Crimson Beard (pages redux)

[mattjbatt]

Got some really great crits from some people on these boards, and made some changes to the pages based on those crits. Also I made the decision to hand-letter the comic as well, found the lettering to be a really fun experience. I also consolidated what was originally 4 pages, into 3, but I think I managed to make the storytelling a bit more clear.

[MJames]

hey, great to see you're still working on this. i like some of the changes you've made here. if i remember correctly page 2 was originaly a splash page, which i really liked, but the new page 2 rocks. much much better. i really dig how you moved the camera around in this sequence. action-packed for sure and more dramatic. my only crit is on page 3 you lose a bit of clarity.
you have a fast and loose gritty style which is great, but in some spots things get a little "hairy". like panel 3 for example.
at first glance it's a little hard to tell whats going on. anyway, hope this has been helpful and i look forward to more of the continuing saga of Crimson Beard.

[Beastie]

This is VERY cool

[SRScribe]

I don't why he's fighting cyber-dinos, but I don't care, either. It's fk'n sweet. I love your grungy style, man.

[Toddoss]

really fun pages. kinda hard to see whats what is some areas but thumbs up

[mattjbatt]

Hey, thanks for all the comments and support. I've been spending some time revising the plot and pacing of the story lately, and have once again restarted my pages (this will be the last time) I've also spent a lot more time pencilling this time around. Hopefully it pays off (I think it has). I'm pretty confident that this batch of pages are my strongest thus far.

Any critique you're willing to give is really appreciated. Thanks.

Page 1:


Page 2:


Page 3:


Page 4:

[Bryan E.Warner]

I'm not sure if I'd mess with The 1st rule "Keeping it Simple"

[mattjbatt]

I'm not sure if I'd mess with The 1st rule "Keeping it Simple"

At the risk of sounding dumb, could you please elaborate?

[Bryan E.Warner]

At the risk of sounding dumb, could you please elaborate?

Not at all Matt...The very First Rule is Keep it simple....meaning you don't let your reader guessing....your work should flow like a silent movie so there is no doubt of what is happening.....so many times an artist cuts a corner and suddenly we fall out the story be cause we loose track of what actually is happening...There are actually 4 rules...#1 Keep it simple...#2 Keep it interesting....#3 Don't get too artsy we fall out of the story....#4 Make us want to turn the page...Follow those you can not go too far astray..

[mattjbatt]

Bryan, thanks for the elaboration. Do you think I'm breaking those rules right now? It's one of those things where I know what's going on, so it's hard to look at it with fresh eyes.

Here's page 5:

[Bryan E.Warner]

That seems to be clear....The gal in panel 5 pops outta no-where...I'm wondering if there should be a clue of her in an earlier panel...she's plain in page 4 but that's page 4

[mattjbatt]

Thanks for all the responses so far. Since these pages are in this post, I figured I'd add the inks in here too.

Page 1 (inked and lettered):


Page 2 (inked and lettered, no tones yet though...):