Anti Hero sequential pages

[David Pentecost]

Hello all,
Here are 8 pages of a story I am penciling written by Mark Bertolini...a fellow pencil jack member.
The basic premise of the story is a boy who is trained to be a Hero Assassin by his father.
The first 8 pages are a time lapse of sorts from the protagonist as a young child to an adolescent to the present. This will be narrated so it is not 1 single scene if that makes sense.
Please let me know your thoughts and critiques and if the story telling works.

David

[Fabianran]

You have a nice style. Sort of animated, but not too cartooney, which I like. All in all this was enough to make me want to read more.

[Fabianran]

Oh, and I'd like to think I would have been able to tell what was going on in the story even if you hadn't kind of explained it in your post. You did a good job of making the main character recognizable through the different stages of his life.

[darqjakob]

Hey, first rate work. You have style and your storytelling is very strong. I was not confused from any panel to the next. I think if you can draw in this style, and with speed, you will probably find more work then you can handle. Nice job.

Watch the necks on your main character, they are a little too long/thin in a few panels creating a bit of a bobble head look, which diminishes your style. Page 3, panel 2 is a prime example. Also the perspective on the box on the splash page is a little wonky. I think you drew it that way to make it seem as though the box was falling and not fully at rest, but it looks wrong. There are a couple of other panels where the perspective on the background and objects look approximated rather then measured.

But other then that I think it's very good. I'd read it.

[Unbroken]

Great work. Interesting angles, the right amount of detail and I love the cartoony style. The character is really recognisable throughout. You managed to express the relationship between the father and son really good. I love the martial arts panel. This works, I wouldl read it.

[David Hedmark]

I really like your style, easy to follow even without words. It pops with movement.

[Bathill8]

Cool stuff David! You attempt and pull off some tough angles very nicely. The scans seem a little light, but I like what detail I can make out!

[David Pentecost]

Thank you everyone for the kind words and critiques.

darqjakob - you are absolutely right about the box on page 7. I'll fix that. As for the necks...I think you are referring to the child's neck in particular, right? Let me see what I can do about that.

Thanks again!

David

[golgotha]

good stuff. i can very easily "read" the story with no words. looks like a fun comic.

[cbikle]

Yeah, there's really not much need for caption boxes or exposition.

Nice job.

One thing, when you say hero assassin do you mean a heroic assassin or a hitman who goes after superheroes ?

[MarkLCBertolini]

Awesome work, David. I can't wait to get this to the next stage!

cbikle: he's an assassin who kills heroes.

[paladis]

Pretty sweet sequentials, kind of reminded me of Kick-Ass for some reason, i like it...really great art and has a nice flow to it.

[pan_fiction]

Cool style, the storytelling is real good!

[David Pentecost]

Thanks for the comments everyone...I've made a few tweaks but can't access my scanner til next week so I'll upload the changed panels at that time...thanks again!

[David Pentecost]

Hello all, as promised, I updated a few pages based on feedback from this thread. Pages 2, 3, 6 & 7.

Working on the cover pencils now and will upload that soon.

David