Script for a short sequential. Input greatly appreciated.
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The dialogue is intriguing. But, its hard to tell you much more about your script, how well it flows, timing, what works and what doesn't without it being a complete script. As the artist, yourself, you have the luxury of knowing the panel layout and really, probably don't need all the panel descriptions and panel layouts. That is fine enough. But without those things, it is extremely difficult to get a real sense of how this page (these pages) flow.
What I can get:
Mood - The mood is dark and hopeless... mostly because we don't see Eason doing ANYTHING to help himself out of the situation. Is he trying to open a window, screaming and pounding on the door (I know he's not doing that because you didn't include him screaming... but the point is...) or is he just standing there, in utter shock. I get the feeling it is the latter. With him standing there, unable to do anything (more because of his own fears than lack of options... though all options may have been already covered) we get the sense that he is probably a normal-ish guy who has done something, unwittingly, to piss off the wrong people. As a normal person, he really isn't emotionally or intellectually trained to deal with the sudden, real drama of what is about to happen. It’s hard to say what is really going on with him without more information. (Which, I'm sure, you have tucked away in some thumbs somewhere)
Grammar – Your grammar looks fine. In spoke word you have more freedom to bend the rules to develop speech patterns and such. But even so, you seem to have no absolute grammatical issues. The only thing I would point out is that Garren tells Eason that he has ten seconds to answer ONE question. (“You have 10 seconds to answer a question.") While this is not a problem, it is misleading and Eason might say something like “HEY! I thought you said a question” Garren “I lied” or some such thing. It’s really rather trivial but it is something to note.
A second small note would be the emphasis on “not one” bomb. You should choose one or the other to emphasize. When you emphasize too many word you get the “Captain Kirk” type of speech. I think just the word “one” should carry that emphasis. Again, this is not actually “wrong” but more of a sense of style.
Anyway, that’s about it from me. Hope that helps. If my description in the mood part about Eason’s personality is not “correct” that is fine and should tell you a little about how the conversation reads. If it is wrong, perhaps your panel layout and goings on within the panel will correct that when seen and read or maybe you need more dialogue to flesh it out more.
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