What up Fellas! Lazy's back from Texas! I got some pretty good crits on these,so I figure I'd let them loose for everyone. As always check it out and let me know what you think.
Lazy
http://gallery.ivorycomics.com/sketches/Batman_jpg016
http://gallery.ivorycomics.com/sketches/Batman2_jpg017
http://gallery.ivorycomics.com/sketches/darkness018
Feel free to check out the site. Http://www.ivorycomics.com
looks great.. blow them up a little so we can look at them a little better
page 2 bottom: batman has a Bat sense
Hey Jasper, I'm glad you liked it. You can click on the picture as much as you want and it'll get bigger. Bat-sense,that's a good one!
lazy
jasper ??Originally posted by lazy
Hey Jasper, I'm glad you liked it. You can click on the picture as much as you want and it'll get bigger. Bat-sense,that's a good one!
lazy
who ye talking to
Sorry
I think you did a great job changing around your camera angles on these pages.
My only real crit (gripe) is your panel layouts. Although your camera angles are incredible and interesting, they get cancelled out by your wacky panels (page 2 mainly)
Page 1- The story on this page is very basic - Batman opens a window - The problem with this page is that you've cut out half of the page to show batman holding a window open.. The way this was done brings the eye directly to Batman holding the window open (Panel 5). Having the "conclusion" of this page laid out this way, keeps my eye moving like this: P1 - P5, P2 - P5, P3 - P5..etc.. ie - the reader has to force him/herself to read down the page first, then look at the fifth panel. Plus, where's the moneyshot? =) You built up greatly, Bats is being sneaky and clever and then he... ...opens the window? If he was actually entering through the window, you (in a sense) invite the reader to sneak into the room as well by turning the page - since Bats is going to be in the room anyway on page 2, kill 2 birds with one panel.
Keeping your same panels (only placed differently), you can add a lot more storytelling by actually showing him entering the room.
Page 2 - The storytelling is awesome here.. clear storytelling, great angles.. etc.. Very nice. But then, you take all that great stuff and confuse it up with wacky panels. Don't get me wrong, there are plenty ways to use wacky panels.. They can emphasise dizziness, warped reality,.. shattered panels can be used to show emotional trauma, etc.. A guy snooping around a room doesn't require much wackiness.
Aside from the panels - Your storytelling is great. More practice will iron out any other issues (anatomy, etc..) I'm impressed.
On a side note, I'd advise you to not include splash pages as a part of your submissions or work you show to editors, etc.. If you do use them, don't include them in your total page count. Reason being, it really doesn't show your ability to tell a story. In this example, you've actually only got two pages of sequentials and a nice splash page. Two pages is better than none, but there's a big difference in being able to keep a story's flow and pacing in two pages vs. four. Three or four sequentials ending in a cool splash page would be great.. Build, build, build, then - moneyshot!
The more you're able to show how you can close a page with something that makes the reader want to see the next page, the better off you are.
Last edited by UglyPuppy; 12-24-2003 at 11:08 AM.
the darkness needs a litte work on his form, but all in all, i likes.
‘There is a slower death/ bu-reau-crat/…….ruination/ mess up all that ambition and plannin’/ whisper in some ear/ -“You can’t do nothing to me”-/……-CLICK- ……/----whisper………in the right ear’----
---Avery Brooks---- A Man, Called Hawk
Yeah,UglyPuppy that makes sense. I heard that not a lot of people were feeling the wacky panels on pg.2 . I was trying to go for a strange feel. But it didn't work in this instance and that is how we begin to learn to improve. I'm glad you enjoyed the storytelling,I was told about the layout in the first pages at the con as well. I'm working on keeping everything more simplistic in future work.I don't really do pinups to show,I thought of this pic as the selling point. I just wanted to put everything I had into one page.
Hey nightfingers,glad you like the work.
Not sure it's been said by previous posters, but you have a lot of perspective faults going on.
(page 1: panels 1 and 4, page 2: panel 1, ...)
Work on that. this is a very good start though. Promising.
PUMMEL Heavyweight - W6 (KO4) - L2
Thanks Ra Havok. Yeah,I've been trying to nail down the perspective thing. That's why I do so many different shots so that I can force myself to learn.
So,hopefully I'm on the right track.
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