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Hello everyone, here there are some sample pages i did using G. Willow Wilson's script "Ms Marvel: Garden State of Mind"
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Great stuff! Very good storytelling, in my opinion. -
Cool pages!
The things that got my eyes off the story and on the details:
p1:
-the panel border on panel 3 shouldn't go into the side of the page in my opinion.
-In panel 1 she looks large, in panel 2 she looks small. Either add something that shows that she shrinks, or perhaps some detail in the surrounding. A banana for scale.
p2:
-again, is she small or big now? And when did that change?
p.4
-In the beginning the trash monster's hand is big enough to hold the entire car. But now, given perspective and relative size, the car is much bigger or the monster's hands are much smaller, considering she seems to be standing at a distance in panel 2 on this page. Use perspective to find the correct correlation between the size of the car and the size of the monster.
In general the panel borders could be thinner, but that's perhaps a matter of taste from my part.
Awesome job! I like the balance between movement and detail.
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Good Stuff..lot of work...It looks like your maybe drawing thinking that color is going to carry this...Dont...( a wise DarkHorse Comic artist told me to always draw like your work will never see color..then if it ever dose it will be all the cooler..) on the net color is free..printing is expensive. So remember your line weights...Thin to the light thick to the shadow...Keep that Pencil Busy!
Keep that Pencil Busy!Comment
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I love the overall style in this and some
of the panels look really good. I love the close up of her eyes on page 3 and the final panel. Great expressions. Main issue i see aside from the line weights is the anatomy. The proportions can be well off. Look at the first panel, it’s a tricky pose but u just miss the mark. Same goes with page 3, her proportions are well off. Hope this helps! Like I said I do really like this styleComment
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My first thought is it's unfinished. Fine for a thumbnail but it still needs to be drawn, correcting and finishing things that aren't dealt with in the thumbnail stage.
Where are we? Disneyland, the Moon, downtown Tokyo?
Apparently both hero and villain are size changing shape-shifters. It makes sense for the hero to grow large enough to toss a car but why would the robot shrink to a size that makes the car lethal? It should grow or shrink to a size that renders the car meaningless.
Learn to draw clothes in general and skirts in particular; where fabrics bunch, relax, fold etc.
Watch your body language and facial expressions. What's going on in pn 1? Is she angry, sad, frightened, determined... Her upper body being forward suggests she's ready to battle, her lower body with foot forward has her falling back ready to run away. Her face, half covered and lacking any emotion, tells us nothing. If she's falling back, SELL IT! Keep the front foot out and get the upper body back. By keeping both left limbs forward she becomes visible frightened and unbalanced as though losing control of her body through fear. If she's preparing to battle, SELL IT! Get the front foot back under her body so she can stand. Get her left shoulder back and her right shoulder forward, over and in front of the foot so she's balanced.
Strongly consider the more "civilian" parts of the story for sample pages, the parts of the story with no heroes, no villains no fights. Show us the malt shop, the horse race, Aunt May field stripping a carburetor. These are the areas a knowledgeable editor will look to to judge your work by seeing if you can do the "boring" stuff: Grannies, babies, puppies, boardrooms, dinner tables, operating room. An artist who can make a readable, interesting page of Ms Marvel shopping for shoes will have no trouble with the easy stuff of heroes and villains. Those that fall down at the easy part won't be trusted with the more difficult areas which make up the majority of the book.Comment
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I really like this! Everything I was going to comment on has already been said, so all I'll do is emphasize how important I think a background in Page 1 Panel 1 would be for establishing location. Draw a city in there. To me it looks like she's in a garbage dump throughout the entire thing. We never once see a city.
But, again, I can't praise this enough. It flows very nicely.Comment
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