Millennium, Page 1

[Pa5cal]

Page 1 of a 3 page short story - Millennium.

[InkDrop]

I think there are 2 factions in a battle. One more industrial, one more organic, if you will. Truly don't understand what is happening. The random lines are hindering this. They are not consistent, nor do they convey light and shadow. They are just there. Detail becomes distraction.

[Brandino Nebitt]

I have to agree with Ink on the haphazard hatching. It doesn’t follow a light source, and it also tells me the ground, the buildings, and the guy’s robe are all made of the same material. Also, smooth out the transition from your hatching to your solid blacks.

[joakimhagstrom]

Cool! I see a general of heaven or some high civilization having a meeting with a general of hell, or some more agressive warring civilization.

Still, I echo previous opinions about the hatching. Perhaps the hatching is simply aesthetical, but it becomes confusing because it's too much like what the eyes are used to being conveyed as shadow or texture. Where it is shadow, give us some thickening with the transition over to black and it becomes clear. If it is shadow you need to get us a homogenous lightsource. If there's some 4D funhouse interdimensional whoop going on that scrambles the lightsource you need to convey that more clearly.

Aside from that technical detail, good job! Looks interesting!

[Pa5cal]

Cool! I see a general of heaven or some high civilization having a meeting with a general of hell, or some more agressive warring civilization.

Still, I echo previous opinions about the hatching. Perhaps the hatching is simply aesthetical, but it becomes confusing because it's too much like what the eyes are used to being conveyed as shadow or texture. Where it is shadow, give us some thickening with the transition over to black and it becomes clear. If it is shadow you need to get us a homogenous lightsource. If there's some 4D funhouse interdimensional whoop going on that scrambles the lightsource you need to convey that more clearly.

Aside from that technical detail, good job! Looks interesting!

Thanks for the compliments - also will heed the advice.
Here is the page with the writing I authored for it.
Will momentarily post page 2 (of 3).

[Brandino Nebitt]

Just a quick bit of proofreading: “he and the fallen angel meet”

”when these meetings occur” no “s”

I feel like the text and the pictures aren’t supporting each other enough. Who is He? Where’s the fallen angel? Is it the demon looking dude on the right in panel 1? Where’s the overseer? The big bearded guy? Where is he in relation to the others?

Since the text is just a single block bisecting the page, we don’t get the corresponding images paired with what’s being talked about, and we have to make a bunch of assumptions.