Rogue One sample pages

[Almayer]

Hi guys, long time not posting.

I decided to show these 4 sample pages (please follow the imager link below; I don't remember how to make the images appear in the post directly) to have some feedback about storytelling and drawing on them. I've been told lately that my storytelling is not dinamic enough (or not at all) and would love to know what is wrong with it. Been also told to look at Immonen pages to try to make storytelling as him. About the drawing, I tend to be super clean and with these pages, although I've tried not to be so obsessed with the lines, and even use a totally different brush on CSP (with quite more texture than usual), I guess it's still too clean. Also, stiffness in the figures is something I seem to be unable to get rid of.

Edit. The images are in one post way below this one (I did not remember how to link images, sorry!)



Thanks in advance!

[humble-tomato]

Great to see your post! Put the image link between [Img] tags. Like this! -> [Img]Link goes here[/Img]

[Almayer]

Hi, man! Will try to solve it asap
Edit: Now it works. Thanks!

[Rene A.]

Very nice, I like!

[humble-tomato]

Did you say 4 pages? I could only see 1, and even that is gone now.

[Almayer]

Let's try again. I remember linking images never has been easy here, it's tricky. I see it continues the same way.

Edit: I don't know the reason, don't know what I'm doing wrong, but the link doesn't work and is not even visible. Will keep trying

[Almayer]

A question: Is valid an image link with all four images? It's what I'm trying to make visible but it doesn't work no matter what I try.

[Almayer]

Let's try this and see if it works at last:

[Almayer]

Looks like it works finally. Sorry for all the junk posts! These pages are not telling exactly what happens in the movie, are based on the script for the Rogue One adaptation comic book.

[Bryan E.Warner]

Your Work is Steady....Very nice...I see nothing wrong..I see your line weights... could be bolder..That's just my first thought...Details Matter..more than ya think..

[battlewraith]

I struggle with the same things and you draw a lot better than I do. I think the last page (going to the cell) is maybe a good example of a kind of bland storytelling. The third panel, where the guard is whacking her is a little confusing/disjointed. His hands are waist level in panel 2. So is he swinging up with the butt of the weapon, or did he bring the whole rifle in an arc downward from his left side on to her back? Regardless, it you removed that panel--in the absence of any text it wouldn't make any difference. She seems pretty unphased by it in panel 4.

Anyway here are some scribbles:

[pell]

I removed some of the posts that were flagged for moderation since they were just duplicates of the images you eventually got posted. Just to clarify the process, use the image tool in the post editor, put a link to the actual imagename.jpg or whatever (not the html page it is hosted on), and be sure to uncheck "Retrieve remote file and reference locally" since it is not allowed and doesn't work properly.

[Bryan E.Warner]

I must say BattleWraith has made your page more exciting...

[joakimhagstrom]

Excellent pages! Personally I prefer to read something that pushes expression and movement further, it easily becomes a page full of stills. So, what battlewraith said.

the one thing that could really nail it for these pages is emotion. Your people don’t have a range of expressions, just the one slightly aggravated and disdainful snarl. For me to be moved by the comic emotionally, the characters need to show what they’re feeling. You can’t surf without waves…

gotta add though, very clean and cool. You’re absolutely very skilled.

[humble-tomato]

Some things I found... With your discretion of course.


I think the guy's facial structure is off making him too skinny and the cheekbones are too low.
The girl looks too manly and her hair looks off.


The girl getting hit looks too stiff and lacks a line of action. Made a profile view to illustrate the point.
I included a comic panel to see how pros push the line of action. (Head to torso to pelvis; In other words, Spine)


The guy's bottom eyelids are too round for an upshot, and he has lazy eyes.
The 2 shot's anatomy is off and as it's almost an over-the-shoulder shot, the forearm needs a proper foreshortening, and the left guy's pupils shouldn't show too much. The overalls' perspective was off. The right guy's face perspective was off, making him tilt his head awkwardly.