This is the script that I wrote for the WC 46 contest a few posts down, and it was actually voted best of the lot in that topic. That said, while I admit I'm fond of the script, I can't help feeling that there are some things here that could still be improved. So, if possible, I would like to hear an advanced critique from some of you fine board members.
Also, on a somewhat unrelated note, I would be thrilled to see some artists take a crack at this script, and the results there-of. I consider most of the descriptive text here to be more like guidelines, so taking creative liberties are more then welcome.
But I'm jabbering. Let's get to the fun bit. On with the story!
- - -
Bad Dubbing Optional
A simple shot of a rather plain dirt pathway across a great, empty grassland. The sun is dipping low in the background, but has not broken the horizon fully. A shadowy figure walks toward the reader, one that is tall, thin, and has an unusually large and rounded head. In the foreground is a close-up on a man’s balled fist.
A shot of a man with short brown hair that is spiked upward with copious amounts of hair gel. His name is Shu, and aside from his hair, he bares an uncanny resemblance to Bruce Lee, and wears a loose-fitting button-down shirt. Shu is pointing an accusatory finger… in some general direction.
Shu: “Jive Century, I challenge you to honorable combat.”
As it turns out, Jive Century is a very tall, thin, African-American man with an enormous black afro and mutton chops. He wears a very tight black tracksuit trimmed in bright yellow, as well as a pair of sunglasses that he, at this moment, tilts down from his eyes.
Jive Century: “C’mon now slick. This brotha been fightin’ brothas since breakfast. Can’t we put this off ‘til New Year’s?”
The panel shows both men, from the side, sharing a bout of laughter at that suggestion. Shu is wearing black cloud pants, presumably because it’s Hammertime.
Shu & Jive Century: “Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha”
Abruptly interrupting the bout of laughter, Shu tears off his shirt, revealing a body so ripped that it may have it’s body fat measured only in decimals. His face is thinned, his mouth downturned, all composing a look that is hence-forth referred to as “The Serious Business Face”. That term is patent pending, by the by.
Shu (cutting into the previous laughter just a bit): “You bastard. You killed my master with your funky kung fu skills, and now I will avenge him by defeating you and proving that my kung fu is stronger.”
Jive Century shrugs, palms upturned in a particularly overacted version of a shrug. His sunglasses are now hanging from the collar of his tracksuit.
Jive Century: “Don’t know who you talkin’ ‘bout. I kill a lot of suckas with my funky kung-fu.”
Tiny little panel showing Shu’s tiny little shoe, tilted up on it’s toe. He’s taking off into a sprint.
As further proof of this sprinting, this panel shows Shu in the foreground charging toward Jive Century, one arm cocked back and ready to launch a running punch. Jive, by contrast, has only taken up the most basic of fighting stances. He stands with his feet close together, up on his toes a bit, with one open hand up near his face, and the other held down near his waist.
Shu strikes, launching his punch with full force at the much taller Jive’s face. Jive easily sidesteps the blow with such ease that it needs to be mentioned three times that he did it easily.
A karate chop from Jive lands on the side of Shu’s neck. It should be noted that Jive has unusually large hands. No particular reason, just thought it might be nice to know.
Shu flops down to the ground, dust kicking up dramatically in the process. Jive Century has already returned his hand to his side.
Jive Century: “Well, you done son.”
Small panel. Tight shot of Shu’s fingers digging into the dirt.
With Jive Century in the background walking away, Shu pulls himself up off the ground. He is standing, shakily he may be, but he is standing.
Shu: “Come back here and fight me, coward! We’ve only just started!”
Shu runs again, rushing toward Jive Century’s exposed back.
Shu has now leapt into the air, going for a flying kick. If this doesn’t hammer home the fact that this character is a shameless rip-off of Bruce Lee, then nothing will.
Smaller panel, possibly inset. Jive Century’s hand has wrapped around Shu’s ankle in mid-flight.
Jive Century: “Hold up!”
Shu is in the foreground again, although this time it’s because he’s been thrown skyward by Jive Century, who is down on the ground still. Jive is positioned as though he had slung Shu around in a circle before sending him into the air like a led zeppelin.
On his way down to the ground, Jive Century catches Shu with a backflipping kick. In fact, in this panel, Jive is completely upsidedown, in mid-air, having just smashed Shu in the face with the toe of his foot. Shu, meanwhile, is arched back, having caught the blow squarely on his chin. This is all in silhouette and slanted slightly to give it an extra artistic feel.
Panel 6 & 7
Jive Century is on his feet again, looking back over his shoulder at Shu, who is in the next panel, and is standing again, as shakily as can be and with a bit of blood trailing from the corner of his mouth. Panel 6 and Panel 7 are effectively just one wide panel along the bottom of the page, with a slanted break between them. They may just as well be one shot, but they are, in fact, not.
Jive Century (entirely within panel 6): “I remember your old master now. Fought like you. Took that flip kick and never stood again.”
Jive Century (linked, this one is set below Shu in panel 7): “But you ain’t goin’ down like that, are you playa?”
Tall panel. Jive Century is reaching his arms up, fingers interlocked, stretching out a bit.
Jive Century: “Looks like I’m-a hafta break out the real funkadelics.”
Shu rushes in again, this time leading with a sweep. Jive hops up to avoid having his legs taken out from under him.
Shu follows that up with a shin kick to the face, which Jive blocks with his forearms.
Now, Shu has jumped up, rearing back his fist for a flying punch. Jive Century actually isn’t even in the panel, so we get a nice heroic shot of Shu.
A close up of the right half of Jive Century’s face. The other side of the panel is occupied by his dialogue.
Jive Century: “Time to put you out your misery.”
Big, big, half-page shot. Jive Century has hit the still airborne Shu with a devastating kick, smashing into his head so hard that it has bent it into a shape vaguely similar to that of a lima bean. In the top of the panel, overrunning the bounds of the panel itself by just the slightest bit, are a few words that have no business being a sound effect, and are painted up in a psychedelic manner.
SFX: OH MY GOD IT’S THE FUNKY KICK!
Shu lies on the ground, right where he landed after the kick struck. Jive Century is crouched next to him, once more wearing his sunglasses.
Jive Century: “Oh, you ain’t dead. Hooray fo’ you. Ain’t never seen nobody survive that before.”
Shu: “My body… I can’t move…”
Jive Century: “The Funky Kick knocks you for a tizzy when it goes upsidedown your head, ya dig?”
A close-up on Sho’s face, laying on the ground, bleeding quite a bit from his mouth and nose. His skull is probably broken too, but he’ll only start feeling that tomorrow.
Shu: “I swear I will avenge my master. I will kill you, Jive Century.”
Jive Century walking away from the still prone Shu. He waves back to him with one arm, while the other is tucked in his pocket.
Jive Century: “Tell you what. You get yourself right, and catch me on the rebound.”
Jive Century (linked): “Play on, playa.”