WhoIsTheFox?

[riq]

Hey peoples,

I've been working on a project with a friend.. We put together a mini-comic( a very mini comic-I drew it, he wrote it), And I'm posting to get acidly honest feedback. So please have at me!

I'm still working out the designs of the characters, so if you see any inconsistencies, that 's the reason. I'm posting the first couple of pages and a link to the next two( I didn't want to overload anyone with a slow connection)








3rd and 4th pages

[xadrian]

Wow dude, that was really cool. Easy to follow, great twist at the end. Good art.

I really liked that. I'd buy that book.

[chynco]

very very nice!

i like how the narration plays a key part in the twist at the end.

i don't think theres any big problems here. the storytelling is clear, it flows smoothly.

there were a few little bumps that tripped me, but nothing major. i was confused in both panels when "the fox" punches someone, it took me a minute to figure out who was who. it's just a smal bump in the pacing.

i also thought the grey toning was a bit "flat"... i'm not sure, it's just something about the grey that blends everything together, or maybe it's just the quality of the image file, i dunno.

but all in all, these are really really good pages, keenerific.

[Folgore]

Niiiiiiiiiiice! Very nicely written, very nicely drawn.

Oh wait, you wanted feedback. I honestly dont see any distracting flaws in your style or anatomy, and you tell a story very cleanly. All I would honestly say is maybe use a different font than Comic Sans. I think a work as professional as this should use a slightly less over-used font.

[riq]

Thanks for the responses and comments..

chynco: I understand what you said about the punches. I'll find a way to make it more plainly understandable..

Folgore: You're right about comic sans.. Are there any other general fonts you reccommend.. Or is there a font I could buy that you know of.. Other than that I know about the font company specifically for comics.. I'll find it and go have a browse there.

The zip tones come out excellent when you print them out.. But they are a little muddy on screen. I'll probably go back and just tone them with shades for the web..

thanks a lot again..

if anyone else has any comment or good ideas I'd love to hear them.. Especially any comments about things you don't like..

later

riq.

[Cuddly]

Hi riq - haven't seen you on the boards in a while. This is some really nice work! It struck me as looking different from your usual style (or maybe I just haven't seen your inked work before).

As for the fonts, I'd highly recommend you check out http://www.blambot.com for some seriously cool FREE fonts.

[riq]

Well, Cuddly.. this is my first inked work.. So it's new to me too.

riq.

[Cuddly]

Originally posted by riq
Well, Cuddly.. this is my first inked work.. So it's new to me too.

riq.

Hey cool! What did you use to do the inking? Brush? Dip pen? Markers?

[riq]

I used Microns and two brushes.. I was well equiped, and I was in a rush. So I used one of my oil painting brushes( which did really well in fact) and I used my watercolor brush.. I was desperate to get a finer brush, so I cut most of the bristles off and it did fine.. Obviously I'm not a very practiced inker.

riq.

[Bruce Lee]

riq,

Pretty decent looking stuff! The pages read well, for the most part, but the zips are flattening out your work, and are making for some inconsistancy.

In panel four on page one, we see the guys as they hear the roar of the motorcycle. Their figures are without zip, but on the first panel of the next page, they suddenly have zip. I know why you wanted to use zip in panel one of page two--to add depth and pop out the cyclist--but, the inconsistancy is odd. The zip use emplies that the guys infront of the cyle are in shadow, right? Okay, but they haven't moved since the previous panel, where you depicted them without the zip/shadow. It an obvious gimmick device of convenience. This probably sounds like nitpickin', but I do find it rather bothersome. Btw, there's really no reason at all why some of the glass around the cycle should be zipped is there? Unless these piecers are tented glass (which seems highly unlikely. Bizarre.

Speaking of the zip in that panel, you might want to consider adding in some highlights on the figures, because the zip covering all of the figures makes for a lot of flatness in a panel that should be all about depth.

Page two, panel two: There's the inconsistancy again. The bike is now in shadow, while the guy isn't. In the next panel, you reverse things again. I'm sorry, but I do find all the zip/shadow switching to be a little strange.

Too much gray tone can kill an otherwise interesting panel, and it's best to use grays sparringly. For my taste, you've overdone things here. Your artwork and storytelling is otherwise good, riq, but you really have to be careful with the tones. They can throw a real wrench into the storytelling. Be careful.

Loston
http://www.lostonwallace.com