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  • The Darkness Sample Script Art

    Hello everyone! I need your help again please! I'm trying to see how I can improve or what I can improve on in regards to my storytelling abilities. I have here the first page of a sample script of The Darkness issue #40 and my art to go with it. What can I improve on? What could I change? I'd appreciate any feedback, critique, etc.

    Just some extra info:
    The art is not finished. I'd say it's about 60% complete. I'm not planning on finishing this either, but I figured I advanced enough on it to be able to get some feedback on what I did right, if anything, and what I did wrong. Thanks again for your help!








  • #2
    Watch those bricks..they are a pain but it looks like you got lazy the last 2 panels...you also would get more depth and dimension adding your spot blacks an shadows...Draw like your work is never gonna see color.. just a thought..
    Keep that Pencil Busy!

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    • #3
      Flow-wise, pn 2 to 3 doesn't make sense. We were seeing streets behind him, but it changes abruptly to bricks. If he turns to arrive the scene, it needs to be shown to the reader.
      Last panel's door is a door for dwarves. Check horizon line and where it crosses on the figure.

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      • #4
        Originally posted by Bryan E.Warner View Post
        Watch those bricks..they are a pain but it looks like you got lazy the last 2 panels...you also would get more depth and dimension adding your spot blacks an shadows...Draw like your work is never gonna see color.. just a thought..
        Thanks man for your observations. I, by no means, got lazy with any of the art on this page, but I do see how in the last two panels the bricks were not as consistently done as in the first two panels and that's something I should be careful with. Thanks for pointing that out, I really appreciate it.

        I didn't really finish the art on this page. I figured I had gotten far along on it to merit some critique. There's details that need to be added on the windows, the background in the first two panels and solid blacks that need to go here and there. I appreciate the advice, I'll approach the next pages with that idea in mind. Thanks for the insight man!

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by humble-tomato View Post
          Flow-wise, pn 2 to 3 doesn't make sense. We were seeing streets behind him, but it changes abruptly to bricks. If he turns to arrive the scene, it needs to be shown to the reader.
          Last panel's door is a door for dwarves. Check horizon line and where it crosses on the figure.
          Yeah, that's my fault on the confusion. The way I had in my head was that he's walking down the street, heading towards this club called Keyser's and so I wanted to have him walking down the street and he then turns his head, looking towards the club as he gets there and then we pan around to see the damage done to the club. Maybe a different angle for that third panel would've been better. Or even just get rid of that idea of him turning his head as it's not 100% necessary at all for the story. I didn't know how to best execute that. How would you have shown it?

          And yeah, my fault again on the entrance. What you see on the page is actually a frame and I had planned on making the door a bit smaller, with the idea that the club is across the street from where he's standing, but again, that all falls on my execution and I didn't do it as best as I should have. Thanks for the feedback and the insight, I

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          • #6
            Originally posted by Elliot Rodriguez View Post
            How would you have shown it?
            There could be so many interpretations and approaches, but
            I would treat it as a new establishing shot, a 3-way intersection. That way he doesn't have to turn. Doesn't have to be big as long as it shows where we are, and from where he arrives.


            What you see on the page is actually a frame and I had planned on making the door a bit smaller, with the idea that the club is across the street from where he's standing,
            If I'm understanding this correctly, I think you don't know what the root cause of the issue. If you have Loomis book, I can direct you to the page.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by humble-tomato View Post
              There could be so many interpretations and approaches, but
              I would treat it as a new establishing shot, a 3-way intersection. That way he doesn't have to turn. Doesn't have to be big as long as it shows where we are, and from where he arrives.
              Oh ok, I got you. Yeah, there are many different ways to do it indeed.

              Originally posted by humble-tomato View Post
              If I'm understanding this correctly, I think you don't know what the root cause of the issue. If you have Loomis book, I can direct you to the page.
              No, I probably missed the root cause. I'm assuming it's got something to do with the horizon line. Unfortunately, I don't have the book. Maybe there's another way to explain it? Or maybe a screenshot of the page in the book?

              Comment


              • #8
                Here and here

                and if you are serious about being a pro, these books are highly recommended as a must. Along with "Rendering with pen and ink" if you intend to improve on inking.

                I recommend reading page to page if you get them though, not just looking at diagrams.

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                • #9
                  Great images! Thanks for the information. If you don't mind, could you mention the name of these books. I only see images of a page, but not the name of the book.

                  I'll be sure to give them a read, thanks for the advice.

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                  • #10
                    "figure drawing for what it's worth" I would get this book first for sure. "successful drawing" is a good read too. Many info overlap but still good in my opinion.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      The top images in the links are Loomis' "Successful Drawing."

                      "Figure Drawing For All It's Worth" may be a more fun place to start but, "Successful Drawing" is the more important book. FD barely touches on perspective, SD concentrates on it. Without a working knowledge of perspective, EVERYTHING you draw will be wrong! Note that Loomis says, to truly understand perspective, start with Ernest Norling's "Perspective Made Easy." PME is about what perspective is and how and why it works. SD is what you can do with perspective now that you know what it is.

                      Perspective is like Las Vegas: What happens on the horizon, stays on the horizon. Similarly, what happens below the horizon, stays below the horizon.


                      The first 2 decisions in perspective are yours and are automatically correct. Any 2 will do BUT those 2 are all you get; everything else is carved in stone.

                      IF we define the perspective and the door (in the last panel) as "correct" THEN we can plot the height of our man against the door and project his height across the street. IF the first mans head is below the horizon, THEN ALL heads (of similarly sized people) must be below the horizon.

                      IF we define the head of our hero and the placement of the horizon across his eyeline as "correct " THEN the top of the doorway MUST be above the horizon.

                      BOTH versions are correct. NEITHER is more or less correct than the other. However, you can see how the first 2 decisions clearly affect everything else.
                      PaulMartinSmith

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by humble-tomato View Post
                        "figure drawing for what it's worth" I would get this book first for sure. "successful drawing" is a good read too. Many info overlap but still good in my opinion.
                        Nice, thanks for the info, I will definitely check out both of these books.

                        I got "Rendering in Pen and Ink", and as you said way back then, it does have everything you need to know about inking techniques, thanka again for that suggestion. Sadly, I haven't read the complete book yet. I've read a few tidbits here and there and I've mostly been looking at the figures, which were all excellent and insightful. I'll get on that Loomis book though, so thanks again!

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Thank you very much Smitty , I really appreciate your feedback. I feel like I've stumbled upon gold here, thanks for this valuable information. I'll definitely get these books as soon as I can and well, hopefully I can learn some more things from them and apply them to my drawings. Thanks again Smitty and humble-tomato you guys rock!!

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