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WiP pencils: Spider-man + MJ

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  • WiP pencils: Spider-man + MJ

    Hey fellow Penciljackers! I've got some early stage pencils here; looking for crits mainly on storytelling, panel layout, and posing, in that order.

    It should be noted that my original intent was to make this a "silent story", with no dialogue, to force me to ensure the images can tell the story on their own. I'm hoping they do, but curious to hear from fresh eyes. I'm also really trying to push myself on action posing, hence choosing Spider-man, and hit some real challenges here.

    Thanks for looking!







    www.hobblingdead.com
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    PUMMEL stats: Div - LHW | Wins - 24 | Losses - 14 | Knockouts - 11 | Months Champion - 1

  • #2
    The story reads fine to me. I think the overall thing that sticks out are some perspective issues...are interested in crits on those?

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    • #3
      Yeah absolutely!
      www.hobblingdead.com
      portfolio
      PUMMEL stats: Div - LHW | Wins - 24 | Losses - 14 | Knockouts - 11 | Months Champion - 1

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      • #4
        Sorry but the action sequence is very confusing. And the 180 axis is crossed with no reason and confusingly.

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        • #5
          Originally posted by humble-tomato View Post
          Sorry but the action sequence is very confusing. And the 180 axis is crossed with no reason and confusingly.
          Sorry, can you be more specific? Where exactly am I crossing the axis?
          www.hobblingdead.com
          portfolio
          PUMMEL stats: Div - LHW | Wins - 24 | Losses - 14 | Knockouts - 11 | Months Champion - 1

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          • #6
            page 3 panel 4 to pg 4 pn 1.
            I will try to address other stuff too.

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            • #7
              Pages 1 and 2 read clear and strong to me, except for MJ's "I gotta pee" pose in Pg1 p4.

              Try using fewer medium-close shots, maybe combine some panels into one wide shot to convey more information and background. I would have combined Pg3 p2+3 and p6+7 for example.
              Pg4 p3 is very strong, but it gets vague in the following panels, possibly due to having less background info, or having 2 panels where one bigger panel would be more clear?

              I know how much work backgrounds are and your work here is commendable. Nice work!

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              • #8
                Great feedback guys, thanks! This is exactly the sort of info I’m looking for. I’ll do some revs and re-post in this thread.
                www.hobblingdead.com
                portfolio
                PUMMEL stats: Div - LHW | Wins - 24 | Losses - 14 | Knockouts - 11 | Months Champion - 1

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                • #9
                  page 1 panels 5 and 6 the perspective on the window is not correct (I realize it is roughed in so you are probably aware)

                  Page 2 panel 4 - the open lunch box lid perspective is not correct in reference to the bottom portion of the lunch box

                  Page 7 panel 2 - MJ's body seems to be on a different plane than Spiderman

                  Page 7 panel 3 - the arm with the glove going on looks like it bends odd

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                  • #10
                    A few more things to add to what’s been said..

                    The location of the table for the key to be placed and MJ’s position don’t make sense.
                    The panels of foreground table and everything else’s perspective is completely wrong.
                    Spidey’s sitting legs’ perspective is not correct. If his legs are not touching the building, that’s not how we sit.
                    For the panel Peter holds MJ, MJ’s lower body is broken and detached because the perspective is opposite of the upper body.
                    and curious..
                    Is MJ dead?

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                    • #11
                      Oh yeah she’s dead! Maybe I need to sell that a little more?
                      I’ll take a look at these other points today, thanks!
                      www.hobblingdead.com
                      portfolio
                      PUMMEL stats: Div - LHW | Wins - 24 | Losses - 14 | Knockouts - 11 | Months Champion - 1

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                      • #12
                        Then I would keep her eyes open til the end cuz nobody closed her eyes.
                        I have some panels drawn for my own study for that thing on the table. Let me know if u want to see them.

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                        • #13
                          Right, good call on the eyes! I’m confident I’ll be able to work out the table view once I resolve the storytelling issues, but curious to see your take.
                          www.hobblingdead.com
                          portfolio
                          PUMMEL stats: Div - LHW | Wins - 24 | Losses - 14 | Knockouts - 11 | Months Champion - 1

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                          • #14
                            Cool then I won’t post, not to interrupt ur process.

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