Ben Christensen's: What the hell, I'll give it a shot ISSUE #1

[Ben Christensen]

Okay, I want to try something kind of different, mostly because I'm insane and have nothing better to think about.

So here's what this is going to be, imagine Mad Libs for comics.

I would like to have the following list filled out, the first person to do so gets their list made into a 22 page full script. Also, since my sanity has been thrown brutally through a window.... I'm going to produce this script in 24 hours! That's right, within 24 hours of the first person's post, the script will magically appear. Call me crazy, call me stupid, but I've got an itch to write and a weekend to give this a go.

Without further ado, THE LIST....

• CHARACTER:
• SETTING:
• ANTAGONISM:
• GENRE:
• CONTROLLING IDEA (THEME):

General answers please, no "Spider-Man verses Batman in the Hall of Justice". More along the lines of "An angry man, a long stretch of road, his own ego...".

That's about it. Anyone want to go for Issue #1?

-Ben;onei;

[Vendetta]

I guess I'll give it a go...

Character
A man who has watched all of his dreams fall to the wayside after trying to "do the right thing" by marrying his High School sweetheart after she got pregnant

Setting
An apartment in a "not so good" part of town.

Antagonism
The man just lost his job and has to tell his wife... and their relationship is already going into the dumpers.

Genre
Drama

CONTROLLING IDEA (THEME)
Responsibility; putting aside your dreams and wishes to do what you know you have to do. (Uplifting or tragic, either/or)

[Ben Christensen]

Okeday, Mr. Detta.

Mark the clock, within 24 hours you'll have a script.

Thanks for taking part.

-Ben;onei;

[Vendetta]

hehe you're either bored or crazy... I think you stated crazy. Welcome aboard the ship! ALL ABORT! BATTEN DOWN THE SPLASHES! WESTWARD HO HOS AND TWINKIES!

[mwhite]

Damn, you beat me! Had to go cook dinner... And I was going to make him have to write a story set in Mumbai!


And Ben isn't new... he's just back.

[Vendetta]

Yeah, he's been hiding behind the Potatoes when ever the nurses came by to give him his medication... I think he's doing much better now... now that I've been taking his meds as well as my own

*sings* We're on the good ship, loony pop...

[Ben Christensen]

Meds!?!?!?!??! I'm suppossed to be taking meds? No one tells me these things!!!! That's what I get for only listening to the voices in my head.

"You're perfectly normal, Ben"

"You should break out of the mental ward, Ben"

"Gigli is a good movie, Ben"

Ga!!!!!! At every turn they mess with me!!!!!

-Ben;onei;

[Ben Christensen]

Okay, here it is, well before the deadline.

Hope you enjoy.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

BEN CHRISTENSEN’S: WHAT THE HELL, I’LL GIVE IT A SHOT
ISSUE ONE
BY BEN CHRISTENSEN


PAGE 1 -

SIX EQUAL SIZED PANELS IN A TWO BY THREE GRID.


PANEL 1 - The sun raises over a city skyline. The light is intense, blinding.

VOICE:
...AND I WAS LIKE “THERE AIN’T NO WAY THAT YOUSE HAVING MY MAN’S BABY, SLUT.”

VOICE 2:
SHE ACTN’ ALL LIKE SHE’S GETTING ANY. I BET YOU DOGS FIVE DOLLA SHE DONE GET PREGNANT FROM HER COUSIN MICKEY!


PANEL 2 - Zoom out to reveal a single rose reaching towards the sun, trying to start the day.

SOUND FX:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

VOICE:
TRUE DAT. TRUE DAT.


PANEL 3 - Zoom out to show that the rose is planted in a pot and sits on the windowsill of a bedroom. The molding is cracked and the window is dirty, but the rose is beautiful and red as it reaches and reaches as if to want to get enough energy to run the hell away.

VOICE 2:
OH @#$%, FIVE-OH. PUT ‘EM OUT! PUT ‘EM OUT!

VOICE 3:
WE SCREWED MAN, HE WALKING DIS WAY!


PANEL 4 - Zoom out again to reveal the walls of the bedroom. They are covered in dated wallpaper which is coming loose on the edges. A number of pictures hang on the wall, but we can’t see what they are of. It should be clear that this room has seen happier days.

VOICE:
CLARK, WHAT THE HELL YOU DOIN’?

VOICE 2:
I AIN’T GOT NO MONEY FOR NO TICKET AND I SURE AS HELL AIN’T GOING BACK TO NO JAIL CELL!

VOICE 3:
CLARK MAN, DON’T DO THIS!


PANEL 5 - Zoom out one last time to show the foot of a bed. Two people’s legs can be seen under the covers. On top of it all is a black cat who is sleeping between the mounds of legs and feet.

VOICE 4:
KIDS, I’M OFFICER EDWARDS. YOU MIND TELLING ME WHAT YOU WERE SMOKING A SECOND AGO?

VOICE 2:
YEAH I MIND! ME AN’ MY PIECE, WE BOTH MIND!

VOICE 4:
EASY SON. YOU DON’T WANT TO DO THIS.

VOICE 2:
THE @#$% I DON’T! Y’ALL COME BUSTIN’ DOWN HERE LIKE YOU MATTER. YOU DON’T MATTER. THIS HERE’S OUR BLOCK. WE MATTER.


PANEL 6 - SAME AS 5. Something startles the cat, whose head perks up, looking out the window. The legs don’t move.

SOUND FX:
BAM!

BAM! BAM! BAM!




PAGE 2 - NINE EQUAL SIZED PANELS IN A THREE BY THREE GRID.

PANEL 1 - The image is centered on a telephone in the kitchen. The slowly raising sun shines in through a couple of unkept windows. Everything in the room screams old, the chairs and table are dated and clash, the cabinets have large chunks of paint missing and a few are off their hinges. A clock hangs on the wall. It’s hands read five to six.

SOUND FX (CONT’D):
BRRRRRRRRING.

BRRRRRRRRING.


PANEL 2 - SAME PANEL.

SOUND FX (CONT’D):
BRRRRRRRRING.

BRRRRRRRRING.


PANEL 3 - SAME PANEL. PAUL, a tall yet overweight man, grabs the phone. He’s wearing a black shirt and boxers. His hair, what he has left of it, is messy and sticking up.

SOUND FX (CONT’D):
BRRRRRRRRING.

PAUL (WHISPERS):
...damn @#$%ing telemarketers. no damn respect for people...

SOUND FX:
BRRRRRR-


PANEL 4 - SAME PANEL. PAUL puts the phone to his ear and turns his back to us, we can’t see his reaction to the call.

PAUL:
ELLO? OH. MORNING MR. HARRIS.

NO.... NO, I SEE. YEAH, THAT MAKES SENSE.


PANEL 5 - A nearby door opens, PAUL’s son DAVID is stepping out of his room. DAVID squints, the morning light is too much for him since he just woke up.

PAUL (CONT’D):
WELL, YES SIR, BUT I....

I GUESS.

-sigh-

IS THERE ANY...


PANEL 6 - PAUL looks over and sees DAVID off panel. He’s a little surprised that his son is standing there, and maybe a little scared too.

PAUL (CONT’D):
ME EITHER SIR. IT... IT SOUNDS GOOD THEN.

YEAH... YEAH, IT SHOULDN’T BE A PROBLEM.


PANEL 7 - DAVID points to his bare wrist, telling his father that it’s much too early for this kind of thing.

PAUL (CONT’D):
I HOPE IT DOES TOO, SIR.


PANEL 8 - CLOSE UP on PAUL as he makes a face at his son.


PANEL 9 - DAVID returns the favor. He smiles as much as the face he’s making will allow him to.

PAUL (CONT’D):
I’LL HAVE TO DO THAT. THANK YOU VERY MUCH, SIR.




PAGE 3 -

PANEL 1 - PAUL hangs up the phone and looks over at his son, the father is smiling.

PAUL (CONT’D):
WHEN DID YOU GO TO BED LAST NIGHT?

DAVID:
LATE.

PAUL:
LIKE WHAT KIND OF LATE?

DAVID:
THREE.... MAYBE FOUR.


PANEL 2 - PAUL starts to pour some coffee, DAVID opens up the fridge and leans inside.

PAUL:
YOU PRACTICING THAT WHOLE TIME?

DAVID:
YUP.

PAUL:
YOU GOTTA BE GETTING GOOD BY NOW.

DAVID:
NOT AS GOOD AS YOU, DAD.

PAUL:
SOMEDAY... SOMEDAY.

YOU’D BETTER FORGET ABOUT BREAKFAST AND START GETTING READY. YOU AND YOUR MOTHER HAVE THAT MEETING BEFORE CLASS TODAY.


PANEL 3 - CLOSE UP on DAVID as he’s looking in the fridge. There’s a decent amount of food in there, but a couple of the things have gotten moldy. DAVID doesn’t look all that thrilled.

DAVID:
IS THAT TODAY?

PAUL:
YUP. YOU WORRIED?

DAVID:
A LITTLE.

PAUL:
WELL DON’T BE. I WENT THROUGH THE SAME THING WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE. THEY JUST WANT TO SEE IF YOU MATCH UP WITH YOUR SCORES.


PANEL 4 - DAVID closes the fridge door, having grabbed out a bottle of soda. PAUL is leaning up against the kitchen counter.

DAVID:
I FEEL LIKE I’M ON TRIAL. AS IF I CHEATED OR SOMETHING.

PAUL:
THEY JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND IT. THAT’S ALL.

JUST KNOW THAT EVENTUALLY THEY’LL HAVE TO ACCEPT THAT YOU’RE AS SMART AS YOU ARE. NO MATTER WHAT YOU MIGHT ACT LIKE.

NOW GO GET READY, YOUR MOM’LL BE UP SOON.


PANEL 5 - CLOSE UP on the clock in the kitchen. It’s hands read three past six.




PAGE 4 -

PANEL 1 - SAME PANEL. The clock now reads thirty-five after seven.


PANEL 2 - PAUL looks over as his wife, DIANA, steps out of their room. He looks the same as he did over and hour ago, while she has clearly taken a shower and gotten ready for the day. She’s not too happy with seeing him in his present state.

PAUL (CONT’D):
THERE’S MY LOVE-DOVE. HOW’RE YOU DOING TODAY?

DIANA:
TIRED, THE SIRENS DOWNSTAIRS WOKE ME UP EARLY AND I....

...WHY AREN’T YOU DRESSED? YOU HAVE TO BE TO THE FACTORY IN TWENTY MINUTES!


PANEL 3 - PAUL walks over and tries to hug his wife, but there is too much distance between them.

PAUL:
IT’S OKAY. IT’S OKAY. I’M TAKING THE DAY OFF TODAY.

DIANA:
DO YOU HAVE A VACATION DAY TO USE?

PAUL:
NO, BUT....


PANEL 4 - DIANA pushes him away. She’s not in the mood to hear what he’s saying.

DIANA:
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING!?!?!?!

WE’RE SCRAPING BY AS IT IS AND YOU JUST UP AND DECIDE TO TAKE A DAY OFF? THAT’S AT LEAST NINETY BUCKS YOU’RE LOOSING.

PAUL:
DIANA... I JUST NEEDED A DAY.


PANEL 5 - DIANA fumbles around with her purse getting it ready to go. She’s clearly mad.

DIANA:
WELL I HAVEN’T HAD A DAY FOR SEVENTEEN YEARS! I’M THIRTY-FIVE WITH NO COLLEGE DEGREE AND A CRAPPY PART-TIME JOB.

BUT I HAVEN’T HAD THE OPTION OF A DAY TO MYSELF. I HAD RAISE OUR SON.


PANEL 6 - They both just stand there.


PANEL 7 - SAME PANEL.

DIANA (CONT’D):
DAVID! LET’S GO. WE HAVE TO BE AT THE MEETING IN THIRTY MINUTES.


PANEL 8 - SAME PANEL. DIANA is walking off, DAVID follows, at the moment he is walking past PAUL.

DAVID:
LATER, DAD

PAUL:
GOOD LUCK. REMEMBER TO BE YOURSELF.


PANEL 9 - PAUL is looking at the front door to the apartment as it closes. His family has left him for the day. His mind takes a moment to process that.




PAGE 5 - SIX EQUAL SIZED PANELS IN A TWO BY THREE GRID.

PANEL 1 - PAUL is on the phone in the kitchen.

PAUL (CONT’D):
GEORGE, THIS IS PAUL MOORE. FINE, FINE.

LOOK, SOMETHING’S COME UP AND I WAS WONDERING IF YOU WERE STILL LOOKING FOR PEOPLE?

I SEE. OKAY, WELL IF SOMETHING OPENS UP, LET ME KNOW.


PANEL 2 - PAUL, still on the phone.

PAUL (CONT’D):
I’M CALLING FOR MR. NEWMAN. YES I’LL HOLD.

YES, MR. NEWMAN... WELL IS HE GOING TO BE IN AT ALL TODAY?

CAN YOU TELL ME IF YOU’RE HIRING ANYONE?

I UNDERSTAND, THANKS ANYWAYS.


PANEL 3 - PAUL, on the phone. He’s rubbing his forehead as he talks, this isn’t going well.

PAUL (CONT’D):
I HAD HEARD AT ONE POINT THAT YOU WERE LOOKING FOR SOMEONE.

COULD YOU CALL ME IF YOU FIND AN OPENING.


PANEL 4 - PAUL is sitting down now, he’s still trying.

PAUL (CONT’D):
I DON’T HAVE ANY ACCOUNTING EXPERIENCE, PER SE, BUT I CAN LEARN...

...AND THERE ISN’T ANY TRAINING OPTIONS?

WELL... THANKS FOR YOU TIME.


PANEL 5 - SAME.

PAUL (CONT’D):
WHAT DO YOU OFFER FOR PAY?

WELL I NEED AT LEAST NINE PER HOUR.

I UNDERSTAND THAT THE ECONOMY IS TOUGH, BUT YOU DON’T HAVE ANYTHING THAT PAYS THAT MUCH?

NO. FIVE PER ISN’T GOING TO DO IT.

YEAH, WELL SAME TO YOU.


PANEL 6 - SAME. PAUL hangs the phone up. He whispers to the empty apartment.

PAUL (WHISPERS):
where did I go wrong?




PAGE 6 -

PANEL 1 - PAUL’s hand reaches into the frame and picks up a guitar from it’s stand.


PANEL 2 - Opening up a small box, he takes out a pic. It’s white with lettering on it.

PICK:
Spirit of ‘83


PANEL 3 - PAUL is facing forward, the guitar is hanging from its strap, his pick arm is up high, he’s about to play. His eyes are closed.


PANEL 4 - SAME PANEL. PAUL’s brought his arm down fast across the strings.

CAPTION:
“HI.”

CAPTION 2:
“HI.”

CAPTION:
“WHAT’S YOUR NAME?”

CAPTION 2:
“PAUL.”


PANEL 5 - PAUL’s moved to a different cord, his hand is lower on the guitar’s neck.

CAPTION:
“YOU PLAY REALLY WELL.”

CAPTION 2:
“THANKS. I’VE BEEN TAKING LESSONS FOR A COUPLE OF YEARS.”

“WHAT’S YOUR NAME?”

CAPTION:
“DIANA.”




PAGE 7 -

PANEL 1 - We’re looking at a flashback to 1983. It’s an image of a high school. A much younger and more in shape PAUL is sitting on the grass under a tree. DIANA, younger and with longer hair, is looking down talking to him. The sun is out and everyone around them seems happy. These are the better days long gone.

PAUL:
THAT’S A PRETTY NAME.

YOU WANNA SIT WITH ME?

DIANA:
YEAH.


PANEL 2 - DIANA sits by PAUL, they both look out at the open field that boarders the school.

DIANA (CONT’D):
DO YOU PLAY IN A BAND?

PAUL:
NO. NOT YET.

BUT I WANT TO SOMEDAY.

DIANA:
YOU GOING TO BE ALL RICH AND FAMOUS?

PAUL:
HOPE SO.

WHAT ABOUT YOU? WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO WITH YOUR LIFE?


PANEL 3 - CLOSE UP on DIANA.

DIANA:
I WANT TO HELP PEOPLE. I’M GOING TO GO INTO EITHER MEDICINE OR PSYCHOLOGY.

PAUL:
WHY?

DIANA:
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

PAUL:
WHY DO YOU WANT TO HELP PEOPLE?

DIANA:
BECAUSE SOME PEOPLE NEED THE HELP. THERE ARE PEOPLE THAT SUFFER DAY IN AND DAY OUT. ALL THEY WANT IS TO FEEL SOMETHING BETTER THAN THE PAIN THEY HAVE INSIDE.


PANEL 4 - We’re looking at PAUL in the present again, his eyes are still closed as he strums his guitar. Even though we can’t hear what he’s playing, we can tell he’s completely taken in by it.

CAPTION:
“SOME PEOPLE... SOME PEOPLE HAVE A LOT OF PAIN INSIDE.”


PANEL 5 - We’re back in the past. PAUL is looking over at DIANA, taking in what she’s said. There is a small glimmer of love in his eyes.


PANEL 6 - The two of them look at each other. They don’t say anything, but we can see the love these two will eventually have together. Their expressions foreshadow it all.




PAGE 8 -
PANEL 1 - We’re looking at a party scene. It’s the mid-80’s and everyone present is in teenage rebellion attire. A banner is hanging from the wall. PAUL is watching the scene from the sidelines. DIANA is walking up to him.

BANNER:
HAPPY NEW-YEAR 1986!!!!!

DIANA:
PAUL. PAUL!


PANEL 2 - PAUL turns to look at DIANA. He can’t hear her over the music.

PAUL:
DIANA! HI. I WAS WONDERING WHEN YOU WERE GOING TO GET HERE.

DIANA:
WHAT?!?

PAUL:
I WAS WONDERING WHEN YOU WERE GOING TO GET HERE!

DIANA:
I CAN’T HEAR YOU!!


PANEL 3 - PAUL takes her arm and leads her into a side room. He’s all smiles to see her, but she seems down about something.

PAUL:
IS THIS BETTER?

DIANA:
YEAH.

PAUL:
WHAT’S UP? YOU SEEM... I DON’T KNOW, DOWN OR SOMETHING.


PANEL 4 - DIANA turns away from PAUL. Whatever she’s got on her mind, she doesn’t know how to express it.

PAUL (CONT’D):
HEY, DON’T TURN AWAY. WHAT’S THE MATTER?

DIANA:
I’M....I’M PREGNANT.


PANEL 5 - SAME PANEL.


PANEL 6 - SAME PANEL. PAUL takes a step away from her. He looks away as he processes what she said.


PANEL 7 - PAUL looks at her with more conviction. He knows what he should do.

PAUL:
MARRY ME.


PANEL 8 - DIANA looks at him in surprise, he looks back with a smile.

DIANA:
WHAT?

PAUL:
MARRY ME.

DIANA:
ARE YOU SURE?

PAUL:
YES. I LOVE YOU. I WANT TO BE WITH YOU.

WE PROBABLY WOULD’VE GOTTEN MARRIED ANYWAY, THIS IS JUST A LITTLE SOONER.


PANEL 9 - PAUL holds DIANA, they’re looking into each other’s eyes like they did last page, but now their love is even more pronounced.

PAUL (CONT’D):
I LOVE YOU. I DON’T WANT TO LOOSE YOU... OR OUR BABY... BECAUSE I COULDN’T DO THE STAND UP THING.

DIANA:
WHAT ABOUT OUR PLANS. COLLEGE AND THE BAND? FAME AND FORTUNE?

PAUL:
WE’LL HAVE ALL OF THAT. ONE WAY OR ANOTHER. I PROMISE.




PAGE 9 -
PANEL 1 - The image is centered on a television. Some daytime talk show is on. The host is holding a guest’s hand as they discuss life and lessons.

CAPTION 2:
“I PROMISE”

HOST:
...AND SO YOU HAVE TO REACH DEEP INSIDE OF YOU AND SAY “I CAN MAKE MY LIFE BETTER”

GUEST:
I-I DON’T KNOW IF I CAN.

HOST:
COME ON NOW. “I CAN MAKE MY LIFE BETTER”

GUEST:
I... I... I CAN MAKE MY LIFE BETTER.

HOST:
THERE YOU GO. WAS THAT SO HARD?


PANEL 2 - We’ve rotated, PAUL is looking out the window, the light from the television giving him a sort of glow.

HOST (CONT’D):
WELL I HOPE NOT, BUT IN CASE IT WAS... WE’RE GOING TO GIVE YOU FREE RENT FOR FIVE YEARS!

GUEST:
OH MY GOD!!!!!!

HOST:
SO NOW THERE SHOULD BE NO REASON FOR YOU NOT TO HELP YOURSELF, MARY. WE’RE TAKING CARE OF THE BILL, GO OUT THERE AND MAKE YOURSELF A BETTER PERSON WITH A BETTER LIFE!


PANEL 3 - PAUL hits the off button on the remote, he can’t take anymore of the garbage.


PANEL 4 - SAME PANEL.

CAPTION 2:
“I PROMISE.”


PANEL 5 - We’re looking into the kitchen, PAUL is off panel.

SOUND FX:
BRRRRRRRRING.


PANEL 6 - PAUL answers the phone.

PAUL:
ELLO?

THIS IS HIM.




PAGE 10 -
PANEL 1 - SAME PANEL. PAUL’s smiling.

PAUL (CONT’D):
YES... YES I WOULD BE WILLING TO WORK NIGHTS. WHAT’S THE HOURLY WAGE?

THAT’D BE PERFECT. DO YOU NEED ME TO COME IN OR ANYTHING?

WELL I’VE WORKED WITH HARRIS STEEL FOR TEN YEARS ON THE FLOOR... UM, PRETTY MUCH EVERYTHING. MELTING, MOLDING, STAMPING.


PANEL 2 - CLOSE UP on PAUL. He looks as if someone knocked the wind out of him.

PAUL (CONT’D):
YEAH, I’M CERTIFIED IN THAT. WHAT’S THE POSITION EXACTLY?

TANK GRINDER....

NO, I’M STILL HERE. IT’S JUST, I KNEW A GUY THAT DID THAT. DROVE HIM NUTS.


PANEL 3 - PAUL calms himself, he can’t get too emotional on the phone. He needs this.

PAUL (CONT’D):
NO, I DEFINITELY STILL WANT A SHOT. I’M JUST GOING TO HAVE TO TALK IT OVER WITH MY WIFE, CAN I CALL YOU BACK?


PANEL 4 - PAUL looks up at the clock, it’s two-thirty.

PAUL (CONT’D):
BEFORE SEVEN. NO PROBLEM, THANKS FOR THE CHANCE.


PANEL 5 - PAUL hangs up the phone.

PAUL (CONT’D):
ALL THIS AND THE BEST I CAN DO IS AN @#$%ING TANK GRINDER.

@#$%




PAGE 11 -

PANEL 1 - PAUL forcibly grabs his guitar.

CAPTION 2:
“WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO RODGER?”

CAPTION 3:
“YOU DIDN’T HEAR? GUY WENT CRAZY.”


PANEL 2 - He plugs it in to a nearby amp.

CAPTION 3 (CONT’D):
“TOOK A GUN TO HIS HEAD WHILE HIS WIFE WAS COOKING DINNER.”

CAPTION 2:
“WHOA. HE LEAVE A NOTE OR ANYTHING?”


PANEL 3 - He turns the volume as high as it will go.

CAPTION 3:
“NO. HIS WIFE SAID HE SEEMED FINE WHEN SHE SAW HIM LAST, BEFORE HE WENT UPSTAIRS TO DO IT.”


PANEL 4 - He plays.

CAPTION 3 (CONT’D):
“BUT IF YOU KNEW RODGER, YOU KNOW WHY HE DID IT.”

CAPTION 2:
“WHY?”


PANEL 5 - He continues to play, everything around him vibrates from the sound.

CAPTION 3:
“HE HAD DREAMS. GOALS AND STUFF THAT HE WOULD NEVER LET GO OF.”


PANEL 6 - CLOSE UP on PAUL. His eyes are closed, the world is shaking all around him and he can’t even tell.

CAPTION 3 (CONT’D):
“IT JUST GOES TO SHOW YOU. YOU HAVE THINGS LIKE THAT, DREAMS AND THE LIKE... DOING THINGS LIKE GRINDING TANKS IS SO MUNDANE IT’LL DRIVE YOU NUTS.”

“DRIVE YOU TO SUICIDE IF YOU LET IT.”




PAGE 12 -
PANEL 1 - SPLASH PAGE. PAUL is playing his guitar, the entire apartment is shaking due to the musics vibration. A picture falls off the wall. PAUL doesn’t care, he can’t care anymore. He exists only in the cords he plays, the sound we can’t hear. The sound that would deafen us.

CAPTION 2:
“THAT’S NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN TO ME.”

“I PROMISE.”

“I LOVE YOU.”

“I PROMISE.”

“...NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN TO ME.”

“I PROMISE.”

“I PROMISE.”




PAGE 13 -

PANEL 1 - PAUL stands there, letting the last cord he’s played make it’s way through the instrument and the apartment.


PANEL 2 - SAME PANEL. Everything stops shaking, the cord’s died out. PAUL just stands there.


PANEL 3 - A shot of the apartment’s front door.

SOUND FX:
KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!


PANEL 4 - SAME PANEL.

VOICE 5:
HEY. WERE YOU THE ONE PLAYING GUITAR JUST NOW?!?!?!?!


PANEL 5 - PAUL walks to the door.

PAUL:
I’M SORRY IF IT WAS TOO LOUD, I KIND OF GOT A LITTLE CARRIED AWAY.

VOICE 5:
IT’S NOT THAT. CAN YOU PLEASE OPEN THE DOOR?


PANEL 6 - PAUL has opened the door, a young woman and her two guy friends are standing in the hallway. They’re punk.

VOICE 5 (CONT’D):
HI MAN. MY NAME IS VICTORIA AND THESE ARE MY FRIENDS. WE LIVE ABOVE YOU AND WE JUST HAD TO SEE WHO WAS PLAYING THAT STUFF.

GUY 1:
IT WAS AWESOME MAN!

GUY 2:
IT TOTALLY ROCKED!


PANEL 7 - SAME PANEL.

VICTORIA:
WE JUST LOST OUR LEAD TO THIS BULL@#$% SKA BAND FROM THE WEST END AND WE TOTALLY NEED SOMEONE FOR THIS GIG WE’RE PLAYING TOMORROW NIGHT.

PAUL:
YOU WANT ME... TO PLAY GUITAR?

VICTORIA:
WE’VE HEARD THAT THERE MIGHT BE SOME CORPORATE TYPES THERE AND WE NEED SOMEONE THAT CAN SHAKE THE BUILDING.

GUY 2:
VIBRATION CITY, DUDE!!

VICTORIA:
SO, WHAT DO YOU SAY? YOU IN


PANEL 8 - PAUL stares silently at the group of young musicians.


PANEL 9 - SAME PANEL.

PAUL:
WHAT THE HELL, I’LL GIVE IT A SHOT.

VICTORIA:
EXCELLENT.

GUY 1:
@#$%ING YES! DUDE YOU ARE THE MAN!!!




PAGE 14 -

PANEL 1 - CLOSE UP on PAUL. He’s smiling, more than he has in a long time. He truly is happy.


PANEL 2 - PAUL is in the bathroom, he’s fixing his hair, trying in general to make himself look as good as he feels.

CAPTION:
“YOU GOING TO BE ALL RICH AND FAMOUS?”

CAPTION 2:
“HOPE SO.”


PANEL 3 - PAUL is putting on his best rock outfit, a black T-shirt and jeans, topped with a black leather jacket.

CAPTION 2 (CONT’D):
“I PROMISE.”


PANEL 4 - PAUL is looking at himself in a full mirror in the bedroom, he cleans up rather nice and actually looks as though he could fit in with the younger members of the band.

DIANA:
PAUL, WE’RE HOME.

PAUL:
HOW WAS WORK?


PANEL 5 - DIANA starts to enter the bedroom, she’s caught be surprise when she sees the off panel PAUL.

DIANA:
TERRIBLE, SINCE I HAD TO ACTUALLY GO. UNLIKE SOME OF US, WHO DECIDED TO “TAKE A DAY”. I MEAN REALLY...

oh my god...


PANEL 6 - DIANA looks at her husband in shock, it’s been a long time since he’s looked like this. She doesn’t quite know what to make of it, but she can sense that there has to be a reason, one she may not like.

DIANA (CONT’D):
WHAT IN THE HELL DID YOU DO? WHY ARE YOU WEARING THOSE OLD THINGS?

PAUL:
I GOT A GIG.

DIANA:
A GIG? DOING WHAT?


PANEL 7 - PAUL is looking in the mirror, he seems to be more involved with his own appearance than with his wife’s reaction.

PAUL:
PLAYING GUITAR. I WAS PLAYING EARLIER AND THE PEOPLE UPSTAIRS HEARD ME, THEY CAME DOWN AND WERE SAYING THAT THEY NEEDED A GUITARIST FOR THIS GIG.

SO... I TOOK IT.




PAGE 15

PANEL 1 - DIANA isn’t having any of this. She wants to know what’s what and she wants to know now.

DIANA:
OKAY, WHAT THE @#$% HAPPENED TODAY. YOU GET A CALL THIS MORNING, YOU DON’T GO INTO WORK, YOU TAKE A “GIG” PLAYING GUITAR, YOU DRESS LIKE YOU’VE BEEN REGRESSING.....

YOU... ACT LIKE YOU’RE GOING THROUGH A MID-LIFE CRISIS... oh my god... WHAT WAS THAT PHONE CALL THIS MORNING?

PAUL:
WHAT PHONE CALL?

DIANA:
THE ONE AFTER THAT COP GOT SHOT! YOU @#$%ING KNOW WHICH ONE I MEAN!

YOU @#$%ING GOT LAID OFF, DIDN’T YOU. YOU GOT CANNED AND DIDN’T HAVE THE @#$%ING GUTS TO TELL ME?!?!?!


PANEL 2 - CLOSE UP on PAUL. DIANA can be seen in the background looking very intense.


PANEL 3 - SAME PANEL.

PAUL:
yes.




PAGE 16 -

PANEL 1 - DIANA explodes with anger.

DIANA:
WELL THAT’S JUST @#$%ING GREAT. HOW ARE WE GOING TO PAY THE BILLS NOW, PAUL? I CAN BET THAT THIS GIG OF YOUR’S ISN’T GOING TO CUT IT.

PAUL:
IT’S NOT LIKE I WANTED THIS TO HAPPEN.

IT’S NOT LIKE I WENT OUT OF MY WAY TO GET FIRED.

DIANA:
NO, BUT DID YOU GO OUT OF YOU’RE WAY TO GET IN GOOD WITH MANAGEMENT? NO. WHEN JOHN SMITH THROWS SOME BIG PARTY, DO YOU EVEN SHOW?

CAN YOU EVEN TELL ME THE FIRST NAMES OF THE PEOPLE IN MANAGEMENT?


PANEL 2 - SAME PANEL.


PANEL 3 - SAME PANEL.

DIANA (CONT’D):
I DIDN’T THINK SO. YOU JUST SKATE BY AND THEN WONDER WHY THE @#$%ING ICE JUST FELL AWAY.


PANEL 4 - DAVID comes into the room.

DAVID:
HEY GUYS, CAN WE HAVE PIZZA FOR SUPPER?

DIANA:
NOT NOW HONEY, GO PRACTICE YOUR... GO DO YOUR SCHOOLWORK.


PANEL 5 - DIANA looks at PAUL.

DIANA (CONT’D):
WHEN I GOT PREGNANT YOU DID THE RIGHT THING. WHEN WE NEEDED THE MONEY, YOU GOT WHATEVER JOB YOU NEEDED TO SO THAT WE COULD GIVE HIM EVERYTHING WE COULD.

I WILL BE DAMNED IF YOU ARE GOING TO THROUGH THAT AWAY FOR SOME DREAM YOU HAD WHEN YOU WERE SEVENTEEN.




PAGE 17

PANEL 1 - PAUL can’t take it anymore, he has to speak up.

PAUL:
WHEN DID DREAMS BECOME A BAD THING? DON’T YOU THINK THAT DAVID HAS DREAMS AND GOALS FOR HIMSELF?

DIANA:
THAT’S DIFFERENT, HE IS SEVENTEEN. HE HAS THE TIME AND THE FREEDOM TO DO THOSE THINGS. YOU DON’T.


PANEL 2 - SAME PANEL.

PAUL:
BUT I DO, DON’T YOU SEE THAT? IT DOESN’T MATTER HOW OLD I AM. I’M GOOD, THE PEOPLE UPSTAIRS KNOW I’M GOOD. I THINK THIS HAS A CHANCE.

IF SOMEONE OFFERED YOU A CHANCE TO HELP PEOPLE, TO DO WHAT YOU WANTED TO WHEN YOU WERE SEVENTEEN, WOULDN’T YOU WANT TO TAKE IT?


PANEL 3 - DIANA points her finger at PAUL, he’s not going to get her this way.

DIANA:
DON’T YOU DARE GIVE ME THAT CRAP. WE BOTH GAVE UP SOMETHING, BUT IT WAS THE RIGHT THING TO DO. I’VE ACCEPTED THAT I’LL NEVER BE A DOCTOR, AND YOU NEED TO ACCEPT THAT YOU’LL NEVER BE A ROCK STAR!


PANEL 4 - CLOSE UP on PAUL.

PAUL:
I CAN’T.




PAGE 18 -

PANEL 1 - CLOSE UP on DIANA

DIANA:
WHY NOT?


PANEL 2 - CLOSE UP on PAUL.

PAUL:
BECAUSE IT’S IMPORTANT TO ME, IT MAKES ME BETTER THAN THE OTHER PEOPLE AROUND HERE, THE PEOPLE THAT DIE NEVER ACHIEVING ANYTHING.


PANEL 3 - They stare at each other.

PAUL (CONT’D):
DO YOU WANNA DIE IN THIS APARTMENT WITHOUT FEELING THAT YOU’VE ACCOMPLISHED ANYTHING?


PANEL 4 - SAME PANEL.

DIANA:
I DID, I HAD A SON. A GREAT SON.

WHY CAN’T YOU SEE THAT AS AN ACCOMPLISHMENT IN AND OF ITSELF?


PANEL 5 - It’s clear that the question hit home with PAUL, he’s taken aback by the realization that he may not be thinking about the right person’s dreams, but no one says anything.




PAGE 19 -

PANEL 1 - DIANA looks at PAUL as he tries to deal. Her arms are folded, her point is made.

DIANA (CONT’D):
WELCOME TO MY WORLD, WHERE THERE IS A PERSON MORE IMPORTANT THAN MYSELF, WHO I HAVE TO CARE FOR.

HIS DREAMS ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN MY OWN. HIS LIFE IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN MY HATRED FOR MY JOB.

YOU DID THE RIGHT THING SEVENTEEN YEARS AGO. I KNOW SOMEWHERE IN YOU IS THE CAPACITY TO DO IT AGAIN.


PANEL 2 - DIANA walks out of the room, PAUL doesn’t move.

DIANA (CONT’D):
DAVID, LET’S GO GET SOME PIZZA FROM THE STORE. YOU WANT PEPPERONI OR SAUSAGE?


PANEL 3 - SAME PANEL. DIANA has left the room, PAUL sits on the bed and begins to cry.

DAVID:
WHAT ABOUT DAD? HE COMING TOO?

DIANA:
YOUR DAD HAS SOME THINGS TO THINK ABOUT, WE’LL BRING HIM BACK A SLICE.


PANEL 4 - SAME PANEL. PAUL just sits there and cries.




PAGE 20 -

PANEL 1 - The apartment is dark, it’s getting late. PAUL stands by his guitar and stares at it.


PANEL 2 - SAME PANEL. PAUL takes off the leather jacket and lays it down on the amp.


PANEL 3 - CLOSE UP on PAUL. He cries. His wife is right and his dreams will have to die. He knows he can’t carry them with him where he needs to go. So he cries.


PANEL 4 - CLOSE UP on the clock. It reads twenty-six minutes to seven.


PANEL 5 - In the kitchen, PAUL’s hand reaches for the phone.




PAGE 21 -

PANEL 1 - CLOSE UP on the guitar.

PAUL:
HI, THIS IS PAUL MOORE. I WAS CALLED ABOUT THE TANK GRINDER JOB.

YES, I’LL HOLD.


PANEL 2 - CLOSE UP on a picture of PAUL when he was younger, the frame’s tilted. He looks so happy as he sits with his guitar, practicing and practicing for a future he won’t have.

PAUL (CONT’D):
HELLO, YES I’VE THOUGHT ABOUT IT.

I’M GOING TO TAKE THE POSITION.


PANEL 3 - CLOSE UP on a picture from PAUL and DIANA’s wedding day, they’re smiling.

PAUL (CONT’D):
I CAN START TOMORROW.

THAT’D BE PERFECT. THANK YOU.




PAGE 22 -

PANEL 1 - SPLASH PAGE. The guitar takes up the entire page in its holder. The amp is behind it with the leather jacket laying on top. Stuck into the strings is a note, handwritten, from PAUL. The lighting is dark.

CAPTION 2:
“I LOVE YOU. I DON’T WANT TO LOOSE YOU... OR OUR BABY... BECAUSE I COULDN’T DO THE STAND UP THING.”

CAPTION:
“WHAT ABOUT OUR PLANS. COLLEGE AND THE BAND? FAME AND FORTUNE?”

CAPTION 2:
“WE’LL HAVE ALL OF THAT. ONE WAY OR ANOTHER. I PROMISE.”

“ONE WAY OR ANOTHER.”


HANDWRITTEN NOTE:
DAVID,

I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT WANT TO HAVE THIS. I KNOW I’VE HELD IT CLOSE TO ME FOR A LONG TIME, BUT I THINK IT’S TIME FOR YOU TO HAVE IT.

I ALSO HAPPEN TO KNOW THAT IF YOU GO UPSTAIRS, THERE’S A BAND LIVING ABOVE US THAT COULD USE A GOOD GUITARIST. WHY DON’T YOU JOIN UP AND MAKE ME PROUD.
CAN’T WAIT TO SEE WHAT YOU DO.

LOVE, DAD.

CAPTION 2:
“ONE WAY OR ANOTHER.”

“I PROMISE.”


-THE END-

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

-Ben;onei;

[banshee]

oooh I just realised I missed this one!!! Bad Banshee, bad, bad!

wow, Ben.. that was some request LOL and Ven had to be there first. Fun idea! (but crazy lol)

welcome to thewritersdesk and PJ!!!! welcome to the madhouse.. I mean fun and friendly community hehehee (whispers to Ben, u watch out for Ven, he's quite the trickster.. and mwhite cooks dinner w/o offering us any)

on to the c&c:

PANEL 4 - WELL... THANKS FOR YOUR TIME.

panel 9- PAUL (CONT’D):
I LOVE YOU. I DON’T WANT TO LOOSE YOU... OR OUR BABY... BECAUSE I COULDN’T DO THE STAND UP THING.

Shld be 'Lose'

Page 1/Panel 5- she’s caught be surprise
Shld be caught BY surprise.

But generally I really like it. Got a nice emotional feel to it.

cool beans!!! this is fun, more, more!!!!

later days
B

[Vendetta]

Excellent read, m'man. Excellent.

A couple of small things that I saw but considering you did this over the last 24 hours (less actually) those things are pretty much nothing considering you haven't even had time to edit it properly.

Anyway, it was an enlightening story. I loved the part about his child being the "great accomplishment." Glad you took the "uplifting" path