Ultimate Logan vs Hulk

[richdraws]

Hi,
I completed these pages a week or so ago and would like some crit before I begin a new project.
I am unsure how the story flows and if it is readable.
I varied the page layout to see which suited my drawing best.

Regards

Richard Jordan

http://img190.exs.cx/img190/7172/page19gp.jpg
http://img42.exs.cx/img42/3451/page28dc.jpg
http://img42.exs.cx/img42/9281/page34fc.jpg
http://img42.exs.cx/img42/456/page46bo.jpg

[Nato]

I have to start by saying that for a newcomer, your figurework's exceptional. The faces are realistic, the anatomy's believable and you show that you can draw a wide variety of ordinary-looking folks in addition to buff superhumans. It does get inconsistent at times-- the Hulk has some very realistic poses in some panels on page 2, but seems stiff and unnatural in others-- but on the whole, it's amazing stuff.

My recommendation is that you work on your layout and storytelling. The spatial relationships between characters-- their physical locations in a scene as it plays out-- aren't always clear from panel to panel. For example, when you introduce Logan and the Hulk, you don't make it clear that they're anywhere near one another-- Logan's down by the Thames, while the Hulk seems to emerge from the subway somewhere in the central city. Then all of a sudden, Logan's on top of an office building right where the Hulk is leaping? And how'd that woman get a car on top of a building in the first place?

I suggest you give your layouts a bit more room to breathe. Use larger panels to introduce an overall location for a scene before you start focusing in on its smaller details. And when you do focus in, try to include small details in the characters' surroundings, or in the background, that will let the reader know where these characters are in the larger scene you've established.

I'm writing a Webcomic series set in London, and I've been looking for an artist with a realistic style and a way with action. I don't know what you've got on your plate, but you'll find scripts and contact info via the link above if you're interested.

-- Nato

[Cuddly]

Hi richdraws,

Welcome to Penciljack!

Nice work! Good job spotting blacks! As one who prefers "old school" to some of the newer manga-inspired "open" artwork, it's good to see some solid use of line weights and spotted blacks. Kudos on that.

As Nato commented, that's some solid work on anatomy and faces. Where I think you need beefing up is in the areas of storytelling and page layout.

I'm not sure if these pages are in sequence (the file names seem to indicate that they aren't -- page 19, 28, 34 and 46?), but they seem to read as if they are, so I'll crit as if they are.

Page 1:
Pn1:
Good establishing shot, we know we're in London. Unfortunately, it doesn't quite set the scene for the next panel, which ideally, it should. Also, Logan lights up here but we never see the cigar again in any of the subsequent pages.

Pn2:
Without the establishing of setting for this panel, it comes as a little jarring storytelling-wise. Who are these people? What's going on in the background? Has something exploded or is a strong wind blowing through? I think the page could be improved by establishing some of these "extras" (as in the characters) in Pn1, milling about the Westminster area then in Pn2, show the *SAME* characters reacting to an explosion in the Underground. In any case, more clarity is required in the storytelling.

Pn3:
Again, there's no relation between this panel and Pn2. Because we haven't seen what has exploded, the grating means nothing in that it doesn't give us any information that we can use to build the story for ourselves.

Pn4:
Excellent shot here. There's nothing wrong with your drawing ability, I can tell you that! But again, we could stand to see more people running away, a bit more chaos, etc.

Page 2:
Pn1:
How did Logan get on top of this building? Judging by the angle in Pg1Pn1, Logan looked like he was on a boat on the Thames, lighting a cigar while going under the bridge. And now, he's on the building, gun in hand and no cigar. If these pages are not in sequence (i.e. there are pages missing), then apologies. Otherwise, this needs to be clarified.

Pn2:
I like the execution of this. Thing is, looking further along, Logan's gun doesn't have a scope and he doesn't look like he's wearing any head gear that would allow a targetting reticle to be displayed like this. Unless this isn't Logan's POV in this panel?

Pn6:
The Hulk has caught onto the side of a building. I get that (again, fantastic work on the rendering of this!). But what's with the hands on the left? If he's just dropped/thrown the guy he was carrying, this needs to be clearer.

Pn7:
The Hulk jumps from the building to attack Logan. Took me a couple of long stares to figure this out, though. I think the pose could be improved to make the action clearer. Right now, it looks like the Hulk's been caught in a large energy blast and is reacting in pain.

Page3:
No complaints, though I think from a layout standpoint, you could have shifted more focus to the action in the last 3 panels (and by that I mean crashing into the cars, Logan swiping Hulk with claws while he lifts a car, etc) rather than on the second panel. While that one has some significance, I think you'd have gotten more bang for your buck by making the action larger in the last 3 panels (ignoring the close-up of the pedestrian).

Page 4:
Nice work. Here, I'm a bit torn because I think the straight-grid layout is debatable. On the one hand, it clearly and quite cinematically (as in storyboard-like) portrays the sequence of actions. On the other, the same-ness of the panel sizes is a tad dull and some of the action in the smaller panels could be in bigger panels for emphasis and impact. I love the shot of the Hulk tearing open the double-decker bus. That was really well-drawn. But I'd have liked to see it a bit bigger.

You have considerable talent and I'd really like to see more stuff from you here on Penciljack. Keep pushing the envelope and upping the ante on the storytelling and layouts and I think a very promising career awaits you in comics.

Hope to see more soon.

[G-man_2000]

That’s some of the best penciling I’ve seen. Only critic is you’re story telling. Work on that a bit.

[Dominicano]

Great rendition of the Hulk. Nice placement of the blacks

[Bryan E.Warner]

Except for whats all ready been said.Your on your way. Very good.
Blessings!
Bryan E.Warner

[xadrian]

I would buy Wolverine or Hulk if they were drawn like this. The shot of him coming out of the subway station, the shot of the two meeting in mid air, just really well done.

There's some inconsistancy, though, and it's been mentioned already so I won't harp. Good stuff man.

[JJ Mckool]

Yeah, you just need some work on your storytelling. But other than that your anatomy is pretty damned awesome, and your shading is pretty great too.

[richdraws]

Thanks for the help everyone.
Its been very useful for me to hear the criticisms and advice.
I guess I should now do some more and work from a script. Working from a script may help me concentrate on the story telling aspect.

Again thanks everyone and please keep the comments coming.

Regards

Rich

[krikkit13]

I don't want to reiterate what everyone else has said, 'cause I agree with them (story telling needs work/pencilling is great).

The flow panel to panel isn't too bad, but the page to page stuff is kinda where you lost me a bit (I'm just assuming these all go in a sequence).

I like your rendering of Wolverine, he's wiry as opposed to stocky, which is different and cool. Your Hulk is pretty beast-like and seems to draw a lot of parallels with King Kong. Also different and cool.

Someone else mentioned that shot with them meeting in the air - and I have to agree - it stands out as really great.

Let's see some more!