Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Fever Dream Girls, chapter 2 , pages 2-7

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Fever Dream Girls, chapter 2 , pages 2-7

    Hey all, I'd like to post some pages from my comic project. Most of it is explicit and I can't post here, but these pages are from the second chapter which is sfw. Thanks for looking and feedback is welcome as always.





    sketchbook thread

  • #2
    I'll give you props for storytelling. I have an unassailable urge to scream "It's a trap! Don't go in there." But, I wag my finger at your perspective, environments and body language.

    We start at what seems to be the bad side of town but the inside of her room looks like an upscale, sanitized asylum. Let's see some wear and tear on the room, holes in the plaster, crooked pictures,stains, single light bulb hanging on a cord.... The bed is barely wide enough for a cat perch, the frame seems to be made of silly putty. When all straight lines are ruled, curved lines have to be ruled too. If you freehand curves, freehand the straight lines too. The window is in a wall and walls have depth, let's see it. Get some table stuff on the table: Hot plate, milk carton, salt, pepper, sugar packs, one of those curly metal things for heating a cup of water. You need something in the upper right corner that prevents the table from going there (bureau, wardrobe, sink)

    Approaching the factory: You can't have 3 horizonal VPs without going curvilinear. If theres a VP at right then there's a VP at left (this is not optional) 2 VPs are cool but if you then place a 3rd VP at center then everything to our left of center goes to the VP at left, not the VP at right. You make the mistake again inside the factory. If there's an horizonal VP in the frame it's 1 pt perspective. The farther from center that VP is, the more distortion the drawing will have



    At the door: Lift that horizon. The wall says we're inches taller than the girl; the girl says we're several feet above her. The door bell is off to the side, lean the girl over. With weight on right foot, swing the left leg out and rotate the foot outward. Feet pointing in the same direction is for soldiers standing at attention.

    You've established the base of the sign as even with her hairline, lift the sign.

    When walking, arms swing INWARD as they go forward and back. There will be no visible space between body and arms, esp with an overcoat. Shoulder pads are great but there are still normal arms and shoulders underneath. You've established the coat hem at knee length, drop that hem.

    I get using CGI to speed things up but the hyper details and rigid ruling of the BGs not only draws attention away from our heroine it makes her look like she's standing in front of a CAD poster. She's not really... there. Use any trick in the book to speed up layouts but, strongly consider doing final inks freehand. When drawing a brick wall, esp one in perspective, draw 3-4 bricks and stop. Let those few bricks and their perspective suggest the remainder of the wall and focus blacks and details on the figure to draw our attention to the girl.

    Freehanding straight lines: If pure freehand is too much, try ye olde offset ruler trick. "A" shows the angle for brushes. "B" shows an angle better for pens. "C" is the "chop-stick" approach that allows the ruler to sit flat on the page. "D&E" show the mahl stick which can be especially handy for paper that's buckling as it allows for a shorter distance between stick and pen allowing the stick to flatten out the immediate area.

    All of these methods will introduce a certain waiver to your lines. That's a FEATURE, not a bug.


    PaulMartinSmith

    Comment


    • #3
      battlewraith l really like this ! Smitty is right on all his points , obviously, especially your story telling. Only quibble from me would be , on page 2 panel 2 maybe keep the chain in the shot? it
      could draw attention to the eye which i missed on first read. But love seeing your story telling on show! looking forward to more !

      just a quick draw over to show what i mean.

      http://barcsdoodles.blogspot.ie/

      https://www.tumblr.com/blog/eoinb

      @barcswow on twitter and instagram

      Comment


      • #4
        Nice easy following/reading. Environment didn't feel blending in well, but Mr. S gave good solutions for us students. I can understand how the inside factory perspective issue happened in the 3D app but am puzzled how that 3 horizontal vanishing points can happen in the 3D digital world.

        Comment


        • #5
          Smitty--Thanks for taking the time to help out! I often get a vague feeling that something's wrong, but it's hard to be objective on things I'm working on.
          I'm happy that the storytelling is working for you. I can address the things you pointed out, but if it wasn't compelling at all, there would be no point.

          CG vs hand drawn look is something I'm still working out. I'm actually deliberately trying to push highly rendered backgrounds against flatter, drawn looking characters. I think there are better examples of this in the next set of pages I'll post. It's intentionally weird and relates to some of the themes of the comic. It may or may not pay off but I hope maybe people get a sense of where I'm going with this.

          crazyjedichicken-- So glad to hear that you like it man! I've been putting a lot of work into this so it's really reassuring when people respond to it. I'll have some more pages up soon.
          sketchbook thread

          Comment


          • #6

            Originally posted by humble-tomato View Post
            I can understand how the inside factory perspective issue happened in the 3D app but am puzzled how that 3 horizontal vanishing points can happen in the 3D digital world.
            Computers are beyond stupid, they're brain dead. They can only do what they're programed to do. When they've been programed to do things incorrectly their only advantage is doing things wrong with blinding speed.

            Originally posted by battlewraith View Post

            CG vs hand drawn look is something I'm still working out. I'm actually deliberately trying to push highly rendered backgrounds against flatter, drawn looking characters. I think there are better examples of this in the next set of pages I'll post. It's intentionally weird and relates to some of the themes of the comic. It may or may not pay off but I hope maybe people get a sense of where I'm going with this.
            This changes things. Story is everything and if the story concerns the disconnect between people and the world they live in then showing that is essential. The question is how and I wish I had some concrete advice.

            Perhaps greater consistency in our heroine's appearance. Sometimes she's rather pale, flat and ghostly. Other times she's fully rendered with heavy shadows and resembles a Poser model. Perhaps characters could be the only appearance of true blacks with BGs topping out at 80% black. Maybe characters never get greys; they're black and white only or perhaps have a single shade of grey...

            Part of me says take a bath in Disney's Pinocchio; arguably American animations greatest technological achievement because it was the last feature made prior to the formation of the animators union (MPSC). After Pinocchio BGs started to become just as cartoony as the figures (when you have to pay workers a living wage you have to cut some corners) In Pinocchio, and earlier, BGs were fully rendered, often quite realistically. Characters were largely flat colors and the only things with black outlines and thus popped out. OR, you could go the other way, BGs get the only true blacks which makes the characters ghostly: technology is the only reality, humanity is just a dream.

            You've got your work cut out for you. Break a lead.
            PaulMartinSmith

            Comment


            • #7
              I'd like to see the NSFW stuff, tbh.

              Comment


              • #8
                Once I have the first three chapters complete, I'm going to set up a website and a Patreon and start posting pages on a weekly basis. Reading the comic will be free. I hope to be up and running by the end of April or May.
                sketchbook thread

                Comment

                Unconfigured Ad Widget

                Collapse
                Working...
                X