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Die Hard - Sequentials - Pencils

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  • Die Hard - Sequentials - Pencils



    Kevin Kearney
    www.sequentialstyle.com

  • #2
    here are my notes:

    -john mcclain looks pristine--and i don't mean that in a good way. at this point in the story, he should look RAGGED. bruised, bloody, sweaty, dirty, disheveled.
    -the dude's hand holding the gun is pretty fishy. i'd give it a redraw, maybe looking online for reference for the hand and the gun.
    -i don't know what the last panel on page 1 means. someone is pushing a button, but who is pushing it? what is the button?
    -there's a bad tangent happening between the last panel of p. 2 and the building in the BIG panel.
    -speaking of that last panel, what is it? what's going on in this panel? for the life of me, i can't tell what it is.

    hope that helps! your lines are pretty energetic and clean, so now you just need to make the storytelling and details cleaner and more effective!
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    • #3
      Do you have more pages in this sequence? There are some definitely storytelling issues with these two pages. They're coasting on familiarity with the film, but not presenting relevant details in this sequence.

      We don't see the fire hose McClane ties around himself.
      We don't see McClane tie it around himself hurriedly.
      We never see the detonator, or who is holding it.
      What's blowing up?

      Most of these can be fixed on the page by framing your shots better. Draw the details in the panel, so as to not introduce plot devices out of thin air. Show McClane holding the bag of explosives (detonator caps, IIRC) and the remote control.

      The gunman in the helicopter is all goofy. Find reference for a gun behind held in that position in the movie or online.

      On page two you could sell the action with a splash page of McClane and a ball of fire. Rather than sloppy speedlines. If you're going to do speedlines, if it's on paper use a thumb tack and a ruler to have them all radiating from a single point of origin, and lift your pencil up at the end of the motion. If you're using software like Manga Studio there are tools for speed lines, but in this scene the emphasis should be on the explosion, speed lines really aren't required.

      Overall I'd like to see a second shot at these pages with more of an emphasis on clear storytelling.
      New and improved for 1996!
      Instagram: Pencilero

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      • #4
        Thank you so much for the constructive criticism! Each and every point you two made was fantastic. Really great stuff for me to work on.

        davechisholm,

        I was wondering if you could clear up the folowing:
        "there's a bad tangent happening between the last panel of p. 2 and the building in the BIG panel."

        The last panel is the tower that McClane is on top of exploding. The idea was that the inker would ink the building and the city scape all black. The dots would indicate where I want white so that it looks like city lights. I'll work on clarifying my pencils in the future.

        Pencilero,

        I do not have any more pages in the sequence. For my next piece I will do 4-5 pages in a row to get a better sense of storytelling. The speedlines comment was great and really made me think about my use of speedlines!

        Thanks a bunch!

        - Kevin

        Kevin Kearney
        www.sequentialstyle.com

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        • #5
          in the big panel of him jumping, the edge of the building he's jumping off of makes a bad tangent with the panel border of the smaller inset panel of the building exploding.
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