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Pencils for Portfolio

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  • Pencils for Portfolio

    I deleted this. I've got issues with consistency across pages and I'm not communicating visually as well as I would like. Thank you for everything.
    Last edited by Joffutt; 12-02-2018, 06:52 PM. Reason: I'm just not ready as an artist. I have more work to do.

  • #2
    Looks cool, I would try some "dutch" camera angles to add a little bit of interest to the panels. The splash page in particular looks a little too static.
    Available for commissions! PM me. Check out my Deviant art page! http://slyaguilar.deviantart.com/ In a rut? I watch this video.. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OdwEDyBQcCc Instagram @slyaguilar

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    • #3
      Ray and Willie leave it to us to decide just who "he" is. You seem to see him as a sod-buster, which is as good a way as any so, let's go with that.

      Watch your head band. Placed at the top of his head means we only see the underside of the brim. If you want to show the crown, drop the band closer to eye level. Beware the "cool" hat. It's a well worn battered tool.

      Men's shirts- left side overlaps the right. Consider collarless or handkerchief (we're selling sod-buster) Beware tailored, form fitting clothes. No shoulder pads, seams below shoulders. Low lying hip huggers are 100 years away. Pull the pants above the waist. Tuck them into boots or roll them up. Braces of the period button on the outside. They're closer at the shoulders, wider spaced at the hips.

      Gun and arm are drawn at different angles, line them up.



      If you like Seven Spanish Angels, take a listen to Willie's solo version of Kristopherson's "the Legend." (the Pilgrim - a celebration of Kris Kristopherson) Kris' solo version is a boozy mess. The Highwaymen's version reduces it to stadium schlock. Willie... well, nobody sells myth like Willie Nelson.
      PaulMartinSmith

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      • #4
        Thank you for the critique.
        Last edited by Joffutt; 12-02-2018, 06:53 PM.

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        • #5
          If the farmer is an escaped slave, is he supposed to be black? Until you said that, I took him for a white guy.
          Join us in EverBrawl Bout 35: Raiders of the Lost Ark meets Thundarr the Barbarian during Halloween

          Pummel Is Back!

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          • #6
            Thank you.
            Last edited by Joffutt; 12-02-2018, 06:54 PM.

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            • #7
              I thought he was white, too.

              No one mentioned mothers. No one's dog was kicked. It was an innocent, honest comment. One I happen to agree with.

              The devil's in the details and lack of consistency. The man on page one and the man on page two are two different guys. Guy one has a longer thinner face with pointed chin and a too small hat with pointed crown. Guy two has a wide short face with flat chin and a proper sized hat with dimpled crown. One of them has to be wrong.

              You mention flared nostrils and, if we look down on Woody we can see those nostrils from across the room. We look up at your characters yet, there are no nostrils to be found. Further his hair is straight as a board. You need to be more consistent and definitive.

              Making the hero black is more than an interesting choice, it's an effective one. The song never says why he's being hunted; we can only guess. Making him black suggests many reasons because, well... when was the last time a white mob needed to explain shooting an innocent black man in the back?

              Physiognomy is bunk "science" but effective storytelling. Storytelling rule #1 - Show, don't tell. Don't tell us he's black after the fact, show us he's black before we can wonder.

              And shame on you for not recognizing Henry Fonda. I wag my finger at thee.
              PaulMartinSmith

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              • #8
                Originally posted by Smitty View Post
                I thought he was white, too.

                No one mentioned mothers. No one's dog was kicked. It was an innocent, honest comment. One I happen to agree with.

                The devil's in the details and lack of consistency. The man on page one and the man on page two are two different guys. Guy one has a longer thinner face with pointed chin and a too small hat with pointed crown. Guy two has a wide short face with flat chin and a proper sized hat with dimpled crown. One of them has to be wrong.

                You mention flared nostrils and, if we look down on Woody we can see those nostrils from across the room. We look up at your characters yet, there are no nostrils to be found. Further his hair is straight as a board. You need to be more consistent and definitive.

                Making the hero black is more than an interesting choice, it's an effective one. The song never says why he's being hunted; we can only guess. Making him black suggests many reasons because, well... when was the last time a white mob needed to explain shooting an innocent black man in the back?

                Physiognomy is bunk "science" but effective storytelling. Storytelling rule #1 - Show, don't tell. Don't tell us he's black after the fact, show us he's black before we can wonder.

                And shame on you for not recognizing Henry Fonda. I wag my finger at thee.
                I hear what you're saying, and yes, no one died, nobody's dog got hurt. It was an honest comment, sure. Do I need to be more consistent? Sure, I do, I'm glad you pointed it out. I honestly thought the guy in page one was closer-looking to the guy in page two, but then I've been staring at and redoing these pages for a while now so that's why I start posting in places like these, so that others can point out my inconsistencies and I can clear those up.

                I honestly think the second page, second panel guy looks black, but I guess I'm wrong on that. That's fine. I'll work more on that.

                Thanks.

                Edit - I'm taking my work down, I need to get to a better place with just the basics of figure work and visual storytelling. I thought I was ready, I was wrong. I have more work to do. I appreciate all of you taking the time to help.
                Last edited by Joffutt; 12-02-2018, 06:57 PM.

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