hi everyone... looong time no post.
My action sequence for my online comic is almost at an end, so I thought I'd post some of the pages here. and there's still no moderator for this forum?! ... this almost makes me want to come back >_<
Here's a link to the page where the action sequence starts:
start
these are the latest 3 installments. Right about here is when I felt like I was finally getting the hang of action... but there's still tweaking to do.
Is the directing clear? exciting?
82 views and no replies. I guess it must look pretty good?
hrm anyway here's the last image in the sequence... kinda anti-climactic, no?
Panel 1 : I'd have made the grass more detailed.
panel 2 : Good panel. What's going on with his left eye?? I suppose it are veins; if so, you overdid it.
panel 3: Very good. Great sense of movement. Lots of energy.
Panel 4 : The monster is cool. I think the flames (?) coming from the monster could be improved.
Page 2:
panel 1: I'd have placed the camera closely behind the boy's shoulder, in order to get a more 'intense' panel. As it is now, the viewer is somewhat 'detached' from the action.
Panel 2 : Perhaps this could have been two panels: one showing the tree-monster folding, imploding; the other one what you have now.
panel 3 : that's good.
If you don't understand some of my crits, feel free to say so, and I'll try to make myself more understandable.
~Ra
PUMMEL Heavyweight - W6 (KO4) - L2
If you want a little more drama in that second page (with the person turning the monster into a tree), I'd suggest a more dynamic pose. I think it's that static pose that's throwing off all the drama.
LOOK AT ALL THE DRAMA ON THE FIRST PAGE!
See? That's drama.
Second page, less drama.
Widen the guy's (this is a guy, right?) stand, lean him forward more, have his arms locked in a forward position. He's PUSHING. Or if that's not the action you're looking for, he should be straining upward. At any rate, a pose which implies MOTION, not just standing there. There should be a sense that if he doesn't do this right, he will die. He's working. Straining. At least in the first panel. His pose can soften as the danger lessens (it looks like that's what you're going for, but I think you soften it too much too soon).
Just my opinion, though. I'm no art dude.
I agree with Beniito, the only stopping the second page from being very dramatic is the hero's pose.
Amy,
It took me a second to figure out that I was looking at clenched fists in panel one. At first, I thought they were some sort of animal feet.
I don't think you need the horizontal motion lines in panel three of the first page. The body language, hair, and the blurring effect of the hand is plenty enough to imply motion already. The horizontal lines just overcomplicate matters and seem redundant.
Playing devil's advocate, I'm going to take a different POV from protagon and BenitoCereno in regards to the stance of the main character on the last page. I feel like his stance doesn't need to be widening, but just the opposite. As the magic user's spell is coming to an end, I feel as if his struggle with casting the magic needs to likewise be winding down. A wide stance is good to show drama, but the drama here is subsiding, therefore I feel like the mage should look more relaxed and in control of the situation because it's almost over. If I were illustrating this, I might have placed the mage's legs together in the last panel, with his elbows locked as his arms raised high over his head. Sort of like a conductor about to finish an orchestrated measure. In my mind, magic and music are similar anyway.
Another thought: It might have been a better idea to have shown the tree closing in panel one, then depict a close-up of the mage casting his magic towards the reader in next panel, then cut back to a shot where we see the tree completely closed from a POV behind the spellcaster in the final panel.
Just a thought.
Loston
http://www.lostonwallace.com
Boy everyone hit the nail on the head.
The pose of the guy in that last page is everything. I think I was thinking too much about the following sequence, which is something I've been looking forward to doing for weeks now:
I still need to touch up the background, but can you tell what's going on? In any case, I let my focus get too concentrated, storytelling wise. I made him in that pose thinking that it'd make the story flow better, but I could've pushed it a bit more.
This was a good reminder to not forget to concentrate on the scene at hand. Thanks everyone for leaving the critiques! Helpful as always~
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