tech werewolf

**M@u::** · 11-03-2006, 12:26 PM

a page done for a test..what do you think about?
tx!

**Mr.Hades** · 11-03-2006, 01:48 PM

P1 Nice panel. I would have it flipped though. It would help with the flow. Have her looking to the right, thats where the reader is going. Details on the revolver need sharpening up.

P2-I really don't like the square gun she is holding in her right hand.

P3- The main character jumps in, firing to her side, but the last panel shows her target laying in front of her.

P4- I would like to see more of an effect on what shots are doing. At the moment, it's hard to tell if they are actually hitting.

That said, it looks pretty sound to me. Are these roughs or final images?

PS. Would she wear that skirt if she were going to go out and shoot werewolves?

**jeffclemens.com** · 11-03-2006, 05:55 PM

I agree with what was said in the above comments and it's also a bit confusing with what she's jumping out from behind. Looks like a wall but it seems kind of blah. I would say to have at least one panel on this page set up where you pull the camera back a little bit to show where the action is taking place.

**M@u::** · 11-04-2006, 06:27 AM

Mr hades i usually ink my stuff ,so somewere i prefer sharpeming up in the ink stage.

however tx both of you for the nice cc!

**Bryan E.Warner** · 11-04-2006, 11:35 AM

Hey Mau

Well Dan has gave a pretty good review ( Mr Hades )
I'd say Panel 1 is your best panel on this page.( I'm thinking you started out strong but got a bit weary as the page continued ) I always stress Taking your time and no Rushing so you can be the best you can be.You have some perspective issues but at least your going for it

Right now Cleaning up your Panels or adding the Gutters would really make your page pop more.As it is it's all kinda muddy to me.( an that's probably just me ) your story telling not bad,but I did have to study panel 3 to see if we were jumping into something or Jumping out from behind something.( we are jumping out from behind yes? )
Panel 4 looked a bit questionable on what was happening to the Werewolf,your motion lines look out place,or those darker crooked lines.
The pose tells me Lets Dance Disco! instead of Impact.
Panel 5 is a good thought.But it looks off kilter to me,perhaps it's a perspective thing.
OK my Good Friend, these are just My Opinions.I hope you Take your Time and really blow us away here.Remember The more you do the better you'll become..The better you become,the more you will do.
Blessings!
Bryan E.Warner

**M@u::** · 11-06-2006, 05:30 AM

thanks for the nice words Bryan

**Killer Wolfgirl 1975** · 11-06-2006, 07:49 AM

I think he did a great job!! Takes a lot of time and restless nights to do all of this and I think he did a great job!!!
He had to of done this a lot of times to finally get this one out and I think it was well worth it! I like it!! This one is really good in my book!!! Great Job!!! I bow to greatness!!! It's good. If this was in a comic book, I'd like the comic. This man has talent and is great in all of it!!! I like it!!!

Keep up the great work!!!!
Take care and God bless you!!! Keep kicking ass and asking names later!!!!

**rubbertrunk** · 11-06-2006, 08:44 AM

I agree with most of the crits. I think panel one is the most effective. If that weird clunky looking gun wasn't in the script i say ditch it. Looks even more out of place next to a real gun. I think just haveing the pistol is cool, maybe just make it bigger like a .44. I agree you really need gutters here to break stuff up. I also think the shots are all medium close up to close up which makes it clausterphopic, and tends to flatten everyting out since there is no illusion of depth. If that bionic leg is important to the story/character i would have shown it more perhaps, in panel 2 maybe pull the camera way out to show all of here and some environment, with maybe wolfie lurking, give the reader a pause before the action. I think over all what you have is good, just a few tweeks would make it better

Keep up the good work.