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  • 4 Pages finished!!

    please let me know what you think:





    Last edited by robozo; 02-10-2013, 02:41 PM.

  • #2
    are the characters flying or jumping? its all very confusing! if they're flying the poses are okay but boring, if they're jumping it really doesn't look like it from their poses!

    how many characters are there? it seems like the character in the mask sometimes has it on and sometimes he doesn't.

    on the first page- which building are the characters on? you might want to change the first panel in two ways, one to focus the viewers eye more onto the building the characters are on and two maybe have the panels borders extend beyond the borders of the larger panel so that it reads as being the first panel.
    on the last two panels are there three characters or two? if its three maybe have the guy in the mask be visible behind the girl so it's clearer that they are following the other character. if its two how does he land behind the girl and then get so far ahead of her?

    I don't want to give the impression that i don't like the pages! i really like them and admire the fact you've done them (i cant even manage a background!) and there's a lot to like here which actually makes the slight inconsistencies pop out even more! seriously these are great! if you want more crits i can do a more detailed breakdown if not i'll just look forward to seeing more pages from it!
    http://barcsdoodles.blogspot.ie/

    https://www.tumblr.com/blog/eoinb

    @barcswow on twitter and instagram

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    • #3
      Good job with the backgrounds and the shading. I like these.
      The biggest mistake people make in life is not trying to make a living at doing what they most enjoy.

      ---Malcolm Forbes

      My website

      Never .jpeg a .jpeg

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      • #4
        Originally posted by crazyjedichicken View Post
        I don't want to give the impression that i don't like the pages! i really like them and admire the fact you've done them (i cant even manage a background!) and there's a lot to like here which actually makes the slight inconsistencies pop out even more! seriously these are great! if you want more crits i can do a more detailed breakdown if not i'll just look forward to seeing more pages from it!
        well, i think i messed it up, the story is basicly; he runs, jumps, meets chick, they run jump, he grabs pole, chatches the chick, and then the other guy stands there, she jumps down , runs away and the two guys talk...
        i guess the impotant moments are not clear enough, with all mystic shading its even more confusing...

        what do you think?
        ill be posting the sides without shading later, so you can analyze it...




        Last edited by robozo; 02-11-2013, 05:56 PM.

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        • #5
          Originally posted by Ace Corona View Post
          Good job with the backgrounds and the shading. I like these.
          thanks ace!!

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          • #6
            There are already two threads open for these pages.

            http://www.penciljack.com/forum/show...es-Storyboards!!
            http://www.penciljack.com/forum/show...-4-Storyboards!!

            Not going to merge them because it's too much work at this point to try to separate the posts in this thread into the appropriate thread, but please, in the future, when you rework an existing page, just add it to the thread for that page rather than starting a new one. It allows us to see how you've progressed on a page, and also how you've applied critiques you've already gotten. For instance, I could tell you how Nightwing's legs are too short in page one panel 1, but you've already received and ignored that critique in another thread.
            CORKTOWN #1-2 on Comixology

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            • #7
              Originally posted by ScottEwen View Post
              There are already two threads open for these pages.

              http://www.penciljack.com/forum/show...es-Storyboards!!
              http://www.penciljack.com/forum/show...-4-Storyboards!!

              Not going to merge them because it's too much work at this point to try to separate the posts in this thread into the appropriate thread, but please, in the future, when you rework an existing page, just add it to the thread for that page rather than starting a new one. It allows us to see how you've progressed on a page, and also how you've applied critiques you've already gotten. For instance, I could tell you how Nightwing's legs are too short in page one panel 1, but you've already received and ignored that critique in another thread.
              thanks scott, i only open new threats when i have finished pages. this is simply because im afraid people will not look at them when i add them to an old post... thinking its just another answer or something!

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              • #8
                Originally posted by robozo View Post
                thanks scott, i only open new threats when i have finished pages. this is simply because im afraid people will not look at them when i add them to an old post... thinking its just another answer or something!
                I understand, but then what happens is you have multiple threads open for the same pages, and are potentially getting the same critiques multiple times. Just make a new thread for every 1-3 pages and update them when you do more work on those pages.
                CORKTOWN #1-2 on Comixology

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by ScottEwen View Post
                  I understand, but then what happens is you have multiple threads open for the same pages, and are potentially getting the same critiques multiple times. Just make a new thread for every 1-3 pages and update them when you do more work on those pages.
                  sure scott, no problem! if i do for example layouts 1+2, later i do 3+4 its only one threat as well?

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by robozo View Post
                    sure scott, no problem! if i do for example layouts 1+2, later i do 3+4 its only one threat as well?
                    Not necessarily. If you start new pages, by all means start a new thread for those pages. I'm just saying, if you make a thread for pages 1 and 2 and get critiques for those pages, when you make new progress on those same pages, just add it to the already existing thread. It allows those of us that want to give critiques, to see what critiques have already been given and how you've applied those critiques.
                    CORKTOWN #1-2 on Comixology

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by ScottEwen View Post
                      Not necessarily. If you start new pages, by all means start a new thread for those pages. I'm just saying, if you make a thread for pages 1 and 2 and get critiques for those pages, when you make new progress on those same pages, just add it to the already existing thread. It allows those of us that want to give critiques, to see what critiques have already been given and how you've applied those critiques.
                      ok i got, ill follow what you said in the future! by the way, thanks for taking care of this forum everyday!!

                      good job!!

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                      • #12
                        in your description of the page you use the phrases "they run" and "they jump" and yet both actions happen between the panels we see! show the action! joe mad once said that he looks at it like he's animating a scene and his job as a comic artist is to pause the action at the most descriptive and action packed moment he can! you have all of your characters at the wrong frame of the action! study john romita jr for good story telling and action poses! its not a problem with the shading or necessarily the figures themselves but what you have them doing that confuses the flow of the page! also his mask is gone from panel to panel.
                        http://barcsdoodles.blogspot.ie/

                        https://www.tumblr.com/blog/eoinb

                        @barcswow on twitter and instagram

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                        • #13
                          redesigned two pages:



                          Last edited by robozo; 02-14-2013, 12:10 PM.

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                          • #14
                            another inking style:

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                            • #15

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