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A couple of sequential pages.

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  • A couple of sequential pages.

    Ok, I'm giving this another go. Here are some rough layouts of a little something I thought up while cutting grass one day. I'll work on refining details and backgrounds at a later date and I'll probably wait until some books I have on order get in before I attempt to ink this.

    I'm wondering if anyone can get a sense of the story just from the rough pencils.


    A couple of my goals for these pages were to try and abide by the rule of 3rds and the 180degree rule. Also there was a post in the Tips section about headroom so I tried to apply that while considering where text would go.

    I'm trying to base these pages on 3"x5" sketch card versions of a couple of my random character designs.

  • #2
    Ok, forget everything else I typed in the opening post. I simply need some critiques or something to go on.

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    • #3
      I'm sure there are those better qualified to critique panels, but I'll give you my impressions. I cannot determine what's going on without text. Girl arrives, talks with other girl, cut to random violence, back to girls, back to random violence. Even if the girls are not supposed to be aware of what's going on outside, you could illustrate that visually somehow. Most of your panels are pretty uniform - same angles and framing over and over. There are a couple exceptions (pg 2 panel 4, for example), but not enough to make this feel exciting. A larger variety of shots would really help (close-ups, wide angles, over-head, something with variety). Some more background would be nice, too. Panel after panel of no BG can get stale. Hope this can help you out, Ragnorok. Post an update for us so we can see your progress!
      HW / 37-6 / 18 KOs

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      • #4
        Originally posted by Electronicron View Post
        I'm sure there are those better qualified to critique panels, but I'll give you my impressions. I cannot determine what's going on without text. Girl arrives, talks with other girl, cut to random violence, back to girls, back to random violence. Even if the girls are not supposed to be aware of what's going on outside, you could illustrate that visually somehow. Most of your panels are pretty uniform - same angles and framing over and over. There are a couple exceptions (pg 2 panel 4, for example), but not enough to make this feel exciting. A larger variety of shots would really help (close-ups, wide angles, over-head, something with variety). Some more background would be nice, too. Panel after panel of no BG can get stale. Hope this can help you out, Ragnorok. Post an update for us so we can see your progress!
        Thanks. Yeah I kinda came to realize that that unless someone knows the characters it's kinda impossible to piece together what's going on, even then it isn't really evident. Unfortunately when I can to realize this was when I was laying in bed shortly before falling asleep so I never corrected it.

        The skinny one is Gladys a bio-engineer. The Curvy one is Lindsay a mechanical engineer of some sort.The Grass outside Is crazy long because Gladys has perfected her engineered self cutting grass. Lindsay reminds Gladys of what happened last time she tried that (the results are Panel 7 of page 1). Lindsay convinces convinces Gladys not to try again so Gladys tells Lindsay that she should figure out a solution. Her solution is a giant grass zapping robot, naturally. It sucks to be their mailman.

        You are right about the panels being too similar. I've erase panel 3 of page 2 It's too similar to panel 5. I will try to make it an overhead view to help establish the layout of the lab and their spacial relationship to one another. Unfortunately I'm not adept at that angle at all. I may try something different with page 2 Panel 2 but I'm not sure what. I also need to come up with some Bio Lab-ish background details.

        Executing these ideas is not as easy as coming up with them while day dreaming...

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        • #5
          I hit up some of the panels with an HB panel.


          Looks like I need to hit them with my erasing shield as well.

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