Patchwork synopsis, C&C appreciated

[MarkLCBertolini]

Hi gang,

Here's a synopsis for a project I'm currently working on. Any feedback would be appreciated.

Patchwork

There exists on Earth an ageless, benevolent creature whose duty it is to gather lost souls and distribute them to either Heaven or Hell. This creature, known as the Patchwork Collector, has existed for millennia, maintaining the balance between Heaven and Hell.

But the Patchwork Collector has become corrupted over the years from the evil souls that have passed through it, and has begun forcibly stealing souls from random people, and keeping them.

Eleven dead bodies have turned up in New York City, all of them appearing “drained” of all bodily fluids (stolen soul), which has prompted the newspapers to label the killer as a vampire.

Homicide Detective Dan Gale has been assigned to the case. Gale is an outcast among his fellow police, as four years ago he killed his partner in the line of duty. He was cleared of any wrongdoing, but the killing sent him on a downward spiral that caused his wife and children to leave him. He has become a suicidal drunk, playing Russian roulette on a nightly basis but never seeming to be able to kill himself.

When Heaven and Hell are alerted to the Collector’s actions on Earth, God and the Devil both dispatch an agent to track down the Collector and put an end to his unauthorized activities and restore the balance of lost souls. However, in order to operate on Earth, the angel and the demon need a human anchor. That anchor is Detective Gale.

The night he is assigned the case, Det. Gale succeeds in his bid to kill himself, but is brought back to life instantly through the combined powers of the angel (a warrior archangel named St. Damian the Hard-Hearted) and the demon (John the Bastard), who inform him of his new mission: help them hunt down the Collector and destroy it.

Initially unbelieving, Det. Gale learns that his life has actually been building to this particular moment. He is linked inexplicably to the Collector, and is able to track the Collector’s movements throughout the city, guided and aided by St. Damian and John the Bastard. In the penultimate moment of the story, Gale destroys the Collector, and becomes the Patchwork Collector for the new millennium, taking over the responsibility of distributing the lost souls to Heaven and Hell, restoring the delicate balance.

[thebigone]

Wow, what a story! It really reminds me of a different comic, but not really because it stands on it's own two feet. It's very well thought out! I enjoyed the different stages of the story, and would of course read this book!

[ChrisMF]

That's sounds like and awesome prmise to me. I really like the name reversals Damian (Like in the Omen) is good and John (Like John the baptist) is Evil.

Also just a thought. Maybe Gale's old partner could have had dealings with the collector to get in good and cushy in the afterlife. Maybe he was arranging kidnappings to feed to the collector and Gale found out. At least that he was involved in kidnapping. Since he was dealing on the wrong side of the law Gale was going to turn him in but a fire fight broke out. Gale won. Like I said. Just food for thought.

Whish you best of lunk on that.

[Michael DeShane]

Overall I like it. It sets up the story, outlines interesting characters and a good ending. From there its just a matter of how you write it (which I'd like to read).
The only thing I'd like to see, which you may not want to reveal in your synopsis, is more of the "second act", what I'm guessing is the meat of the story, where your trinity hunt the collector. I think its a good sign that I want to know that, it means you've caugh my attention.