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  • ....

    Hi ,,,
    Couple new pages,,,,,

  • #2
    More great looking pages, dzontra! I really like all the details and the overall feeling of authenticity that this has for the period you are illustrating.
    HW(ret.):W42/ L29/KO16


    • #3
      Fantastic man...great clarity too..
      W-10 L-8 KO-6


      • #4
        Great draftsmanship, perspective, backgrounds, light and shadow.There is so much that is right with these pages.

        Now to the storytelling.

        PAGE 1

        Panel 5 - Establishing shot here should include the same two guys and door detail we see in Panel 6 so the two panels connect to each other. The two guys in this panel look like they are carrying poles/staffs and clothing detail is different.

        PAGE 2

        Obviously, you're not lazy and great at perspective, but you keep choosing mostly views which are parallel to the picture plane and rob the scenes of drama. As soon as you put a scene at an angle it instantly has more visual interest.

        Panel 2 is nice and foreboding.

        Panel 4 adds to it with that look over the shoulder. He doesn't trust them maybe?

        PAnel 8 - Okay we've seen the over the shoulder shot already and get no new information. the background being parallel here doesn't help. Having it at an angle would add more drama and a sense that something's about to happen.

        Panel 10- Something does happen and 'm lost. They're all looking off panel (directly at the reader) at something that is never revealed. Two guys are shocked and one is not.

        Panel 11 - What is he reacting to here?

        Panel 13 - Knife comes out? When?

        PAGE 3

        Panel 2 - Guy is holding his neck, but we never saw a hand on his throat.
        Kirby Art Tribute Month This August
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        • #5
          Most spectacularly excellent.
          ~ Jeromy

          Pummel: Light Heavy Weight - Wins: 4 Losses: 2 KO: 3


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