Reply With QuoteAre you kidding? There aren't enough snakes!ticOriginally Posted by colesla
That, um. Might be my fault. I was the one who decided the first Snake was actually Luigi in disguise. Then I also decided that Batman was the real Snake in disguise. After that I can't claim responsibility for the confusion, though, since the real real Snake was introduced into the story, meaning I had to make Batman-Snake actually the Joker in disguise.
The three Snakes is but one of many things in the Strip Jam that makes zero sense.
Are you kidding? There aren't enough snakes!tic
SB! ● FB ● Tr ● MAB ● P: 10W-11L-7K.O
Only thing I see so far is that it seems like this passage is saying Sam slipped on the peel of the Biggest Banana in the Universe, when I think he slipped on the dead peel of Kobun after DK squished him... DK still has the Biggest Banana in the Universe lodged into his skull I believe.
Ah, you're right, I missed that. Easy fix.
Hey Scott,
Here is basically my take on your summary.
I kind of rewrote and reworded the whole thing, more for clarity's sake than doing it in the voice of the Penny Arcade guy.
If anything I hope it clarifies a lot of stuff.
Let me know what you think!
When last we checked in, Joker Snake had successfully followed Obama's orders to capture Lauren and tie up any loose ends associated with the Solid Snake identity debacle and the M.O.F.L. briefcase. Double-crossed by Obama after completing his mission, Joker Snake was trying his best to resist the false memory implants being administered by Skee-Lo.
Before Skee-Lo could complete the retconning procedure, he and Obama were blinded by a bright light in the room! A space portal had been opened by Joker Snake's a rescue party- The Major and his trusty assistant Kobun! Working for what is believed to be the same organization Lauren works for, they enlisted Joker Snake in their quest to obtain the M.O.F.L. briefcase and use it for their own fight against the shady organization that Obama and Skee-Lo work for!
They raced up the Rainbow Road towards Asgard in their mario-kart with Obama and Skee-Lo in hot pursuit. But Joker Snake landed a direct hit on their kart with a red shell, sending the President and his short rapper over the edge into space!
Meanwhile in Asgard, the recently-deceased-and-ascended W-Force had just captured and chained up Yoshi, Tycho and me. Apparently, even in death they were able to continue following the President's orders to apprehend us and the M.O.F.L. briefcase!
Joker Snake, The Major and Kobun arrived in Asgard to find W-Force ready and waiting for them. Then in an unexpected twist, the deceased Sam, his son Sammy, Luigi and Buff Toadsworth arrived, turning the conflict into a three-way Mexican standoff! Odin, starved for entertainment, sat in his big comfy cloud chair and watched the whole thing from above, letting the conflict play out to his amusement.
With everyone momentarily distracted, Kobun made his way over to the M.O.F.L. briefcase and cracked it open, much to the horror of his friends! Sam snatched the case away from Kobun, but it was too late. Whatever was in that case had an unexpected effect on Kobun, and he morphed into the creature "Bananigans," a 50 foot tall, hammer-handed banana-man!
But before Bananigans had a chance to run rampant around Asgard, a hungry, giant-sized Donkey Kong grabbed hold of him and began to squeeze. The Major warned DK not to do anything brash or foolish, prompting DK to tighten his grip, turning Bananigans innards into pulp. Enraged, The Major killed Donkey Kong by impaling DK's brain with The Biggest Banana in the Universe.
The Major then demanded that Sam hand over the M.O.F.L. briefcase, unless he wished to suffer the same fate as Donkey Kong. As Sam cooperatively moved toward The Major to surrender the briefcase he slipped on Kobun's banana-corpse, knocking W-Force over the side of Asgard while hurling the briefcase high into the air and into the hands of LAUREN, the very same woman who had demanded the money in the briefcase from Sammy all the way back at the beginning of this ridiculous story! She was last seen with a bloody lip, stopping Mario from murdering who he thought was Solid Snake (how many Snakes are in this story anyway?), but who was actually Mario's brother AND Lauren's lover, LUIGI. *GASP!*
Sometime after being captured by Joker Snake, turned over to Obama, and hardened by prison life in Cell Block D, Lauren acquired some prison guard pants and accessories and escaped from prison, then made a beeline to Asgard to put an end to the testosterone-fueled, pompous sausage-fest, AND get her mo'erfuggin' money.
But alas, before Lauren could enjoy the fruits of her labor, MF DOOM appeared, a powerful HipHop Mage in cahoots with the President and Skee-Lo, who had been rescued and were now in tow.
MF Doom threatened to reveal Lauren's true identity if she didn't hand over the case. When she threatened him further, MF Doom summoned his army of Doom-Bots™ revealing the President Obama to really be a RObama. MF Doom then unleashed a powerful "Thriller Attack" which forced everyone, no longer in control of their own bodies, to do the Thriller dance originally performed by Michael Jackson.
Word instantaneously got back to Michael Jackson that his song and dance moves were being used without paying him royalties. MJ immediately hopped on a Red Rocket Bomb and dropped it high in space over Asgard and all of us! He thought he was being accompanied by his chimpanzee Bubbles, but it turned out to be the devious, mysterious Star King(!), who, in an unexpected power play, pulled an "old, dirty, Bakalite Trick" (whatever that is) on MJ, and everyone far below.
Meanwhile, MF Doom's control over everyone ended as quickly as it started when Lauren, in the throes of the Thriller Attack, dropped her gun to the ground, causing it to misfire into MF Doom's skull, killing him.
The Major began to deduce that all their opponents were black and/or robots, coming to the conclusion that everything points to a Black Robot Conspiracy! As he, Lauren and Joker Snake pondered this "revelation," Sam and Sammy took advantage of this small window of opportunity by grabbing the M.O.F.L. briefcase and high-tailing it down the Rainbow Road with Yoshi. They almost immediately got held up on the Rainbow Road by Sam who, being a drug-addict, fell into an immoveable stupor brought on by the idea of the large quantity of drugs he could buy with his son's money that he assumed was still in the briefcase.
Just then, W-Force ascended in a hot-air balloon touting a First-Place Shell (from Mario Kart).
Simultaneously, The Major and Joker Snake made their way towards Sam, Sammy and Yoshi to reclaim the briefcase.
A "?" Mark box in front of Sam, Sammy and Yoshi began to smolder.
W-Force unleashed a Kung-Fu Chicken Chop attack.
The Major and Joker Snake closed in.
Then?
BLAMMO.
Michael Jackson's Red Rocket Bomb WENT OFF all over everyone, annihilating Asgard and everything in it in a giant Michael Jackson Mushroom Cloud. The horror...
Cut to 25 million years later!
In deepest space, the briefcase is spotted by Jedi Master Yoda and R2-D2 in an X-Wing. They retrieve the briefcase and bring it to their home, The Hatch, on an undisclosed planet.
Yoda opens the briefcase. To everyone's surprise, there is no money in the briefcase. Instead, the box is empty except for a row of five boxes on the inner lid with cryptic hieroglyphs in each one! Oh yeah, also in the briefcase were the trapped and disembodied souls of Sam, Sammy, Yoshi, Joker Snake, and The Major.
Before Yoda could make heads or tails of what he was looking at, the zombie corpse of The Major basically materialized behind him. After the destruction of Asgard, The Major roamed the universe as a soulless, flesh-eating monster, his corpse now a home for a colony of powerful intergalactic Space Bees that flew in and out of his eye socket. It turns out that almost everyone caught in the Asgard tragedy had become soulless zombies, sent to hungrily wander the cosmos for the next 25 million years.
The Major swallowed his soul and became human again. His mind and body fused with the hive-mind of the Space Bee colony inside him, granting him a new skill set of Space Bee powers. So cool!
The Major, having gained his compassionate human faculties once more, began strategizing a game plan to reunite the four souls in the briefcase with their respective zombie bodies, travel back in time 25 million years, stop the destruction of Asgard, and exact his revenge on those responsible. He asked Yoda for a favor and that favor was to die. Then The Major killed Yoda with a Dragonball attack. Old habits die hard, I guess.
Meanwhile, across the galaxy, it turned out that the person who pulled the strings of everyone in order to build an intergalactic empire from the ashes of Asgard was none other than the dastardly Star King(!), last seen riding the Red Rocket Bomb with Michael Jackson. Ruling from his thrown inside his formidable Star Fortress, The Star King is backed by his terrifying Zombie Army, and has the zombie remains of Sam and MJ working directly underneath him in the Throne Room.
Deep in the bowels of the Star Fortress are the prison cells that housed the notorious criminals Vegeta and the King Koopa Bowser. They were both locked up together in one cell. Vegeta was the only one chained to the wall. They had begun to starve, having already eaten all the Shy Guys that were originally locked up with them, save for Shy Guy Mel, who was now all alone...
That's all I was able to write out before work ended.
Last edited by Wild&Uncouth; 06-11-2009 at 08:05 AM.
That reads really well Wild and Uncouth. Nice work to borh you and Scott for the summarization.
Hey, When I'm done with the strip, do I post it in the thread hear or on the Anchorbird Thread with everybodies sketches?
Post it on the blog. Wait until everyone before you in line has posted their pages, though, obviously.
Ok, I finished my rendition. It's now completely caught up to the latest panel. A LOT has happened in the past, almost-80 panels...
When last we checked in, Joker Snake had successfully followed Obama's orders to capture Lauren and tie up any loose ends associated with the Solid Snake identity debacle and the M.O.F.L. briefcase. Double-crossed by Obama after completing his mission, Joker Snake was trying his best to resist the false memory implants being administered by Skee-Lo.
Before Skee-Lo could complete the retconning procedure, he and Obama were blinded by a bright light in the room! A space portal had been opened by Joker Snake's a rescue party- The Major and his trusty assistant Kobun! Working for what is believed to be the same organization Lauren works for, they enlisted Joker Snake in their quest to obtain the M.O.F.L. briefcase and use it for their own fight against the shady organization that Obama and Skee-Lo work for!
They raced up the Rainbow Road towards Asgard in their mario-kart with Obama and Skee-Lo in hot pursuit. But Joker Snake landed a direct hit on their kart with a red shell, sending the President and his short rapper over the edge into space!
Meanwhile in Asgard, the recently-deceased-and-ascended W-Force had just captured and chained up Yoshi, Tycho and me. Apparently, even in death they were able to continue following the President's orders to apprehend us and the M.O.F.L. briefcase!
Joker Snake, The Major and Kobun arrived in Asgard to find W-Force ready and waiting for them. Then in an unexpected twist, the deceased Sam, his son Sammy, Luigi and Buff Toadsworth arrived, turning the conflict into a three-way Mexican standoff! Odin, starved for entertainment, sat in his big comfy cloud chair and watched the whole thing from above, letting the conflict play out to his amusement.
With everyone momentarily distracted, Kobun made his way over to the M.O.F.L. briefcase and cracked it open, much to the horror of his friends! Sam snatched the case away from Kobun, but it was too late. Whatever was in that case had an unexpected effect on Kobun, and he morphed into the creature "Bananigans," a 50 foot tall, hammer-handed banana-man!
But before Bananigans had a chance to run rampant around Asgard, a hungry, giant-sized Donkey Kong grabbed hold of him and began to squeeze. The Major warned DK not to do anything brash or foolish, prompting DK to tighten his grip, turning Bananigans innards into pulp. Enraged, The Major killed Donkey Kong by impaling DK's brain with The Biggest Banana in the Universe.
The Major then demanded that Sam hand over the M.O.F.L. briefcase, unless he wished to suffer the same fate as Donkey Kong. As Sam cooperatively moved toward The Major to surrender the briefcase he slipped on Kobun's banana-corpse, knocking W-Force over the side of Asgard while hurling the briefcase high into the air and into the hands of LAUREN, the very same woman who had demanded the money in the briefcase from Sammy all the way back at the beginning of this ridiculous story! She was last seen with a bloody lip, stopping Mario from murdering who he thought was Solid Snake (how many Snakes are in this story anyway?), but who was actually Mario's brother AND Lauren's lover, LUIGI. *GASP!*
Sometime after being captured by Joker Snake, turned over to Obama, and hardened by prison life in Cell Block D, Lauren acquired some prison guard pants and accessories and escaped from prison, then made a beeline to Asgard to put an end to the testosterone-fueled, pompous sausage-fest, AND get her mo'erfuggin' money.
But alas, before Lauren could enjoy the fruits of her labor, MF DOOM appeared, a powerful HipHop Mage in cahoots with the President and Skee-Lo, who had been rescued and were now in tow.
MF Doom threatened to reveal Lauren's true identity if she didn't hand over the case. When she threatened him further, MF Doom summoned his army of Doom-Bots™ revealing the President Obama to really be a RObama. MF Doom then unleashed a powerful "Thriller Attack" which forced everyone, no longer in control of their own bodies, to do the Thriller dance originally performed by Michael Jackson.
Word instantaneously got back to Michael Jackson that his song and dance moves were being used without paying him royalties. MJ immediately hopped on a Red Rocket Bomb and dropped it high in space over Asgard and all of us! He thought he was being accompanied by his chimpanzee Bubbles, but it turned out to be the devious, mysterious Star King(!), who, in an unexpected power play, pulled an "old, dirty, Bakalite Trick" (whatever that is) on MJ, and everyone far below.
Meanwhile, MF Doom's control over everyone ended as quickly as it started when Lauren, in the throes of the Thriller Attack, dropped her gun to the ground, causing it to misfire into MF Doom's skull, killing him.
The Major began to deduce that all their opponents were black and/or robots, coming to the conclusion that everything points to a Black Robot Conspiracy! As he, Lauren and Joker Snake pondered this "revelation," Sam and Sammy took advantage of this small window of opportunity by grabbing the M.O.F.L. briefcase and high-tailing it down the Rainbow Road with Yoshi. They almost immediately got held up on the Rainbow Road by Sam who, being a drug-addict, fell into an immoveable stupor brought on by the idea of the large quantity of drugs he could buy with his son's money that he assumed was still in the briefcase.
Just then, W-Force ascended in a hot-air balloon touting a First-Place Shell (from Mario Kart).
Simultaneously, The Major and Joker Snake made their way towards Sam, Sammy and Yoshi to reclaim the briefcase.
A "?" Mark box in front of Sam, Sammy and Yoshi began to smolder.
W-Force unleashed a Kung-Fu Chicken Chop attack.
The Major and Joker Snake closed in.
Then?
BLAMMO.
Michael Jackson's Red Rocket Bomb WENT OFF all over everyone, annihilating Asgard and everything in it in a giant Michael Jackson Mushroom Cloud. The horror...
Cut to 25 million years later!
In deepest space, the briefcase is spotted by Jedi Master Yoda and R2-D2 in an X-Wing. They retrieve the briefcase and bring it to their home, The Hatch, on an undisclosed planet.
Yoda opens the briefcase. To everyone's surprise, there is no money in the briefcase. Instead, the box is empty except for a row of five boxes on the inner lid with cryptic hieroglyphs in each one! Oh yeah, also in the briefcase were the trapped and disembodied souls of Sam, Sammy, Yoshi, Joker Snake, and The Major.
Before Yoda could make heads or tails of what he was looking at, the zombie corpse of The Major basically materialized behind him. After the destruction of Asgard, The Major roamed the universe as a soulless, flesh-eating monster, his corpse now a home for a colony of powerful intergalactic Space Bees that flew in and out of his eye socket. It turns out that almost everyone caught in the Asgard tragedy had become soulless zombies, sent to hungrily wander the cosmos for the next 25 million years.
The Major swallowed his soul and became human again. His mind and body fused with the hive-mind of the Space Bee colony inside him, granting him a new skill set of Space Bee powers. So cool!
The Major, having gained his compassionate human faculties once more, began strategizing a game plan to reunite the four souls in the briefcase with their respective zombie bodies, travel back in time 25 million years, stop the destruction of Asgard, and exact his revenge on those responsible. He asked Yoda for a favor and that favor was to die. Then The Major killed Yoda with a Dragonball attack. Old habits die hard, I guess.
Meanwhile, across the galaxy, it turned out that the person who pulled the strings of everyone in order to build an intergalactic empire from the ashes of Asgard was none other than the dastardly Star King(!), last seen riding the Red Rocket Bomb with Michael Jackson. Ruling from his thrown inside his formidable Star Fortress, The Star King is backed by his terrifying Zombie Army, and has the zombie remains of Sam and MJ working directly underneath him in the Throne Room.
Deep in the bowels of the Star Fortress are the prison cells that housed the notorious criminals Vegeta and the King Koopa Bowser. They were both locked up together in one cell. Vegeta was the only one chained to the wall. They had begun to starve, having already eaten all the Shy Guys that were originally locked up with them, save for Shy Guy Mel, who was now all alone...
Back at The Hatch, The Major had used R2D2 as a toilet and then changed into some clean clothes he had found, going for a risky "jacket-with-no-shirt" kind of look. He slipped the still-mysterious M.O.F.L. briefcase into his satchel for safe-keeping, and put his colleagues souls' into test tubes around his waste for easy access were he to happen across any of their zombie corpses.
As The Major was about to head out the door on his journey, he got an incoming call from The Hatch's communication station. A shadowy figure had called explicitly for The Major(!) to tell him about Zombie Michael Jackson's head's time machine that was located in the lower levels of the dreaded Star Fortress.
This is where things really began spiraling out of control.
The Major used his Space Bees to create a Space BeeHive transport and rushed to The Star Fortress. Unbeknownst to him, Han Solo had been waiting for him in the hallway outside the docking bay he was landing at.
Han was from the future and had used "Red Matter" to create a wormhole to travel back in time to kill The Major, whom he calls "Darth Major," thereby undoing the future death of his wife, Leia, at The (supposed) Major's hands. But while The Major was docking, Han got a surprise of his own.
Han had a bounty on his head, and was being pursued across space and time by Samus Aran, who, upon confronting Han, referred to him as a "space pirate." Maurice, a man Samus believed she had killed (and who was a dead ringer for Spike Spiegel), showed up to correct her improper nomenclature, citing that "Space Cowboy" is the proper terminology. Han Solo then zorped Maurice in the chest, making damn sure that in all the confusion one thing was certain- he always shot first.
Meanwhile, in the Throne Room of the Star Fortress, the Star King was having his own troubles. While the King was relishing his intergalactic rule, who should appear but the infamous, mysterious and most confoundedly, IMPARTIAL "Wutangurai," the Wutang Samurai, who immediately fatally hacked down the Star King with a mighty FWOOSH of his sword.
The disembodied zombie head of Michael Jackson was beside himself with grief. But the Star King had seriously considered that all this might happen and had made a contingency plan beforehand, revealing that he had hidden a little version of himself inside of... HIMSELF. He emerged unscathed, but now lacked the requisite power levels to maintain control of his zombie army, which began to run "Amuck."
Back at Docking Bay C, The Major had just landed when he heard the ZORP! in the hallway. There he discovered Han and Samus bickering while standing over the fresh corpse of Maurice.
Han immediately confronted The Major about his future crimes against the universe and the murdering of his wife. The Major did not recall doing any of this, citing the 25 million years he spent as a zombie as a possible reason why. He told Han he had never heard of Leia, but since their goals of going back in time to undo the past and get revenge were one and the same, The Major invited Han on his mission to find the time machine. Samus, apparently bored with it all, resigned to going to the Star Fortress' cafeteria to get a cup of coffee. While this was going on, Bowser and Shy Guy Mel discovered the cell door was unlocked and wandered out, leaving Vegeta chained to the wall.
Almost immediately after calming down Han, The Major turned around and walked right into another fiasco. He spotted the zombie corpse of Sam and decided to attempt reuniting Sam's soul with his body. But before he could implement his plan who should show up again but Lauren, and this timeshe had even MORE abandonment issues, dragging a battered Samus behind her by the hair and wielding a lightsaber. Women.
Lauren informed The Major that she barely survived the destruction of Asgard. her soul was not separated from her body like the his and the others, probably due to her distance from the M.O.F.L. briefcase when the bomb detonated. She was found by the Empire and was restored by Sith technology.
Years later, Lauren crossed paths with Han, who had traveled back to her time in search of The Major before he recalculated and time traveled forward to where they were presently. Lauren noticed Samus was trying to collect a bounty on Han and was in pursuit, so Lauren stowed away on Samus' ship, and everyone was brought to Star Fortress in the present day. WHEW!
Around this time Vegeta triumphantly freed himself from his pesky chains! He had big plans! But alas, Wutangurai showed up and did his thing, slicing Vegeta in two.
The Wutangurai then went for the triple crown and attempted to strike down The Major, who was able to dodge the fatal blow but instead lost his left arm. Once again the Wutangurai spirited away, impartial to the events around him.
Lauren mocked The Major, citing that he basically deserved the mutilation for abandoning her. Women.
Han Solo grew impatient and decided he just wanted to kill The Major again, seeing as his plan seemed simpler than The Major's, who kept getting held up by EVERYTHING. He challenged The Major to a duel.
Lauren then attempted to assist The Major by taking the rocket armor off of Samus' RIGHT arm and attaching it to The Major's LEFT arm. WOMEN.
Meanwhile, 25 million years in the past and mere minutes away from the dropping of the bomb, Luigi cowered behind a cloud after seeing Lauren arrive. He loves Lauren, but had developed an inferiority complex brought on after his death coupled by self-loathing for his fear of competing against The Major's natural suaveness over Lauren's affections.
While Luigi was caught up in his own thoughts his deceased brother Mario showed up wearing the Tanooki Suit he died in and riding on the zombie corpse of Yoshi. Mario explained that after he died at the hands of Thor-Snake and Joker-as-Batman-Snake, he ascended to Asgard and found himself riding forward through time on the leg of an ancient Norse heavy metal god. He wound up in the "bad future" that is the 25-million-years-from-now present, where the Star King controls everything.
Mario tells Luigi that he discovered in the future that The Major finally reunited with his soul. Mario then was the one who contacted The Major and informed him of the whereabouts of the time machine in the Star Fortress. Mario then jumped onto future Yoshi's zombie corpse and traveled back in time to Asgard, where he will wait to rendezvous with The Major. Mario is certain they can change the future, but needs The Major's help to do it. Mario hands Luigi a frog suit to wear while they wait.
25 million years in the future things are getting perplexing. Vegeta is seen walking around unscathed and enters a bathroom/time machine for men.
The Major and Han are dueling and were in the middle of their paces when all of a sudden The Major decides that too much crazy stuff happens when he stands still. His Space Bees had finished assembling a new arm for him, so The Major chucked the Rocket Arm at Han's head and ran away in the general direction of the time machine, ditching Lauren, who then gave chase.
Around the corner Shy Guy Mel had stabbed the Wutangurai through the head with a chef's knife, multiple times hopefully, effectively ending the ronin's killing spree.
The Major runs right by Shy Guy Mel and around the corner, only to cross paths with a flame-spitting Bowser! Caught between Mel and Bower, The Major jumped over Bowser's flames and onto his head, causing Bowser to torch Mel. But that move did to Bowser was cure his heartburn. Bowser then counter-attacked The Major with a "Bowser Ryuken" uppercut.
Meanwhile, Han Solo, having lost The Major's trail, took a wrong turn and stumbled across a Xenomorph egg that was just hatching a Facehugger emerging from inside...
Holy crap. My only concern is how wordy it is. Also I don't want it to be a complete and total recap of every little thing that happened in the story, but more of a "here's the general gist" thing that cuts out the stuff that doesn't make any sense or that we can do without. My plan with the first recap was to simplify the story enough that, not only would new people be able to follow it and add onto the story, but use it as a way to cut out the BS that didn't make any sense and figure out what was "canon" and what we could lose.
I can go through that and edit some chunks out, though. Thanks for your help, Karl.
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