noir...? A book I am working on.

[morphosis2]

Hello,
Cool place here! People are doing awesome work!
I thought I would share... for thoughts...

--Thanks for looking and THANKS in advance for any comments!








People have said "It's cool", "It's Stiff", "It's not stiff", "Kinda Sucks", "This Rocks man"... but they never explain what they mean

[BringerOfStorms]

It is very good in some aspects and needs a little work in others.

On the second page the guy on the left looks a little "animatronic", the face looks exactly the same, and he seems to be kind of robotic in his gestures. I have found that making tough guys look a little more relaxed, helps them seem confident. The fixed camera angle doesnt help it feel natural, it seems almost like a museum exhibit... if that makes sense. I admit the pictures are a little small for me to read the word balloons, but it seems like the guy on the left is trying to intimidate the other dude (pointing at him...). Another thing that might help on this page, would be something hanging on the wall, instead of it looking like they are in a dark brown box.

Your painting skills look very good, and do give this a noirish feel. I really like the last page.

Keep up the good work, and welcome to PencilJack!
BoS

[Trickbat]

I agree with BoS in that the static camera angle makes for a boring presentation. I also agree that the stark, chiaroscuro look sets a great, immediate mood.

I try to think of narration like this: I'm piecing my panels together from the film-cells of the movie version of the story (stay with me). Since there are, what, 60 frames per second of action, I only want to pick the most exciting half-dozen frames per page. So I "play" the movie in my mind until I key in on only the most essential frames. Does that make sense?

Sorry, one more thing. Your figures look almost like CGI characters. I think the faces are just fine, but the hands (friggin hands, the bane of all artists) could use some work.

All in all, it looks very cool. Post more!

[emcee2]

I agree about the camera angles, more variety would definitely help. I'd like to see more extreme angles like the overhead shot.

I also think you could increase the noir feel by including some dramatic shadows on the backgrounds.

[BringerOfStorms]

I try to think of narration like this: I'm piecing my panels together from the film-cells of the movie version of the story (stay with me). Since there are, what, 60 frames per second of action, I only want to pick the most exciting half-dozen frames per page. So I "play" the movie in my mind until I key in on only the most essential frames. Does that make sense?

That is GREAT advice! We should all think like that when working sequentially! BoS

[Trickbat]

That is GREAT advice! We should all think like that when working sequentially! BoS

Dear God, if everyone thought like me it would turn into a Family Guy episode (but thanks for the compliment ).

[tekende]

It's interesting, but it's very stiff. And it does look just like CGI. Personally, I like the static viewpoint you chose for the first two pages, but with characters that look like these, it doesn't work. They demand a bit more action, more creative angles.

[adriyasa]

they are awesome pages...if they look too static..or not enough action...i think the story requires them to be like that. just my opinion...

[Kody]

I think the pages look great!

When it comes to getting critiques, everyone is gonna have different opinions on what's what, but you shouldn't let those opinions change your direction. If someone spots a mistake, that's cool. But when it comes to the subjective content of the pages, stay on your own track and don't let anyone derail you.

But as for the art itself, I think you're on the right track and the storytelling is solid. My only piece of subjective advice would be to drop the red borders and go with something more neutral. I think the red is going to be a little distracting to the reader. White or black is probably best.

But again, follow your gut on this stuff and don't put too much thought into other people's opinions unless you're completely clueless and you're looking for direction on something (and from these pages, that doesn't appear to be happening).

Comic book illustration by committee is a horrible idea. If you're looking for some solid feedback, head to a convention and show your stuff to some of the pros you admire and respect the most. That goes a long way when you're trying to tweak your artistic direction. I'm not saying you can't pick up good info from message board critiques, but for the most part, you're getting advice from people with very limited experience.

I'm not knocking anyone giving advice here because everyone is trying to help everyone else, and that's awesome, but there's a major difference between getting a critique from someone with a wealth of experience like Mike Mignola and someone that is just getting started in the industry.

Just something to keep in mind when you're making tweaks to your long term art direction.

[Bryan E.Warner]

Interesting you say that Kody..We've got some Top Notch Working Talent also here at PJ,just Keep coming to the Board you'll know when to listen and when to let go.