Back Street Deal Gone Wrong

[Kevin Sutton]

These are the first three pages of something I'm working on right now. Any specific or general criticism is welcome of course.

[timshinn73]

In general, it needs work. I would suggest life drawing class and Andrew Loomis books for figure work. Loomis books also cover perspective, which needs work here, too. Finally, get some photo reference for buildings(brick walls, brownstones, window treatments, alleys, etc), cars, vans, clothing, etc. It's isn't cheating to look at a photo of a Chevy van or a pair of Oakley sunglasses if that's what you're trying to draw.

It's not all bad. On the good side, I find the storytelling to be pretty clear and you have tried to work in a few dramatic angles, which shows you are thinking about establishing mood. If you focus on the basics, your style will come out and things will start to flow.

Keep at it!

[Super Rats]

It's a good start, with some good ideas for shot selections and easy to follow storytelling, but perspective issues are a problem overall.

Page 1:
It's good that you establish the city and then move in closer with each shot. I think it would have been nicer if it were clearer with each shot we're getting away from the nice part of town and moving toward the ghetto. Reference some buildings to find details to help sell them as buildings (I have this problem as well with my own stuff) and to give the impression the class of building is changing. Reference will also give you a better idea of sense of scale. The size of your buildings also don't feel they're all the same scale, like in panel 2, the apartment buildings on the left and the other buildings across the street feel like they're slightly different scales. In panel 3 that's a mightly long van.

Page 2:
In panel 2, the figure, the curtain/blind and the window are in different perspectives, so the window looks misshapen rather than giving the impression of depth. The figures are a little stiff. What works well on this page is the storytelling. I understand what is going on and that bottom shot is a really good choice to add some tension.

Page 3:
That's a really small car in panel 1 and in panel 2 it looks like the buildings are in different perspectives. The bottom panel is a good idea, but perspective issues hurt you here again. The figures are placed a little low or I'm confused by something, can't really place them.

[Cuddly]

Hi Kevin,

there's some good stuff happening here. And some stuff that needs work. A quick run-down:

The Good (i.e. what I thought you did well at):
1) *VERY* good use of establishing shots (nicely done "drill down" in Pg1 where we go from city to neighborhood to street).
2) The storytelling is clear. In sequential art, storytelling is KING. It's also something that is harder to grasp and to teach than basic drawing. It helps if you have a natural feel for it, which I think you do. You have won half the battle already.
3) You're not shying away from complex shots. Pg1Pn3 is not a shot that many people would even attempt. You pulled it off pretty well.
4) You've kept the characters distinct enough that they are easy to tell apart, which helps immensely with the storytelling.
5) Good try at using lighting and shadows. You did pretty well in some spots, notably the spot blacks. Other areas need work, the areas shaded with diagonal lines, for example.

The Bad (i.e. what I think you need to improve upon):
1) The perspective is slightly off in Pg1Pn1. Perspective is one of those tricky animals. It's something I struggle with constantly myself. The vanishing points of the 2 buildings on the left of the panel don't line up with the other buildings.
2) The perspective is off in Pg1Pn3. The street is too narrow and the doors of the building on the left of the panel are all too small. Assuming the street to be level, the windows on the ground floor of the building on the right should line up horizontally with the windows of the ground floor of the building on the left. As it is, the building on the left has floors/levels that are about half the height of what they should be.
3) Look for reference pictures of buildings and cars. You don't need to trace photos, but you shouldn't be winging it this much either. Everything looks a bit too generic. You can tell it's a car or a building, but it's working on an almost iconic level. Like if you see an icon of a car on a street sign. You can tell it's a car because the basic shape is there. But that's it. So seek out reference photos and make your cars and buildings come to life a bit better.
4) You need a little more variety in your "camera" angles. You've got a worm's eye view in Pg3Pn4 and a nice shot in Pg3Pn5 where you've got the characters arranged in a ring (that must have taken some doing -- well done!). But for the most part, you've got the characters standing around in the center of the panel, facing the reader. Think like a movie director and move the camera in and out a bit more. Be conscious of the foreground, middleground and background and take advantage of all these layers to add depth to your panels.
5) Practice drawing people more, paying special attention to proportions (length of limbs, size of heads and hands, etc).

You're definitely on the right track. I give you props for doing 3 pages of sequentials and for trying and actually pulling off some pretty tricky shots. Keep at it. I look forward to seeing more stuff from you soon.

[Kevin Sutton]

Thanks for all the detailed criticism. Usually I can't muster a few sentences of response let alone several paragraphs. I appreciate all of your advice and your encouragement.

I suppose a little more patience and study is in order for my next works.

[Bryan E.Warner]

Hey Kevin
Well Sheldon ( Cuddly ) has done pretty well in his Critiuqe,So I'm gonna leave you a Mess of tools that I'm Sure you'll learn from.IF YOU DARE!
http://www.saveloomis.org " My all Time Fav."
http://www.fineart.sk/indext.php?cat=0
"Right up Comic book lane" http://www.scottmcdaniel.net
Comic References,At my Friend Buddy Scaleras Site http://www.buddyscalera.com " check out the CD's for Comic References and the Free samples.
This Site is targeted tword anime,but has good stuff.
http://www.polykarbon.com/tutorials/
OK Kevin there's a lot of tools,The first one would take you the distance.
Blessings!
Bryan E.Warner
P.S. hope all the links work.at least the ones that count,1-3-4

[Caimano]

Hello,
i don't have time today for a detailed feedback.
However let me just say I can find improvement area in your work: f.i. use photo reference for car please...and use magazines or real life for clotes drapery and shadows on them.

I relly like the "zooming" idea in board 1. Board 2 is my fave board. Very good the sequence with the man at the window (very good character and very good lighting), the boy showing the gun (the pose and the shadows there are very good) and the closing window panel (very good keeping the 3 panels st the same size). the last panel in bvoard 2 is very good 2 the camera angle is great!!