Spiderman meets Asia
This is a script written especially for Elliot (notbillbixby) for a Marvel submission. I wanted to write something that would be challenging for him and therefore showcase the depth of his talent. The little girl is my five year old. Do not allow that to stay your crits. If you find fault with this effort, let loose the dogs of crits... or something like that.
Spiderman meets Asia
by Chip Skelton
PANEL 1: New York city. Central Park, and the buildings that surround it.
CAPTION (Spiderman): WHAT A DAY.
CAPTION (Spiderman): I REALLY NEED TO TAKE SOME TIME OFF.
PANEL 2: Pan in. Spiderman "squatting" on the side of a building. It is an old building with rows and rows of windows. He must be several stories up, as you can make out part of Central Park in the background.
CAPTION (Spiderman): WHY CAN'T DOC OCK ATTACK ME WITH TEDDY BEARS OR SOMETHING?
PANEL 3: Pan in more. Spiderman takes up almost the whole panel. He is massaging his neck.
CAPTION (Spiderman): I WILL BE SORE FOR WEEKS.
WORD BALLOON (no tail, voice from off panel): HEY! YOU'RE SPIDERMAN.
PANEL 4: Shot from over Spiderman's shoulder as he turns to look at a little girl sticking her head out of the window nearest him. The girl has an innocent and enthusiastic expression as she looks up at the hero. she is a five years old with blond, slightly curly hair. The wind is gently tugging the gossamer curtains from her windows.
SPIDERMAN: WELL, HEY THERE, CURLY.
WORD BALLOON (The little girl): MY NAME IS 'ASIA'. WHAT ARE YOU DOING? YOU WANNA HAVE A SNACK? MY MAMA BROUGHT ME SOME SNACKS.
PANEL 5: Straight on shot of the building, panning back so a few more windows are visible. Spidey and Asia continue to talk.
ASIA: BOBBY SAID YOU'RE NOT REAL. I SAID UHN-UHN, YOU ARE TOO REAL.
BOBBY SAYS MEAN THINGS SOMETIMES. MAMA SAYS WALK AWAY. YOU WANNA COME IN?
SPIDERMAN: WHAT WOULD YOUR MOMMY SAY?
PANEL 6: A shot from behind Spidey as he leans in to watch Asia walk to her door. The door is closed.
PANEL 7: Visually, this is an involved panel. Pay attention to the description. A worms eye view from the feet of a
woman standing on the tile floors of a kitchen. Outside of the kitchen is a living room, and beyond that, a set of stairs stretching up. At the top of the stairs Asia stands in her open doorway.
MAMA: YES, DEAR. I'M BUSY RIGHT NOW. WHAT DO YOU NEED?
ASIA: CAN I SHARE MY SNACKS WITH SPIDERMAN? HE CAN HAVE MY APPLE.
MAMA: THAT'S VERY NICE OF YOU TO SHARE, SWEETHEART. MAYBE SUPERMAN CAN JOIN YOU, TOO.
ASIA: THANK YOU, MAMA!
PANEL 1: Asia approaches the window from which Spiderman is now entering.
ASIA: MAMA SAYS IT'S OKAY. DO YOU KNOW SUPERMAN, TOO?
SPIDERMAN: UH, NO. NEVER MET HIM, CURLY.
PANEL 2: Asia's bed room is pretty girly, with stuffed animals all over, and flowers and butterflies decorating the walls and bed linen. The window is on the wall opposite the door. Her bed is up against the wall to the right as you are facing the window--it is made, but lumpy because Asia has been jumping on it. A large book shelf is on the wall opposite the bed. A small, plastic kiddie table with fat legs, and two very small chairs, is just inside the window. On the table is a toy tea set, an apple, and a half-eaten cheese stick and two cookies on a kid-sized plate. This shot is from Spiderman's perspective as he enters the room. It is important that we see that the bedroom door has been closed. Asia is motioning toward the small chair closest to Spidey.
ASIA: SIT IN YOUR CHAIR. YOU CAN HAVE SOME OF MY TEA.
SPIDERMAN: WOW, TEA TOO? YOU'VE GOT QUITE A SPREAD HERE.
ASIA: THANK YOU. HAVE YOU EVER FOUGHT DOCTOR DOOM? HE'S A BAD GUY.
PANEL 3: A large panel shot of Spidey battling Doctor Doom. Spiderman punching Doom in the face, as the hero leaps high to avoid fiery, lightning bombs Doom is hurling at him. Explosions, fire, and ruins everywhere.
WORD BALLOON (NT, Spiderman): YEAH, CURLY, I'VE DUKED IT OUT WITH DOOM BEFORE. AND YOU'RE RIGHT, HE IS A BAD MAN.
WORD BALLOON (NT, Asia): WHY IS HE SO MEAN? IS HE SAD? MAMA SAYS MEAN PEOPLE ARE REALLY SAD PEOPLE.
PANEL 4: Asia is pouring tea into Spiderman's tiny cup. Spiderman should look awkward, not uncomfortable, sitting in the small chair.
SPIDERMAN: YOUR MOMMY IS VERY SMART.
ASIA: OF COURSE SHE IS. DO YOU WANT A COOKIE? OR APPLE? YOU CAN HAVE MY CHEESE STICK. I ONLY ATE HALF OF IT.
PANEL 5: Spiderman has lifted his mask over his nose, as he sips from the tea cup. He is on the left side of the panel. Asia is on the right side of the panel, holding the apple up to Spiderman.
SPIDERMAN: UM, GOOD TEA. MAY I HAVE THE APPLE?
ASIA: YES, YOU MAY. HERE.
PANEL 6: Spiderman is taking a bite of the apple.
SPIDERMAN: MM, MMM, MM. GOOD APPLE, TOO. YA KNOW, CURLY, I DIDN'T KNOW HOW HUNGRY I WAS. THANKS FOR SHARING YOUR SNACK.
ASIA: IT'S GOOD TO SHARE. YOU SHARE. THAT'S WHAT HEROES DO.
PANEL 1: Spiderman is a little taken aback. He has lowered the partially-eaten apple from his mouth. Asia is taking a bite of her cheese stick, oblivious to Spidey's reaction to her.
SPIDERMAN: WHAT DO YOU MEAN? HOW DO I SHARE, ASIA?
ASIA: WELL. YOU KNOW, LIKE WHEN YOU KEPT THE LIZARD FROM HURTING ALL THOSE BOYS AND GIRLS.
PANEL 2: A large panel of a tattered and worn Spiderman, slugging it out with the lizard, a wrecked school bus full of kids behind them.
WORD BALLOON (NT, Asia): SHARING IS GIVING AWAY THE STUFF YOU WANT.
WORD BALLOON (NT, Spiderman): CURLY, I'M NOT FOLLOWING YOU.
WORD BALLOON (NT, Asia): YOU GIVE AWAY NOT BEING BEAT UP, SO NO ONE ELSE IS BEAT UP.
PANEL 3: Spiderman is smiling.
SPIDERMAN: YA KNOW, ASIA, I NEVER REALLY THOUGHT OF IT THAT WAY.
PANEL 4: Spiderman is lifting his tea to his still smiling mouth. Asia is lifting her cup.
SPIDERMAN: YOUR MOM ISN'T THE ONLY ONE WITH BRAINS.
ASIA: MY MAMA KNOWS ALOT. SHE CAN EVEN COUNT TO A HUNDRED.
PANEL 5: The two take a sip of their tea.
ASIA: SHE'S THE BEST MAMA EVER.
PANEL 1: Spiderman's lowers his cup to the table. Asia is taking another sip.
SPIDERMAN: CURLY, I HATE TO DO THIS--
ASIA: YOU GOTTA GO?
PANEL 2: Spiderman is beginning to stand as he pats Asia on the head. She looks a little disappointed.
SPIDERMAN: ASIA, THIS HAS BEEN REALLY NICE.
ASIA: WAIT UNTIL I TELL CHET. HE'S IN MY CLASS. HE COLLECTS COMICBOOKS. I HAVE SOME COMIC BOOKS.
PANEL 3: Asia is over by the bookshelf. She is holding up several comicbooks. A few others rest on the shelf nearest her. She is obviously excited. Spiderman has moved around the table, and a little closer to Asia.
SPIDERMAN: WOW, THAT IS QUITE A COLLECTION. WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO SIGN ONE OF THOSE FOR YOU?
ASIA: COULD YOU SIGN ONE FOR CHET, TOO?
SPIDERMAN: SURE. NO PROBLEM, BUT THEN I NEED TO BE GOING, ASIA.
PANEL 4: Spiderman is outside of Asia's window, "standing" on the buildings exterior. He is looking down at Asia, who is leaning slightly out of her window. She has an expectant look on her face.
CAPTION: MOMENTS LATER...
SPIDERMAN: THANKS AGAIN, CURLY. I HAVEN'T HAD THAT MUCH FUN IN A WHILE.
ASIA: MAYBE YOU CAN COME OVER AND PLAY AGAIN?
PANEL 5: Spiderman, shooting a web, is leaping from the building. Asia is leaning a little further out of the window.
SPIDERMAN: THAT SOUNDS LIKE A WONDERFUL IDEA. I WOULD LOVE TO MEET CHET.
ASIA: THANK YOU FOR SIGNING THE COMIC BOOKS FOR ME AND CHET. BOY IS HE GONNA BE EXCITED!
PANEL 6: spiderman has swung off into the distance. He is waving good bye. Asia is waving back. She is calling out after the departing hero.
ASIA: NEXT TIME I WILL HAVE CUP CAKES!
SPIDERMAN: I CAN'T WAIT, ASIA. THANKS AGAIN.
ASIA: OKAY! BYE!
SPIDERMAN: BYE TO YOU, CURLY!
It's cute, I'll give it that. Some spots.
1) If she's calling out her door to her mom, make sure she closes the door later. Just showing the door is closed when Spidey comes in is a continuity problem.
2) Be careful of too much in one panel. "PANEL 3: A large panel shot of Spidey battling Doctor Doom. Spiderman punching Doom in the face, as the hero leaps high to avoid fiery, lightning bombs Doom is hurling at him. Explosions, fire, and ruins everywhere." Good idea for a short action scene, but if Spidey is leaping high to avoid fireballs, how can he punch Doom in the face. I'd pick the punching amid some chaos, maybe with Doom holding a fireball.
3) Watch the dialogue. It's not redundant, but with 6 panels a page, it might be a bit much, especially with balloons. You may be sacrificing space for pencils with the amount you have.
4) The end needs to wrap up faster. It felt like an uncomfortable break up. It's a little kid though, so it's just on this side of being too long. I don't know that there's a better way to do it, and it may be that the gradual good bye works better than the immediate let down to a child.
Overall it was very adorable and I think would give an artist quite a challenge to draw normal items and locations with just a dash of action to break it up.
Hope your friend has fun with it.
will c&p this over to word and then read it soon.
Kiddie being difficult today.
better late than never LOL
Page 3* panel.. something-
[q] WORD BALLOON (NT, Asia): YOU GIVE AWAY NOT BEING BEAT UP, SO NO ONE ELSE IS BEAT UP. [/q]
still not sure reg: this dialogue though.
I like it overall though, a nice alternative piece!
looking fwd to seeing more!