Salem - Audition page

[MAXX_K]

Well... not a real audition, sadly, private one. But was fun to do.
I was asked if i could do a test page for somebody who liked my art and would like to have drawing his story, and this is it:



The story behind it all... i don't know, i just got this one script page and only know that the girl's name is Samantha and very angry that she has to live now in Salem and the womand behind the desk isn't very pleased with her verbal rambling against the town.

Hope you like it a bit.
Have a nice weekend

MAXX

[cs3ink]

The renderings really nice, but the storytelling is a little off to me. Seems my eyes are directed all over the place, so the page doesn't flow very smoothly. Also, not sure who is holding the wallet (book?), or where it came from or where it went.

Keep it up.

Later,
Chip

[SpawnSC]

im not understanding whats going on?

[CarlosArtWrx]

I think a big problem is separating your background from your foreground. Maybe darken the outside lines of the characters in the foreground (Kind of like you did with the woman's fingers on the bottom panel).

Also, the page layout is a little awkward. The first frame and the last frame stick out especially. Think of being a little more dynamic with the shots you choose, maybe if we saw the back of the woman in the jacket coming into the room, like from the perspective of the door, then show a zoom out of the two of them together in the space.

You're definitely a good artist, your details and anatomy are great. I would just focus on making the page layout as interesting as possible. Not as garbled

[Bryan E.Warner]

Hey there Karsten
looks like you have gotten some good crits..I would like to say that I love your eye for detail ( very Important ) but you need to work on your depth,I think that would solid thing up,and keep your page from running all together.Line weight would also help.Keep up on your story telling skills...and Keep that pencil Busy!
Bryan

[MAXX_K]

Thanks a lot!

Is the storytelling my problem or that of the writer? I mean i drew the panels as he described, even the size (2/3 panel for example). Afterwards he told me, he would have like to see it more wide angle, small persons, big rooms. But that wasn't written in the description.
I thought, when there is written "Angry faced girl comes into the shop", when i draw that from far away, i don't think people would see if she is angry.

@ Bryan
Yeah, line weight, not a big fan of that, am I, hihi

@ SpawnSC
I wrote beneath the page what is going on, it is just a page 2 from a script and therefore i guess nobody will really understand it, it is just ripped to see how i would have drawn the page.

Again, thanks a lot!

[Bryan E.Warner]

usually if the writer is on his toes he will dictate the panels...an example would read like " Birds eye shot of bank,man in Dark cloak running to waiting Van." to " Close up of cloaked figures eyes ( looking evil ) "
Now if the writer really knows the Artist and trust him,he will be more lacks in his panel to panel by just telling the artist."panel one.. a Dark figure running from bank to Van" leaving the Artist at liberty to draw what he feels would be the simplest most interesting Art to illustrate the story.
if your following a dictated script then yeah,the writer is probably the problem..Us artist are just doing what we are scripted

[cs3ink]

Us artist are just doing what we are scripted

I have to disagree with Bryan here (a rare occurence, trust me).

When graphic storytelling involves a team, the artist is not excempt from any problem because he/she was just following the script.

WARNING: Big IMO to follow.

From my perspective, there are 2 possibilities:

1) You saw the problems in the script & followed it anyways. You knowingly rendered a flawed page.

As artists, our part is to make the most out of the writer's efforts. Sometimes that means re-designing the page because, since they are often not artists, the writer can't actually see the page to design it properly.

2)You didn't see the flaws, and so have alot to learn. This isn't all that bad, since everyone has to start somewhere. While this option places more weight on the writer's responsibility for the final page, more importantly it demonstrates areas in your skill set that need attention.

No matter what, however, you are the artist, so any flaws with the page will be tossed at your feet. It ain't always fair or true, but it's normally the case.

Later,
Chip

[Bryan E.Warner]

I have to disagree with Bryan here (a rare occurence, trust me).

When graphic storytelling involves a team, the artist is not excempt from any problem because he/she was just following the script.

WARNING: Big IMO to follow.

From my perspective, there are 2 possibilities:

1) You saw the problems in the script & followed it anyways. You knowingly rendered a flawed page.

As artists, our part is to make the most out of the writer's efforts. Sometimes that means re-designing the page because, since they are often not artists, the writer can't actually see the page to design it properly.

2)You didn't see the flaws, and so have alot to learn. This isn't all that bad, since everyone has to start somewhere. While this option places more weight on the writer's responsibility for the final page, more importantly it demonstrates areas in your skill set that need attention.

No matter what, however, you are the artist, so any flaws with the page will be tossed at your feet. It ain't always fair or true, but it's normally the case.

Later,
Chip

By golly Chip Good Points! I know that the team that works on the new Star Wars Legacy series work very close and sometimes will scrap an entire page for a stronger one.
Blessings!
Bryan