This is my third script, but this is the one I've enjoyed the most. I'll just post part of it to see how you guys feel. Please be completely honest. I want to get better at this.
Also, the panel descriptions are a bit shallow right now, but that'll change upon my second and third drafts.
Panel One: Titan and Vertigal are outside someone’s very nice looking house.
Caption: Six weeks ago…
Titan: He is totally not going to be happy about this.
Vertigal: Not at all.
Titan (Cont’d): And you don’t want to know why?
Vertigal (Cont’d): Why, oh why is he not going to be happy about this?
Titan (Cont’d): Because we’re at his house, in costume. Dead giveaway in the middle of su-
Panel Two: Guardsman, out of costume, opens the door. He has a look of shock on his face.
Guardsman: Can I…who are you?
Vertigal: We need to speak to the uardsman-Gay.
Titan (Whispered to Vertigal): Please, refrain from calling our hopeful boss gay.
Vertigal (Cont’d and Whispered to Titan): I wasn’t calling him gay, idiot. His name just sounds that way in Pig Latin
Panel Three: Guardsman, angered, shoves the two kids in his house while on the lookout to see if his neighbors are watching.
Guardsman: Get your nosey selves into this house right now!
Vertigal/Titan (Simultaneously): Yes sir.
Panel Four: Standing in the entrance of the house, Guardsman is throwing a tantrum.
Guardsman: Where do you two get off coming to my house! I don’t even know who you two are! You don’t even know who I am!
Vertigal: Well, I expected you to have better manners to be such a big time superhero. I’m sure all that yelling translates to have a seat in my nice living room while I get you two something to drink.
Panel Five: Vertigal drags Titan by the hand as he apologizes to Guardsman for her forwardness.
Titan: I apologize for her behavior. She--
Vertigal: I’d like a water with lemon, if you have it. If not, the water will be just fine.
Panel One: The three are seated in a fancy living room. We’re behind Guardsman on this one, looking at Vertigal and Titan in full costume. Vertigal is sipping water through a straw, looking very calm and confident. Titan has a folder in his hands that he is passing to the Guardsman
Vertigal (Whispered to Titan): You with me now?
Titan (Whispered to Vertigal): I’m with you.
Titan (Cont’d): Mr. Guardsman, if I can call you that, we have a proposition for you.
Guardsman: I’m not the Guardsman.
Panel Two: Guardsman looks at the folder, shocked.
Titan: You are the Guardsman. Now, we have a proposition for you.
Guardsman: This is…this is insane. It’s got…everything. How did you get all this information?
Vertigal: Yeah. The new generation’ll do that to you. We want you to lead us.
Panel Three: Guardsman, with a look of mistrust on his face, doesn’t know what to say. We are behind the two kids.
Guardsman: Lead whom?
Titan: Us. Myself, Vertigal, and…well, Spitfire I guess.
Guardsman (Cont’d): You guess?
Titan: We’re working on it. We feel that it’s time to broaden our horizons. We’ve micromanaged ourselves and lack the proper leadership to not only adequately protect civilians, but to tackle the bigger fish in the pond.
Guardsman (Cont’d): Bigger fish in the pond?
Titan (Cont’d): Yes sir. We have a chart…I think.
Panel Four: Guardsman, who is agitated.
Guardsman: Look, I don’t know who you kids are or how you found this out, but this is not a game. People live and die out there. Now, I know my reputation may precede me, but I assure you that I am not in the business of training or leading anyone. That’s just not something I’m comfortable with.
Panel One: On Titan, who is looking angrily discouraged at what Guardsman is saying.
Titan. And we think that’s an incredibly selfish decision for you to make. Whether you like it or not, we are the heroes of tomorrow. We are the future of this world. And instead of looking for this responsibility, one that others who are less virtuous than yourself would literally kill for, we come to you with it, with this gift, and you decline it? This isn’t a question Guardsman. This is an opportunity. Please don’t take it and throw it in our faces.
Panel Two: On Guardsman, shocked.
Guardsman: …how old are you two?
Guardsman (Cont’d): Because no one has kicked my ass like that since I snuck into my mother’s house three hours after curfew. I have to think about this.
Titan: Yes you do. The decision would be easier if I could find that damn chart though.
Panel Three: Guardsman, back to his old self, looks a bit angry but focused.
Guardsman: A few things though. Don’t you ever think this will happen again. You will not just come at me with something, especially in my home. Also, you’ll have to lose the attitude.
Titan: Knowing us, that’ll be hard.
Panel Four: The three, standing as Guardsman is about to lead them out the door.
Guardsman: And we need more people. I have high standards.
Titan: We know. And we appreciate you leaving your duties with the AmeriCorps. But you should know that we won’t let you down.
Vertigal: Absolutely sir. But, uhm…we suggest that we ease you into this situation. It’s a little volatile right now, and we want everyone to wo--.
Guardsman: That’s nice. So, how about you get along on your own damn time. I’ll be in conctact with you two shortly. Now get out of my house.
Panel One: the door slams as the Guardsman kicks the two out.
Vertigal: That was kind’ve easy.
Titan: Yeah it was. I can’t believe he left the AmeriCorps for us like that. That…that can’t be the whole story. We’re just some kids no one knows about. Without a chart.
Vertigal: Shut up about the stupid chart already. It’s their job to know about this sort of stuff. Let’s just count our lucky stars and hope Spitfire doesn’t freak out.
Panel Two: Back inside the house as Guardsman walks along his couch, sliding his middle and index fingers across the top of the cushions. He is avoiding the folder they gave him.
Panel Three: we now see Guardsman’s hands as he lifts the folder up.
Panel Four: Same panel, but the folder is out of the way and we see a ripped envelope and a piece of paper there.
Panel Five: on the paper, we see a picture of the Guardsman, and a cordial letter of Dishonorable Discharge from the AmeriCorps.