Cowboys and Samurais Page 3

[fusciart]

Page 3 of 6.

[EddieChingLives]

Watch those gutters. This looks like two pages. So don't allign the gutters so evenly. Try to lay them like bricks. Off just a little so the eye knows where to go.

Also, try to mix up the shots a bit more. You have two pull back shots- creating a jump cut. Two zoom in shots that aren't zoomed in from the previous panel. And three more wide shots.

The second panel, I don't like the samurai being on the left. The first panel, he's on the left, the close up shot of him appears that he's on the left facing right. I really can't tell what's going on in the fifth panel. The sixth, I think you should show the hand holding the gun.

On a side note, the first panel doesn't show his eye patch. And the next few panels he does. It kind of adds to the jumpcut in the first two panels.

Also, that dismembered arm looks too stiff and un-natural.

So remember to mix up your shot zooms, but don't go crazy with different angles. Watch your panel to panel transitions.

[Mike]

I agree about the gutters. It was only on the fourth or fifth read of that page that I realized it was one wide page that I should read like one whole page.

[DarkPenfold]

One thought - more motion is needed in the last two panels. Panel 5 is great, although there's a lot of space (I presume that's for text boxes or speech bubbles), so it's a shame that the next two look so static...

[chynco]

Nice pages...err I mean PAGE.

The previous critiques pointed out most of the problems. In the first panel the perspctive is very off, you need to lower the floor. And the way you cropped off the samurai's head is VERY bad looking. The way the gun is cropped is also very weird looking.

I like the idea of slicing a bullet in half... cool.

All the angles are very straight on, tilting some shot would help with dynamics.

Last panel, the table is place at a weird spot, I don' think you need it that close to the figures, move it aside a bit. The perspecitve in that panel is making a bad tangent with the top of the panel. Raise the horizon line a bit and that shold solve your problems.

peas out, have fun making this, it's looks like a fun comic.

[fusciart]

Thanks guys for the valuable input.