Airplane adventures

[Chris Piers]

Look at it or don't. Either is cool with me.

[jeremy dale]

Knowing that this is drawn in pen, I have to say-- it NEEDS LINE DEPTH. NEEDS it. It's confusing to look at it and have to readjust your eyes to see what's drawn HOW it's drawn.

Also, some well placed spotted blacks couldn't hurt.

Overall, some strong, strong work-- though I'd have to say I'd like to see what you could do WITHOUT a light box as a crutch next time. There's a LOT of potential here, it shows. Take a few chances, and you have something stellar here.

Jeremy

[ScottEwen]

I didn't like it when I first looked at it, but I realized that it's not the drawing that's bad, it's the inking. The anatomy and poses are all good, but the inking (no offense) is terrible.

Couple problems I had other than the inking: on page two Hawkeye's arrow forms a tangent with the left border. It would probably be a lot better if the arrow broke the panel border, make it look more like the arrow is coming towards the reader. Also, you might want to have him pointing in the opposite direction, not only because it leads the eye right off the left side of the page, but because in the next shot you moved the "camera" 180 degrees to his other side. It looks like he points the arrow over to the left, then immediately turns around and shoots the arrow to the right. I don't think that's what you want. The fourth panel of the second page needs to be a little more dynamic, too, as well as moving him so his feet aren't being cropped off by the border.

But other than that, it looks great.

[Chris Piers]

No, but seriously, don't go easy on me or anything.

[ScottEwen]

Heh heh. Sorry. I try to be as honest as I can when critiquing someone's art because I only want people to be honest with me when they critique mine. It's how I learn from my mistakes and get better.

By the way, the stuff that I pointed out, about the tangents and composition, is the stuff that I have a lot of trouble with in my own work. It's hard for me a lot of times to step back and see something that I've drawn as a reader instead of the person that drew it, so I don't SEE these mistakes that I make. It's only when people point them out that I notice them. And it's why I can point that stuff out in other people's artwork, I'm learning to look for it.

[Chris Piers]

I'm not offended. I appreciate the critique.

[jeremy dale]

Sure you're offended. There's no problem in that. It hurts to grow, no one ever said otherwise.

You have a lot of good here, but there's definitely room to improve.

jeremy

[Chris Piers]

Go eat a tomatoe you.

[Spectre-7]

What's with the Dan Quayle-ing of Tomato?

Sorry, couldn't help it.

[Rushmore]

I agree with the depth and line widths.

The first panel is great.

I would have blacked the second panel differently. The netting shouldn't be the focus. I'd black the reflective part of the mask things and either the windows or the doors, or both.

In the third panel, H is the foreground element, but I think there would be better flow if he was still middleground. Also, I know you've got a nice rhythm here with the layout, but I think the 3rd panel needs to be smaller, perhaps an inset, and the 4th panel get the space it deserves.

It looks like you paid a lot of attention to the first 3 panels of pg 2. Those are really great. Maybe you could apply that to the 2nd and 3rd panel of pg 1.

On the first panel of pg 2: His hand is not touching the arrow, it looks like (but it doesn't bother me at all.) That mask is tricky, but he really needs a furrowed brow. I'm not sure how that would be accomplished.

The last two panels look unfinished, partly because of an unsteady line and partly because it needs some basic blacks.

All in all, though, there are some great parts here. great.