New Artist - Please look!

[Eggplantman]

I'm brand new to this forum and fairly new to making my own comics with any intent on professionalism so I'm glad to be here (so far. Gulp!). Please let me know what you think. This is comic called Zodiac I'm playing with. Characters are (C) me and I'm also responsible for the writing so any input on any aspect is appreciated.


Tanx!

[kaldun]

right off the bat let me say for a first foray into professionalism, im impressed. not to say there isnt room fro improvement but you got me wanting to turn the page. im no rpofessional comic artist but i read enough comics to know when im hooked.
let me start with perspective its something i have issues with sometimes (more often than ill admit). the second panel you can tighten up the window lines and get a vanishing point so both windows look like there flush. the fourth panel his body doesnt look like its lined up with the door like it should be. i love the premise and the characters. i think you were going for a cartoony feel (i hope otherwise i put my foot in my mouth) and it looks great but in a futuristic spaceship you might want to add some dodads to the environments. the rooms look bare.
the coloring looks great, nice color pallette for the heroes. im not sure if you did that and the inking but i know i couldnt do better. ok thats it, i hope it help. p.s. post page three.

[cs3ink]

Nice start. Seriously, I'm impressed that this is one of your first forays into graphic storytelling.

As someone who has almost finished 4 issues of my own book, I can promise you that you will see marked improvement the further you get into the project. The secret to getting better is dilligence. Too many people don't want to do the hard work involved in motivating yourself and working even when you don't want to.

Your writing isn't bad. It's a little stilted and cliched with a few gramatical errors added in, but all that will improve the more you write. I must have written 50 or more short storied before I felt even remotely comfortable enough with my grasp of the medium to attempt a full script.

Your illustrations are not bad. Get another thirty pages under your belt, and I'll bet your art will improve dramatically.

Work on your storytelling. The direction of the action in a panel, or the direction the characters are facing, or even the directions of the shadows are used to lead the reader from one panel to the next, and ultimately to the next page. Your panel 1 directs the eye to panel 3, while panel hree direct the eye (via the direction the character is looking) back into panel 2.

These are all things that will improve if you can stick with it.

Keep sharing. I'd love to see how you develope.

Later,
Chip

[Eggplantman]

Thanks for the feedback, Kaldun. This isn't really a foray into professionalism as it is an intent to make my work as close to that level as I can.

I agree with your comments on perspective. It is something I don't spend enough time on. Like many artists, I spent to much time doing pinup type artwork instead of focusing on backgrounds as if they were an equally important character. I do have kind of a cartooney look for my anthros which is what I am shooting for. I'll post pages 2 and three here soon. Should I post them in this or in a separate post like most people here are?

[Eggplantman]

I see what you mean about the plane pointing to panel three when it would have been more effective to point to panel two. I did not even think of that. As far as the directions the characters are facing directing you to the next panel, that seems like something very difficult to orchestrate panel to panel but I will consider it. Thanks for the advice. I'll post page two here soon.

[Bryan E.Warner]

Hey John
Thumbnail your page before going to a final,it'll help you see how your page is flowing and how it will lead to the next page.
Don't let color carry your work.Your Work should stand well in B/W and then when-if colored it'll really be cool.( Thats advice from a pro I met at a Comic Seminar )
Keep in mind the 4-basics Keep it Simple-Keep it interesting-Don't get Too artsy we fall out of the story-And Make that Reader Want to turn the page. Stick with those and you'll do just fine.
Blessings!
Bryan E.Warner

[Eggplantman]

Thanks, Bryan

[[TLG]_Spider-Wal]

*wants to turn page*

*breaks finger on screen*

...


*cries*

[-Spider-]

[Cuddly]

Eggplantman (heh, funny name) -- this is not bad at all. You've got a lot of good things going on here, some not so good things, so let's get into it. I'll use the PJ.com classic "The Good, The Bad And The Ugly" crit format:

The Good:
1) Your storytelling is clear for the most part. You start with an establishing shot of a spacecraft, leading into what is obviously meant to be the interior of the ship. It might have been good to show some of those ports/windows in the exterior shot in Pn1, just to sell the idea that the ship has windows along the side and we're inside the same ship in Pn2. Good use of changing up the camera angles in Pn4 and Pn6.

2) I don't know if it's intentional or not, but if there were no dialogue present, I would get the distinct feeling that Leo's constant looking out the windows (he does it in Pn2, Pn3 and in the last panel) is a foreshadowing of some threat outside that the team is about to face. He seems apprehensive about it and constantly (and literally!) looking over his shoulder out the window. What is he expecting to see out there? If you did this intentionally, it's worked nicely. The fact that you didn't allude to anything in the dialog either means you're not doing it intentionally, or you are doing it intentionally and are relying on the storytelling to do the foreshadowing for you. If the former, then it's a happy accident. If the latter, then it's ingenious and you deserve kudos for that.

3) Great job drawing anthropomorphic characters. I can't draw animals to save my life and on the rare occasion that I've had to, I've struggled mightily with it. Drawing a book filled with animal-headed characters that not only need to look like animals but also need to act and emote is the stuff of nightmare to me -- or at least a wicked-tough challenge. You seem to pull it off effortlessly. Well done!

4) You've kept the backgrounds consistent from panel to panel, another important part of storytelling which is often overlooked.

5) I like what you've done with the captions. I was about to crit that there is too much dialog in the page, something I still maintain to be true. But by using the translucent captions, you've managed to (at least subliminally) eliminate the feeling that the captions are crowding out the artwork. I can see that if the captions had solid backgrounds, the panels would be way too crowded, with the artwork having to fight with the dialog for attention -- something you definitely want to avoid in sequential art. But the translucent captions seem to have allowed you to sidestep that problem somewhat and have your cake and eat it too. To my eyes, it's worked quite nicely.

The Bad:
1) Your inks need work. I'm no Mark Farmer either, so just take my feedback in the spirit it's given. You need to look at a couple of areas in particular - (A) line weights relative to light source and (b) variation in line to depict texture. For (A), have a look at the linework on Leo as he walks past the windows in Pn2 and Pn3. You could have the lines on the side of him furthest away from the window be thicker, to convey the illusion that he is a three-dimensional creature and light is hitting him on one side and his other side is in shadow. A shadow under his chin in Pn2 would help in this regard too, BTW. For (B), note how the linework of his mane looks the same as the linework in his body armor. Similarly, there is no feeling of texture in the wall panels behind Leo in Pn2. Generally, inorganic things like spacecraft and armor should be inked with a harder, "deader" line and organic things like flesh and hair and fur with a richer, more varied line. It's something I'm working on personally too, so I appreciate how difficult it can be. Just wanted to point it out to you.

2) The colors are a tad too saturated. I usually keep my crits on sequential pages to the linework and storytelling aspects, but in this case, I thought it worth mentioning that the colors are maybe a little bright. I'm not sure what the overall tone of the story will be, but judging from your script, it's not the cutesy animal hero type of tale you're going for. I could be wrong, though.

3) The perspective (especially in Pn2) needs improvement. Pn2 could have benefitted greatly from the establishment of a proper horizon line, vanishing point and perspective guidelines. The way those windows curve upwards into the background isn't looking too good.

The Ugly:
Use rulers and stencils whenever you're drawing machines or inorganic things. The linework on those windows needs to be a lot steadier. Ditto with the lines on the craft in Pn1. Stencils and French Curves could help in this regard. Even the curve of the planet in Pn1 could be improved a little, though it looks like you may have used a French Curve for that. Doesn't have to be anything fancy either. In a pinch, a coin, CD or even a tin can lid or frisbee could do -- use whatever you have at your disposal.

Phew! That was a longer crit than I expected to write. Hope you found it useful. I too look forward to seeing more sequential work from you soon. Keep it up!

[Eggplantman]

Thanks very much for providing just the kind of feedback and response I'm looking for. You have given me some very good advice to work on specifically in your advice on inking which is something I had not thought of.

My perspective and backgrounds are a foil of mine and my main problems are lack of experience with them and a desire to hurry up and finish them instead of treating them like another character. I need to set them up and work with the rulers and curves more to pull them off right.

Coloring is something I'm always working on, I just don't have much experience. I almost have a paint by numbers approach to it which means I rush a bit with it.

I really appreciate your advice and I have two questions for you. Others have said that there is a lot of text in this page, would a smaller font size look OK? Second, I have three more pages I would like you to look at. Should I post them here or in another thread?

BTW, Cuddly is a pretty funny name as well.