Intergalactic Incident Book 1

[arsenala13]

Hey again. Sorry if I'm posting this wrong. I'm a n00b...

This is part of the first issue of a comic I'm writing. The series is called Intergalactic Incident and is supposed to be funny. The stroy focuses around Erik Grant who is abducted by aliens who have been playing God with the human race sicne the 70s. Erik and his new superpowered friends decide to escape what they realize is nothing more that an army camp to stage a coup on the alien's planet and make the General, Bartrool, the new leader. All this in six or so issues and I'm constantly trying to make it funny...

So, anyway...here's pages 1-6. And yes, I've had no previous scriptwriting experience so don't kill me for that. What do you think, sirs?

****************
Intergalactic Incident

Issue 1

“I hate the ‘70s”


Hallucinated on paper by
Travis Martin and Clint Richie

Drawn, Inked, and Meticulously Handcrafted by
Clint Richie


Trav was influenced by
12 Hot Pepsis and a pack of Necco Wafers

Clint was influenced by
….We don’t really know. Perhaps a cross dressing midget…..



Page 1

[The page is split into four panels in a strip fashion, one under the other. Same size and everything…]

Panel 1
[All that can be seen is the hull of a large space ship. Various panels, pipes, and gratings populate the hull. Like a battleship only the designer thought pipes, wires, and spikes looked cool on anything in large numbers…]

Word Box: Wednesday.

Panel 2
[Same hull. The panel has moved along it a bit. Looks like it’s moving. Barely.]

Word Box: In space, no one can hear you scream.

Panel 3
[The hull has not moved this time. However, a smaller ship is barreling down flaming and smoking from the top left towards the bottom right. The ship looks like a cross between a F-15, X-Wing, and a Space Shuttle (I dunno, we’ll iron it out later…)]

Large screaming voice: BBBUUUUUGGGGEEEERRRR!!!!

Panel 4
[The hull is still in the same spot. The smaller ship is not seen, but the smoke is still very present. This time, the word box is at the bottom right, unlike the others.]

Word Box: Then again…



Page 2 – 3
[Typically, the 2nd and 3rd pages in a comic are always some dramatic, one-paneled shot. So, I figured I’d follow suit.]

The Huge Ass Panel
[It’s the inside of the smaller ship that’s in freefall. There are four occupants, the three of which are floating/falling in the air while one is fighting at the controls. Debris and whatnot’s floating around too.

At the controls is Emma James.

Hunched over, face towards the reader, is Ryan Mercer. He is, as I said, hunched over, face buried in a paper bag like a barf bag. Floating as if she’s asleep on a mattress is Tori Pratch. She is peacefully asleep somehow, floating around in a blanket holding a stuffed animal of some sort…And finally, so close to the reader you only see from part of his chest up is, Erik Grant. He looks like he’s holding onto something and is up close to the page, like a window.]

James: Erik, stop screaming! You’re really starting to piss me off!

Erik: Well, Christ! Pardon me if we cut it a bit close to the hull of the station! I think my stomach’s back in the engine room!

Ryan: Retch!

James: I don’t want to hear it from either of you! I’m trying not to kill us by landing this crate. Unless you’d rather fly it.

Erik: Nonono! By all means, my dear. Just a suggestion: THIS END UP!! THIS ENDUP!!!

Tori: *snore Oh, Vash!….

Word box: [Lower right corner] Meet the heroes….

Page 4
[Six square panels down the page. Same with Page 5. It’s basically a montage dedicated to his cruddy day.]

Panel 1
[You see an alarm clock on the dresser and Erik from the forehead to the top shoulder. Erik’s trying not to wake up, be he’s squinting at the alarm clock. He looks like he’s sick…]

Word Box: Saturday, 8:15 am.

Word Box: From the internal journal of Erik Grant: Slacker.

Erik: mumblemffmrble. Kill clockmakers.

Panel 2
[Erik in the shower. See the showerhead and the profile of his head, facing the shower head. His eyes are closed still. Refuses to accept consciousness.]

Word Box: 8:30 am.

Word Box: Behold! Another day of nothing.

Panel 3
[Erik is sitting on the bed and putting on a shirt. His head is inside the shirt. He’s sortof dressed up, like he’s going to work.]

Word Box: 8:37 am.

Word Box: Another day wasted to my job.

Panel 4
[Erik driving. You can see the width of the windshield and part of the scenery behind him. His eyes are open, but he looks like he’s not too happy to be out.]

Word Box: 8:45 am.

Word Box: Another day of half hour lunches and six-fifty an hour.

Panel 5
[Erik’s hand is near the punch clock at work. However, he’s being talked down to by his boss. Boss has a nasty vein sticking out.]

Word Box: 9:02 am.

Word Box: Another day of dealing with incompetent management…
Boss: Erik, make sure you label everything over in the video game department today. And see about cleaning the back storeroom over there too.

Erik: Sir, it’s a Saturday. Not only that, I’m the only one over there. Only a nuclear holocaust capable of killing all consumer life would allow me to do all that.

Boss: Well, I was told two months ago that inventory was coming up Monday and its time we got ready.

Erik: ….

Panel 6
[Erik is by a TV screen. There is a very large lady screaming at him much like his boss. There’s a fat kid staring into space while picking his nose and holding onto his “momma.”]

Word Box: 9:04 am.

Word Box: …and incompetent ‘consumers’ who live only on cigarettes and new things (which they have no clue how to work.)

Erik: Ma’am. I’m telling you one more time. You can only return merchandise at the return area at the entrance of the store. But I can tell you right now we won’t accept that game because Blaamtari hasn’t made a game or game system since 1987.

Woman: Well I bought it here! Lil’ Junior here ate the receipt but I bought the damn thing just last night and it won’t fit in my SuperGammer 3000.

Erik: Ok. That system just came out last month. Why would you think a near twenty-year old game, coated in soda and chocolate I might add, work in a brand new system??

Woman: Are you calling me a liar? You get your manager cause I bought it here! This is plain bull[censored box]!

Erik: ….
Page 5
[Like Page 4, six square panels down the page. Same idea basically, but the last panel should be barely larger than the others so it stands out. This will basically be the punch line to the two pages in a sense…]

Panel 1
[Erik is hunched over his register with his hand on his chin. He’s bored, and wants to leave. He’s obviously daydreaming about his girlfriend.]

Word Box: 12:27 pm.

Word Box: However. There is one thing in my life that keeps me going.

Erik: [A fuzzy image of his girlfriend. It don’t matter what she looks like...]

Panel 2
[Erik in the same position. The only difference is that he’s actually smiling for once. He’s still daydreaming.]

Word Box: 3:42 pm.

Word Box: A person who I can be happy with once I graduate from college. When I’m raking it in as a software writer.

Erik: [The image of his girlfriend is very visible. Has not changed at all.]

Panel 3
[Looks exactly like Page 4, Panel 4. He’s driving and still has a smile on his face.]

Word Box: 5:17 pm.

Word Box: Sure, my friends say she’s a bit controlling but what girl ain’t? She knows she really can’t change a geek like me.

Erik: [Still imagining his girlfriend…]

Panel 4
[Erik is now home. He is sitting in his chair and has a phone in his lap. The earpiece is by his ear and he’s dialing the phone. He’s obviously still in a good mood. It’s obvious by now that his girlfriend means a lot to him…]

Word Box: 6:03 pm.

Word Box: I’m lucky she’s even interested on me.

Erik: [He is STILL imagining his girlfriend…]

Panel 5
[Erik’s still holding the phone. However, he’s now in a state of shock. It looks like he didn’t get any good news from his girlfriend.]

Word Box: 6:09 pm.

Phone: Sorry Erik, but, now that high school’s over I don’t need your help for my classes. Besides, you’re too much a boy scout. You always say no when I want to make out all day. Now I’ve found a man who I can truly depend and lay on. Bye-bye!

Erik: [There is no bubble, but an explosion where it used to be. Maybe like a nuclear blast centered around his head.]

Panel 6
[Erik is still in a state of shock. He hasn’t moved his body at all, but the phone is now on the floor.]

Word Box: 7:08 pm.

Erik: Dammit…

Page 6
[Business finally is starting to pick up in the book. The first two thirds of the page is composed of six boxes. The bottom third will be a single panel that also serves as a background for the rest of the page.]

Panel 1
[Close up of Erik passed out. Mouth open, head back. All you can see is his head.]

Word Box: Sunday.

Erik: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…….

Panel 2
[The panel is similar to the last. However, there is an extremely bright light shining in his face.]

Word Box: 2:21 am

Erik: Zzzzzz***

Panel 3
[Erik’s eyes are finally opening. He’s a bit hung over… Weak-looking word balloon and lettering within.]

Erik: Wha? wo’s ‘ere?

Panel 4
[Erik tries to get out of the chair he is still in. There are numerous beer bottles and even an ancient pizza box. Some of this is falling off of the now-somewhat-vertical Erik. He looks pretty bad. The light is still shining in the room. Once again, a weak word balloon and lettering.]

Erik: Turn that light off. Let a guy wallow in peace…

Sound effects: Crashing noises from falling cans/ bottles.

Panel 5
[Back shot of Erik staggering to the door. If you feel like it, he can be scratching his rear as he walks to the door. Note that the hangover is still present.]

Erik: ‘Swere to God, Hancock, if you’re throwing another party ‘m gonna kick yer aszz…

Panel 6
[Profile of Erik’s face as he now has the door open. He’s squinting because of the light…]

Erik: mumblemumblemumbelgrrr (or similar).

Panel 7
[Long shot of the house and yard. I guess we base the house on mine here. He’s not supposed to be in the city or a trailer park…. Also, Erik’s still standing in the doorway, looking upwards. The spaceship floats overhead, taking all and beyond the width of the page. A column of light is coming down from the spaceship into the front yard. It looks somewhat dramatic, except for the fact it’s centered on a lawn gnome.]

Erik: [Now suddenly sober.] Ok. Well, this is unexpected…

*******************End

[arsenala13]

ok...I guess noone liked it...

I did say I'd take any criticism...sorry if i posted this snippet of script in the wrong place....

[foxmerquise8]

I think it just got looked over, only 8 people view it, and 2 of them was probably you and me.

[arsenala13]

I hope that's the case. I know I'm being a bit obsessive over it, but it's the first story I've written that I'm actually excited on working on.

It makes me feel like a three-year-old who just learned how to make a play-doh snake and spends the entire day screaming "lookit"

Maybe they didn't like the fact I only posted part of it..

[Vendetta]

sometimes things move a little slow around here

I'll take a look at it tomorrow when I'm more awake

[theory9]

Overall, a neat script. I liked the scene of Erik talking to the lady--the facial expressions, though, will make or break that scene. Try working on standardizing your script format--it'll make it easier on the rest of us, and to whomever you submit to.

[arsenala13]

yeah. the script formatting's a little rough still. I need to really work on my technique (?) in that respect.

Facial expressions. Again, it'll probably take me a while to really get it down pat for Clint to be able to get and draw to my liking, but hopefully we can make up in that respect with constant dialoge between Clint and I. It's a nice luxury that I'm assuming isn't that abundant in the big press companies.

Thanks for the input. I'll keep working on my writing skills.