Writin Contest VI - Second Attempt

DannoE · 10-03-2005, 07:28 AM

Here we go. Write a five-page story:

EDIT * EDIT * EDIT - Deadline: 21 Oct 2005 (FRIDAY) 00:00 EST

(a) the voting thread will be posted earlier to give you a chance to post your FINAL entry.
(b) Script form, limited to 5 pages.
(c) you must write the script based on this picture, whether you incorporate it or not, tis up to you

(d) Err... most of all, HAVE FUN!
(End Banshee Edit, thanks dan!)

banshee · 10-03-2005, 09:35 AM

Thanks Dan

EDIT- Edited your post to include deadline/criteria

.. say why am I always setting the deadline lol

thanks Dan!

was it the same artist as previously? I closed the other thread

lia etc

ThinMan · 10-03-2005, 11:11 AM

Hey Guys,

I'd like to get in on this but I have a few newbie questions.

Should our entry be a pitch, an outline, or a script for a five page story?

Should the story be self-contained, or should it have a cliff-hanger?

Should the story be inspired by the picture, should the scene in the picture appear in the story, or should the picture actually be a panel in the script?

Should entries be posted into this thread?

Thanks,

Chuck

(edited for spelling)

DannoE · 10-03-2005, 11:21 AM

Okay, so we had a little debate and voting poll, and the majority voted for another 5-page sequential short story. So that's the deal - 5-pages based on this picture.

My personal plan is to then hold a pitching exercise based on the scripts (or maybe just the winning script), but that won't have anything to do with the contest.

Plain as mud?

**Ugga Bugga** · 10-03-2005, 11:48 AM

Crap, I wrote a whole script based on the tank picture. But then when I found out this was up, I shredded it in a million pieces, so I can't share it with you all.

banshee · 10-04-2005, 07:20 AM

LoL Ugga... u are welcome to post the script anyways, just not in this thread.

ThinMan, you can post the entry in this thread.. you will hv time to edit that entry until the voting thread starts, once that's started, your FINAL entry will be posted under the voting thread (no changes allowed).

confused yet? hahahaa

EDIT- Thinman, you can write whatever the picture inspires you to write. You can write the scene in or you can just BASE it on the script... generally folks have used the scene somewhere in their script... GOOD LUCK! hmm....did I answer all the questions?

Another EDIT- Dan, we could have it as a follow-on exercise... Dont always have to use a picture I guess...

ThinMan · 10-04-2005, 02:20 PM

Hey Guys,

Here is my entry. Thank you very much for looking.

Chuck

-----

Page 1

Panel 1 - We see a young man in fatigues but no helmet standing in the snow holding a camera. It is a small hand-held camera (like this one).

Panel 2 - Small panel. The young man, a photographer, raises the camera to his face and looks through the lens.

Panel 3 - We look through the camera lens (to indicate that we are looking through the lens, perhaps we can see a focus bar or even a cross-hair in the camera lens, and/or the colorist could use sepia to give it the look of old photographs). We see men charging away from us toward a hill held by the enemy. We can see a few explosions on the ground, like grenades going off as the soldiers charge. Some of the soldiers, having been hit by one of the blasts, are flying through the air.

SFX: CLICK

Panel 4 - Through the camera lens we see a line of soldiers lying on their stomachs or crouching waiting for their turn to charge. One of the men, the radio man, is looking at us - the camera. This is the "the picture" from the forum.

SFX: CLICK

Panel 5 - Through the camera, same angle. Most of the soldiers from the previous panel haven't moved but are covering their heads as another explosion goes off just ahead of their line. The radio man is now running toward us - the camera.

SFX: CLICK

Panel 6 – Similar angle, but no longer looking through the camera. We look over the photographer’s shoulder and see the radio man dive and tackle the photographer just as an explosion goes off nearby. It is clear that the explosion would have killed the photographer if the radio man had not intervened.

SFX: BOOOM!

Page 2

Panel 1 – Both men lay on the ground after hitting the dirt. The radio man is climbing off of the photographer.

RADIO MAN: YOU OKAY PAL?
PHOTOGRAPHER: WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?

Panel 2 - The photographer checks his camera carefully for damage.

PHOTOGRAPHER: YOU COULD HAVE BROKEN MY CAMERA!

Panel 3 - Close on the radio man, scratching his head under his helmet, confused.

RADIO MAN: YOU COULD HAVE HAD YOUR HEAD BLOWN OFF!
RADIO MAN: YOU UNDERSTAND THIS IS A WAR, RIGHT?

Panel 4 - Close on the photographer, he is serious.

PHOTOGRAPHER: I UNDERSTAND THAT THIS IS HISTORY AND HISTORY NEEDS TO BE RECORDED!

Panel 5 - Large panel. We look past the photographer and the radio man to see the entire line of soldiers on their feet charging the enemy position. Both the radio man and the photographer are looking at the charging troops.

CHARGING SOLDIER: CHARGE!
RADIO MAN: YOU JUST BE SURE TO RECORD HISTORY A LITTLE MORE CAREFUL. ALRIGHT?

Page 3

Panel 1 - Wide shot, we see the radio man racing to catch up with his men. We can see the photographer in the distance climbing to his feet to follow. There is another explosion in the panel, off to the side away from both the radio man and the photographer.

SFX: BOOOM!

Panel 2 - We look over the radio man's shoulder as he approaches the enemy line. He fires a round into an enemy and the enemy flies backward in his death throws.

SFX: BLAM!

Panel 3 - Through the camera lens, from the photographer's POV we see the radio man running once again toward the enemy line, dodging an explosion just a few feet away.

SFX: CLICK

Panel 4 - Reverse angle. From in front of the radio man we see him firing his weapon (pretty much at us). Behind the radio man, we can see the photographer running behind him, trying to keep up. Another explosion goes off near the photographer, but he doesn’t seem to notice it.

SFX (for explosion): BOOOM!
SFX (for gun): BLAM!

Panel 5 - Through the camera lens, the radio man has reached a line of sandbags the enemy was hiding behind. He hits an enemy across the face with the butt of his rifle.

SFX: CLICK

Page 4

Panel 1 - Through the camera lens, the radio man stands tired but victorious in the enemy camp. The enemy solder he just hit lies unconscious across the pile of sand bags. Past the radio man we can see other soldiers celebrating. They have won the battle.

SFX: CLICK

Panel 2 - Through the camera lens, same angle but closer on the radio man. He is now looking at the photographer, (us) and smiling slightly.

SFX: CLICK

Panel 3 - We look over the radio man's shoulder to see the photographer smiling at the radio man. Behind the photographer we can see the silhouette of any enemy soldier aiming his weapon at the photographer. The radio man sees this too and shouts a warning.

RADIO MAN: BEHIND YOU!

Panel 4 - We can see the enemy soldier as he fires, and we can see the photographer as the bullets hit him.

SFX: RAT-TAT-TAT

Panel 5 - Wide shot. From roughly the photographer's POV we see the radio man come running toward us. Behind him we can see several other soldiers open fire on the enemy. We can also see the enemy as many bullets tear him apart.

SFX: BLAM!
SFX: BLAM!
SFX: BLAM!
SFX: BLAM!
SFX: BLAM!

Page 5

Panel 1 - The radio man is now kneeling beside the fallen photographer.

RADIO MAN: JUST STAY STILL PAL!

Panel 2 – Small panel. From the photographer’s POV, we look up at the radio man. The radio man, looking calm, looks at the photographer's chest.

RADIO MAN: LET’S SEE HOW BAD…

Panel 3 – Small panel, same angle. The radio man, seeing the severity of the photographer's wounds, looks very worried.

RADIO MAN: !?!

Panel 4 – The photographer hands his camera to the radio man.

PHOTOGRAPHER (weakly): hi…hist…

Panel 5 - The radio man examines the camera thoughtfully.

RADIO MAN: HISTORY.

Panel 6 – Close on the photographer. He smiles weakly and a bit of blood drips from the corner of his mouth.

PHOTOGRAPHER (weakly): history

Panel 7 – Through the camera, wide shot. This panel should be about 1/3 of the page. We look down from above as the radio man, holding the camera, stands over the photographer’s body. We can see other soldiers scattered throughout the enemy camp, and we can see bodies of fallen soldiers.

SFX: CLICK

tarnsman · 10-05-2005, 09:06 PM

Sorry guys,

I have to opt out of this contest. I've just started school (quite an undertaking for an elderly 29-year old like me), and it will take probably 2-3 weeks to get down a routine. All day at work, all evening doing school.
Life doesn't get any better than this ... except in a few years when I finish.

tarnsman

banshee · 10-06-2005, 08:31 AM

aww tarl, no worries

... elderly 29?????

hope to see you back on track soon...

I hvnt had a chance to write anything yet.. gosh, I dont even know how to start.. (ok I know I always say that but I mean it!)... hmmmmm......

lia etc

Selko · 10-07-2005, 06:28 AM

Whoops I have been out for about a week so I missed the change. I was working on a tank picture story hehe. Oh well I can work on it later I guess.

10-03-2005, 07:28 AM	#1
DannoE Member Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Fairfield, CT Posts: 873	Writin Contest VI - Second Attempt Here we go. Write a five-page story: EDIT * EDIT * EDIT - Deadline: 21 Oct 2005 (FRIDAY) 00:00 EST (a) the voting thread will be posted earlier to give you a chance to post your FINAL entry. (b) Script form, limited to 5 pages. (c) you must write the script based on this picture, whether you incorporate it or not, tis up to you (d) Err... most of all, HAVE FUN! (End Banshee Edit, thanks dan!) __________________ DannoE "Blessed is the man who, having nothing to stay, abstains from giving us worthy evidence of the fact." --George Elliot Awesome Storm Justice 41 Stray Voltage My Comic Space Last edited by banshee : 10-17-2005 at 10:08 AM.

10-03-2005, 09:35 AM	#2
banshee Retired Whipcracker Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Malaysia Posts: 3,032	Thanks Dan EDIT- Edited your post to include deadline/criteria .. say why am I always setting the deadline lol thanks Dan! was it the same artist as previously? I closed the other thread lia etc __________________ Website Last edited by banshee : 10-04-2005 at 07:26 AM.

10-03-2005, 11:11 AM	#3
ThinMan Registered User Join Date: Sep 2005 Posts: 46	Hey Guys, I'd like to get in on this but I have a few newbie questions. Should our entry be a pitch, an outline, or a script for a five page story? Should the story be self-contained, or should it have a cliff-hanger? Should the story be inspired by the picture, should the scene in the picture appear in the story, or should the picture actually be a panel in the script? Should entries be posted into this thread? Thanks, Chuck (edited for spelling) Last edited by ThinMan : 10-05-2005 at 08:49 AM.

10-03-2005, 11:21 AM	#4
DannoE Member Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Fairfield, CT Posts: 873	Okay, so we had a little debate and voting poll, and the majority voted for another 5-page sequential short story. So that's the deal - 5-pages based on this picture. My personal plan is to then hold a pitching exercise based on the scripts (or maybe just the winning script), but that won't have anything to do with the contest. Plain as mud? __________________ DannoE "Blessed is the man who, having nothing to stay, abstains from giving us worthy evidence of the fact." --George Elliot Awesome Storm Justice 41 Stray Voltage My Comic Space

10-03-2005, 11:48 AM	#5
Ugga Bugga Do I Look Iconic Enough? Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Somewhere Clever Posts: 9,386	Crap, I wrote a whole script based on the tank picture. But then when I found out this was up, I shredded it in a million pieces, so I can't share it with you all. __________________ Feeling meh-tastic Last edited by Ugga Bugga : 10-04-2005 at 07:41 AM.

10-04-2005, 07:20 AM	#6
banshee Retired Whipcracker Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Malaysia Posts: 3,032	LoL Ugga... u are welcome to post the script anyways, just not in this thread. ThinMan, you can post the entry in this thread.. you will hv time to edit that entry until the voting thread starts, once that's started, your FINAL entry will be posted under the voting thread (no changes allowed). confused yet? hahahaa EDIT- Thinman, you can write whatever the picture inspires you to write. You can write the scene in or you can just BASE it on the script... generally folks have used the scene somewhere in their script... GOOD LUCK! hmm....did I answer all the questions? Another EDIT- Dan, we could have it as a follow-on exercise... Dont always have to use a picture I guess... __________________ Website Last edited by banshee : 10-04-2005 at 07:27 AM.

10-04-2005, 02:20 PM	#7
ThinMan Registered User Join Date: Sep 2005 Posts: 46	Script Hey Guys, Here is my entry. Thank you very much for looking. Chuck ----- Page 1 Panel 1 - We see a young man in fatigues but no helmet standing in the snow holding a camera. It is a small hand-held camera (like this one). Panel 2 - Small panel. The young man, a photographer, raises the camera to his face and looks through the lens. Panel 3 - We look through the camera lens (to indicate that we are looking through the lens, perhaps we can see a focus bar or even a cross-hair in the camera lens, and/or the colorist could use sepia to give it the look of old photographs). We see men charging away from us toward a hill held by the enemy. We can see a few explosions on the ground, like grenades going off as the soldiers charge. Some of the soldiers, having been hit by one of the blasts, are flying through the air. SFX: CLICK Panel 4 - Through the camera lens we see a line of soldiers lying on their stomachs or crouching waiting for their turn to charge. One of the men, the radio man, is looking at us - the camera. This is the "the picture" from the forum. SFX: CLICK Panel 5 - Through the camera, same angle. Most of the soldiers from the previous panel haven't moved but are covering their heads as another explosion goes off just ahead of their line. The radio man is now running toward us - the camera. SFX: CLICK Panel 6 – Similar angle, but no longer looking through the camera. We look over the photographer’s shoulder and see the radio man dive and tackle the photographer just as an explosion goes off nearby. It is clear that the explosion would have killed the photographer if the radio man had not intervened. SFX: BOOOM! Page 2 Panel 1 – Both men lay on the ground after hitting the dirt. The radio man is climbing off of the photographer. RADIO MAN: YOU OKAY PAL? PHOTOGRAPHER: WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING? Panel 2 - The photographer checks his camera carefully for damage. PHOTOGRAPHER: YOU COULD HAVE BROKEN MY CAMERA! Panel 3 - Close on the radio man, scratching his head under his helmet, confused. RADIO MAN: YOU COULD HAVE HAD YOUR HEAD BLOWN OFF! RADIO MAN: YOU UNDERSTAND THIS IS A WAR, RIGHT? Panel 4 - Close on the photographer, he is serious. PHOTOGRAPHER: I UNDERSTAND THAT THIS IS HISTORY AND HISTORY NEEDS TO BE RECORDED! Panel 5 - Large panel. We look past the photographer and the radio man to see the entire line of soldiers on their feet charging the enemy position. Both the radio man and the photographer are looking at the charging troops. CHARGING SOLDIER: CHARGE! RADIO MAN: YOU JUST BE SURE TO RECORD HISTORY A LITTLE MORE CAREFUL. ALRIGHT? Page 3 Panel 1 - Wide shot, we see the radio man racing to catch up with his men. We can see the photographer in the distance climbing to his feet to follow. There is another explosion in the panel, off to the side away from both the radio man and the photographer. SFX: BOOOM! Panel 2 - We look over the radio man's shoulder as he approaches the enemy line. He fires a round into an enemy and the enemy flies backward in his death throws. SFX: BLAM! Panel 3 - Through the camera lens, from the photographer's POV we see the radio man running once again toward the enemy line, dodging an explosion just a few feet away. SFX: CLICK Panel 4 - Reverse angle. From in front of the radio man we see him firing his weapon (pretty much at us). Behind the radio man, we can see the photographer running behind him, trying to keep up. Another explosion goes off near the photographer, but he doesn’t seem to notice it. SFX (for explosion): BOOOM! SFX (for gun): BLAM! Panel 5 - Through the camera lens, the radio man has reached a line of sandbags the enemy was hiding behind. He hits an enemy across the face with the butt of his rifle. SFX: CLICK Page 4 Panel 1 - Through the camera lens, the radio man stands tired but victorious in the enemy camp. The enemy solder he just hit lies unconscious across the pile of sand bags. Past the radio man we can see other soldiers celebrating. They have won the battle. SFX: CLICK Panel 2 - Through the camera lens, same angle but closer on the radio man. He is now looking at the photographer, (us) and smiling slightly. SFX: CLICK Panel 3 - We look over the radio man's shoulder to see the photographer smiling at the radio man. Behind the photographer we can see the silhouette of any enemy soldier aiming his weapon at the photographer. The radio man sees this too and shouts a warning. RADIO MAN: BEHIND YOU! Panel 4 - We can see the enemy soldier as he fires, and we can see the photographer as the bullets hit him. SFX: RAT-TAT-TAT Panel 5 - Wide shot. From roughly the photographer's POV we see the radio man come running toward us. Behind him we can see several other soldiers open fire on the enemy. We can also see the enemy as many bullets tear him apart. SFX: BLAM! SFX: BLAM! SFX: BLAM! SFX: BLAM! SFX: BLAM! Page 5 Panel 1 - The radio man is now kneeling beside the fallen photographer. RADIO MAN: JUST STAY STILL PAL! Panel 2 – Small panel. From the photographer’s POV, we look up at the radio man. The radio man, looking calm, looks at the photographer's chest. RADIO MAN: LET’S SEE HOW BAD… Panel 3 – Small panel, same angle. The radio man, seeing the severity of the photographer's wounds, looks very worried. RADIO MAN: !?! Panel 4 – The photographer hands his camera to the radio man. PHOTOGRAPHER (weakly): hi…hist… Panel 5 - The radio man examines the camera thoughtfully. RADIO MAN: HISTORY. Panel 6 – Close on the photographer. He smiles weakly and a bit of blood drips from the corner of his mouth. PHOTOGRAPHER (weakly): history Panel 7 – Through the camera, wide shot. This panel should be about 1/3 of the page. We look down from above as the radio man, holding the camera, stands over the photographer’s body. We can see other soldiers scattered throughout the enemy camp, and we can see bodies of fallen soldiers. SFX: CLICK

10-05-2005, 09:06 PM	#8
tarnsman Neophyte Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Minnesota Posts: 83	Sorry guys, I have to opt out of this contest. I've just started school (quite an undertaking for an elderly 29-year old like me), and it will take probably 2-3 weeks to get down a routine. All day at work, all evening doing school. Life doesn't get any better than this ... except in a few years when I finish. tarnsman

10-06-2005, 08:31 AM	#9
banshee Retired Whipcracker Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Malaysia Posts: 3,032	aww tarl, no worries ... elderly 29????? hope to see you back on track soon... I hvnt had a chance to write anything yet.. gosh, I dont even know how to start.. (ok I know I always say that but I mean it!)... hmmmmm...... lia etc __________________ Website

10-07-2005, 06:28 AM	#10
Selko Registered User Join Date: Sep 2005 Posts: 5	Whoops I have been out for about a week so I missed the change. I was working on a tank picture story hehe. Oh well I can work on it later I guess.

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