Child Killers Say the DARNDEST things: Mary Bell

[m0-nertia]

Hello out there. Here is the second comic ive done for my campus paper, it will go to print this tuesday. I deffinately sacrificed some of the flow of the story in favor of cramming all the information I could into 2 pages.

(Warning:Child gore and endangerment.)

Page 1:
http://members.cruzio.com/~monertia/...l-pg1-flat.jpg

Page 2:
http://members.cruzio.com/~monertia/...l-pg2-flat.jpg

(*linked by co-mod ECL)

[cs3ink]

m0,

I think it flows just fine. Great illustrations. The semi-chaotic layout only enhances the disturbing nature of the piece.

You're good. Please share more with us.

Later,
Chip

[BenitoCereno]

Dude, that's awesome. I really liked it.

The only problem I had was that it was sometimes hard to determine when to move to the right and when to move down, which disrupted the flow a bit.

But the illustrations are well done and I like your choice of topics and in general, I like the layouts and what-not.

[KutBak2003]

damn that kid's got issues....lol...I love it!!!!

[EddieChingLives]

I had to link the pictures and put up a warning due to the graphic content.

However, it is great storytelling. Nice mix of words and pictures.

I agree with Benito about reading flow. Try to make sure the panels read from left to right. If there's any question that the eye has to make as to which panel is next, it takes the readers out of the story.

You should also try to spot some blacks. Black against white really balances a page. It can also make it easier on the eyes and holds the page together.

On a pickier note, page two, I don't like how you filled in the text box dark gray in the panel where she springs up in the middle of the night. And in the panel where she is standing out the doorway, I feel like if you use that flat shading on one part of the panel, you should apply it to the walls too. The whole panel. The coloring kinda sticks out like a sore thumb. It's just not consistant.

But the main points to work on is black spotting, and page flow.

Great storytelling!

[Papierkopf]

This thing is really friggin brilliant. I hope you can get it published somewhere where it will be appropriately appreciated.

Keep it up!

[EddieChingLives]

"I hope you can get it published somewhere where it will be appropriately appreciated."--Papierkopf

Hey, I resemble that remark.

I appreciate the storytelling, I gave some tips for improvement, and part of my job means that I have to link the gore and nudity to keep this section appropriate for kids to look at. Which means I gotta at least warn them. And if not for the kids, how about the people surfing penciljack eating breakfast. I should at least warn them. Come on, now.

[Papierkopf]

Ed.

My statement wasn't about you linking the image. That makes sense to me. I meant when m0's ready to have this published (on paper) that I hope it finds a good home. That's all. No meanness here.

[m0-nertia]

Thanks a lot for the replies, more to come soon!

[EddieChingLives]

Papierkopf-My bad. Sorry.

m0-nertia-I can't wait to see more. That story is extremely fascinating.