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Was flipping around some ideas, and thought HEY why don't I write a manga one shot...meh, figured I'd do it...then try and get a artist. Couldn't find one that was feeling to just do this as a lil sumin sumin to get em through, so I'm like cool...let's let the peeps at PJ have a look. Anyway..enjoy.
LEO’S STORY
LIONHEARTED
By
Felix Shanagher
13 pages
PAGE ONE
(Splash page)
Leo and his Nimall (a large rabbit/kangaroo type being that walks about 7-8ft and people ride on) are walking through a city market, the market looks very Saudi Arabia (called Khangstan) and the buildings are very Saudi like. Leo is dressed in bits of armour (on his chest and shoulders) has a red scarf type thing around his neck, baggy jeans with a knee guard and big boots on. Leo is black and has a goatee which connects to his sideburns. The locals should be looking at the duo suspiciously as they move. Leo has a very nonchalant look on his face, and his Nimall called Lohkee is looking at a bit of food on one of the stalls.
TITLE: LIONHEARTED
CREDITS: Written by Felix Shanagher, Art by .......
PAGE TWO
PANEL ONE
Close up Leo’s face. Have a smell going past his nose, his eyes are WIDE OPEN with little tears about to come pouring from the sides of his face.
TAG LINE: Sweet, Sweet swell!
PANEL TWO
Still a close up of Leo’s face, he’s got a huge grin on his face and tears of joy are pouring out of his eyes.
LEO: That smell..So joyous...So sweet, It must be...
PANEL THREE
Look from behind Leo, and follow his sight to a stall on his right which is selling noodles. There should be a little sign on the front though.
LEO: FOOD.
PANEL FOUR
We close in on the sign saying "10 gold coins".
LEO: Ghhk! 10..gold..coins?
PANEL FIVE
Leo has walked up to the stall, and the owner is leaning over his food smiling at the new "customer". Leo is holding a couple coins in one hand, and scratching the back of his head nervously in the other, looking very unsure.
NOODLE MAN: Yes? How may I help you, sir?
LEO: Can I..urhh..get some noodles for...um..this?
PANEL SIX
Standard angry face with the stall man, with huge jagged teeth all his features exaggerated. Leo has fallen over and so his feet should be pointing up.
NOODLE MAN: ARE YOU CRAZY?!?
PAGE TWO
PANEL ONE
Leo sits down with his back to a wall, defeated and hungry. He should be holding his stomach and looking really stricken with his hunger, his stomach grumbling.
LEO: I’m so hungry...Haven’t eaten for days...I could eat..a..a..
PANEL TWO
Close up Leo’s face, head tilted back and drool coming out of the side of his face. His eyes should be whited out as he’s in a little dream state, with a little thought bubble with a lot of food in it (like burgers, noodles and fries).
LEO: mmmm
PANEL THREE
The thought bubble bursts and Leo looks really surprised as he’s shocked by the explosion.
LEO: WHUH?
SFX: BOOM!!
PANEL FOUR
MCU of Leo as he gets up, Lohkee is alert behind him. Leo is looking up in the direction of the action.
LEO: Never a dull day, eh buddy?
PANEL FIVE
We see the palace getting attacked by flying warships from Penkye Kingdom. They are firing at the towers causing explosions to be happening, bits of tower falling down.
SFX(1): THOOM!!
SFX(2): DOOM!!
PANEL SIX
Small Panel - Close up of Leo’s eyes, eyes squinting in concentration.
LEO: Lunch is gonna have to wait.
PANEL SEVEN
Small Panel - Leo is running away from us holding onto the handle of his sword which is attached to his back. He’s moving at great speeds towards the palace, the streets should be basically deserted.
SFX: TUMP!!
PAGE FOUR
PANEL ONE
A Penkyian soldier is pointing a rifle at a young woman’s head, she is kneeling holding her son to her chest and crying for help.
ATTACKED MOTHER: HELP
LEO (off panel): I wouldn’t do that if I was you.
PANEL TWO
CU of the soldier’s face, the top half is obscured by his visor from his helmet. He’s grinning and looking sadistic.
BULLYING SOLDIER: Don’t worry...you can be next, BOY!
PANEL THREE
CU of Leo’s grin, very cocky, very sure of himself.
LEO: I did warn you.
PANEL FOUR
In this panel, the action is moving from Left to Right. Leo is in the foreground moving really fast, so speed lines are essential. He’s holding the sword back, ready to swing and the soldier is holding the gun up aiming at our hero. The panel should be slightly slanted so that it’s bigger where Leo is and smaller where the guard is.
SFX: FWOOOSH!!
PANEL FIVE
In this panel, the action is right to the left, as though the camera has switched around. In this one the panel is bigger where the guard is and smaller where Leo has stopped. Leo is kneeling, looking forward with his sword arm up (his sword arm is his right arm). The sword could be either in the air or balancing on the ground. Leo is looking forward, maybe slightly darkened and he’s looking coldly. The soldier is looking blankly, completely surprised how fast that went.
SFX: ZING!!
PAGE FIVE
PANEL ONE
The soldier is sighing with relief, with one of those sweat drops on his helmet to show how relieved he is and how nervous.
BULLYING SOLDIER: Phew. He missed.
PANEL TWO
Same image of the soldier, except now blood is dripping from his mouth. Would probably look better dripping from the side of his mouth.
BULLYING SOLDIER: Oh god.
PANEL THREE
The soldier is now looking down, we’re looking at him in the same angle and panel size.
BULLYING SOLDIER: ERK!
PANEL FOUR
Big panel - Only half of Leo’s face is in this panel, and he’s standing to the left. His eyes darkened out, and to the right in the spare space the soldier is falling down onto his face in a pool of blood, the gun falling to the side of him.
LEO: You OK, Lady?
PANEL FIVE
The woman’s tears have stopped and she’s looking at Leo with such thanks. Maybe have her drying one of her eyes.
ATTACKED MOTHER: Yes, thank you.
PANEL SIX
Leo is looking back at her over his shoulder, with a big grin and giving her the thumbs up.
LEO: GOOD!
PAGE SIX
PANEL ONE
Big, wide panel - The warlord of Penkye is standing in the command centre of his warship. The warlord is General Rae, and he’s really BIG and imposing. Clean shaven, and square jawed. He has short silver hair and cold, evil eyes. He’s dressed in military regalia and should look like he’s one of the most evil people ever.
A lackey behind him should look slightly high up in the ranks, but not high enough to gain any respect from the general.
CAPTION: General Rae, Self proclaimed Lord of Penkye. As Evil as they come, and twice as ruthless. Looking to expand his power to his neighbouring country, Khangstan.
GENERAL RAE: How does it go?
SPINELESS LACKEY: They fall beneath your might.
PANEL TWO
CU of General Rae, he’s looking at the lackey mercilessly.
GENERAL RAE: Of course they do, stupid! Get the men ready to storm the High Room.
PANEL THREE
The Lackey is nodding up and down, over-enthusiastically.
SPINELESS LACKEY: Yes sir! Yes sir! Yes sir!
PANEL FOUR
CU of the General yelling at the lackey furiously. Eyes should be slitted, looking like he’s seconds away from killing the lackey. Eyes flashing with fire and teeth like razors (if that works).
GENERAL RAE: NOW!!
PANEL FIVE
We see both the general and his lackey in this panel, with only the lackey’s arm in the frame as he’s running away. The general is putting his head in his hand.
SPINELESS LACKEY: of course, sir! Right away, sir!
GENERAL RAE: I need better minions.
PAGE SEVEN
PANEL ONE
Big, Wide panel - The King is in the forefront. He has a white beard, and a almost broken nose. He looks friendly and is dressed in very fancy regalia. He should look extremely nervous and worried. To our left have a soldier saluting him.
CAPTION: King Samuel of Khangstan, a wise and kind king.
KING SAMUEL: Get my daughter out of here quickly!
LOYAL SOLDIER: Your majesty.
PANEL TWO
Big, wide panel - CU of the King’s face as he turns to look over his left shoulder. He should look shocked, maybe have some of those speed lines for dramatic effect.
GENERAL RAE(off panel): Don’t worry about your daughter, my dear King.
KING SAMUEL: Yasmin?
PANEL THREE
Full body shot of General Rae holding Yasmin to his side, Yasmin is hitting him in the chest but Rae is merely ignoring it and smiling evilly at the King.
GENERAL RAE: She’s more than safe with me.
PANEL FOUR
Small panel - Head and shoulders shot of the King looking furious about to launch himself at the warlord. The king should look murderous, General Rae has crossed the line.
KING SAMUEL: DAMN YOU, RAE!
PANEL FIVE
Small panel - King Samuel now has a load of katana blades held close to his neck, so he’s pulled back and is now looking nervously at the blade positioned to his throat.
SFX: WIP
PAGE SEVEN
PANEL ONE
Large, Wide panel - We’re looking from a worms eye view. We’re looking at Leo hiding on the ceiling, and below him are Penkyian Soldiers, completely oblivious to Leo’s presence.
PANEL TWO
Close up of one the soldier’s face, his face pulled in a "huh?" look.
LEO(off panel): Hss!
PANEL THREE
The two soldiers react quickly pulling up their guns ready to start blasting at Leo (not that it’s going to be much use).
FIRST STUPID SOLDIER: What the?
SECOND STUPID SOLDIER: Shoot him!!
PANEL FOUR
Big, Wide panel - Worms eye view of just Leo, dropping down with a grin. His sword is strapped to his back, and you can either have him with arms out or with one hand on his sword handle.
SFX: TSS
PAGE EIGHT
PANEL ONE
Leo is rubbing his hands victoriously, looking to the side as if to see were the troubles epicentre is. His sword handle should be in the forefront, as his sword is stuck in one of the soldiers who is lying on the floor dead.
LEO: This is too easy.
PANEL TWO
Leo reacts to the King’s shouts, and grabs hold of his sword and ready to run to the King’s aid.
KING SAMUEL(off panel): HELP!
LEO: Don’t worry, guy. Help is on the way.
PANEL THREE
Close up of the King. He is furious, furious at the General for the indignity and at his inability to do anything to save his daughter.
KING SAMUEL: Get your hands off my daughter, NOW!
PANEL FOUR
General Rae throws back his head laughing hysterically with tears flowing. He is holding Yasmin tight to his chest, and she’s looking at her father worried for him.
GENERAL RAE: Or WHAT, old man? Help isn’t going to come. Your men are dead, all dead.
PANEL FIVE
Big, Wide Panel - One of the Penkyian soldiers comes flying through the big wooden doors. We see the action from the room’s POV and so we see all the splinters and wood shards flying towards us.
SFX: KRASH!!
PAGE NINE
PANEL ONE
Full body shot of Leo, his sword is to his side with the tip resting on the floor. This should look really dramatic.
LEO: Sorry, I tried to knock.
PANEL TWO
Close up of Rae’s face. Teeth gritted and his eyes like slits.
GENERAL RAE: Who are you?
PANEL THREE
Close up of Leo, except only half of his face. And he’s got a really big grin on his face.
LEO: I’m help.
PANEL FOUR
The general’s eyes pockets are darkened and he’s pointing at us (Leo), ordering his men to leave the King and attack Leo. He should look really pissed and angry.
GENERAL RAE: Kill that bastard!
PANEL FIVE
CU of Leo with that huge grin on his face still, he’s anticipating every moment of combat.
LEO: I thought you’d never say it.
PAGE TEN
PANEL ONE
Big panel, Leo is standing nonchalantly with his sword resting on his shoulder (looking VERY cool). Two Soldiers are racing towards him and the speed should be emphasised by speed line, these soldiers aren’t the type he’s faced already. These guys are bros, so we should see it. Leo should be looking to the side with his eyes closed, with a slight smile on his face.
LEO: Heh
PANEL TWO
Wide panel, CU of Leo’s eye with speed lines.
LEO: Useless.
PANEL THREE
Leo quickly dodges a lunge from one of the attackers. His sword still resting on his shoulder.
SFX: THWUP
PANEL FOUR
Leo brings down the blade on the attackers neck and decapitates him.
SFX: SWAP!!
PANEL FIVE
Leo drops to his knee and put his blade through the other attacker’s chest. The attacker should look shocked at the speed of it all. Leo is smirking.
LEO: heh.
SFX: SHUK!!
PAGE ELEVEN
PANEL ONE
Leo goes to the King who’s hunched over with his face darkened. Leo looks really concerned and has his hand on the King’s shoulder.
LEO: You OK, Old man?
KING SAMUEL: ...!!
KING SAMUEL: My daughter...
PANEL TWO
Close up of the King’s face, tears streaming down his face. He looks so weak in comparison to the strong man that was defying the general.
KING SAMUEL: Please...Save my daughter.
PANEL THREE
The General and The princess are in a sand buggy. The princess is curled in a corner, shouting at the general who is just smiling at his victory.
YASMIN: You’re a coward! A real great lord would have faced that warrior.
PANEL FOUR
close up of the general’s mouth sideways, as he smiles and talks to the princess.
GENERAL RAE: Maybe they would have, but that has no part in my plans.
PANEL FIVE
We see the princess in the corner, her arms around her legs which are pulled up so she can rest her face on them.
YASMIN: And what are your plans?
PANEL SIX
CU of General Rae as he eyes Yasmin like a piece of meat, a predatory grin on his face.
GENERAL RAE: Why you are! My wife.
PAGE TWELVE
PANEL ONE
Worms eye view of Leo leaping over the sand buggy atop of his Nimall Lohkee, we can also see the window on the front of the sand buggy and so we can see General Rae’s reaction (very shocked).
SFX: WOOOSH
PANEL TWO
Leo lands and points his blade at the buggy as it skids to a halt. Lohkee should be growling, and Leo’s face should be covered by his scarf thing. The blade should glint in the mid day sun.
LEO: Don’t make me come in there.
LOHKEE: Rrr
SFX: Thwup
PANEL THREE
General Rae is now completely shocked and starting to sense some of Leo’s energy aura. So cue the sweatdrop and the very worried facial expression.
GENERAL RAE (thought bubble): This guy’s power level is immense, how did he mask it so well before?
PANEL FOUR
CU of General Rae as he yells to get teleported out of there. He yells into a little com system in his collar.
GENERAL RAE: THIS PLAN IS NOT WORTH THIS! ONE TO PORT!
PANEL FIVE
Same view of the scene, except now General Rae is being teleported out so there should only be the outline of him as well as a little effect as he’s teleported.
GENERAL RAE: THIS ISN’T OVER!
PAGE THIRTEEN
PANEL ONE
Yasmin throws her arms around Leo and kisses him, Leo’s eyes bulge surprised..but he doesn’t do anything to stop her (why would he?).
YASMIN: YOU SAVED ME!
SFX: SMOOCH!
PANEL TWO
Yasmin and Leo are embracing in a very passionate kiss, which is interrupted by someone off panel. There should be a heart above them.
KING SAMUEL(off panel): err hemm. Please remove your lips from my daughter’s.
PANEL THREE
The heart above the two cracks in half. The two push away, Yasmin puts her hand to her mouth, smiling and blushing. Leo starts scratching the back of his head, sweat drop on cue.
LEO: Whoops...we must have...umm..slipped.
PANEL FOUR
The king is standing with his arms crossed and a eyebrow raised. But looks slightly amused.
KING SAMUEL: I’m sure....Stranger, you have saved my daughter and my kingdom, how may I repay you.
PANEL FIVE
Leo and Lohkee punch the sky. Both with very happy faces, and tears of joy.
LEO: FOOD! FOOD! LOTS OF FOOD!!
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Manga means comics that come from Japan, not a genre - but I will take it to mean a manga-inspired script.
I don't know. You can't really decide what will look better in words. Words can mean anything, if you get a perfect image in your head and write it down the artist is going to interpret it wrongly and you will be unhappy. You can only be in charge of the scene, not the visuals. It is like trying to describe the type of music that is playing in a film script (new music). Futile.Same image of the soldier, except now blood is dripping from his mouth. Would probably look better dripping from the side of his mouth.
I think you could use better dialogue here. Yes it sounds like something someone would say in real life, but I think it reflects badly on your character.
GENERAL RAE: How does it go?
I've seen this already in other stories. If it is necessary to the plot just get it over with quickly. Just take his head off - we don't care how he feels about it.
Small panel - King Samuel now has a load of katana blades held close to his neck, so he’s pulled back and is now looking nervously at the blade positioned to his throat.
Well besides trying in vain to control the visuals you probably shouldn’t use a worm’s eye view for this shot. Such an extreme viewpoint is usually jarring, and should only be used in moderation and when there is some sort of point behind it. It seems like you just choose it randomly here.
Big, Wide panel - Worms eye view of just Leo, dropping down with a grin. His sword is strapped to his back, and you can either have him with arms out or with one hand on his sword handle.
You did well showing earlier in the script that the character was obsessed with food, but I think the pay off should be stronger. The only joke here is that “see? He really likes food!” Also the food thing in manga is rather cliché, you wanted to make a manga-style script but I would recommend imitating more important aspects and not just superficial things like this. This part will just come off as strange and awkward to most readers. Forced.
Leo and Lohkee punch the sky. Both with very happy faces, and tears of joy.
LEO: FOOD! FOOD! LOTS OF FOOD!!
This could work out well, but again you are depending on the visuals being interesting. Do you really have that much faith in your artist? “Causing explosions to be happening” sounds poorly worded to me. Sure it won’t be in the finished product but since your job is writing I think you should find a different way to say that.We see the palace getting attacked by flying warships from Penkye Kingdom. They are firing at the towers causing explosions to be happening, bits of tower falling down.
I think you could come up with a more interesting or representational title than “Lionhearted” too.
very true, meh this was the first draft...but I can see where you're coming from. Lionhearted was basically due to the character being called Leo Hart
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