Album cover (Ed Roth/Jim Phillips) WIP for feedback

[Jim]

This is the cover and the back of the 4 page booklet (if you can picture how it folds). Was hoping to get any feedback or ideas before I move to inks and colours.

[yomark]

My only comment so far is: I think there should be more interest in the far left panel……remember: the buyer is going to view this without the front panel. I realize you've left a lot of room for type, but SOMETHING besides the smoke should be happening in that panel (maybe: show a last, bottom bomb actually striking something on the ground?)

Just my 2¢

[Smitty]

Given the left side is the back side and will most likely be covered in text (song titles, song times, writer credits, ™ and © notices, email addresses, UPC box etc, etc, etc...), any additional drawing will render both the drawing and the text illegible and defeat their purpose.

Make sure to separate "Chocks Away" from the rest of the clouds. Bolder outline, colors, something that keeps in from disappearing into the BG.

[CrazyMobius]

I say put his arms above the wings and maybe move the right eye back so it is the same length as the left eye. I also think you could go a bit more crazy with the effect of the wind on the eyelids.



Also I don't think you left room for a bomb to fit on the left side of the plane. Maybe move the wheel in closer. In general I think the left side of the plane could stand to be a bit longer.

[Jim]

Thanks guys, invaluable as ever. Smitty's right, there's a tonne of words to go on the left hand side, so I don't want to over-clutter it. I might have to dial it back even as it is once I get the copy.

I've added some extra dimension to the left (right) hand side of the plane. I couldn't decide how much was needed within the realms of the forced/fake (non-existent?) perspective, but it definitely needed some more. Emphasising the eye lids is a great idea, and I've moved the eyes and forehead around a bit to give it a bit more dynamism overall. Couldn't make the hands work logically over the top of the wings, but I totally get where you're coming from with it CD.

Revised version:

[CrazyMobius]

Good stuff.

[Jim]

Anyone weigh in on the inks? No time to get to the sky or logo tonight.

[Veritas71]

No crits here.

Love the inks. Really clean.

[yomark]

Given the left side is the back side and will most likely be covered in text (song titles, song times, writer credits, ™ and © notices, email addresses, UPC box etc, etc, etc...), any additional drawing will render both the drawing and the text illegible and defeat their purpose.

Make sure to separate "Chocks Away" from the rest of the clouds. Bolder outline, colors, something that keeps in from disappearing into the BG.

Then why have any drawing on the back at all?. I may not know very much about what you usually comment on, Smitty, but I DO have 30 years experience as a graphic designer, so I know what I'm talking about. What I suggest could easily be accomplished, though yes, he may have to change the drawing and composition a bit there. 7 point type doesn't take-up THAT much space, and there are MANY tricks to making sure type is legible……that was at LEAST a third of my job. Good call on the front logotype, though………I had thought about bringing that up myself, but was kinda lazy about it.

[Smitty]

Then why have any drawing on the back at all?

Because it wouldn't be a wrap-around cover without it.

Because cartooning is simplification not clutter.

Because negative space is good for you.

Because clarity is a desirable goal.

Because English, and English language comics, read left to right not right to left.

Because the focal point is the pilot…

Anyone weigh in on the inks? No time to get to the sky or logo tonight.

I wasn't going to say anything but, since you asked…

Please, sir? Could we have more Fink in the ink? Big Daddy was anything but pretty or clean. Fink it up.

Finer line work on clouds, beef up the plane and pilot. This brings the character forward and drops the bg back.

[sirandal]

Are you gonna color hold the cloud lines to like a gray or something? That'll solve all kinds of problems.

[Jim]

I'll have to do something to pull the text out, not sure what yet. Similar for the back of the 4 pager, I'll see how much space I've got, but I was thinking of doing some hand lettering, so might need quite a lot of space.

Totally get where you're coming from Smitty, but I'll confess to not having the chops – I've gone for a more Jim Phillips feel on the inks, as my style is much closer to his. And I've got to get this done this week, then on to Pummel LHW championship by Friday night!

[yomark]

Because it wouldn't be a wrap-around cover without it.…Because the focal point is the pilot…

I thought about responding point-by-point to you, but………I've previously made a valid suggestion (keyword: "suggestion"), I have the experience to back it up, and it's just not worth the effort to continue to go back and forth with you about this.

[Smitty]

Totally get where you're coming from Smitty, but I'll confess to not having the chops – I've gone for a more Jim Phillips feel on the inks, as my style is much closer to his. And I've got to get this done this week, then on to Pummel LHW championship by Friday night!

Not having the "chops" works to your advantage here. You're too precious with your line; so clean and even it takes on the appearance of paths. Less anal retentive fan boy, more Alfonso Bedoya (from the Treasure of the Sierra Madre) "Badges? We don't need no stinkin' badges!" And you don't need no stinkin' line control. Line is the tool, the goal is form.



Pardon the name dropping - I'm walking trough the mountains of Spain with Bruce Jones. Prince Valiant comes up. I say I used to think Foster was a master of line until I bought an original. He didn't give a rat fink for line. Bruce lights up like a 5 year old at X-mas and says it looks like he inked that stuff with a stick, doesn't it!

(The following is not necessarily a literal suggestion but, a figurative one. Imagine if...) Forget tech pens, wacoms and paths. Go into the back yard, find a stick, use a rock to mash one end of the stick to a pulpy mess and ink with that. Now that line quality is off the table, concentrate on form.

If you want a line 2 pixels in diameter, do NOT use a 2 px brush! Use a 20 pixel brush with a light touch. Now you have line variation whether you want it or not (you do want it by the way)

Reduce cloud line width by 80%-90%. Fatten "Chock's Away" 300%-500%. Now the title stands out from the BG. Ruff up the line, more thick and thin. Give us some slop, grunge, filth, hair. Outlines on BGs and effects like the prop movement need to be much thinner than those of forward solid objects like the plane and pilot.

[Symson]

I have to agree with Smitty and not be so careful and precious with the line.

Junk it up, by playing on a new layer on top of this art.