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Transformers (Full Script)
Here is my full 22 page script of transformers, that Xadrian asked me to do.
Its kinda of an reinvention story about if the transformers series took place in the 50s. Here you go. ::edit:: Read the benito edited version below
Page 1
Panel 1
A view of a bustling town in 1950’s Peru that is surrounded by vast mountains. This town, called Callao Iqutios is comparative to an old western town in the U.S. The streets and roads are mostly dirt and are lined with low, one story, wooden buildings. A mix of Caucasians and Indians fill the dusty streets of Callao Iqutios with conversation and trading. A small private plane is flying above the city in the distance.
CAPTION - Callao Iqutios, Peru. 1950.
Panel 2
A young and energetic man, Billy Rickley, wonders aimlessly through Callao Iqutios, looking at an large map.
Panel 3
A close up of Billy from the last panel, reading his map.
Panel 4
Caught in his map reading, Billy is about to bump into a young Spanish woman, who‘s name is Lily. The Spanish woman is walking toward Billy unsuspectingly because she is looking upward at the plane passing by. Visually, Lily is pretty, but not voluptuous. She has long brown hair which like hair name sake, has a lily in it.
Panel 5
Billy is bumping and knocking over Lily.
Page 2
Panel 1
Billy is now laying awkwardly on Lily . Passer-byes are looking at the clumsy collision that just occurred. Lily has an awkward grin on her face.
Billy - I’m so so sorry….. I was just…..
Lily - Don’t worry….. I’m ok. Can you get off, though? You’re heavier then you look.
Panel 2
Billy is getting off Lily.
Panel 3
Billy is now helping Lily off the ground.
Lily - You must be new around here, since the only people who have a map are lost or need to find somewhere.
Billy - Yeah, I’m on vacation from America.
Panel 4
Billy and Lily are in the process of conversation now. Lily is dusting herself off from her recent fall.
Lily - America huh? Looks like you’re kinda lost?
Billy - I think I’m doing well enough for a foreigner.
Lily - Well enough to run into people?
Panel 5
Billy is scratching his head bashfully while Lily continues the conversation.
Billy - Yeah…. Sorry about that.
Lily - I’m just kidding with you, forget that ever happened, by the way, I’m Lily. I can be your guide….. For the right price.
Panel 6
Billy is now walking away from Lily with his now folded up map. Lily, increasingly wanting his attention, starts to yell.
Billy - I think I’ll be well off by myself.
Lily - But I can show you the ruins!
Billy - Ruins?
Page 3
Panel 1
Billy is turning around as Lily runs up to him.
Lily - I can show you the ruins up in the hills, there are a lot of things you can discover up there. Do you want a tour?
Billy - Tell me more about these ruins, I need a good story for the paper. How much is one of these tours you‘re offering?
Panel 2
Lily is skipping off to a bar/saloon type building while Billy tries to catch up.
Lily - I’ll tell you over lunch at the saloon … follow me.
Panel 3
Billy is pushing open the doors of the saloon.
Panel 4
The saloon is full of roustabouts and shady characters, playing cards and the like. Smoke fills the air and wooden chairs, tables, and bars represents the décor. Billy is viewing all of this and slowly taking it in.
Panel 5
Lily is sitting at an table and signaling Billy to come over and sit with her.
Lily - Over here!
Panel 6
Billy is pulling a chair up to the table Lily is sitting at and he is about to sit down.
Page 4
Panel 1
Billy is signaling for a waiter as Lily starts a conversation with him.
Billy - <Hey, waiter…>
Lily - I got so caught up in everything that I forgot to ask you your name. What is it?
Panel 2
From the viewpoint of the waiter; Billy is in conversation with Lily as the bustling bar scene goes on behind them.
Billy - Its Billy Rickley, and your name was Lily, right? That doesn’t sound very Peruvian to me.
Lily - Yeah, its Lily Quiotos and I am a Mestizo.
Billy - Mestizo?
Lily - Yes, Mestizo, meaning I’m part white and part native Peruvian.
Billy - I see……
Panel 3
A young Peruvian waiter in gray and dull clothing is taking Lily and Billy’s order.
Billy - <I’ll have fish and corn>
Lily - <Me too and some potatoes>
Panel 4
The waiter is now gone off to fill the order. Billy looks confused and Lily is grinning as they continue their conversation.
Billy - You must give a lot of tours to get all of that.
Lily - Nope, but it doesn’t matter because I’m not buying.
Billy - I didn’t agree to buy you lunch
Lily - But you want to see the tour right? Because that’s part of the deal.
Billy - Ok, ok, I’ll buy you lunch.
CAPTION - Note; Brackets (<>) denote Spanish language.
Page 5
Panel 1
Billy and Lily continue to sit at their table, behind them is a bar complete with vacant stools, a bartender, and various drinks.
Billy - So can you tell me more about these ruins in the hills?
Lily - They are far up in the hills, it will take about a half day to get there.
Billy - Is it worth the time just to see some ruins?
Lily - Well duh, I’m not sure about America, but here in Peru ruins aren’t all over the place.
Billy - Great, I want to see something ancient for a change.
Panel 2
Billy is enjoying his fish that ordered, while Lily continues to explain her tour.
Lily - What are you talking about?
Panel 3
Billy puts his eating on a brief hiatus to explain himself. Lily is curious about the answer.
Billy - I work for a newspaper in America, they commissioned me to make a book about vehicles in the 19th century.
Panel 4
Billy is pulling out a book from a bag under the table.
Billy - Here it is…..
Panel 5
Billy is handing Lily the book, but Lily is signally that she doesn’t want it.
Lily - That’s ok, I really don’t care about those things.
Panel 6
Billy is getting up from the table as Lily watches him.
Billy - Ok then…. When should we leave?
Lily - Tomorrow, at 8:00 in the morning. We’ll meet in the front of this saloon.
Billy - Pushy aren’t we?
Lily - Yeah, whatever, just bring the fee for the tour.
Page 6
Panel 1
The two vacant stools at the bar in the earlier panel are now full with two suspicious characters. One is a sinister looking young man with blond hair (Darius). He is well dressed in comparison to the other characters seen so far. The second is an large and bulky henchman type character (Harry).
Darius - Is everything ready?
Harry - Yes, sir.
Darius - It better be, I don’t need anything messing up my plans. I know there is something powerful in those ruins and that power will be in my possession.
Panel 2
Darius is throwing three photos on the bar top.
Darius - Here is what the ruins look like. These photos were taken with our aerial camera.
Panel 3
This panel is just one of the photos, layered party over Panel 2. The photo is of the ancient Inca ruins, seen here.
Panel 4
Another photo styled panel, but with a closer look of the ruins.
Panel 5
The same style panel, but a even closer look, with the auto-bot symbol somewhat visible in the dirt.
Panel 5
Harry is pointing to the last photo mentioned.
Harry - What is that? It looks like some kind of head.
Panel 6
Darius is now standing up and looking at it closely.
Darius - Its probably some Inca drawing. Let me worry about that stuff. I’m not paying you to ponder and think.
Page 7
Panel 1
Billy is in a small and rickety room he rented for the night. Old and dark, this room’s only furniture is a bed and a dresser. Billy is standing about in the room and inspecting his new surroundings.
Billy - Looks like this is as good as it gets.
Panel 2
Billy is now sitting on his bed and going through his bag.
Billy - I wonder what I should bring. Lily did say it would be a long walk.
Panel 3
Billy is looking through the “Vehicles of the 20th Century” book that he showed Lily earlier. His bag is still at his feet.
Billy - I guess I’ll take this just in case I think of anything new for it.
Panel 3
Billy is pulling back the covers of his bed and he is about to get in it.
Panel 4
Billy is now fast asleep in his bed.
SFX (from Billy) - Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Panel 5
It is night time now in Callao Iqutios and there is not a cloud in the sky. We can see Billy sleeping through his 2nd story window.
Panel 6
A more far out view of night time Callao Iqutios. The streets are completely empty and the only light is the moon.
Page 8
Panel 1
A large cruiser type space ship is seen floating in space by Earth.
CAPTION - Space, Deception War Vessel 0050.
Panel 2
Now we are in the ship, which is full of various metallic and high tech devices. Specially we are in a large corridor.
Panel 3
We are now looking at large pods in the control room. In these pods are the silhouette of large robotic humanoid figures.
Panel 4
There are some more of these large pods in the ship, but now they are behind energy bars.
Panel 5
We are now looking at a large screen which is also in the control room, it is green and appears to have text on it.
Panel 6
Same setup as before, but in a different angle. The ship is now talking.
Ship - Tracking of Autobot destination complete. Selected destination contains high levels of energon.
Page 9
Panel 1
Back to Callao Iqutios. It is morning time and we are in the middle of the town. The streets are just starting to become busy.
Panel 2
Billy is in the middle of the town looking around for Lily through the crowd.
Billy - Where is she? She told me eight sharp.
Panel 3
A full cut out of Lily, layered over the pervious panels.
Panel 4
A small panel at Lily’s feet. This is just dusty ground she is standing in.
Panel 5
Billy is now meeting up with Lily in the middle of the street.
Billy - You’re late
Lily - It was only five minutes, its not like the ruins are just going to get up and move.
Billy - Whatever, lets just get there before its too late.
Lily - Sure
Page 10
Panel 1
A vertical shot of an path meandering up a mountain. This mountain is mostly green except for it’s snow capped tips. Clouds slowly float over this majestic mountain.
Panel 2
Billy and Lily are hiking up the dusty trail now.
Panel 3
Billy and Lily are walking in a grassy field filled with flowers. Billy is using a walking stick that he probably picked up before.
Billy - This is longer then I thought.
Lily - You Americans are out of shape.
Panel 4
Now the duo is carefully walking up a winding path near a cliff. Lily is leading.
Lily - We’re almost there.
Panel 5
The duo have now reached the end of their track, which is at the end of the path mentioned in the last panel. The path is ended by a large wall of rock which Lily is already standing on. Billy is almost on top of wall, but for now he is still climbing.
Lily - Hurry, its beautiful.
Panel 6
Billy has finally made it to the top, now he is head just above the rock.
Billy - Wow, amazing.
Page 11
Panel 1
A majestic and magnificent view of the ruins from a few panels back. Its late afternoon, is blue, red, and orange.
Voice - This is better then I could have ever imagined.
Panel 2
Billy is talking to Lily as they roam the ruins.
Billy - So are you going to show me around?
Lily - Actually, I kinda lied. I’ve only been here once, when I was a little girl. My family needs money, and my father just got fired from the mines. I took up this job to help him.
Billy - If you have nothing to show me, then I’m going to leave.
Lily - No, wait…..
Panel 3
The duo is turning their heads in surprise at a loud sound they heard.
SFX - Crrrrrrrrrraaaasssssshhhhh
Panel 4
Billy and Lily are running to where the sound originated, which is behind a large wall.
Billy - What was that?
Lily - It sounded like something fell.
Panel 5
Billy and Lily are peeping behind the large wall now.
Lily - I don’t believe this….
Page 12
Panel 1
Scene of men working a large drill to open a pathway to the insides of the ruins. To bad for them that their drill is broken and laying on the ground. Darius is in the middle of all of this, directing and commanding the movements of the workers.
Darius - I want that drill fully operational in five minutes, we have to finish before we draw to much attention.
Panel 2
Billy is now looking at Lily who is still peeking around the wall.
Billy - We have to stop them, they will destroy the ruins. We should get the…..
Lily - Way ahead of you!
Panel 3
Lily is now yelling and standing in front of the wall with her arms spread out. Her hair is blowing in the breeze as Darius and the workers look at her with puzzled faces.
Lily - Hey! You’re destroying the ruins.
Panel 4
Close up of Darius’ angry face.
Darius - An intruder. Get her!
Panel 5
Nervous about the situation about to unfold, Billy grabs Lily by the arm and begins to run.
Billy - Come on!
Panel 6
Continuing from the last panel, Billy and Lily are running full speed from their persuaders. Gunfire is reigning down on them.
Billy - What were you thinking?
Lily - You said we should stop them.
Billy - I didn’t mean to….
Panel 7
Billy and Lily are still running, but much to their dismay, they fall through an old trap door in the grounds of the ruins.
Billy - Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Lily - Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Page 13
Panel 1
An angry Darius and his curious crew are looking about for the dysfunctional duo among the ruins.
Darius - Where is that girl, I saw that she had an male accomplice with her.
Henchman #1 - Its like they disappeared
Darius - Well I want them found and I want that drill fixed, now!
Panel 2
Billy and Lily are now in an stony underground tunnel full of columns and walls which are in mint condition. Still somewhat dazed from their fall, Billy and Lily are checking to see if nothing is broke.
Lily - Ugh… that was a long fall.
Billy - At least we escaped those men, what were you trying to do up there anyway.
Lily - I thought I could get them to stop….
Billy - Well you thought wrong, now we have to find away out of here so we can contact the authorities.
Panel 3
The duo is now dusting themselves off from the fall.
Lily - And so you can pay me
Billy - Tough chance, all you caused me is trouble, and now I’m not sure I’ll see the next day.
Lily - It isn’t that bad, this is even a better tour then what I told you.
Panel 4
Now walking through a large corridor, Billy, armed with a flashlight, is leading Lily through the ancient maze. Lily is holding a torch to light the way also.
Lily - Where are we going?
Billy - I’m trying to find a way out of here.
Lily - Well your not doing a very good job, we been walking for an hour.
Billy - If you want to go your own way you can, but I’m following this path no matter what.
Panel 5
Billy and Lily are nearing a large doorway that is about ten times the height of a normal human.
Lily - Can we stop? I think I can see a big room where we can rest.
Billy - I guess, but only if the room is…..
Panel 6
Billy and Lily are now looking up in awe at the large doorway which has the autobus emblem over it.
Billy - Wow…..
Lily - That is one big doorway!
Page 14
Panel 1
Billy and Lily are now looking around as they walk through the large doorway.
Billy - I guess we can stop here, I want to sketch these ruins for my newspaper.
Lily - Finally, my feet are killing me.
Panel 2
Now we are establishing the next scene. Billy and Lily are in large, warehouse size room full of tall columns and hieroglyphic type writing on the wall.
Panel 3
As Lily looks around the room, Billy is sitting down on the floor looking through his bag. Billy’s flashing is set on his hilt to provide light.
Lily - This place is huge, I wonder why the Incas would need such a big room.
Panel 4
Closer view of Billy look looking through his bag, he is pulling out his “Vehicles of the 20th Century Book” to allow for easier searching in his bag,
Billy (thoughts) - Soon as I find that darn pad, I can trace some of these writings on the wall.
Voice (Lily) - I wonder what they could have used this room for, I mean is practically empty.
Panel 5
Billy has finally found his drawing pad, which he lifts in the air with success. The vehicle book lays beside him.
Panel 6
A shot of the vehicle book laying on the floor.
Page 15
Panel 1
Billy is now tracing the ancient writings on the wall. He seems very focused on his task.
Panel 2
Lily is now beside Billy who is still tracing. Curious about what Billy is doing, Lily asks him.
Lily - What are you doing?
Billy - Tracing these picture writings, I can get a big raise from my boss if he uses this in his newspaper.
Lily - We’ll I guess my tour was worth something. Are you going to pay?
Billy - I’ll think about it.
Panel 3
Now done with his tracing, Billy is still holding the paper against the wall which shows the auto-bot emblem on it. Lily is staring at it also.
Lily - That kinda looks like a face.
Billy - Yeah, that’s strange.
Panel 4
Under the paper, the grooves the form the writing in the wall are turning neon green.
Panel 5
Billy falls back on his behind, startled by the unusual light. Lily looks at the wall with confusion.
Billy - The wall….
Lily - It’s glowing!
Panel 6
The whole wall is starting to illuminate in the grooves now.
Page 16
Panel 1
A close up of the auto bot emblem on the wall that Billy was tracing. Now the emblem is glowing in a green light.
Panel 2
The whole room is now glowing purfusingly in neon, the walls, floors, and columns included. Billy and Lily are standing in the middle of the room, nervous and scared.
Lily - What did you do!
Billy - I don’t know, this might be some ancient Inca trap.
Panel 3
The whole room is slowly transforming into a metal high tech control room. The process is starting with the floor.
Panel 4
The process is continuing with the walls and columns.
Panel 5
Control Panels and screens are popping out of the wall.
Panel 6
Five pods, like the ones seen on the deception cruiser are rising from holes newly formed in the floor.
Panel 7
A close up of the pods which have humanoid silhouettes in them.
Page 17
Panel 1
A view of the room with its now complete transformation.
Panel 2
Billy and Lily are walking around confused and anxious about what is going to happen next.
Lily - I don’t think the Incas did this.
Billy - This room looks even more advance then current technology, but how can that be?
Lily - I don’t really care how it came to be, lets just get out of here
Billy - You’re right, lets go.
Panel 3
Billy and Lily are running to the large doorway
Panel 4
A large robotic eyeball is sent out from an hole in the wall to intercept them.
Panel 5
The eye is now scanning are unlucky duo,
Billy - Don’t move
Lily - ::Gulp::
Panel 6
A close up of the eye robot.
Eye Robot (in computer talk) - Subject non-compatible.
Page 18
Panel 1
The eye is roaming around the room looking for something to scan. Billy and Lily again look on with curiosity.
Eye Robot (in computer talk) - Searching for compatible subjects.
Panel 2
The eye is closing in on and scanning Billy’s vehicles book.
Voice (Lily) - Is it reading your book?
Voice (Billy) - I believe so, but I don’t know why.
Panel 3
The eye robot is scanning the book, making it (the book) somewhat transparent.
Eye Robot - Selection process complete, subject compatible with Optimus Prime.
Panel 4
One of the pods is glowing green.
Panel 5
Billy and Lily are walking by the pod.
Lily - I thought we were going to leave?
Billy - This may be our way out.
Page 19
Panel 1
The a page from the vehicles book, which features a picture of a mack truck and a complying article.
CAPTION - Compatible Subject Found.
Panel 2
A picture of the black featureless humanoid form layer over the page at the bottom.
CAPTION - Calculating Transformation Process
Panel 3
Same as before, but a blue matrix is over the humanoid now.
Panel 4
Classic Optimus Prime layered over the page, posing in awesomeness.
CAPTION - Optimus Prime, Leader of the Autobots.
Page 20
Panel 1
Optimus Prime is stepping out of the pod.
Panel 2
Billy and Lily are looking on in fear.
Lily - What is that?
Panel 3
Optimus Prime is now out of the pod looking down at the duo.
Optimus Prime - I am Optimus Prime, leader of the Auto bots.
Panel 4
Billy and Lily are looking upward in awe at Optimus Prime.
Lily - Who of the what?
Billy - Are you friendly?
Optimus Prime - Yes
Panel 5
A shot of Billy’s face with curiosity.
Billy - Where are you from?
Optimus Prime - All with be answered in due time.
Page 20
Panel 1
The decepticon cruiser is seen in space nearing Earth.
Panel 2
A view of the empty corridors of the ship.
Panel 3
The one of the pods seen before in the earlier pages rests against the wall of the decepticon control room.
Page 21
Panel 1
A screen in the decepticon control room is displaying text.
TEXT - Searching for compatible form for Megatron.
Panel 2
A view of Earth from space.
Panel 3
A closer view of Earth, directed at America.
Panel 4
An even closer view directed at Washington D.C.
Panel 5
A view of the Smithsonian Museum Building.
Panel 6
Now we are in the Smithsonian, more specially a large room full of war relics like tanks, jeeps, trucks, and planes hanging from the ceiling.
Panel 7
A close up of a Panzer Tank with a matrix covering it.
CAPTION - Suitable Form Found.
Page 22
Panel 1
We are now back on the decepticon cruiser, we are looking at the last seen pod with a robotic arm coming out of it.
Panel 2
Now the chest and up of Megatron can be seen coming out of the pod.
Panel 3
Find a full body Megatron is residing over the pod with the look of evilness.
Megatron - You can’t run forever Optimus, here comes the end of you and your precious autobots.
Last edited by foxmerquise8; 03-05-2004 at 05:31 PM.
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Very nice scirpt overall, fox. There are some sparse grammar and spelling errors, but they are nothing a quick proofread can't fix. The pacing is very well throughout the story. I'm one of those guys that likes big explosions and guys running from bullets, so the first 7/8 pages seemed a tad boring to me, but they are well thought out, and they establish the characters and plot succinctly.
I happen to be taking a class this semester called "Ancient Incas," so I have a couple things to offer from it. When Darius says something like "It's some sort of Inca drawing" you could put the term geoglyph in there, because the nazca people drew figures in the sand of animals that are called...well, geoglyphs. Also, the Incas had no written language. I'm sure there could be artistic designs and maybe drawings/engravings of deities or animals in the ruins, but no heiroglyphic type stuff that could convey any sort of information.
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Yeah, I read up on peru, I didn't know about the writing though. I can just say the writing is there for the autobot control room though, hehe.
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Vendetta, brian? anyone want to review this
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...nihil nisi bonum
Re: Transformers (Full Script)
Here's the script with spelling and mechanical errors fixed.
Page 1
Panel 1
A view of a bustling town in 1950’s Peru that is surrounded by vast mountains. This town, called Callao Iqutios, is comparable to an old western town in the U.S. The streets and roads are mostly dirt and are lined with low, one story, wooden buildings. A mix of Caucasians and Indians fills the dusty streets of Callao Iqutios with conversation and trading. A small private plane is flying above the city in the distance.
CAPTION - Callao Iqutios, Peru. 1950.
Panel 2
A young and energetic man, Billy Rickley, wonders aimlessly through Callao Iqutios, looking at a large map.
Panel 3
A close up of Billy from the last panel, reading his map.
Panel 4
Caught in his map reading, Billy is about to bump into a young Spanish woman, whose name is Lily. The Spanish woman is walking toward Billy unsuspectingly because she is looking upward at the plane passing by. Visually, Lily is pretty, but not voluptuous. She has long brown hair which like her name sake, has a lily in it.
Panel 5
Billy is bumping and knocking over Lily.
Page 2
Panel 1
Billy is now laying awkwardly on Lily . Passers-by are looking at the clumsy collision that just occurred. Lily has an awkward grin on her face.
Billy - I’m so so sorry….. I was just…..
Lily - Don’t worry….. I’m ok. Can you get off, though? You’re heavier than you look.
Panel 2
Billy is getting off Lily.
Panel 3
Billy is now helping Lily off the ground.
Lily - You must be new around here, since the only people who have a map are lost or need to find somewhere.
Billy - Yeah, I’m on vacation from America.
Panel 4
Billy and Lily are in the process of conversation now. Lily is dusting herself off from her recent fall.
Lily - America, huh? Looks like you’re kinda lost.
Billy - I think I’m doing well enough for a foreigner.
Lily - Well enough to run into people?
Panel 5
Billy is scratching his head bashfully while Lily continues the conversation.
Billy - Yeah…. Sorry about that.
Lily - I’m just kidding with you. Forget that ever happened. By the way, I’m Lily. I can be your guide….. For the right price.
Panel 6
Billy is now walking away from Lily with his now folded up map. Lily, increasingly wanting his attention, starts to yell.
Billy - I think I’ll be well off by myself.
Lily - But I can show you the ruins!
Billy - Ruins?
Page 3
Panel 1
Billy is turning around as Lily runs up to him.
Lily - I can show you the ruins up in the hills, there are a lot of things you can discover up there. Do you want a tour?
Billy - Tell me more about these ruins. I need a good story for the paper. How much is one of these tours you‘re offering?
Panel 2
Lily is skipping off to a bar/saloon type building while Billy tries to catch up.
Lily - I’ll tell you over lunch at the saloon … follow me.
Panel 3
Billy is pushing open the doors of the saloon.
Panel 4
The saloon is full of roustabouts and shady characters, playing cards and the like. Smoke fills the air and wooden chairs, tables, and bars represents the décor. Billy is viewing all of this and slowly taking it in.
Panel 5
Lily is sitting at an table and signaling Billy to come over and sit with her.
Lily - Over here!
Panel 6
Billy is pulling a chair up to the table Lily is sitting at and he is about to sit down.
Page 4
Panel 1
Billy is signaling for a waiter as Lily starts a conversation with him.
Billy - <Hey, waiter…>
Lily - I got so caught up in everything that I forgot to ask you your name. What is it?
Panel 2
From the viewpoint of the waiter; Billy is in conversation with Lily as the bustling bar scene goes on behind them.
Billy - Its Billy Rickley, and your name was Lily, right? That doesn’t sound very Peruvian to me.
Lily - Yeah, its Lily Quiotos and I am a Mestizo.
Billy - Mestizo?
Lily - Yes, Mestizo. Meaning I’m part white and part native Peruvian.
Billy - I see……
Panel 3
A young Peruvian waiter in gray and dull clothing is taking Lily and Billy’s order.
Billy - <I’ll have fish and corn.>
Lily - <Me too. And some potatoes.>
Panel 4
The waiter is now gone off to fill the order. Billy looks confused and Lily is grinning as they continue their conversation.
Billy - You must give a lot of tours to get all of that.
Lily - Nope, but it doesn’t matter because I’m not buying.
Billy - I didn’t agree to buy you lunch.
Lily - But you want to see the tour, right? Because that’s part of the deal.
Billy - Ok, ok. I’ll buy you lunch.
CAPTION - Note; Brackets (<>) denote Spanish language.
Page 5
Panel 1
Billy and Lily continue to sit at their table, behind them is a bar complete with vacant stools, a bartender, and various drinks.
Billy - So can you tell me more about these ruins in the hills?
Lily - They are far up in the hills. It will take about a half day to get there.
Billy - Is it worth the time just to see some ruins?
Lily - Well duh, I’m not sure about America, but here in Peru ruins aren’t all over the place.
Billy - Great, I want to see something ancient for a change.
Panel 2
Billy is enjoying his fish that he ordered, while Lily continues to explain her tour.
Lily - What are you talking about?
Panel 3
Billy puts his eating on a brief hiatus to explain himself. Lily is curious about the answer.
Billy - I work for a newspaper in America, they commissioned me to make a book about vehicles in the 20th century.
Panel 4
Billy is pulling out a book from a bag under the table.
Billy - Here it is…..
Panel 5
Billy is handing Lily the book, but Lily is signally that she doesn’t want it.
Lily - That’s ok, I really don’t care about those things.
Panel 6
Billy is getting up from the table as Lily watches him.
Billy - Ok then…. When should we leave?
Lily - Tomorrow, at 8:00 in the morning. We’ll meet in the front of this saloon.
Billy - Pushy, aren’t we?
Lily - Yeah, whatever. Just bring the fee for the tour.
Page 6
Panel 1
The two vacant stools at the bar in the earlier panel are now full with two suspicious characters. One is a sinister looking young man with blond hair (Darius). He is well dressed in comparison to the other characters seen so far. The second is an large and bulky henchman type character (Harry).
Darius - Is everything ready?
Harry - Yes, sir.
Darius - It better be, I don’t need anything messing up my plans. I know there is something powerful in those ruins and that power will be in my possession.
Panel 2
Darius is throwing three photos on the bar top.
Darius - Here is what the ruins look like. These photos were taken with our aerial camera.
Panel 3
This panel is just one of the photos, layered party over Panel 2. The photo is of the ancient Inca ruins, seen here.
Panel 4
Another photo styled panel, but with a closer look of the ruins.
Panel 5
The same style panel, but a even closer look, with the auto-bot symbol somewhat visible in the dirt.
Panel 5
Harry is pointing to the last photo mentioned.
Harry - What is that? It looks like some kind of head.
Panel 6
Darius is now standing up and looking at it closely.
Darius - Its probably some Inca drawing. Let me worry about that stuff. I’m not paying you to ponder and think.
Page 7
Panel 1
Billy is in a small and rickety room he rented for the night. Old and dark, this room’s only furniture is a bed and a dresser. Billy is standing about in the room and inspecting his new surroundings.
Billy - Looks like this is as good as it gets.
Panel 2
Billy is now sitting on his bed and going through his bag.
Billy - I wonder what I should bring. Lily did say it would be a long walk.
Panel 3
Billy is looking through the “Vehicles of the 20th Century” book that he showed Lily earlier. His bag is still at his feet.
Billy - I guess I’ll take this just in case I think of anything new for it.
Panel 3
Billy is pulling back the covers of his bed and he is about to get in it.
Panel 4
Billy is now fast asleep in his bed.
SFX (from Billy) - Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Panel 5
It is night time now in Callao Iqutios and there is not a cloud in the sky. We can see Billy sleeping through his 2nd story window.
Panel 6
A more far out view of night time Callao Iqutios. The streets are completely empty and the only light is the moon.
Page 8
Panel 1
A large cruiser type space ship is seen floating in space by Earth.
CAPTION - Space, Decepticon War Vessel 0050.
Panel 2
Now we are in the ship, which is full of various metallic and high tech devices. Specially we are in a large corridor.
Panel 3
We are now looking at large pods in the control room. In these pods are the silhouette of large robotic humanoid figures.
Panel 4
There are some more of these large pods in the ship, but now they are behind energy bars.
Panel 5
We are now looking at a large screen which is also in the control room, it is green and appears to have text on it.
Panel 6
Same setup as before, but in a different angle. The ship is now talking.
Ship - Tracking of Autobot destination complete. Selected destination contains high levels of energon.
Page 9
Panel 1
Back to Callao Iqutios. It is morning time and we are in the middle of the town. The streets are just starting to become busy.
Panel 2
Billy is in the middle of the town looking around for Lily through the crowd.
Billy - Where is she? She told me eight sharp.
Panel 3
A full cut out of Lily, layered over the pervious panels.
Panel 4
A small panel at Lily’s feet. This is just dusty ground she is standing in.
Panel 5
Billy is now meeting up with Lily in the middle of the street.
Billy - You’re late.
Lily - It was only five minutes. Its not like the ruins are just going to get up and move.
Billy - Whatever. Let's just get there before it's too late.
Lily - Sure.
Page 10
Panel 1
A vertical shot of an path meandering up a mountain. This mountain is mostly green except for it’s snow capped tips. Clouds slowly float over this majestic mountain.
Panel 2
Billy and Lily are hiking up the dusty trail now.
Panel 3
Billy and Lily are walking in a grassy field filled with flowers. Billy is using a walking stick that he probably picked up before.
Billy - This is longer than I thought.
Lily - You Americans are out of shape.
Panel 4
Now the duo is carefully walking up a winding path near a cliff. Lily is leading.
Lily - We’re almost there.
Panel 5
The duo have now reached the end of their track, which is at the end of the path mentioned in the last panel. The path is ended by a large wall of rock which Lily is already standing on. Billy is almost on top of wall, but for now he is still climbing.
Lily - Hurry, it's beautiful.
Panel 6
Billy has finally made it to the top, now he is head just above the rock.
Billy - Wow, amazing.
Page 11
Panel 1
A majestic and magnificent view of the ruins from a few panels back. Its late afternoon is blue, red, and orange.
Voice - This is better than I could have ever imagined.
Panel 2
Billy is talking to Lily as they roam the ruins.
Billy - So are you going to show me around?
Lily - Actually, I kinda lied. I’ve only been here once, when I was a little girl. My family needs money, and my father just got fired from the mines. I took up this job to help him.
Billy - If you have nothing to show me, then I’m going to leave.
Lily - No, wait…..
Panel 3
The duo is turning their heads in surprise at a loud sound they heard.
SFX - Crrrrrrrrrraaaasssssshhhhh
Panel 4
Billy and Lily are running to where the sound originated, which is behind a large wall.
Billy - What was that?
Lily - It sounded like something fell.
Panel 5
Billy and Lily are peeping behind the large wall now.
Lily - I don’t believe this….
Page 12
Panel 1
Scene of men working a large drill to open a pathway to the insides of the ruins. To bad for them that their drill is broken and laying on the ground. Darius is in the middle of all of this, directing and commanding the movements of the workers.
Darius - I want that drill fully operational in five minutes. We have to finish before we draw to much attention.
Panel 2
Billy is now looking at Lily who is still peeking around the wall.
Billy - We have to stop them, they will destroy the ruins. We should get the…..
Lily - Way ahead of you!
Panel 3
Lily is now yelling and standing in front of the wall with her arms spread out. Her hair is blowing in the breeze as Darius and the workers look at her with puzzled faces.
Lily - Hey! You’re destroying the ruins.
Panel 4
Close up of Darius’ angry face.
Darius - An intruder. Get her!
Panel 5
Nervous about the situation about to unfold, Billy grabs Lily by the arm and begins to run.
Billy - Come on!
Panel 6
Continuing from the last panel, Billy and Lily are running full speed from their persuaders. Gunfire is reigning down on them.
Billy - What were you thinking?
Lily - You said we should stop them.
Billy - I didn’t mean to….
Panel 7
Billy and Lily are still running, but much to their dismay, they fall through an old trap door in the grounds of the ruins.
Billy - Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Lily - Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Page 13
Panel 1
An angry Darius and his curious crew are looking about for the dysfunctional duo among the ruins.
Darius - Where is that girl? I saw that she had an male accomplice with her.
Henchman #1 - It's like they disappeared.
Darius - Well, I want them found and I want that drill fixed, now!
Panel 2
Billy and Lily are now in a stony underground tunnel full of columns and walls which are in mint condition. Still somewhat dazed from their fall, Billy and Lily are checking to see if anything is broken.
Lily - Ugh… that was a long fall.
Billy - At least we escaped those men. What were you trying to do up there anyway?
Lily - I thought I could get them to stop….
Billy - Well you thought wrong. Now we have to find away out of here so we can contact the authorities.
Panel 3
The duo is now dusting themselves off from the fall.
Lily - And so you can pay me/
Billy - Tough chance. All you caused me is trouble, and now I’m not sure I’ll see the next day.
Lily - It isn’t that bad. This is even a better tour than what I told you.
Panel 4
Now walking through a large corridor, Billy, armed with a flashlight, is leading Lily through the ancient maze. Lily is holding a torch to light the way also.
Lily - Where are we going?
Billy - I’m trying to find a way out of here.
Lily - Well, you're not doing a very good job. We've been walking for an hour.
Billy - If you want to go your own way, you can, but I’m following this path no matter what.
Panel 5
Billy and Lily are nearing a large doorway that is about ten times the height of a normal human.
Lily - Can we stop? I think I can see a big room where we can rest.
Billy - I guess, but only if the room is…..
Panel 6
Billy and Lily are now looking up in awe at the large doorway which has the autobus emblem over it.
Billy - Wow…..
Lily - That is one big doorway!
Page 14
Panel 1
Billy and Lily are now looking around as they walk through the large doorway.
Billy - I guess we can stop here. I want to sketch these ruins for my newspaper.
Lily - Finally. My feet are killing me.
Panel 2
Now we are establishing the next scene. Billy and Lily are in large, warehouse size room full of tall columns and hieroglyphic type writing on the wall.
Panel 3
As Lily looks around the room, Billy is sitting down on the floor looking through his bag. Billy’s flashing is set on his hilt to provide light.
Lily - This place is huge, I wonder why the Incas would need such a big room.
Panel 4
Closer view of Billy look looking through his bag, he is pulling out his “Vehicles of the 20th Century Book” to allow for easier searching in his bag,
Billy (thoughts) - Soon as I find that darn pad, I can trace some of these writings on the wall.
Voice (Lily) - I wonder what they could have used this room for. I mean, it's practically empty.
Panel 5
Billy has finally found his drawing pad, which he lifts in the air with success. The vehicle book lays beside him.
Panel 6
A shot of the vehicle book laying on the floor.
Page 15
Panel 1
Billy is now tracing the ancient writings on the wall. He seems very focused on his task.
Panel 2
Lily is now beside Billy who is still tracing. Curious about what Billy is doing, Lily asks him.
Lily - What are you doing?
Billy - Tracing these picture writings. I can get a big raise from my boss if he uses this in his newspaper.
Lily - We’ll I guess my tour was worth something. Are you going to pay?
Billy - I’ll think about it.
Panel 3
Now done with his tracing, Billy is still holding the paper against the wall which shows the auto-bot emblem on it. Lily is staring at it also.
Lily - That kinda looks like a face.
Billy - Yeah, that’s strange.
Panel 4
Under the paper, the grooves the form the writing in the wall are turning neon green.
Panel 5
Billy falls back on his behind, startled by the unusual light. Lily looks at the wall with confusion.
Billy - The wall….
Lily - It’s glowing!
Panel 6
The whole wall is starting to illuminate in the grooves now.
Page 16
Panel 1
A close up of the auto bot emblem on the wall that Billy was tracing. Now the emblem is glowing in a green light.
Panel 2
The whole room is now glowing purfusingly in neon, the walls, floors, and columns included. Billy and Lily are standing in the middle of the room, nervous and scared.
Lily - What did you do?
Billy - I don’t know. This might be some ancient Inca trap.
Panel 3
The whole room is slowly transforming into a metal high tech control room. The process is starting with the floor.
Panel 4
The process is continuing with the walls and columns.
Panel 5
Control Panels and screens are popping out of the wall.
Panel 6
Five pods, like the ones seen on the deception cruiser are rising from holes newly formed in the floor.
Panel 7
A close up of the pods which have humanoid silhouettes in them.
Page 17
Panel 1
A view of the room with its now complete transformation.
Panel 2
Billy and Lily are walking around confused and anxious about what is going to happen next.
Lily - I don’t think the Incas did this.
Billy - This room looks even more advance than current technology, but how can that be?
Lily - I don’t really care how it came to be, let's just get out of here.
Billy - You’re right. Let's go.
Panel 3
Billy and Lily are running to the large doorway
Panel 4
A large robotic eyeball is sent out from an hole in the wall to intercept them.
Panel 5
The eye is now scanning are unlucky duo,
Billy - Don’t move
Lily - ::Gulp::
Panel 6
A close up of the eye robot.
Eye Robot (in computer talk) - Subject non-compatible.
Page 18
Panel 1
The eye is roaming around the room looking for something to scan. Billy and Lily again look on with curiosity.
Eye Robot (in computer talk) - Searching for compatible subjects.
Panel 2
The eye is closing in on and scanning Billy’s vehicles book.
Voice (Lily) - Is it reading your book?
Voice (Billy) - I believe so, but I don’t know why.
Panel 3
The eye robot is scanning the book, making it (the book) somewhat transparent.
Eye Robot - Selection process complete, subject compatible with Optimus Prime.
Panel 4
One of the pods is glowing green.
Panel 5
Billy and Lily are walking by the pod.
Lily - I thought we were going to leave?
Billy - This may be our way out.
Page 19
Panel 1
The a page from the vehicles book, which features a picture of a mack truck and a complying article.
CAPTION - Compatible Subject Found.
Panel 2
A picture of the black featureless humanoid form layer over the page at the bottom.
CAPTION - Calculating Transformation Process
Panel 3
Same as before, but a blue matrix is over the humanoid now.
Panel 4
Classic Optimus Prime layered over the page, posing in awesomeness.
CAPTION - Optimus Prime, Leader of the Autobots.
Page 20
Panel 1
Optimus Prime is stepping out of the pod.
Panel 2
Billy and Lily are looking on in fear.
Lily - What is that?
Panel 3
Optimus Prime is now out of the pod looking down at the duo.
Optimus Prime - I am Optimus Prime, leader of the Autobots.
Panel 4
Billy and Lily are looking upward in awe at Optimus Prime.
Lily - Who of the what?
Billy - Are you friendly?
Optimus Prime - Yes.
Panel 5
A shot of Billy’s face with curiosity.
Billy - Where are you from?
Optimus Prime - All with be answered in due time.
Page 20
Panel 1
The decepticon cruiser is seen in space nearing Earth.
Panel 2
A view of the empty corridors of the ship.
Panel 3
The one of the pods seen before in the earlier pages rests against the wall of the decepticon control room.
Page 21
Panel 1
A screen in the decepticon control room is displaying text.
TEXT - Searching for compatible form for Megatron.
Panel 2
A view of Earth from space.
Panel 3
A closer view of Earth, directed at America.
Panel 4
An even closer view directed at Washington D.C.
Panel 5
A view of the Smithsonian Museum Building.
Panel 6
Now we are in the Smithsonian, more specially a large room full of war relics like tanks, jeeps, trucks, and planes hanging from the ceiling.
Panel 7
A close up of a Panzer Tank with a matrix covering it.
CAPTION - Suitable Form Found.
Page 22
Panel 1
We are now back on the decepticon cruiser, we are looking at the last seen pod with a robotic arm coming out of it.
Panel 2
Now the chest and up of Megatron can be seen coming out of the pod.
Panel 3
Find a full body Megatron is residing over the pod with the look of evilness.
Megatron - You can’t run forever Optimus. Here comes the end of you and your precious Autobots.
-
Registered User
My critique
Fox,
Here are my comments. I hope the format isn't hard to read/understand. I was going to post the whole thing with my comments in bold, but I wasn't able to paste it right from Word that way for some reason.
Page 2 Panel 1
The two “so’s” in Billy’s dialogue doesn’t sound very ‘50s to me. Then again, I wasn’t born until 1980, so I don’t really know. It just strikes me as a modern way of speaking, to repeat “so” like that. I’m not crazy about Lily’s dialogue, either. It just doesn’t sound like something that someone would really say. (Maybe Phoebe from Friends…)
Page 2 Panel 2
I think you could do without this panel. People don’t need it. They’ll automatically put this part here in their minds.
Page 2 Panel 3
“Need to find somewhere” sounds weird. Maybe try “looking for something.”
Page 3 Panel 6
Kind of a long, clumsy sentence. You could just leave off “and he is about to sit down” and it would be pretty much the same thing.
Page 5 Panel 1
Again, “well duh” doesn’t sound very ‘50s or very Peruvian. Also, this may be too much dialogue for one panel. If it’s large, it’ll fit, but that’s a lot of connected balloons and whatnot. I’d split it up.
Page 5 Panel 6
I’m quite sure that people didn’t use “whatever” that way in the 1950s.
Page 6 Panel 1
Do you really want a character that’s so bland and cliché that the only thing you need to say to describe him is that he’s a henchman stereotype? Make him colorful and interesting!
Page 6 Panel 5
Like I said, I was born in 1980, so I KNOW that it’s “Autobot,” capitalized with no hyphen. Ha ha.
Page 6 Panel 5… again.
You’ve got two panel 5’s.
Page 6 Panel 6
This is really run-of-the mill henchman/boss stuff. Why not do something that’s never been done before? The rest of this story so far is so original and cool!
Page 7 Panel 1
He’s alone, right? Do you talk to yourself like that when you’re alone?
Page 7 Panel 4
I think you could cut this whole scene out. At the maximum, just include two panels or so to establish where he’s staying, then transition to the outdoor shot. Him talking to himself really bugs me, and unless it comes into play later, I don’t see why any of what he says is terribly essential.
Page 8 Panel 2
“Specially,” or “specifically?”
Page 8 Panel 4
What are energy bars? You should elaborate here.
Page 8 Panel 5
Why aren’t we sure that it has text if we’re looking right at it? Is it some sort of foreign or alien lettering that we’re assuming is text or is it in English? If its in English, then you should specify what it reads, or at least give the artist or letterer an idea.
Page 8 Panel 6
Is “energon” capitalized? I have no idea. Just a thought.
Page 9 Panel 2
Again, talking to himself. You could show him looking at his watch or a clock to let the audience know that it’s after 8:00, and depict Billy looking impatient.
Page 9 Panel 3
I’m not sure what that description means, exactly. Elaborate.
Page 9 Panel 5
Still not sure about “whatever.”
Page 10 Panel 1
The word “mountain” is redundant here. You could use “it” in the second sentence and say “the majestic cliffs” or something in the third.
Page 10 Panel 3
Did he or didn’t he? Why not just say that he did.? It builds trust in you, the storyteller, to speak in authoritative ways like that.
Page 11 Panel 2
Again, “kinda” bothers me. I could be way off base on authentic 50s lingo, but certain things are really making his seem more modern than it should.
Page 12 Panel 1
“To (sic) bad for them,” is unnecessary. You could just say “The drill is broken and laying on the ground. If you have to use it, it’s “too” not “to.”
Page 12 Panel 2
A comma goes after “Lily.”
Page 12 Panel 4
Cliché dialogue.
Page 14 Panel 2
“Now we are establishing the next scene” is unnecessary. If you need to explain it that way, you should think of a more graceful transition. (In this case, I think it works fine just to delete it.)
Page 14 Panel 3
Flashing = flashlight.
Page 15 Panel 3
“Autobot,” not “auto-bot.”
Page 16 Panel 1
“Autobot” not “auto bot.”
Page 16 Panel 2
Does “purfusingly” mean “profusely?”
After “neon” should be a semicolon.
I also feel that the adjectives “nervous” and “scared” shouldn’t be together like that. To me, they’re different degrees of the same thing and its not really possible to be both at once.
Page 16 Panel 3
The phrasing here sounds a little clunky to me. Better would be something like, “Beginning with the floor, the whole room begins to transform into a high tech control room made of metal panels….” and then elaborate on its appearance a little, maybe.
Page 16 Panel 5
“Monitors” sounds better than “screens.” The word “screens” makes me think of the things on your windows that keep bugs out. It’s better to be specific, in case a reader is predisposed to a certain meaning or variation of a word.
Page 16 Panel 6
“Decepticon,” capitalized and spelled the way I spelled it.
Page 17 Panel 2
“Advanced,” not “advance.”
Page 16 Panel 4
Maybe a little more description is in order here. I’m not really able to visualize what you’re talking about.
Page 16 Panel 6
What is computer talk?
Page 18 Panel 3
There’s no reason to use a pronoun (it) when you have to parenthetically note what the pronoun is taking the place of.
Page 19 Panel 1
“Mack” should be capitalized. It’s a proper name. Maybe note that it’s a 50’s model. (I’m not sure how far back the history of tractor trucks like that even goes. Did you research 50’s vehicles?)
Page 19 Panel 3
I know what you mean, but only because I’ve seen the Transformers movie. Maybe you should explain this. Also, maybe I’m an idiot and “matrix” in this context is well understood by people who haven’t seen the Transformers movie. (You know, people I hate.)
Page 19 Panel 4
Is the phrase “posing in awesomeness” a joke? You should probably change that whether it is or not.
Page 20 Panel 4
“Who of the what” sounds like something Homer Simpson would say. Maybe something a little more reverent would be in order here. You don’t want to diffuse the impact of your own big reveal by injecting comedy. I’m not crazy about “are your friendly” either. It just sounds unnatural.
Page 20 Panel 5
I think you mean “will” not “with.” It also seems out of character for Prime to by mysterious like this. The way he’s been written in the past is as a really straightforward character. He isn’t coy like that.
Page 20 Panel 1
“Decepticon” should be capitalized.
Page 20 Panel 3
“Decepticon” should be capitalized.
Page 21 Panel 1
“Decepticon” should be capitalized. “Monitor” is better than screen. Does “TEXT” mean “CAPTION?”
Page 21 Panel 7
It might be cool to have more defined differences between the Autobot and Decepticon technologies, to illustrate early on the differences in their cultures. I know that its physically different (in the way that there’s no big eye for the Decepticons and that it didn’t take the ideas from a book), but it would be cool to maybe have the Autobots be more “scrappy” in their methods. Maybe they could modify each other by hand while the Decepticons use the slick technology like you have here. People like to root for the underdog, and, again, it makes them seem all the more different culturally, which makes the idea of a war seem more believable and fleshed-out. Think of the differences that the media likes to point out between United States citizens and the parties that the US is at war with. Thinks like way of dress, diet, language, whatever are differences that make soldiers fight a war. The more different the Autobots and Decepticons seem culturally, the more believable it is that they’d be at war. Sorry for rambling. I’m sure you get the idea.
Page 22 Panel 1
“Decepticon” should be capitalized.
Page 22 Panel 3
Doesn’t Megatron usually call him “Prime?” I know this is a different cannon, but I like that better. Your call.
------
Okay, all in all, I like it. I love the idea of Transformers in the ‘50s. Love it. I also like that you invented new characters (Billy and Lily) instead of recycling something that we’ve seen before. The more of this that’s fresh, the better off it is.
The weakest parts are the dialogue and (I’ll have to disagree with Matt) the pacing.
Dialogue-wise, it just sounds forced and awkward, especially the scene where Billy and Lily question Prime. It just doesn’t sound like what people would say in that situation. Remember, in our medium, you can tell the story with pictures instead of words. Body language would probably play a big part in a situation like that. Speechless awe; that type of thing.
As for the pacing, it’s got an uneven feel to it, in my opinion. The first half is a nice, slow setup, but suddenly it seems like you lost patience with it and wanted to cut to the chase. The example that people always use is that Spielberg didn’t show a dinosaur in “Jurassic Park” until an hour in, and I think that’s a good way to think. I’d rather see you building the characters’ relationship and tightening the suspense as they explore the ruins and the mysterious technology. I would save meeting Optimus Prime for till at least the next issue. Maybe end this one with him “posing in awesomeness.” Also, since everybody is reading this to see the Transformers, isn’t it a little anti-climactic to reveal everybody’s favorite first? Get people by bringing out Wheeljack or Cliffjumper or somebody like that while you can. Save Optimus for last. Maybe the Autobot technology is worn and broken from years of being dormant and only a few Autobots are able to be awakened. The Decepticons are getting closer and closer, and the Autobots have to revive Prime before they arrive. Something like that would have more suspenseful rising action and a more satisfying climax, when Optimus is woken up and assembled just in the nick of time.
Matt said he found the first part dull, but you’ve got to keep in mind how fast comics read. Six pages is not a lot of story in a comic.
Oh yeah, I haven’t read it, but this might be a little too reminiscent of Jae Lee’s Transformers and GI Joe comic, which is a World War II re-imagining of the characters.
That’s all I got. I hope I was helpful. If you don’t mind, maybe you could go through the excerpt from my script for my graphic novel “Fat Lip” that I’ve posted. (Or you could go through the whole thing if you want. Let me know and I’ll email it to you.)
Chris Fabulous
chrisfabulous00@hotmail.com
www.chrisfabulous.com
-
Thanks for taking the time to provide such a in depth review.
And to answer some of your questions.....
- The so-so part was more of an nervous stutter then a phrase.
- I'm guessing energon is not capitalized because its only a type of substance, I'm only guessing though.
- I spelled autobot as autobot because my word processor keeps changing autobot into autobus. I'm not sure how to change that setting.
- Computer talk would be just a robotolized voice, I guess that would be a note to letterer for a square dialogue box.
- I meant energy jail bars.
I might do an issue 2 to improve on these issues, but it was suggested to me to do an original story. So I'll do that first.
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