Fenris Goes To Hel - Your 10c please!

[joakimhagstrom]

Hey guys!
So, I'm polishing up a thing I've been working on and mean to send in. I've already sent it in once without responce, but I was conceited and only sent it in to one publishing house. Since then I reviewed my work quite severely, and now I am putting it together again to send it in to a longer list of publishers, both in europe and the USA.

I'd greatly appreciate feedback on the pages. It goes without saying, but I'd really like to try and get into the market. Even if I don't get it published I'll probably try to float it solo on comixology or patreon or something. So I want it to be as good as I can possibly make it.

I'd love feedback on the art, on the storytelling, well no need to start listing stuff - any impression you have greatly helps, especially if it's something in the room of improvable content.

The first chapter is 28 pages, I'll put a few at a time up as I finish them. I still have a bit of coloring to do and I need to put in the text.

Again, super grateful for any feedback!

/Joakim
















Thanks for looking!

[Smitty]

Your logo could be stronger and more clear. It looks like someone sprayed graffiti on the work while you weren't looking. It could use an outline similar to your FX lettering "KA_THOOM" Same with the "HA HA HA" FX we see later where the FX get lost in he grass.

Your lettering is doing you no favors. Transparent captions/balloons BAD! Very, very, extra BAD! Lettering has as much right to space as art, give it that dedicated space. While you've largely gone with hand drawn balloons rather than computer ellipses (yea) the text is often ill-fitted to those balloons.

Lower case in comics is as rude as all caps on computer message boards. Lower case is for whispering. Something that's done here and there when necessary. Whispering the entire story borders on withholding information, your job is to provide information in a clear and easy to access manner. The font is a bad fit to the story. 21st century style typesetting just doesn't fit an Hyborian Age type story. Your FX lettering suggests you have some chops, consider hand lettering or finding an existing font more suitable to the story.

Watch your panel layouts, the bottom of the last page is especially confusing. Between balloons outside of panels and the way panels overlap it leaves the lower left corner as the last panel, now readers are going backwards.

[joakimhagstrom]

Your logo could be stronger and more clear. It looks like someone sprayed graffiti on the work while you weren't looking. It could use an outline similar to your FX lettering "KA_THOOM" Same with the "HA HA HA" FX we see later where the FX get lost in he grass.

Your lettering is doing you no favors. Transparent captions/balloons BAD! Very, very, extra BAD! Lettering has as much right to space as art, give it that dedicated space. While you've largely gone with hand drawn balloons rather than computer ellipses (yea) the text is often ill-fitted to those balloons.

Lower case in comics is as rude as all caps on computer message boards. Lower case is for whispering. Something that's done here and there when necessary. Whispering the entire story borders on withholding information, your job is to provide information in a clear and easy to access manner. The font is a bad fit to the story. 21st century style typesetting just doesn't fit an Hyborian Age type story. Your FX lettering suggests you have some chops, consider hand lettering or finding an existing font more suitable to the story.

Watch your panel layouts, the bottom of the last page is especially confusing. Between balloons outside of panels and the way panels overlap it leaves the lower left corner as the last panel, now readers are going backwards.

Thanks Smitty, all I can do is agree on all fronts. I'll dig in and make those changes.
I originally lettered it by hand, but started thinking I should do it computer written to get a more homogenous feel to the read. But when I go back and look at the stuff I did by hand it looks a lot more pleasant and true to the craft.

I've tried several variations on the title, and I'll continue playing with it to see if I can find the balance between detail and simplicity I see for it.

Anyways, here's the front page with a slightly more "fixed" title, and the first page with fixed lettering, which hopefully makes it a more pleasant read.

If you have any more feedback to give I greatly appreciate it! I know it's asking a lot to give comments on a whole comic, but if you want something you gotta ask!

[crazyjedichicken]

the change in lettering makes a huge difference! much improved!

[joakimhagstrom]

the change in lettering makes a huge difference! much improved!

Thanks! Gotta try and keep it consistent though, I know one problem with the last run over was that my lettering got sloppy. Gonna go for keeping it nice and tight this time around!

[crazyjedichicken]

you could always type it out, lower the oppacity and hand letter on a new layer over the type?spacing and size would stay consistant

[joakimhagstrom]

you could always type it out, lower the oppacity and hand letter on a new layer over the type?spacing and size would stay consistant

That's definitely and option! I'll probably fall back on that if I notice myself getting inconsistent again.

[Bryan E.Warner]

Looking Promising! Keep Moving Forward! an Keep that Pencil Busy!

[Smitty]

Your hand lettering is infinitely better. WOWSER! Your leading... could be a tad larger.

This may only work for me but I avoid writing when lettering. Don't write thoughts or sentences, words or even letters. Don't write anything. Draw. Draw individual strokes. When I "write" an N,M or S in a single stroke, I'm screwed. That's when things go wonky. An O is 2 strokes. An S is 3 strokes (upper curve, lower curve, connecter) An M is 4 strokes etc. As an aside, practicing my lettering in this fashion has greatly improved my inking. Each stroke should mean something. Again, all that could just be me.

On the logo, if I may be allowed to put on my Captain Hypocrite cowl, outlining the hand drawn logo with computer outlines may help with clarity and a more professional look.

I started with a hand drawn, dry-brush, bitmapped logo placed in Channels rather than Layers. Converting the Channel into a Selection I Filled on a Layer above the colored BG (top left.) Kinda muddy isn't it? I then used Select/Modify/Expand and expanded the Selection by 8 pixels and Filled (on a layer under the logo above the BG) with Black (top right) and White (bottom left) The Black adds clarity while the White causes it to pop. For fun I then expanded again by 4 pixels and Filled with Black underneath it all. It's almost too fine to note but really sharpens things up. Just things to think about and play with.



The spots are a happy accident. Apparently there were tiny bits of schmutz on the original scan that escaped my notice until they were expanded. Kinda adds a feeling of anarchy that fits with a Conan type story though I'd never try it on a Superman/Spider-man book.

[humble-tomato]

Huh, love the accidents!!

[joakimhagstrom]

Thanks for the word of encouragement everyone.

And thanks for the guidance on the logo, Smitty once again you're right! It needs tightening up, and an outlining with some contrasting would definitely put it on it's way. I'll get working on the logo.

I love getting critiques. It help so much with cutting away time staring at something and being all "i know something looks kinda soddy, and something looks kinda nice, but what's what!?". The leading issue is spot on, it needs more height between the rows of text. I'll have to see to that as well so the read is smooth.

Any and all critique welcome! Thank you all!

[Gurkan]

joakimhagstrom Nice work! And best of luck with sending it to a publishing house!

I like the dynamic camera angles in the panels, it makes it interesting to read. Using gritty ink and heavy shadows is a nice style too. But sometimes the details of the art get lost in the inking, like the axe in the page with the thunder or the character's face in the cover. That might be completely intentional but if you'd like more clarity I can recommend the inking tips of Jesse Hamm (rest in peace). Everything he wrote about art is worth reading but I'd especially recommend "Burn & Bury" https://jessehamm.gumroad.com

[joakimhagstrom]

Thanks Gurkan i'll check him (hamm) out! I find myself struggling to balance detail sometimes, especially when there's something i feel will be extra fun to draw. But it's silly to move away from clarity.

Thanks for the pointer and reading tip! I really haven't read anything about specific pointers and techniques when drawing comics, i probably should.

[Gurkan]

Thanks Gurkan i'll check him (hamm) out! I find myself struggling to balance detail sometimes, especially when there's something i feel will be extra fun to draw. But it's silly to move away from clarity.

Thanks for the pointer and reading tip! I really haven't read anything about specific pointers and techniques when drawing comics, i probably should.

No problem! But in the end it's just my opinion, use it as you wish

[Bryan E.Warner]

IF you want inking tips...The Art Of Comic Book Inking...By Gary Martin with Steve Rude....33 great comic inkers an there style...I think Dark Horse publishes it..about 25 bucks...