⚔ Dark and Surreal Comic! --- First Chapter

[airsophia]

Hey guys,
I finally finished the first chapter of my first webcomic so far!

And I'm really curious about your perception of it. Readability, flow, story, style and atmosphere!
What could I improve for the coming chapters?
I want to learn as much as possible in the process of this one.

[Brandino Nebitt]

The art is beautiful, and I like the choice of font for the text. I know it is a webtoon, but it does feel more like a storybook than a comic. I think my only real criticism would be that it ends too abruptly. Some additional text at the end to hook the reader would add to the allure.

I dig it, though. It’s like Journey meets Dark Souls by way of David Lynch.

[airsophia]

Hey, thanks a lot for the kind words.
Is it okay if I copy paste your last sentence as comment onto the blog post of the comic

About the abrupt end: It is meant to be kind of a cliff hanger, did I fail to make you curious and subscribe?

[Brandino Nebitt]

Hey, thanks a lot for the kind words.
Is it okay if I copy paste your last sentence as comment onto the blog post of the comic

go for it

About the abrupt end: It is meant to be kind of a cliff hanger, did I fail to make you curious and subscribe?

The addition of some text to accompany the appearance of the mysterious black figure would cause the reader to linger on that last panel longer and leave them with more to think about.

[airsophia]

go for it

cool thanks ;D

The addition of some text to accompany the appearance of the mysterious black figure would cause the reader to linger on that last panel longer and leave them with more to think about.

Funny enough I had a piece of text at the end, but then I felt like it is superfluous and it felt gawky.


I did an additional artwork of the protagonist (:
It is an alternative version of her with three heads and two torches as the greek goddess hekate is pictured with too:

[Brandino Nebitt]

That’s dope

[JackOfTradesArtist]

pretty good. There might be an Aufience for your style. Keep up the good work

[airsophia]

That’s dope

Thanks man (:

pretty good. There might be an Aufience for your style. Keep up the good work

I hope so! It is very niche though. Let's see!


Sooo, new dark poster illustration for the first chapter, this one is like an alternative reality transformation of the protagonist.
A mix of the bird entity and herself:



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If you want to stay updated on the storyline without creating an account on a website
you can also just join the new Aynbath Telegram Channel
(open on your phone)

[airsophia]

Heey,

so much going on.. private life and commissions. But I finally got a big update:

New homepage for the project (:

I've created a handy overview of my storylines and I got other stuff going on too.

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All my future web comics will be published there too and you can now subscribe to them via mail!

[humble-tomato]

You have beautiful stuff there.

[airsophia]

You have beautiful stuff there.

hey thanks (:

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Oh PS:

I've updated the Soundtrack Mixtape for Masarru!

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Comic Soundtrack:



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[airsophia]

Hey guys, have a great new year!!

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I can finally post up an update here. I got the trailer finished for Chapter 2 of Masarru:

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[airsophia]

And a nice slick gif of the announcement of chapter 2 (:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eXZdY1w7O8Y

[Popninja]

airsophia, this does not belong in this lab. This lab is for posting up to three pages of sequential art for crits. This is clearly promotion, which is encouraged at Penciljack; just not in this lab.

I'm moving this to the Bulletin Board.