Desert Son - first 3 pages!

[Big_K]

I'm finally buckling down and trying to do these. I started to draw the story a couple of years ago, but 2 pages into the story, I realized I needed a little more seasoning in my drawing. I hope I am ready to tackle this project now.

I am trying to convert a story that I have written the first half of [it's kind of ongoing] into comic format. The story centers around Cole, a member of the desert bred warrior caste known as the Faed. He returned home from his training and involvement in the Underdark War, and discovered that his homeland was torched. Slavers, a common desert problem, destroyed his home, and kidnapped much of his villages populace, including his sister. After killing the elderly and those who resisted, all of the others were led off into captivity.

The story begins a week or so into his journey. Following the trail of destruction left by the slaver's caravan, he hopes to find his sister, and make the slavers pay.

Anyway, this is the first 3 pages of the 8 page story that I have written so far. I wil post it along with the original pages that I drew some 3 years ago, so that comparisons can be made regarding the development of the art since then.

I believe that I have improved. But you be the judge of that.

Page ONE [ORIGINAL]:
http://kktripp.kurwandor.com/desertson/ima...sertson1-01.jpg

Page ONE [NEW]: (apologies for the bad scan)
http://kktripp.kurwandor.com/gallery/deser....lotd001001.jpg

Page TWO [ORIGINAL]:
http://kktripp.kurwandor.com/desertson/ima....1.02_color.jpg

Page TWO(and THREE)[NEW]: (not quite finished yet)
http://kktripp.kurwandor.com/gallery/deser...otd001002-3.jpg

I have a small scanner now. When I did the original pages, I was working at Wildstorm and had a big 12x18 bed scanner to work with...so I didn't have to play stitch it up like I had to for the new pages on my little 8.5x11 scanner. lol

Anyhow, I'd appreciate your comments and critiques. I am going to finish the 8 pages and work on the script for the next 8 pages hopefully by the time I get to San Diego this year.

Thanks for looking guys!

-K

[bindlestitch]

Huge improvements in my opinion. Nice stuff.

[GRiM]

There is a major improvement, though the originals are still good.

[cs3ink]

Well, I've never shied away from a minority opinion, but IMO the originals are much stronger and more dynamic than the new ones. The new ones are chaotic and noisey, while the originals appear strong and well thought-out. The old stuff feels solid, even with the occasional anatomical issues. The storytelling is more natural and easier to follow in the originals, while the new ones are jumbled, noisey and uncertain in what they want to say and how they want to convey it. The harsh angles and overall flatness in the newer versions is distracting.

I appear to ba alone here, but I wouldn't fix what isn't broken, especially using inferior parts.

Later,
Chip

[guerilla mosh]

I agree with cs3ink the original first page looks alot better to me easier to follow and the detail seemed nicer as well. But I love the double page spread it looks really nice.

[Shammamin]

I would say that each version has its own merits. The anatomy and overall rendering of the scenes are a major improvement in the second version, but the narrative flows better in the first version.

I think what makes the second version a bit clunky is the distracting forground rock and bush in the panels with the approaching hooded figure. You're losing that real "deserty" wide-open feel you had with the first one.

The new second page rocks all though.

[Big_K]

Thanks for the comments guys, it really helps. A few at a time.

The storytelling is more natural and easier to follow in the originals, while the new ones are jumbled, noisey and uncertain in what they want to say and how they want to convey it. The harsh angles and overall flatness in the newer versions is distracting.

hrm. I kinda see what you're saying, but ... nah I'm clueless. Can you elaborate on specifics?

I agree with cs3ink the original first page looks alot better to me easier to follow and the detail seemed nicer as well.

The detail is, again, an affectation of the scans I think. The original pages were scanned on wildstorm's big 12 x 18 bed scanner, so I was able to scan the whole page rather than stitch it together.

I think what makes the second version a bit clunky is the distracting forground rock and bush in the panels with the approaching hooded figure. You're losing that real "deserty" wide-open feel you had with the first one.

AHhhhhhhhhhhh. I get that. in my attempt to create depth with contrast, I may have inadvertently added an unnecessary element or two.

It's funny, I showed this to Khary Randolph the other day and he said I needed to hit the 2 pager harder, and that the first page was sweetness. I am going to try to incorporate everything into corrections though.

Again, thanks a lot. Very helpful.

Anyone else?

-K

[CapnPyro]

I think the first page is tight, the face is MUCH improved, that was my main criticism the first time I saw it.

Page 2/3 do need some more lovin, I think. The energy of the background is awesome, but if you have a guy lying on the ground going off into perspective.. you're going to have to work it out so he goes into the background convincingly (he's sorta floaty I think right now). And the main dude looks cool, I liked the original, but I think this will work better once colored.. his legs may be spread a bit far?

Huge improvements man, very cool =]