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"Did You Just Touch My Ass!?!"

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  • "Did You Just Touch My Ass!?!"

    Written, Illustrated and Lettered By: Alex Torres (me)

    This is my first time doing any type of sequentials. I usually do more pin-up type work for fun. Please don't criticize the perspective. I did my best but I know that I messed up in some parts. I was trying to remember my art class from a couple years back to work the perspective out. The first panel didn't come out too good in the scan so I might re-scan the image later on. C & C welcome. Enjoy! (Original story found on my website www.alextorres17.webs.com)

    Last edited by AlexT17; 08-16-2009, 01:34 PM.
    www.alexytorres.tumblr.com

  • #2
    love night at the roxbury
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    • #3
      Originally posted by AlexT17 View Post
      Please don't criticize the perspective.
      So you'd prefer not to know how to do it properly?
      CORKTOWN #1-2 on Comixology

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      • #4
        Originally posted by ScottEwen View Post
        So you'd prefer not to know how to do it properly?
        knowing stuff is for squares.
        Sign your rep, What's a' matter Mcfly
        ...CHICKEN!?

        MY COMIC!

        http://t-k-.deviantart.com/

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        • #5
          I'm not sure what's going on in the first panel?

          It looks like she's hitting an area of blackness with her handbag?

          I think you need to add something so that the 1st and 2nd panels don't jar so much. At the moment, there's a really abrupt, random change in what's going on. An additional side panel showing, for instance, one girl winking at the other (in anticipation of their trick) might help us to understand what's happening.
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          • #6
            Originally posted by ScottEwen View Post
            So you'd prefer not to know how to do it properly?
            Yeah, right? I mean, it's in the finished work section, so other than the art, what do you want us to crit? It's a HUGE part of what's going on with the page, considering that they're walking down a hallway. How good the lockers and ceiling look are all dependent on your knowledge of perspective.

            Not to even mention that since it's a sequential, it should be in the sequential forum.
            Money can't buy you happiness, but it will pay for the search.

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            • #7
              The lockers are really tall. They are hitting the celling... or the celling is really low. The suddenly flipping of the POV in panel 2 confused me. A better set-up in panel 1 would help establish the scene, maybe at a birds eye angle, showing the girls and the boy walking down the hall.
              Check out the Vanguard web comic site.
              and here on Twitter

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              • #8
                Hey Alex
                trying to Break into some Sequential art eh?....Listen to the crits...I know your pretty young..but that's all the better...My first 2-cents would be..Don't Rush your work!..it only leads to shoddy work..Perspective is Very important...so please work on that...Keep it simple is the First rule! But don't skimp on details...Keep it interesting is the Second rule!..thus Perspective is important and also your camera angle or point of view...Don't get too Artsy we fall out of the story is rule Three...Rule Four..Make us want to turn the page.. thoughs are your 4 basic rules...
                I think this has a lot of potential...Take your time and be at your best..look for places to spot blacks or shadows..make your pannels pop!
                Keep at it Kiddo! Keep that pencil Busy!
                Keep that Pencil Busy!

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by Bryan E.Warner View Post
                  Hey Alex
                  trying to Break into some Sequential art eh?....Listen to the crits...I know your pretty young..but that's all the better...My first 2-cents would be..Don't Rush your work!..it only leads to shoddy work..Perspective is Very important...so please work on that...Keep it simple is the First rule! But don't skimp on details...Keep it interesting is the Second rule!..thus Perspective is important and also your camera angle or point of view...Don't get too Artsy we fall out of the story is rule Three...Rule Four..Make us want to turn the page.. thoughs are your 4 basic rules...
                  I think this has a lot of potential...Take your time and be at your best..look for places to spot blacks or shadows..make your pannels pop!
                  Keep at it Kiddo! Keep that pencil Busy!

                  Thanks. This is my first time doing any type of sequentials but I think I'm going to stick to writing for now. Thanks for all for all the advice.
                  www.alexytorres.tumblr.com

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                  • #10
                    The font is hideous. Don't use that font for anything ever again.

                    The general flow is dull because you aren't altering the POV. Its either straight on behind, or straight on in front. Vary the angle of the view. Just because two people are talking doesn't mean it has to be boring.
                    Deviantart
                    Legend of Azure

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Hanzou View Post
                      The font is hideous. Don't use that font for anything ever again.
                      Hey, don't sit on the fence, eh?
                      Check out the Vanguard web comic site.
                      and here on Twitter

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Mr.Hades View Post
                        Hey, don't sit on the fence, eh?
                        Just helping a brotha out.
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                        Legend of Azure

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