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  • Food

    I've had this script for a while now and am just now getting around to illustrating it. This is brand new for me.
    Here is the first page- looking for constructive comments, please.

  • #2
    It's difficult to tell whether he's chopping an unusual watermelon, or an unusual slab of meat.
    Secondly as just a single page and without words (other than FX) it doesn't convey its story very well. I'm left baffled by what is going on, but the art and the action does cause me to want to find out, so those are points in the piece's favor.

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    • #3
      I want to tape the watrmelon together again and tell it that everythings gonna be alright, and I don't even like watermelon!

      The story pushes thru the artistic problems. I'd drop the Photoshop tricks and shading. Ifeel they only distract from your very stylized drawing.
      "A man convinced against his will, is of the same opinion still."

      Never argue with an Idiot. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with exp.

      http://toddoss.deviantart.com/

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      • #4
        Thanks for the feedback, guys.

        Originally posted by Wo-Nellie View Post
        It's difficult to tell whether he's chopping an unusual watermelon, or an unusual slab of meat.
        Secondly as just a single page and without words (other than FX) it doesn't convey its story very well. I'm left baffled by what is going on, but the art and the action does cause me to want to find out, so those are points in the piece's favor.
        Glad it piques your interest! Once the dialogue is dropped in, it should clear up the abrupt transitions, but I will keep an eye on that with the following pages.

        Also, I think I will redo the texture on the watermelon so that it is less meat-like.

        Originally posted by Toddoss View Post
        I want to tape the watrmelon together again and tell it that everythings gonna be alright, and I don't even like watermelon!

        The story pushes thru the artistic problems. I'd drop the Photoshop tricks and shading. I feel they only distract from your very stylized drawing.
        It's all over for that melon! And the best is yet to come!

        I have to admit, I have no idea what to do with the backgrounds, so I rely on Photoshop to bail me out sometimes. (I've ran into this problem before, too) I think this is a clear sign I need to cut that out. I want the foregrounds to pop, but not at the expense of the overall page. I'm open to suggestions!

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        • #5
          Here it is again with the changes you reccommended. I kept some of the Photoshop effects though... I will just have to watch that tendency in the future.
          Further comments?

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          • #6
            Better texture on the watermelon I think.

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