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  • ugly papers

    I just wanted to post this for feedback while I touch these pages up and wait for my co-writer(s) to catch up. I'm hoping the pictures tell the story even without the dialogue bubbles.

    Edit:These are the last ten pages of the first issue.










    Last edited by kirpid; 06-21-2011, 04:40 AM.

  • #2
    Man is in a hotel room.
    Someone brings him room service.
    He kills the room service guy.
    Some more people turns up.
    He kills them too.
    I think he then steals one of their uniforms and leaves the hotel -- but I'm not sure about that.
    I have no real idea whats happening after that point.
    Looks like some kind of masked medic takes him to hospital and fixes his dodgy leg.

    Its not 100% clear, to be honest
    Successful kickstarter UPDATE PAGE

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    • #3
      Maybe this scene needs some context. He's being held captive, but the guards treat him like a guest. They know he's more likely to respond to honey than vinnegar. Other than that you're not far off.

      I'll work on extra covers. Perhaps I can deliver the necessarry context that way without having to finish the other 20 pages leading up to this.

      Anybody got any suggestions on how to further emphasize the reveal of the makeshift prison in the middle of the sea instead of the hilton.
      Last edited by kirpid; 06-21-2011, 04:48 AM.

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      • #4
        An establishing shot of the platform over the sea would help, then push in with that next panel of the guy sitting in the room with the water outside the window to reinforce the established shot. (Edit: I just reread your question about making it a reveal. In that case the establishing shot wouldn't work and would spoil the reveal. I might try to do a series of pullbacks. Get the guy outside, and when the guy discovers he's on a sea platform I'd start with pushed in shot his surprised face, then pull out a bit to maybe an above the guy medium shot, then maybe to a long shot at the same angle, then an extreme long establishing-type shot with the platform small and the sea just dwarfing it).

        I get confused about what is going on after the physical conflict starts. I think it is the wall and floor decoration that makes it hard for me, makes it visually cluttered, imo. Is this going to be colored? If so, then that may solve that problem for me.

        I really dig the shot of the guy walking in with the platter and how you set the doorway and then the contrast rectangle behind him.
        Last edited by Jeronimo; 06-21-2011, 04:22 PM.

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        • #5
          good point on the reveal of the location. I'll explore that one further.

          The pattern was meant to be overwhelmingly lavish and hypnotizing. Think of it as a combination of four star hotel and a psych ops black site. I ditched the perspective on the pattern once the action kicked off, to give a sense of Adrenaline.

          I plan on keeping this in black and white for single issues, until it's ready to be compiled into a hard cover graphic novel. I have a painted look in mind for that.

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