Layouts (pencils?) for my graphic novel project

[MassivePenguin]

Oh man, I just remembered I hadn’t visited PJ in a loooong time.

I’ve been busy! Aside from doing a fortnightly webcomic, I’ve been working on an all-ages graphic novel that I’m hoping to release next year. It’s about a woman and her possessed teddy bear who investigate myths and legends. The first book is called “The Troll Bridge”, because there are trolls - and a bridge. Clever, I know.

[Ace Corona]

You’re a very gifted artist, I love the pro level quality of your work.

[MassivePenguin]

You’re too kind... these are just the layouts for the book, I’m working through all 44 pages in rough before moving onto inks and colours.

There’s a “first graphic novel” contest that’s normally run every other year here in the UK; I’m aiming to get about half the book finished n time for that, but if it doesn’t work out I’ll either shop around for a publisher or try a Kickstarter...

[battlewraith]

So far, so good! Looks great. I'm a little curious about what the placement of text/word balloons in some of the panels will look like because they seem cropped in kind of snug on the figures.

[MassivePenguin]

A valid concern, but I’ve been adding temporary lettering before laying out the pages (I’ve just hidden the lettering layer for these files so as to avoid spoiling the story!).

The pages are bigger than they look. I’m working on A4 as I’m going for a Bande Dessinée approach (think Asterix, Tintin, Hilda etc.), and these are raw outputs.

Here’s a zoomed-out version with the lettering added:

[humble-tomato]

love the character designs. I would flip page 2 panel 4. Can't figure out what she's doing on the last page, 2nd last panel. And is there a reason for her to be inside that BG-crowded area for the last panel?

[MassivePenguin]

I would flip page 2 panel 4.

Good catch, I can see how that would improve the flow of the page. I can’t flip it (due to the position of the driver’s seat) but I’ll redraw it.

Can't figure out what she's doing on the last page, 2nd last panel.

She”s putting on her coat while kicking the driver’s door closed. I can see how that doesn’t read very clearly at this size - I’ll probably focus on her putting the coat on and skip the door closing.

And is there a reason for her to be inside that BG-crowded area for the last panel?

Nope. Another good catch. I’ll move her to the right a bit.

[humble-tomato]

Nope. Another good catch. I’ll move her to the right a bit.

In my opinion, moving her to the screen left between the window and the shadowed area might be better.

[Joseph Dredd]

Very nice stuff! Interior car shots are always difficult, but these look varied.

[MassivePenguin]

Thanks! I tried to play with the perspective (and the focal distance and deformation) to make the cramped space feel larger. There’s one more page later on that’s also set in the car, where I move the camera around a bit more.

[MassivePenguin]

Made some progress... here’s how the first three pages look with inks on ‘em.

[humble-tomato]

Coolio! More, please! (when they are ready of course)

[Smitty]

Watch your ballooning and 180 rule.

We need to see the VW Bug in page 1 so we have some idea whose speaking.

The reason we put characters at left is so they can speak first. If the character at right speaks first get the balloon to the right and lower the response of the left speaker. You've created a whirlpool effect with your balloon placement that's confusing and dizzying. Avoid crossed pointers at all costs. Avoid placing balloons on top of another characters pointers.

The 180 rule is like Las Vegas: What starts going left stays going left. Nearly all of page 2 is going in the wrong direction.

Did someone lose a thumb at the bottom of pg 3? Whatever is happening there needs to be clearer.

[humble-tomato]

Smitty, I believe we can change orientation after a neutral shot? I see this all the time in films. Yes, keeping it in one direction is more coherent, but we lose various shot choices the op made, which might serve well for whatever the mood is? The balloon examples are PRECIOUS by the way!

[MassivePenguin]

Smitty, you are right about page two and I thought long and hard before framing things this way. It’s important to see both characters clearly in the first panel as this is our first introduction to them and how they interact; due to the car being right-hand drive, there’s no other way to frame the shot and display both characters’ body language. It’s a compromise, and not a great one.

Thanks for the pointers on the other pages. I’m not happy with my inks on the town, so I’ll try and add the car in on the road when I redo them, as well as adding the thumb on the “rock” on page three. Your tips for balloon placement on page three are also golden, so I’ll tweak those a bit too (although a lot of the balloons have already been tweaked; these screen grabs are from an earlier draft).