Andy vs. Adam

[jeffclemens.com]

Oops, I'm new to the site and I accidentally put this sequential art in the pencil section earlier. So here it is again. Andy vs. Adam Kubert. Andy is my teacher here at the Kubert school during second year, so I saw if fit to have him killed by his brother. Ha Ha!!

[RetroTorque]

While the drawings are very good I don't think the first page reads well.

Panel 1 wastes the oppertunity to set location on that extreme close up that feels out of context considering that we don't see the guy's antagonist until the next panel, and since the next panel is pretty static, it just seems unecessarily dramatic.

Then there's panel 4. I missed the guy's recovery and the other dude charging him when I first scanned the two pages and when I got to page 2, I had to go back to page one to figure out why the guy who looked like he was winning all the sudden lost. Not good. A reader shouldn't have to backtrack.

I think panel 4 should have been a closer shot to the characters and clearly showing the one guy recovering and the other obviously charging him, and panel 1 being the establishing shot showing the characters facing off and the environment at the same time.

[Aaron]

last panel rocks!

[jeffclemens.com]

Thanks for the advice man. I see what you're talking about now.

While the drawings are very good I don't think the first page reads well.

Panel 1 wastes the oppertunity to set location on that extreme close up that feels out of context considering that we don't see the guy's antagonist until the next panel, and since the next panel is pretty static, it just seems unecessarily dramatic.

Then there's panel 4. I missed the guy's recovery and the other dude charging him when I first scanned the two pages and when I got to page 2, I had to go back to page one to figure out why the guy who looked like he was winning all the sudden lost. Not good. A reader shouldn't have to backtrack.

I think panel 4 should have been a closer shot to the characters and clearly showing the one guy recovering and the other obviously charging him, and panel 1 being the establishing shot showing the characters facing off and the environment at the same time.