Reply With QuoteOoo, so this is what happens next. I love this!
This is page 15 of the comicjam "JetDog goes to Egypt" - for the rest of the story, go to Global Comic Jam
If anyone feels like joining a waaay cool jam like this one, please go to the site and sign up!!!
Ooo, so this is what happens next. I love this!
ORGY TWINS!!
Party Tip: when mom gives you Cheerios, drink the milk too! It's a balanced breakfast and good for strong bones! PARTY!
The storytelling could be stronger, I think. You need to establish character relationships a little better. We see an old guy, then a demon. Where does the demon come from? Where is he in relation to the old guy. Then we see the first, and only establishment of relationships on the page in panel three, where we see a huge hand (the demons I suspect) grabbing the what I assume is the old guy. It's a little ambiguous though.
One panel establishing Jetdog and the old guy together in the same shot would be nice, because the characters on this page seem disconnected from each other. If not for panel threem where we see the old guy in the demon's hand (and that's kind of an ambiguous shot of the old guy), there's no relation connection made between the three characters.
Otherwise, not bad. A little of that Mignola vibe.
Loston
http://www.lostonwallace.com
Last edited by Bruce Lee; 04-03-2004 at 04:19 PM.
Mr. Lee...
Thanks for the responce. Please remember that this is page 15 (!!!) - so the characters have already been established!
But you might be right about having a panel with more than one charecter... but for what I was going for in this particular piece, I don't think that would have helped in any way. But if I had cramed a panel or two more in there, you're right.
I'm a big believer in the notion that every sequential page needs to stand on it's own, whether it's page 15 of a story or page 1. You shouldn't underestimate the reader's knack for getting confused ltrying to follow visual storytelling. As the storyteller, it's up to you to communicate the story in visual terms as clearly and comprehensibly as you can. Establishing the relationships between characters on each page is a good way to keep things clear. Believe me, it's far better to play it safe and be a little redundant, than it is too simply assume the reader will figure things out on their own.Originally posted by udgang99
Mr. Lee...
Thanks for the responce. Please remember that this is page 15 (!!!) - so the characters have already been established!
It may sound like it, but I'm not busting your chops here. I'm just giving you some sound advice on storytelling, udgang99. It's up to you as to whether or not you think it's advice worth heeding.
Regardless, I look forward to seeing more of your work on the boards in the future. I think it's good stuff for the most part.
Loston
http://www.lostonwallace.com
On the subject of establishing shots, what I usually do is add some form of establishing shot as the first panel of each new page. So even if it's been established that character A and B are facing each other and talking, I'll just have a panel with both of them to establish the spacial relationships, even if this goes on for 5 pages on conversation. Even if the script doesn't call for it, I'll either check with the writer and see if I can do that.
Anywho, I like the style, and the red splatter in the middle of the page. Did you ink this by hand or do it digitally? They look very nice.
Hmmm - yeah, I see what you mean (both of you). If I had to redo the page, maybe I sould have made panel 1 bigger, still have the professor in it saying what he daoes, but pull back a bit and have the demon in the background, and maybe some landscape/or the pyramid. Not sure what, but something should also bee done with the panel with JetDog in it... Maybe also pull back a bit, and put in some landscape?
By the way, I ink on paper - using a mechanical pen!
A panned back, location shot couldn't hurt, since we don't really have a clue as to where this story is taking place.Originally posted by udgang99
Not sure what, but something should also bee done with the panel with JetDog in it... Maybe also pull back a bit, and put in some landscape?
I think you really need to establish the professor and Jetdog together in the same panel to show where Jetdog is in relation to him, and maybe have the severed hand of the demon in the shot also.
Loston
http://www.lostonwallace.com
Last edited by Bruce Lee; 04-04-2004 at 10:18 PM.
That’s a good start, brush up on your skills.
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