m not totally sure why that is. I was going to say that we need her foot out in front of her in some of the shots, like it’s reaching for the next step, but I’m not so sure now. Tricky, you don’t want her to look like she’s regular 10 mph running, this is super running and should look super. I just did some looking around the internet for pictures of the flash running… it’s given me a much deeper appreciation of how hard doing sequentials of this subject matter is.

Major props man, I aspire to illustrate a comic someday (not even to publish it) and it’s very intimidating. Like, I haven’t even tried yet. I’m just super impressed by your work ethic and skills.

I hope you were looking for critiques beyond your inking, because I didn’t say much about the inking.

[joakimhagstrom]

Black Walrus Wow, thanks for the critique! You bring up some great points.
Based on your thoughts, I think a redo on the background of panel 1 to convey more the feeling of speed, rather than having her superimposed on a static background, probably a complete re-do on panel 2 so that it's clear what's going on, and then adding blurriness on her in panel 5 so you can see she's running and make it more clear what's going on behind her. Hopefully that will clear it up a bit.
I will take the line-weight more into account as well, especially when having lots of background in a small panel. Rookie mistake.

About the running, it said specifically in the script that she's not running "at super speed like that flash", just "really fast". So that's a tricky one. I also looked at images of the flash, and they get around a lot of it by adding the speed-force lightning around him. But I should definitely push her postures even further, so you can tell she's stretching out and straining in every step.

Thanks again for the pointers! It's very valuable!

If you want to have a try Top Cow put out a script and lots of reference pictures for the talent hunt, it's on their website. Deadline is in november so you have plenty of time to play around with it, look at what others are doing, and practice lining up sequentials. Based on your critique you're good at analyzing critical elements of it, so why not have a go?

[Black Walrus]

joakimhagstrom You're welcome!
Something else I noticed when looking at flash drawings, is that the ones I like the most really exaggerate the twists of the spine and even throw some curves into the the limbs. I think that plays into what you're saying about pushing her posture.

Analyzing is so much easier than doing! But I guess that's why I'm back on PencilJack, to force me to create art that will be seen by other people. Maybe I will take a look at the Top Cow thing, very intimidating, but I have to try drawings sequentials at some point. 7 pages isn't too crazy I guess. Thank you for the push.

Hey, you train BJJ? I was really into it until COVID hit, I've been in limbo about going back for the last year. Where do you train? How long have you been doing it?

[joakimhagstrom]

Black Walrus
Yeah, the twisting and curving is what I meant with pushing it further. No half-assed postures! Gotta get rid of my habit of catching the median of movement rather than the apex.

BJJ for the win! I live in stockholm, in sweden. We really didn't close up too much of society the past years, so gyms have been open all through covid. The government basically told everyone to be responsible, and offered lots of financial aid to businesses so they didn't go under. I do BJJ at a place called STARK which is really good (@starkjiujitsu). I've only been doin it for about 9 months, so I'm a total n00b. But I really love it, the combination of physical altercation and intellectual pursuit. And it's the most brutal workout I've ever encountered

[Black Walrus]

joakimhagstrom Sweden? I've spent some time in Denmark, didn't make it across the bridge to Malmo. I'd love to get back over there.

I'm in Wisconsin. Moo. (Because we have cows)

I read over the script for the Cyberforce talent hunt. Holy shit, I thought the first panel was tough, page three is totally insane. That is a ton of pretty complex information to convey in 6 panels. God speed my friend. I think I'm going to take a crack at it too.

[Smitty]

Comics #1 rule: SHOW don’t tell.

There’s great energy and obvious effort but, no storytelling. What information we have is highly confusing and directly contradicts the script. Your camera spins like a pinwheel. You tell us she’s running while you show her flying. The only thing clear is she’s the leader of a robot gang that follows her as she flies into a storm drain. None of the above exists in the script.

Call me the Blue Meanie, call me a grumpy old man but, I strongly urge that you not let Top Cow see this. Start over and SHOW us the story.

[joakimhagstrom]

Comics #1 rule: SHOW don’t tell.

There’s great energy and obvious effort but, no storytelling. What information we have is highly confusing and directly contradicts the script. Your camera spins like a pinwheel. You tell us she’s running while you show her flying. The only thing clear is she’s the leader of a robot gang that follows her as she flies into a storm drain. None of the above exists in the script.

Call me the Blue Meanie, call me a grumpy old man but, I strongly urge that you not let Top Cow see this. Start over and SHOW us the story.

If from scratch is the way to go, then from scratch it is. Maximum effort! Kill your darlings! I’m all in!

…and I see what you’re saying. I need to really focus on the flow of the story and what it’s conveying.

I’ll be back!

[joakimhagstrom]

joakimhagstrom Sweden? I've spent some time in Denmark, didn't make it across the bridge to Malmo. I'd love to get back over there.

I'm in Wisconsin. Moo. (Because we have cows)

I read over the script for the Cyberforce talent hunt. Holy shit, I thought the first panel was tough, page three is totally insane. That is a ton of pretty complex information to convey in 6 panels. God speed my friend. I think I'm going to take a crack at it too.

Yeah the script packs a lot in there, I guess the challenge is to take out what’s important and make it flow.

give it a go! Have fun with it!

[ChrisH]

If from scratch is the way to go, then from scratch it is. Maximum effort! Kill your darlings! I’m all in!

…and I see what you’re saying. I need to really focus on the flow of the story and what it’s conveying.

I’ll be back!

I suggest working out the storytelling before you do these detailed color finshed pages. Doing just the layout over and over again until you get the story worked out will not only save a lot of time, but will allow you to level up on that skill.

[humble-tomato]

Yeah, share the layouts if you make more. Would love to see layouts.

[joakimhagstrom]

ChrisH humble-tomato absolutely! This time I’m taking more care to sketch up and work on the layout from the start. I’ll share when I’ve drawn it up.

I do enjoy a good crash-and-burn first attempt though.

[ChrisH]

ChrisH humble-tomato absolutely! This time I’m taking more care to sketch up and work on the layout from the start. I’ll share when I’ve drawn it up.

I do enjoy a good crash-and-burn first attempt though.

Getting it done is half the battle! The best way to get good is draw, draw, draw. I can't wait to see what you do next.

[joakimhagstrom]

Ok so i was going to do proper layout and sketch work, but I had too many parallel projects going so I ended up drawing it little by little from scratch in stead.
So, here’s and entire new first page lol.