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⚔ Dark and Surreal Comic! --- First Chapter

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  • ⚔ Dark and Surreal Comic! --- First Chapter

    Hey guys,
    I finally finished the first chapter of my first webcomic so far!

    And I'm really curious about your perception of it. Readability, flow, story, style and atmosphere!
    What could I improve for the coming chapters?
    I want to learn as much as possible in the process of this one.

    Last edited by airsophia; 07-31-2020, 05:32 AM.

  • #2
    The art is beautiful, and I like the choice of font for the text. I know it is a webtoon, but it does feel more like a storybook than a comic. I think my only real criticism would be that it ends too abruptly. Some additional text at the end to hook the reader would add to the allure.

    I dig it, though. It’s like Journey meets Dark Souls by way of David Lynch.
    Dino Nebitt
    LHW: 3W-1L-0KO
    SF: 1W-1L-1KO

    Comment


    • #3
      Hey, thanks a lot for the kind words.
      Is it okay if I copy paste your last sentence as comment onto the blog post of the comic

      About the abrupt end: It is meant to be kind of a cliff hanger, did I fail to make you curious and subscribe?

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by airsophia View Post
        Hey, thanks a lot for the kind words.
        Is it okay if I copy paste your last sentence as comment onto the blog post of the comic
        go for it

        About the abrupt end: It is meant to be kind of a cliff hanger, did I fail to make you curious and subscribe?
        The addition of some text to accompany the appearance of the mysterious black figure would cause the reader to linger on that last panel longer and leave them with more to think about.

        Dino Nebitt
        LHW: 3W-1L-0KO
        SF: 1W-1L-1KO

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by Brandino Nebitt View Post
          go for it
          cool thanks ;D

          Originally posted by Brandino Nebitt View Post
          The addition of some text to accompany the appearance of the mysterious black figure would cause the reader to linger on that last panel longer and leave them with more to think about.
          Funny enough I had a piece of text at the end, but then I felt like it is superfluous and it felt gawky.


          I did an additional artwork of the protagonist (:
          It is an alternative version of her with three heads and two torches as the greek goddess hekate is pictured with too:

          Aynbath Webcomic




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          • #6
            That’s dope
            Dino Nebitt
            LHW: 3W-1L-0KO
            SF: 1W-1L-1KO

            Comment


            • #7
              pretty good. There might be an Aufience for your style. Keep up the good work

              Comment


              • #8

                Originally posted by Brandino Nebitt View Post
                That’s dope
                Thanks man (:

                Originally posted by JackOfTradesArtist View Post
                pretty good. There might be an Aufience for your style. Keep up the good work
                I hope so! It is very niche though. Let's see!


                Sooo, new dark poster illustration for the first chapter, this one is like an alternative reality transformation of the protagonist.
                A mix of the bird entity and herself:



                -

                If you want to stay updated on the storyline without creating an account on a website
                you can also just join the new Aynbath Telegram Channel
                (open on your phone)

                Comment


                • #9
                  Heey,

                  so much going on.. private life and commissions. But I finally got a big update:

                  New homepage for the project (:

                  I've created a handy overview of my storylines and I got other stuff going on too.

                  -

                  All my future web comics will be published there too and you can now subscribe to them via mail!

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    You have beautiful stuff there.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by humble-tomato View Post
                      You have beautiful stuff there.
                      hey thanks (:

                      -

                      Oh PS:

                      I've updated the Soundtrack Mixtape for Masarru!

                      -

                      Comic Soundtrack:



                      -

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Hey guys, have a great new year!!

                        -

                        I can finally post up an update here. I got the trailer finished for Chapter 2 of Masarru:




                        -

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          And a nice slick gif of the announcement of chapter 2 (:

                          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eXZdY1w7O8Y

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            airsophia, this does not belong in this lab. This lab is for posting up to three pages of sequential art for crits. This is clearly promotion, which is encouraged at Penciljack; just not in this lab.

                            I'm moving this to the Bulletin Board.
                            Money can't buy you happiness, but it will pay for the search.

                            Comment

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