Please help need critiques!

[daredevil30269]

Hello guys. I need some critiques on these issues if you can please. Danny, Randy and I are going to be sending these in to Code 6. So please be brutal. I am sorry if this is too big. I can fix it if it is. Thank you for reading them and taking time to give critiques. Here is issue #1.

Techboyz issue #1

Page One [1 panel]

FULL PAGE PANEL: Show an overview of the city. The futuristic buildings, the new high ways and how that there is another city of rubble underneath it, flying cars and several drones flying around.

CAP: 3107. THREE HUNDRED YEARS AFTER THE WAR, STEPHEN PHOENIX REBUILT NEW YORK IN HIS OWN IMAGE AND CALLED IT NEON CITY.

2 CAPTION: BUT NO MATTER HOW ADVANCE THE TECHNOLOGY BECOMES AND HOW WE GROW AS A SOCIETY SOME THINGS NEVER CHANGE. LIKE…

CAP (3): LUST,

CAP (4): GREED,

Page Two [5 panels]

PANEL ONE: Show a man running against the flow of the crowd. He is pushing people and causing a scene as he goes through them. Farther behind are two men chasing him.

CAP: AND MURDER.

PERSON 1: HEY BUDDY, WACTH WHERE YOU ARE GOING!

PERSON 2: HEY! WHAT THE #### DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?

PANEL TWO: Edgar is not paying attention. He keeps looking back to make sure were the two chasing him are. He is running directly into a couple who are carrying a bunch of bags and boxes.

EDGAR: PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ME.

COUPLE: WATCH OUT!

PANEL THREE: He collides into a couple, causing all of them to fall to the ground. There is an alley off to the side of them.

MAN: YOU FREAK!

PANEL FOUR: The man is back up running into the alley. The two men chasing him stand there over the couple shooting at him.

SFX: Blam! Blam! Blam!

PANEL FIVE: A close up of a bullet ripping through the guy's thigh.

SFX: Spruk!

Page Three [3 panels]

PANEL ONE: Soto is sitting in a limo talking to Ikira by callwave net phone. His eyes appear to be clearer.

MR. SOTO: SIR, MY MEN ARE RECTIFYING THE SITUATION AS WE SPEAK.

IKIRA (op): SEE THAT THIS TIME IT’S TAKEN CARE OF. I WILL NOT ACCEPT FAILURE THIS TIME.

PANEL TWO: See through Soto’s eyes. You see a small screen that is almost see through so you can still see his surroundings.

IKIRA: SOTO, YOU ARE MY BEST EMPLOYEE. DO NOT DISAPPOINT ME.

SOTO (op): YES SIR. WHAT SHOULD I DO WITH EDGAR?

PANEL THREE: A close up of Soto’s face. He has an evil grin.

IKIRA (op): ELIMINATE HIM.

SOTO: IT WILL BE MY PLEASURE.

Page Four [6 panels]

PANEL ONE: His pants have blood all over them from were he
was hit. He is on the ground. Rob is kicking him in the rib and stomach.

ROB: You son of a bitch! Don't ever run from me!

EDGAR (whisper): Ugh! Please…

PANEL TWO: Rob grabs him by the shirt.

ROB: WERE IS THE BOX?

EDGAR: I DUNNO.

PANEL THREE: Rob slams Edgar against the wall. The box falls out when this happens.

EDGAR: UMPH.

MICK (op): AH, YOU BEEN LYING TO US.

PANEL FOUR: Rob does a roundhouse kick. Hitting Edgar in the face.

SFX: BRAKT!

PANEL FIVE: Edgar is on his hands and knees. He is bleeding from his mouth and nose as he tries franticly to catch his breath. Both Rob and Mick stand over him.

MICK: EDGAR YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT, GET UP!

PANEL SIX: The guy has Edgar by the throat, his other hand is up ready to punch him. Edgar has his hands up somewhat blocking his face. Edgar is bruised and bloody with fear in his eyes.

EDGAR: PLEASE, DON'T. YOU NEED ME.

MR. SOTO (op): MR. BICKERMAN, YOU HAVE NOTHING I NEED.

Page Five [5 panels]

PANEL ONE: Mr. Soto is behind them. He hands a metal carrying case to the other guy.

MR. SOTO: MICK.

PANEL TWO: Mick takes the box from him.

SOTO: MAKE SURE IT IS SECURED.

MICK: YES SIR.

PANEL THREE: Mick places the box in the case. Rob is still holding Edgar, who is now looking at Soto.

ROB: WHAT ABOUT EDDIE?

MR. SOTO: MR. BICKERMAN, CONSIDER THIS YOUR TERMINATION NOTICE.

PANEL FOUR: Soto stands there with a gun pointed at Edgar. He fires it.

EDGAR: NO!

SFX: BLAM! BLAM!

PANEL FIVE: Edgar is at Rob’s feet. Edgar has one bullet hole in the head and another in the heart.

Page Six [4 panels]

PANEL ONE: Show a drone hovering over the alley, recording everything. In the lens you see the reflection of the three men walking back towards the limo.

CAP: IN A WORLD OF GREED AND TECHNO JUNKIES THE DRONES ARE THE EYES OF GOD. GOD, BEING THE NEON CITY COPS.

PANEL TWO: A wall of monitors surrounding one huge one. On the big one is the scene in the alley. The others have the global net, information and data or scenes from other drones. Samuel sits and watches everything.

CAP: THEIR LEADER IS SAMUEL PHEONIX, FOUNDER AND
GRANDSON OF STEPHEN PHEONIX.

SAMUEL: SASHA.

SASHA (op): YES SIR.

PANEL THREE: Samuel sits at his desk. His elbows on the table and his chin resting on his hands. He has a cold stare on his face. Sasha the hologram stands in front of the desk.

SAMUEL: HAVE BANKS GO TAKE OVER THE BICKERMAN MURDER CASE IN THE ALLEY ON PHEONIX BLVD.

SASHA: YES SIR.

SAMUEL (2): YAMAMOTO IS BEGINNING TO BE A PROBLEM. HAVE SUKI COME BY TODAY. WE NEED TO TAKE CARE OF THIS.

PANEL FOUR: The hologram begins disappears as he goes back to watching the monitors.

SASHA: YES SIR.

Page Seven [6 panels]

PANEL ONE: A mansion outside the city. High walls and a guarded gate surround the house.

CAP: The Yamamoto Compound

CAP 2: Home of the world's richest man. He is the owner of
Yamamoto. Nearly all computers are manufactured at Yamamoto Industries. As well as a great many other things.

PANEL TWO: Ikira is laid up in bed. Several devices are around to help him breath as well as other things. A doctor and nurse are looking him over as Matsumi sits his bedside.

MATSUMI: GRANDFATHER IS THERE ANYTHING I CAN DO?

IKIRA: MATSUMI, JUST CALL THE OFFICE AND TELL GORDON TO COME WORK HERE TODAY.

PANEL THREE: The nurse is taking blood samples from Ikira. The doctor is standing looking over is chart.

IKIRA: AS YOU CAN SEE. I SEEM TO BE EXPERIENCING A PROBLEM.

DOCTOR: MR. YAMAMOTO, YOU SEEM TO BE DOING FINE CONSIDERING WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO THE OTHERS.

IKIRA (2): DO NOT PATRONIZE ME. I OWN YOU REMEMBER?

PANEL FOUR: The doctor is talking to Ikira. Behind him the nurse is labeling the last tube of blood.

DOCTOR: YES, SIR. IT WILL NOT HAPPEN AGAIN.

IKIRA: GOOD AS LONG AS WE BOTH KNOW WHO’S IN CHARGE.

SFX: RING!

PANEL FIVE: Ikira is on the phone with Soto. Ikira waves the doctor to back off.

SOTO (op): I HAVE IT.

IKIRA: EXCELLENT. HAVE IT AT THE AIRPORT AT 4PM THIS AFTERNOON. YOU WILL TAKE IT TO THE OSAKA BRANCH FOR TESTING.

PANEL SIX: Ikira looks forcefully at Matsumi.

IKIRA: I NEED YOU TO GO CALL AND HAVE THE PLANE READY TO GO AT 4 O’CLOCK.

MATSUMI: YES SIR I WILL DO IT NOW.

Page Eight

PANEL ONE: Suki walks in as Matsumi is leaving.

SUKI: HELLO, UNCLE. EVERYONE SEEMS BUSY TODAY.

IKIRA (op): YES, THEY ACTUALLY WORK FOR A LIVING.

PANEL TWO: Suki is at the foot of the bed.

SUKI: UNCLE I JOINED THE NCC TO HELP THE COMPANY. BESIDE
SOMEONE NEEDS TO SINCE YOU AND MATSUMI LIVE IN FANTASYLAND.

PANEL THREE: AN evil look is on Ikira’s face as he stares over his oxygen mask.

IKIRA: DON’T PLAY THIS ACT FOR MY BENEFIT. YOU WILL NEVER OWN THE COMPANY. I HAVE SEEN TO THAT.

SUKI (op): THEN YOU ARE A FOOL. I…

SFX: PING!

PANEL FOUR: Suki has a hand over her left ear as she begins to stare off into space. Her eyes are a hazy white tint to them.

SUKI: ONE MOMENT UNCLE.

PANEL FIVE: You see through Suki’s eyes. She is on the call wave talking to Sasha. You see the doctor finishing up with Ikira in the background.

SASHA: HELLO MISS YAMAMOTO. PHEONIX NEEDS TO SEE YOU IN HIS OFFICE ASAP.

SUKI (op): I AM LEAVING RIGHT NOW.

Page Nine [5 panels]

PANEL ONE: Police are on the scene in the alley were Edgar’s body is. There is a sweeper in the background picking up trash. Jane is kneeling by the body picking up pieces of evidence.

KIEFER (op): HAS ANYONE TOLD YOU HOW BEAUTIFUL YOU LOOK AT A CRIME SCENE?

JANE: NO BUT MOST CAN’T SEE PAST THE DOUGHNUT. HEY KIEFER.

PANEL TWO: Jane is up talking to Kiefer. Behind her is flashing lights from the police car that is now landing.

KIEFER: ANY CHANCE YOU HAVE ANYTHING FOR ME?

JANE: MY GUESS IS THAT IT WAS HIT. THERE IS NOTHING MISSING. THE GUY STILL HAS HIS CREDS AND HIS GN IMPLANT.

PANEL THREE: The two are still talking as Natsu walks up.

KIEFER: THANKS JANE. GET ME A RUSH ON THE CASINGS. I THINK IT MIGHT HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH FAT TONY AND THE YAKUZA.

JANE: SURE THING.

PANEL FOUR: Kiefer turns to talk with Natsu. Jane and several others are taking the body away.

NATSU: A WITNESS SAYS THERE WAS THREE GUYS WITH HIM.TO MAKE IT SHORT IT WAS A SHAKE DOWN.

KEIFER: ANY DISCRIPTION?

PANEL FIVE: A clipboard type computer. On the screen is a picture of Mick and some information on him.

NATSU (op): YEAH, A MICK SUGIO.

Page Ten [4 panels]

PANEL ONE: Natsu and Kiefer are talking still. An uniformed officer is standing next to them with a computer clipboard in hand.

KIEFER: MALONE, FIND OUT IF THERE WAS ANY DRONES AROUND HERE TODAY.

MALONE: YES SIR.

PANEL TWO: Banks come walking past several officers.

BANKS: DETECTIVE HIDESATO.

KIEFER (op): NO, THIS IS NOT HAPPENING!

PANEL THREE: Banks hands Kiefer several forms. Kiefer is pissed as he grabs them.

BANKS: THE NCC IS OFFICIALLY TAKING OVER THIS CASE. ALL PAPER WORK AND ANYTHING PERTAINING TO THIS CASE NEEDS TO BE HANDED OVER TO ME. KIEFER, YOU CN GO PLAY COPS SOMEWHERE ELSE.

PANEL FOUR: Kiefer shoves the forms in Banks’ suit pocket.

KIEFER: YOU KNOW I WOULD TELL YOU TO STICK THIS WERE THE SUN DON’T SHINE IF I DIDN’T THINK YOU WOULD LIKE IT. TELL SAM I SAID HELLO.

Page Eleven [5 panels]

PANEL ONE: Samuel is talking to Dr. Grant. Samuel is mad as Grant watches in fear.

SAMUEL: ARE YOU TELLING ME THAT YOU CAN’T HANDLE SIMPLE PROGRAM?

GRANT: SIR, THE MODIFICATIONS YOU WANT TAKE TIME.

PANEL TWO: Suki walks in as the two men are still talking.

SAMUEL: LOOK GRANT. EITHER YOU DO WHAT I HIRED YOU TO DO OR I WILL SEND YOU TO A JOY RANCH.

GRANT: OH GOD. SIR PLEASE DON’T.

SAMUEL (2): THEN DO IT!

PANEL THREE: Suki walks up to Samuel as Grant scurries away.

SUKI: NO WONDER YOU ARE HEAD OF THE NCC.

SAMUEL: I NEED TO GO MAKE SURE THOSE WORKING WITH HIM UNDERSTAND THE SITUATION AS WELL. SO LETS MAKE THIS FAST.

PANEL FOUR: Suki sits in the chair in front of the desk. Samuel stands against the desk.

SAMUEL: I HAVE ALLOWED YOUR UNCLE TO GET AWAY WITH SEVERAL THINGS OVER THE LAST YEAR. BUT AFTER TODAY ITS TIME FOR HIM TO PAY US FOR ALL THE TROUBLE HE HAS CAUSED.

SUKI: WHAT CAN I DO?

PANEL FIVE: The two are still talking.

SAMUEL: I NEED A NEW ACCOUNTANT TO HANDLE THE COMPANY ACCOUNTS. I WANT YOU TO START BY GOING OVER THE YAMAMOTO ACCCOUNT AND HAVE THEM PAY A MILLION CREDS FOR EACH TIME THE NCC HAD TO CLEAN UP THERE MISTAKES.

SUKI: IT WILL BE MY PLEASURE. I HAVE SOMETHING FOR YOU.

Page Twelve and Thirteen [3 panels]

INSERT PANEL ONE: Suki stands up and hands him a file.

SUKI: IKIRA HAS BEEN SICK FOR THE LAST FEW MONTHS NOW. THIS IS WH. HE AND SEVERAL OTHERS TESTED ONE OF THE FIRST SAMPLES AND WAS HURT DURING IT.

INSERT PANEL TWO: Samuel looks at the file.

SUKI: AS YOU CAN SEE IT HAS PROGRESSED INTO SOMETHING BETTER.

SAMUEL: ARE YOU SURE? THEY HAVE CREATED A NANO VIRUS?

SUKI (2): YES.

FULL PAGE PANEL: Samuel is still sitting on the desk looking over the file. Suki is pointing out what has happened to test subjects.

SAMUEL: IF THIS IS TRUE. YOU CAN HAVE WHATEVER YOU WANT.

SUKI: I WANT TO BE VICE PRESIDENT OF THE NCC.

SAMUEL (2): GET ME THE NANO VIRUS AND IT IS A DEAL.

Page Fourteen [4 panels]

PANEL ONE: The Ghetto. Several homeless and others walking around. In the background is the skyline of the wondrous Neon City.

CAP: A dilapidated building has become home to another of Neon City's most wanted. The Tech Boyz.

ZEEK: I'm going to get you this time! There is no escaping my wrath!

PANEL TWO: Gecko stepping out into the hallway. Zeek stops.

GECKO: Will you shut the #### up. You can not expect to win if you go charging into battle screaming your fool head off.

ZEEK: Jeez Melvin, you scared the shit outta me!

GECKO: Do not ****ing call me Melvin.

PANEL TREE: 24 falls from the ceiling, firing lasers at Gecko and Zeek.

24: Eat molten slag!

PANEL FOUR: Zeek falls to the ground surrounded by energy. Gecko leaps out of the way, rolls to the floor and starts firing on 24.

GECKO: Not today 24. You may have got the drop on Zeek, but you will not take me.

Page Fifteen [3 panels]

INSERT PANEL ONE: Shots whiz past 24 as his mechanical body dodges every shot.

24: I am too fast to be hit by the...

SFX: bbbbbzzzzzzzzzaaaaccccckkkkkkk

BIG PANEL: 24 falls to the ground. Suzi Q stands there behind him.

SUZI Q: So is all you boys do is run while you let someone else do the dirty work?

INSERT PANEL THREE: Johnny comes walking up from behind Zeek and Gecko. Gecko helping Zeek up off the floor.

JOHNNY: You two are sad.

ZEEK: Who set the level on these things? I 'bout wet myself when I was hit.

Page Sixteen [5 panels]

PANEL ONE: 24 standing up. Johnny helping him.

24: I...I...I.... set the equipment up this.... this.... this.... time.

JOHNNY: You set them too high 24. You blew a voice modulator when you were hit. Zeek will probably have a twitch for the next week.

ZEEK: **** you!

PANEL TWO: Suzi Q standing there with hands on her hips.

SUZI Q: No good job? No thanks? What a bunch of babies.

PANEL THREE: Johnny, Gecko and Zeek.

JOHNNY-GECKO-ZEEK: Thank you Suzi. You did a good job!

PANEL FOUR: Suzi Q raises gun and shoots all three of then.

SUZI Q: What a bunch of…

PANEL 5: 24 standing next to Suzi Q.

24: Attention! Incoming call!

SUZI Q: I will take it. Get them up and ready for a meeting.

Page Seventeen [4 panels]

PANEL ONE: A black Panel.

MATSUMI (op): SHIDENKO.

PANEL TWO: Shidenko has his main programming pad open.
Matsumi is working soldering a few wires to a motherboard.

PANEL THREE: You see through Shidenko’s eyes. There is several programs being run as he stares at Matsumi.

MATSUMI: SHIDENKO, RUN DIAGNOSTICS.

ARION (op): SIR.

PANEL FOUR: Matsumi takes the phone as Arion finishes closing up Shidenko.

MATSUMI: HELLO, JACK. I NEED THE PLANE PREPPED AND READY TO GO AT 4PM TODAY. YOU WILL TAKE THREE PASSANGERS TO OSAKA. THANKS.

Page Eighteen [1 panel]

FULL PAGE PANEL: Gecko is staring up looking at the view of the
Phoenix statue and Neon City behind it. A flying car is landing a few yards away. In his hand is a briefcase.

CAP: THE BLACK MARKET HAS BECOME A THRIVING BUSINESS IN
NEON CITY. THE BEST IS THE TECHBOYZ.

Page Nineteen [5 panels]

PANEL ONE: A wide shot of the island. You see Gecko, Phillips and two other men, one holding a case.

PHILLIPS: HELLO, GECKO. DO YOU HAVE THE IMPLANT CHIPS?

GECKO: RIGHT HERE, THE MONEY?

PANEL TWO: One of the men with Phillips opens a briefcase full of money.

PHILLIPS: SATICFIED? NOW THE CHIPS.

PANEL THREE: Gecko holds the open briefcase while Phillips looks at the chips inside it.

PHILLIPS: THESE ARE NOT BLACK MARKET ONES.

GECKO: NO THE ARE LEGIT. GOTTEN STRAIGHT FROM THE FACTORY.

PHILLIPS (2): YOU REALLY SHOULD WORK FOR ME GECKO.

PANELFOUR: The two shake hands.

PHILLIPS: ALWAYS A PLEASURE.

PANEL FIVE: Through a target sight you see Phillips and his men leaving as Gecko stands watching them.

24: WHY DO YOU NEED ME IF YOU TRUST HIM?

GECKO: 24, YOU SHOULD KNOW NEVER TRUST ANYONE.

Page Twenty [5 panels]

PANEL ONE: A skyscraper. Penthouse apartment looking over the rest of the city.

CAP: Home of Fat Tony the leader of the Fatoni syndicate. The Fatoni Family has controlled the world of organize crime for many years in Neon City.

PANEL TWO: Tony is still in bed with two girls. Clothes are strung out all over the place. Several drug items are next to the bed as well as champagne. One of the girls is hunched over snorting some cocaine as Tony is taking care of the other one.

TONY: You girls ready for…

SFX: knock

TONY: What the ****! What the #### do you want?

PANEL THREE: Tony's bodyguards walk in with a little nerdy guy in tow.

GUARD 1: Hey boss, this little guy wants ta talk to ya's. He insisted.

TONY: What have I ****ing told yous two about bothering me when I am with the girls?

GUARD 1: I knows that boss, but he said it is extra...extra...ex...very important.

TONY: Yous got thirty seconds or they will be mopping that dam brain of yours up off the floor.

PANEL FOUR: Close on man. Looks extremely nervous.

MR. AMETTO: Yes sir my name is Mr. Ametto...um...there is reports of a little black box that is Japan bound. My resources say that it seems what ever is in it is very valuable and who ever gets it will have a lot of influence.

PANEL 5: Tony walking across the room towards Mr. Ametto.

TONY: And what good is this to me?

MR. AMETTO: Well sir, I understand that you want to run all business in New York...well this is the power you need to help you.

TONY: Interesting. Just the kinda edge I need right about now.

MR. AMETTO 2: All I want is a chance to study.

TONY 2: You got deal.

Page Twenty One [5 panels]

PANEL ONE: The Tech Boyz are sitting around a table. High tech equipment is surrounding them. Johnny is at the head of the table. He is talking about the mission and planning a stratagem using the monitors.

JOHNNY: Our job is to obtain a little black box from Yamamoto Industries. It is leaving from the airport in 3 hours. There will be three armed men on the flight. What we are going to do is 24 will lead a frontal assault to try to divert the attention of the men while me; Gecko and Suzie infiltrate the plane. 24, you will let them get away.

PANEL TWO: Suzi is still talking about the mission.

JOHNNY: I will take over the cockpit while Suzie and Gecko steal the box. 24, we will need you to follow the plane in case there is trouble. Zeek, we will need you to stay in the van and monitor the situation for any possible threats. Any questions?

PANEL THREE: Everyone.

SUZIE: No.

GECKO: Nope.

ZEEK: No.

24: Negative.

JOHNNY: Alright troops let suit up, the clock is ticking.

PANEL FOUR: Airport. A man in very simple clothing for the times is getting off the plane.

CAP: Neon City International Airport.

PANEL FIVE: He walks ominously to a man in a driver's uniform.

DRIVER: Good morning Sir. I am here to drive you wherever you need to go. Do you have any luggage?

ZHI-MING: I don't need any.

DRIVER: Very well Sir. Please follow me.

Page Twenty Two [4 panels]

INSERT PANEL ONE: Zeek is looking through some binoculars.

ZEEK: TEAM ALPHA, THE BOX IS HERE.

INSERT PANEL TWO: The pilot of the plane is lying on the floor of the cockpit out cold. Johnny is in the seat.

JOHNNY: ROGER THAT. EVERYONE GET READY.

INSERT PANEL THREE: Soto, Mick and Rob are walking from the car to the plane.

ZEEK (op): ALPHA WE HAVE A PRBLEM!

BIG PANEL: Tony’s limo blasts through the gate and heading straight towards the plane. Vencenzo and Bruno are shooting out the sunroof and back seat window.

SFX: BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!

[daredevil30269]

Techboyz #2

Page One [3 panels]

PANEL ONE: Suddenly shots come from above, just missing Mr. Soto and his men.

MR. SOTO: What the ####?!

GUARD 1: We are under attack!

PANEL TWO: Fat Tony's limo screeches to a stop in front of the other limo. Fat Tony and three men get out with guns drawn.

VINNIE: Everyone freeze!

PANEL THREE: 24 swoops out of the sky and lands on top of Mr. Soto’s limo, firing at both Mr. Kim's men and Fat Tony's men.

Page Two [5 panels]

PANEL ONE: Inside the van, Zeek watches everything happen.

24 (op): Zeek, there are other people here to get the box. Should I abort?

ZEEK: Yes, get out of there. The others are in position. Get some altitude and make sure that the other men do not get the box. Let them get on the plane with the case.

24(op): Copy.

PANEL TWO: Johnny in cockpit of the plane.

ZEEK (op): Team alpha, this is Zeek. We have a problem. We are not the only ones after the box today. 24 is taking flight it insure that the box boards the plane.

JOHNNY: Affirmative. I am getting ready for take off. Team Bata is already in position.

PANEL THREE: Zeek in van.

ZEEK: Copy team alpha. All is going well.

PANEL FOUR: 24 up in the sky taking aim on Tony's men. Behind him you see a large dragon made of energy coming at him.

ZEEK (op): Watch your back. I am picking up heavy energy readings from your location. Can you give visual conformation?

PANEL FIVE: 24 hovering.

24: I am not picking anything up on external sensors. Is your equip...

Page Three [5 panels]

PANEL ONE: Large ball of energy hitting 24 as he begins to fall to the ground.

24: BBBBBBZZZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAKKKKKKKK!

PANEL TWO: 24 lands on Tony's limo, causing it to explode.

PANEL THREE: Mr. Soto now has a chance to get on board the plane.

MR. SOTO: Get this dam thing in the air pilot!

JOHNNY: Yes sir.

PANEL FOUR: The plane starts down the runway when Johnny sees Zhi-Ming standing there.

PANEL FIVE: With just barely enough speed built up, Johnny pulls back on the throttle, lifting the plane off the ground.

JOHNNY: What the #### is that?

MR. SOTO (op): What is wrong up there?

JOHNNY: There was a man in the runway. I almost hit him.

Page Four [4 panels]

PANEL ONE: Mr. Soto.

MR. SOTO: Just get us the #### out of here!

PANEL TWO: Gecko and Suzi Q bust out from the back of the plane.

PANEL THREE: With in seconds he has the two men subdued and Suzi Q grabs the briefcase.

MR. SOTO: Who the #### are you?

GECKO: Wouldn't you like to know.

SUZI Q: Team Alpha, we have the briefcase case. Take us down.

PANEL 4: Johnny in cockpit.

JOHNNY: Team Omega, this is Alpha. Phase one complete. Prepare for extraction.

Page Five [3 panels]

INSERT PANEL ONE: Back on the ground Zhi-Ming turns to look at the plane. A glow builds behind him.

INSERT PANEL TWO: The Chinese symbol for fire appears behind
him.

BIG PANEL: Zhi-Ming's body vanishes as a huge fireball shoots into the air at the plane.

Page Six [5 panels]

PANEL ONE: In the van Zeek watches the monitor as the fire ball shoots into the air.

ZEEK: Team Alpha, watch out, you are under attack!

PANEL TWO: In the plane.

JOHNNY: What the **** are you talking about? Who the #### by?

PANEL THREE: Outside the fireball slams into to side of the plane.

SUZI Q: What was that?

JOHNNY (op): We have been hit. We're going down. Initiate Phase Two B.

PANEL FOUR: Johnny throws a duffel bag back to Gecko. He takes out what appear to be snowboards and hands one to Suzi
Q and takes one to Johnny.

JOHNNY: Zeek, we need you to go to rondaview point B and pick us up there.

ZEEK (op): Affirmative. I just picked up 24 and am on my way.

PANEL FIVE: Gecko standing at the hatch.

GECKO: Everyone stay clear, I'm blowing the hatch.

Page Seven [3 panels]

PANEL ONE: The door flies off the plane and Gecko steps into the
opening and steps onto his board. Suzi Q follows.

PANEL TWO: Seconds later Johnny steps into the doorway.

MR. SOTO: You can't just leave us here to die!

JOHNNY: Sorry sir. I only brought three boards. And none of them have your name on it. See ya!

PANEL THREE: Johnny jumps from the plane and it heads straight towards the ground.

Page Eight

SPLASH PAGE: Johnny, Gecko and Suzi Q riding flying boards down to the ground. The plane is exploding on the ground.

Page Nine [5 panels]

PANEL ONE: Suzi, Gecko and Johnny are on the ground next to the van. The van's side door is open and 24 stands there. He has several dents and loose wires nothing major.

ZEEK: What the #### happened up there?

GECKO: #### if I know! We need to get the #### out of here!

JOHNNY: What the **** was that thing? It looked like a dragon.

PANEL TWO: Suzi see the Dragon heading straight at them.

SUZI: Oh shit! Guys we need to jet!

JOHNNY: Shit! Zeek you and 24 get back to the base we will catch up with you there.

PANEL THREE: Johnny, Suzi and Gecko take off on their boards.

GECKO: Where are we going?

SUZI: Anywhere is better than here.

PANEL FOUR: They fly through the city weaving in and out over
the hovering traffic.

PANEL FIVE: Johnny hands them the box.

JOHNNY: Take it and get back to the base I will head him off.

Page Ten [5 panels]

PANEL ONE: Johnny flies through traffic and slams his board into the windshield into a cop car.

SFX: BREESH!

COP: What the ****!

PANEL TWO: He jumps from the cop car and flies off as the dragon begins shooting fire blasts at him.

SFX: BZZZAAAACK!

PANEL THREE: The dragon hits Johnny's board causing it to explode. He jumps from his board and lands on the ground.

SFX: BAWOOOM!

PANEL FOUR: Parts of the board nail the cop car causing it to crash on the ground.

SFX: BADOOM!

PANEL FIVE: He runs down the dead end alley as the dragon follows him.

Page Eleven [2 panels]

INSERT PANEL ONE: The Dragon turns back into Zhi-Ming. Anything that was around him s completely burnt.

ZHI-MING: Give me the box!

JOHNNY: Go to ####!

BIG PANEL: Zhi-Ming stands in front of him. He begins to power up an energy blast in his hand. His eyes and entire body has energy bolts coming off him. Zhi-Ming is smiling.

ZHI-MING: I WANT IT NOW!

JOHNNY: EAT SHIT, YOU SON OF A BITCH!

Page Twelve and Thirteen: Five Panels

INSERT PANEL ONE: Two cops come up from behind Zhi-Ming their guns drawn.

COP 1: FREEZE POLICE! HANDS ON YOUR HEAD!

COP 2: DO IT NOW!

BIG PANEL TWO: Zhi-Ming throws the blast at the cops' feet. The cops are flung to each side of the alley.

SFX: BZZZAAAAKK!

INSERT PANEL THREE: The cops are on their stomach and side, shooting at Zhi-Ming.

SFX: BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!

Page Fourteen: 5 Panels

PANEL ONE: Zhi-Ming creates an energy shield as cover. Bullets are hitting the shield. Zhi-Ming looks around towards Johnny.

SFX: SPING! SPING!

PANEL TWO: Zhi-Ming and Johnny looks at each other. Johnny is smiling at him.

ZHI-MING: I WILL TALK TO YOU SOON.

PANEL THREE: Zhi-Ming throws an energy blast towards the cops.

PANEL FOUR: The energy blast explodes in a blinding light in front of the cops.

SFX: SHYEK!

PANEL FIVE: The cops are on their feet looking into the alley finding nothing.

COP 1: SHIT! THE BOSS AINT GOING TO BE HAPPY ABOUT THIS.

Page Fifteen: 5 Panels

PANEL ONE: At the Yamamoto compound. Several cars are parked out there as well as an ambulance.

PANEL TWO: Two EMTs and the doctor stand in the doorway as
Suki and Matsumi kneel by the bedside.

SUKI: I AM SO SORRY, UNCLE. I WISH I COULD HAVE KNOWN YOU BETTER. POOR COUSIN, MATSUMI PLEASE ALLOW ME TO TAKE OF THIS. GO DO WHATEVER YOU NEED TO DO.

MATSUMI: THANK YOU. GRAND FATHER, I PROMISE THAT I WILL MAKE YOU PROUD OF ME.

PANEL THREE: Suki takes the doctor and others into another room.

SUKI: DOCTOR, YOU HAVE HELPED SO MUCH. IF YOU COULD SIGN ANY FORMS SO WE CAN HAVE UNCLE READY FOR HIS FUNERAL.

PANEL FOUR: Matsumi still kneeling by his grand father's bed. He is in a preying position, his eyes are closed. Behind him Shidenko begins to appear out of thin air.

MATSUMI: WHAT HAPPENED TO THE BOX?

SHIDENKO: MASTER, IT IS UNKNOWN WHO THE KIDS WERE. HOWEVER THE MAFIA AND ANOTHER WAS THERE.

MATSUMI 2: GO FIND OUT WHAT THE MAFIA KNOWS. MAKE SURE THEY UNDERSTAND THAT WE MEAN BUSINESS.

PANEL FIVE: Shidenko leaves the same way he came as Matsumi preys.

MATSUMI: GRAND FATHER, I WILL NOT FAIL YOU.
Page Sixteen: 4 Panels

INSERT PANEL ONE: A guy in a practice uniform is spewing blood as he is hit in the stomach.

SFX: WHAM!

CAP: OSAKA

INSERT PANEL TWO: Gigan does a roundhouse kick, hitting another man across the face. Blood flies everywhere.

SFX: BLUNNT

INSERT PANEL THREE: Gigan hits someone in the face on the nose.

SFX: BROK

BIG PANEL: Gigan standing over the bodies. Aki has towel and newspaper in hand.

AKI: SIR, YOU SHOULD SEE THIS.

GIGAN: VERY WELL. AKI, I NEED NEW SPARRING PARTNERS.

Page Seventeen

BIG PANEL: Its Gigan and Aki standing in front the holographic net.

TV NEWSMAN: AND IN OTHER NEWS. JUST A FEW HOURS AGO A PLANE EXPLODED IN NEON CITY. REPORTS SAY THERE WAS A BALL OF LIGHT BEFORE IT HAPPENED.

GIGAN: ZHI-MING. AKI, PACK OUR BAGS.

AKI: YES, SIR.

Page Eighteen: 1 Panel

FULL PAGE PANEL: Is a view of Neon City’s boarder with the ghetto.

CAP: IN A CITY WERE GREED IS PRAISED ABOVE ALL. HUMANITY IS A SIGN OF WEAKNESS.

Page Nineteen: 6 Panels

PANEL ONE: Gecko dressed in ragged clothes stands in line with other workers trying to get back into the ghetto.

PANEL TWO: Several of the police with riot gear, one wearing the Tank, stop each person checking their pass with the computer lists. One of the guards is checking the woman in front of Gecko.

GUARD: PASS.

WOMAN: HERE, SIR.

PANEL THREE: The guard is running the pass through a hand held computer.

GUARD: DID YOU KNOW THIS PASS HAS EXPIRED?

WOMAN: NO SIR.

GUARD (2): SARGENT!

PANEL FOUR: A sargent comes up and looks at the pass.

SARGENT: MISS WE ARE TAKING OUT 15 CREDS FROM YOUR ACCOUNT FOR RENEWAL.

WOMAN (op): YES SIR.

PANEL FIVE: Show the hand held computer screen. It says –165 creds.

GUARD (op): NEXT.

PANEL SIX: A pass being handed to the guard. The pass has a picture of Gecko but with the name Neo Anderson.

GUARD (op): YOUR CLEAR. MOVE IT KID!

Page Twenty: 4 Panels

PANEL ONE: The old district. People are going scavenging the areas. Gecko is walking up.

CAP: TECH BOYZ HEAD QUARTERS.

PANEL TWO: Zeek is finishing up repairs on 24. Zeek comes in as Zeek finishes up.

GECKO: ANY WORD FROM JOHNNY?

ZEEK: NONE SO FAR. SUZIE WENT TO GO CHECK THE PERIMETER. WHAT DID YOU SAY TO 24? HE IS ASKING ABOUT TRUST.

GECKO (2): NOTHING HE JUST WATCHED MY BACK.

PANEL THREE: Suzie has a headset on as she sits in front of several security monitors.

JOHNNY (OP): THIS IS ALPHA 1 TO BIG DOG. I AM TAGGED, NEED ASSISTANCE AT PHEONIX PARK, OVER.

SUZIE: ROGER THAT. WE WILL BE THERE IN TEN.

PANEL FOUR: Gecko and Zeek talk as Zeek is reprogramming 24.

ZEEK: I STILL NEED TO ANELYZE THE BOX. AS SOON AS I FIX HIM I WILL GO TO THE LAB TO WORK ON IT.

GECKO: WHAT ARE YOU PROGGRAMMING…

SUZIE (OP): JOHNNY'S BEEN TAGGED. GECKO LETS GO.

Page Twenty One: 4 Panels

PANEL ONE: A view or the city skyline as it gets to be late morning.

CAPTION: NINE AM IN DOWNTOWN NEON CITY.

PANEL TWO: Fat Tony's Italian restaurant. Tony sits at a table in the back. Two armed guards stand between him and all the exits. Giovanni is sitting down talking to Tony.

GIOVANNI: TONY IT AINT MY FAULT. THESE GUYS CAME OUT OF NO WERE.

TONY: DAMMIT! I WANT NO ****ING EXCUSES! DO WHATEVER IT TAKES JUST GET ME THAT BOX!

PANEL THREE: One of the guards blocking the front door comes flying through the glass and lands at the other guards feet.

GUARD 1: UMPH!

PANEL FOUR: Shidenko walks in through the window. Guns are aimed at him.

TONY: WHA…WHO THE **** ARE YOU?

SHIDENKO: MR. FATONI, MY APPOLOGIES. I WISH TO SPEAK TO
YOU ON MY EMPLOYERS BEHALF.

Page Twenty-Two

FULL PAGE PANEL: Tony pissed as ####. Screaming at the top of his lungs at his men that are around him.

TONY: BOYS KILL THIS…

[daredevil30269]

Techboyz #3

Page One [2 panels]

INSERT PANEL ONE: Giovanni and the others begin to attack Shidenko.

BIG PANEL TWO: Shidenko rips out one guard's voice box. As one of the other guards reaches for him.

SFX: BLEUGHZ

PAGE TWO [3 panels]

INSERT PANEL ONE: Shidenko grabs the guard and throws him into the wall.

INSERT PANEL TWO: Giovanni gets up and throws a punch missing Shidenko.

BIG PANEL: Shidenko has Giovanni by the throat. As he stands in front of Tony.

SHIDENKO: STAY OUT OF MY EMPLOYERS BUSINESS AND AWAY FROM THAT BOX. IF NOT NEXT TIME I WILL NOT BE AS POLITE.

Page Three [5 panels]

PANEL ONE: Tony sits there as he lets Giovanni go. Giovanni is on his knees struggling to breathe.

GIOVANNI: YOU **********.

PANEL TWO: Tony stands over Giovanni as Shidenko leaves.

TONY: WORTHLESS! YOUSE CAN’T EVEN TAKE CARE OF ONE GUY.

PANEL THREE: Giovanni tries to calm Tony down. Tony pushes him causing Giovanni to fall back onto one of the dead guards.

TONY: ALL OF YOUSE BETTER GET THIS PLACE CLEANED UP AND GET THE #### OUT OF MY SIGHT!

PANEL FOUR: Ametto walks into the place. The place is a mess. The guys are still trying to get up.

AMETTO: WHAT HAPPENED?

TONY: NOTHING WE CAN'T HANDLE. GIO, GET THE BOYS.

GIOVANNI: SURE THING BOSS.

PANEL FIVE: Tony and Ametto sit down and talk.

AMETTO: WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT? I GAVE YOU THE PERFECT TIME TO STRIKE AND I GET NOTHING.

TONY: WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, COMING IN HERE LIKE THIS? I OUGTTA KILL YOU RIGHT NOW!

Page Four [4 panels]

PANEL ONE: The two are still sitting there. Tony is getting angry.

TONY: GETA OUT! DON'T EVER COME IN HERE ACTING LIKE YOU ARE DOIN ME FAVOR. I AM HELPING YOUR ASS OUT.

GIOVANNI (op): TONY, CAIN IS ON THE VID PHONE.

PANEL TWO: Tony is looking at the holographic vid phone of Cain. The two are having a heated argument.

TONY: WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY RUN THINGS NOW? I RUN THIS CITY, NOT THE YAKUZA!

CAIN (OP): BOSS THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO THEY OUT NUMBER US DOWN HERE.

PANEL THREE: Tony begins yelling and slams his fist down on the table. He hits the table so hard the vid screen goes fuzzy.

TONY: I WILL HAVE SEVERAL OF THE MEN COME DOWN AND HELP YOU. BUT I WANT EVERY YAKUZA DEAD!

PANEL FOUR: Tony slams his fist down onto the vid phone. Giovanni stands in the doorway and sees this.

TONY: THIS IS ALL I NEED NOW. THE FAMILY ALREADY IS QUESTIONING MY LEADERSHIP AS IS.

GIOVANNI: UNCLE TONY YOU ALL RIGHT?

TONY (2): GET YOUR ASS TO WORK!

PAGE FIVE [4 Panels]

PANEL ONE: Alex Scott and several other scientists are making last minute preparations for the cloning process.

ALEX: MR. MCBRAYER, I NEED YOU TO TAKE CARE OF #5. HE NEEDS TO BE READY SO THAT WE CAN HAVE HIM FOLLOW IKIRA’S ORDERS HE LEFT FOR US.

MCBRAYER: SIR #5 IS TO UNSTABLE TO USE. HE IS PRONED TO VIOLENT TENDANTCIES.

PANEL TWO: Alex hands McBrayer a folder.

ALEX: LOOK HAVE SOTO READY. WE NEED HIM TO TAKE CARE OF IKIRA’S ORDERS.

PANEL THREE: Alex leans over a woman sitting at a computer. On the screen is a DNA strand being analyzed.

ALEX: EDDIE?

EDDIE: IT WILL BE FINISHED WITH THE DNA SEQUENCING IN 30 SECONDS. AS SOON AS IT IS DONE IT WILL GO DIRECTLY INTO THE CHAMBER.

PANEL FOUR: There is a class chamber that has big enough for an adult human to lay in. It is connected to a machine that has a computer terminal on it. The chamber has tubes that come directly from that to a sphere shaped machine that holds and begins some of the DNA sequencing.

PAGE SIX [2 Panels]

INSERT PANEL ONE: Ametto is on the Global Net. He is in a cyber meeting with Earth 2’s CEOs.

AMETTO: WE HAVE A PROBLEM. TONY IS WORKING WITH YAMAMOTO.

ANILA: SO YOU HAVE WASTED OUR TIME WITH THIS.

BIG PANEL: A blurry picture of Gigan pops up showing Ametto who he his. Jared is next to him telling him how it will go.

JARED: I HAVE HIRED AN ASSASSIN TO HELP YOU TAKE CARE OF THIS. GIGAN WAS PART OF BLACK OPS. HE WILL ARRIVES AT THE AIRPORT 2PM. HE WILL DEAL WITH TONY AND EVERYTHING ELSE.

PAGE SEVEN [3 Panels]

PANEL ONE: Ametto looks at the four of them. The picture is still up.

AMETTO: WITH ALL DO RESPECT SIR I CAN TAKE CARE OF THIS.

NADIA: HOW? BY HIRING THE YAKUZA. YOU HAD YOUR CHANCE.

PANEL TWO: Hakan has more information for Ametto on what precautions he needed for the virus.

HAKAN: HERE IS SOME MORE INFO YOU WILL NEED. ALSO IF YOU NEED TO THERE IS A PERSON YOU CAN CONTACT THAT WILL HELP GET THE VIRUS IF NEEDED.

AMETTO: IT WILL BE TAKEN CARE OF.

PANEL THREE: Ametto is gone as the CEOs talk.

HAKAN: WHAT IF HE FAILS?

JARED: I HAVE GIVEN ORDERS TO GIGAN TO KILL AMETTO IF HE FAILS.

PAGE EIGHT [5 Panels]

PANEL ONE: A view of the park and the surrounding buildings.

PANEL TWO: Johnny is at the fountain among several other businessmen and women. There is an old man cleaning and sweeping the area.

JOHNNY (thought): LOOKS LIKE I FINALLY LOST HIM.

PANEL THREE: Gecko comes sky bladeing through. He acts like a regular kid. Listening to his headpiece that is blasting out music.

GECKO (whispers): ITS CLEAR.

GECKO: FRELL MAN, WHAT THE ****!

PANEL FOUR: Suzie and Johnny in a romantic embrace. Both are talking to one another.

SUZIE: SO WHO'S THE BEST?

JOHNNY: YOU.

SUZIE: GECKO IT’S A GO. SO JOHNNY HOWS ABOUT KISS.

PANEL FIVE: Gecko pulls out a gun, he points it at a businessman in a black trench coat.

GECKO: NICE COAT.

PAGE NINE [5 Panels]

PANEL ONE: Gecko with the black trench coat in his hand. People are still trying to get away. Johnny and Suzie are running off. The old man starts heading in their direction.

GECKO: OLD MAN, WHERE YOU GOIN?

PANEL TWO: The old man looks at him as the guns are pointed right at him. The old man's eyes are glowing with energy.

ZHI-MING: I HAVE NO TIME FOR THIS.

GECKO: AWW, ****. LETS DANCE.

PANEL THREE: Gecko begins shooting as he runs to the right. Zhi-Ming changes to his original form, throwing energy blasts at him.

SFX: FRZZACK!

SFX: BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!

PANEL FOUR: Gecko dives behind the fountain as he throws a shrewk bomb at Zhi-Ming.

PANEL FIVE: The bomb blows up right in front of Zhi-Ming. The sound wave bomb causes him extreme pain.

SFX: EEEEEEE!

PAGE TEN [2 Panels]

INSERT PANEL ONE: Police are running into the park. As Gecko in his new trench coat is coming out.

GECKO: SIR, THERE IS A MADMAN IN THERE. THANK GOD YOU GUYS ARE HERE.

POLICEMAN: WE WILL TAKE CARE OF THIS. JUST LEAVE THE PARK FOR YOUR OWN SAFTY.

BIG PANEL: Gecko, fixing his new jacket as he blades off. Cops are coming through the entrance with a plasma cannon.

POLICEMAN: COME ON, MOVE! WE NEED THAT ALTILERY NOW!

PAGE ELEVEN [5 Panels]

PANEL ONE: In a hospital looking like room. Soto sits on the bed. McBrayer is looking him over.

SOTO: WHAT HAPPENED?

MCBRAYER: YOU WERE SHOT AT THE AIRPORT LAST NIGHT. MR. SOTO, GENESIS HAS BEGUN.

PANEL TWO: Soto is loading his gun.

SOTO: WHO IS INCHARGE?

MCBRAYER: MATSUMI, BUT IKIRA LEFT INSTRUCTIONS FOR YOU TO FOLLOW.

PANEL THREE: The two are in front of the tube. Inside you see a small figure growing.

MCBRAYER: HE SHOULD BE AT 100% IN TWO WEEKS.

SOTO: THEN I WILL TAKE CARE OF SUKI. CONTACT ME WHEN IT IS DONE.

PANEL FOUR: Soto is on the phone.

SOTO: PO, I NEED TWO MEN, AT TWICE THE USUAL PAY.

PANEL FIVE: In New Tokyo. Po standing outside an office building.

CAP: NEW TOKYO.

PO: I WILL SEE WHAT I CAN DO. BUT YOU MIGHT HAVE TO TAKE WHOM EVER I CAN GET YOU.

SOTO: JUST DO WHAT YOU CAN. I AM WILLING TO PAY EXTRA.

PAGE TWELVE [3 Panels]

PANEL ONE: Airport view of skyline.

PANEL TWO: Neon City International Airport. Planes flying in and out of the place. Aki and Gigan walk out of the airport. Ametto and his driver are there waiting for them.

PANEL THREE: Aki and Gigan talk to Ametto. Aki is loading the luggage.

AMETTO: SIR, ITS NICE TO MEET YOU. I UNDERSTAND YOU KNOW THE SITUATION.

GIGAN: I WILL TAKE CARE OF THEM. TAKE ME TO HIS PLACE FIRST. WHILE I DO THIS I WANT YOU TO FIND ME WHAT HOTEL A MR. ZHI-MING IS STAYING.

PAGE THIRTEEN [5 Panels]

PANEL ONE: Suzie, Johnny and Gecko are back at HQ. 24 is fully functional and has a new arm with a new gun attached.

24: HELLO, ZEEK LEFT YOU A MESSAGE.

JOHNNY: 24 PLAY IT.

PANEL TWO: On the huge screen is a video of Zeek.

ZEEK: HEY GUYS. FINISHED 24, YOU WILL NOTICE HE IS BETTER PREPARED AND SHOULD BE ABLE TO HELP IF ANYTHING HAPPENS. I AM AT HOME ANALYZING THE BOX.

PANEL THREE: Same thing is happening. Zeek however has holographic diagrams popping up.

ZEEK: THE BOX SEEMS TO HAVE NO MOVING PARTS HOWEVER IF YOU LOOK THERE IS A MICROCHIP ATTACHED TO IT. I HAVE BEEN SCANNING IT AND SHOULD BE REPORTING IN SOON WITH SOME GOOD NEWS.

PANEL FOUR: A figure is walking on the roof of the HQ.

PANEL FIVE: The figure jumps inside the building.

PAGE FOURTEEN [5 Panels]

PANEL ONE: Gigan gets out of the car in front of Tony's restaurant.

GIGAN: I WILL BE RIGHT BACK.

PANEL TWO: Tony, Giovanni and the rest of the boys are in the back. Two guards as well as others are all over the place. Gigan is met by one of the guards.

GUARD #1: CAN I HELP YOU?

GIGAN: TELL TONY THAT A MR. GIGAN IS HERE TO TALK TO HIM ABOUT AMETTO.

PANEL THREE: The guard pulls his gun out. As he does Gigan powers a blast in his hand at the guys throat.

PANEL FOUR: The blast splatters the guy's throat all over the place.

SFX: SKLUTCH

PANEL FIVE: Two more guards come running over. Gigan is just standing there.

PAGE FIFTEEN [2 Panels]

INSERT PANEL ONE: Gigan throws a blast that explodes. Knocking the place apart.

SFX: SHOOM

BIG PANEL: Tony and his men come out of the back to see what is going on. There is a cloud of smoke everywhere. All the guards are dead and Gigan is standing in the middle of the room. His eyes are glowing with energy as he gives them an evil look.

TONY: WHAT THE ****! SOMEBODY KILL THIS BASTARD.

PAGE SIXTEEN [1 Panel]

FULL PAGE PANEL: Dario is punched in the nose. Blood is going all over.

SFX: BROK!

PAGE SEVENTEEN [3 Panels]

PANEL ONE: Dario is on the ground as he covers his nose. A right cross hits Gigan by Giovanni. He falls back toward Vencenzo.

SFX: BTAM

PANEL TWO: Gigan falls back into Vencenzo, were he grabs him and holds him as Giovanni is punching Gigan in the stomach.

GIOVANNI: YOU PRICK. NOBODY PULLS THAT SHIT ON THE FAMILY.

TONY (OP): GIOVANNI.

PANEL THREE: Gigan is in pain as Tony gets in his face.

TONY: MY NEPHEW TENDS TO GO OVER BOARD WITH EVERYTHING. IT IS A SHAME YOUR BOSS DOES NOT LISTEN. HE JUST COST YOU YOUR LIFE.

GIGAN: I WAS GOING TO ONLY ROUGH YOU UP A BIT.

TONY (2): AND NOW?

PAGE EIGHTEEN [1 Panel]

FULL PAGE PANEL: Gigan with an evil smile on his face as his eyes begin to glow. Blood dripping at the corner of his mouth.

GIGAN: YOU ARE GOING TO PAY.

PAGE NINTEEN [4 Panels]

PANEL ONE: All a sudden Giovanni is knocked back by am explosion between him and Gigan.

SFX: BOOM!

PANEL TWO: Smoke is coming off Gigan's backside. He has his hands out and blasts Tony as he hits him in the chest with both hands palms out.

SFX: BADOOOM!

PANEL THREE: Tony flies across the room hitting the wall in mid air.

TONY: UMPH

PANEL FOUR: A guard runs up and tries to hit Gigan with a chair. The chair breaks from an energy shield Gigan makes.

PAGE TWENTY [5 Panels]

PANEL ONE: Gigan is hit in the arm by a plasma gun from Dario. As Gigan is trying to take care of the guard.

GIGAN: UMPH, YOU ARE A DEAD.

PANEL TWO: Gigan hits the guard with an energy blast. Who was between Gigan and Dario.

PANEL THREE: Dario begins throwing chairs at Gigan as he tries to get away.

PANEL FOUR: See Dario's face in pure absolute terror as he screams. There is a huge lash of unnatural light.

DARIO: OH GOD! PLEASE NO!

AMETTO (OP): GIGAN…

PANEL FIVE: Giovanni is on the floor his eyes completely white. Dario is rocking back and forth. The room is in shambles.

PAGE TWENTY ONE [4 Panels]

PANEL ONE: An alarm goes off at Tech boyz HQ. Suzie and the others lock and load as the red flashing light goes on and off.

SUZIE: 24, WHAT IS IT?

24: AN INTRUDER HAS BREACHED LEVEL TWO.

PANEL TWO: The team all have guns in their hands as they prepare for the intruder to enter through door.

24: HE SHOULD BE HERE IN 10,9,8,7…

PANEL THREE: The figure falls down from the floor above. He is in the center of the room.

JOHNNY: 24. LIGHTS!

PAGE TWENTY-TWO

FULL PAGE PANEL: The lights come on. Zhi-Ming stands there. All the team's guns and firepower is aimed right at him.

JOHNNY: DON"T MOVE!

ZHI-MING: GIVE ME THE BOX.

[daredevil30269]

Techboyz #4

PAGE ONE: 4 Panels


PANEL ONE: Tech Boyz HQ. Same scene as we left. The guys have Zhi-Ming surrounded all the guns pointed at him.

ZHI-MING: I WANT THE BOX?

JOHNNY: YOU ARE IN NO POSITION TO GIVE ORDERS. PUT YOUR HANDS ON YOUR HEAD AND GET ON YOUR KNEES.

PANEL TWO: Zhi-Ming puts his hands on his head. He is on one knee when Johnny comes up behind him and puts his gun to the back of Zhi-Ming’s head. Gecko is in front of Zhi-Ming and has a strap ( the kind that the swat teams use to tie a suspect up with) in one hand and in the other he is pointing the gun.

JOHNNY: GECKO,

PANEL THREE: Gecko gets behind Zhi-Ming and takes one hand and begins to wrap the strap round it. As this happens Zhi-Ming is watching out the corner of his eye.

PANEL FOUR: Zhi-Ming grabs Gecko with his other hand and throws him over his shoulder into Suzie.

PAGE TWO: 3 Panels

PANEL ONE: Johnny fires at Zhi-Ming as he ducks and sweeps Johnny with his leg.

PANEL TWO: Zhi-Ming powers up for an energy blast as he stands over Johnny.

ZHI-MING THE BOX OR I WILL KILL YOU.

PANEL THREE: A close up on Johnny’s face as he begins to smile.

JOHNNY: I DON’T THINK YOU WILL GET THE CHANCE.

PAGE THREE: 5 Panels

PANEL ONE: He turns around and fires. As he does Suzie kicks the hand that has the energy blast. Gecko grabs him by the waist.

PANEL TWO: Gecko and Zhi-Ming fall to the ground and end up with Zhi-Ming kicking him across the room.

PANEL THREE: As Johnny runs to grab a gun on the floor. Zhi-Ming jumps up off the floor and lands between Johnny and the gun.

PANEL FOUR: Johnny tries to punch him. Zhi-Ming dodges the punches.

PANEL FOUR: Zhi-Ming grabs Johnny's hand and with the other hand he hits Johnny in the nose with the palm of his hand.

PANEL FIVE: Zhi-Ming throws Johnny into Gecko.

PAGE FOUR: 1 Panels

FULL PAGE PANEL: Suzie stands in front of Johnny and Gecko who are both on the ground.

SUZIE: NEVER SEND A MAN TO DO A WOMAN'S JOB.

ZHI-MING: I AM NOT GOING TO FIGHT YOU.

SUZIE: NO MATTER EITHER WAY I AM GOING TO KICK YOUR ASS.

PAGE FIVE: 3 Panels

PANEL ONE: Suzie fakes a kick to Zhi-Ming's waist and then turns it to kick him in the head.

PANEL TWO: Zhi-Ming throws a punch. Suzie blocks it and then elbows him in the chest.

PANEL THREE: Zhi-Ming does a spinning kick in the air that knocks Suzie down.

PAGE SIX: 5 Panels

PANEL ONE: Johnny kicks Zhi-Ming from behind in the leg knocking him off balance.

PANEL TWO: Zhi-Ming braces himself using floor as he kicks Johnny under the chin.

PANEL THREE: Zhi-Ming is up heading for Gecko who has a box shaped case in his hand.

GECKO: I DON’T WANT TO FIGHT YOU.

ZHI-MING: THEN GIVE ME THE BOX.

SUZIE (op): BUDDY I AM GOING TO SCATTER YOUR ASHES TO THE WIND.

PANEL FOUR: Suzie punches him across the face. Knocking him on the ground.

PANEL FIVE: Zhi-Ming is bleeding from the corner of his mouth. His eyes are glowing with energy.

ZHI-MING: THIS ENDS NOW.

PAGE SEVEN: 4 Panels

PANEL ONE: Suzie throws a punch. Zhi-Ming blocks it and grabs her by the shirt.

PANEL TWO: Zhi-Ming’s eyes are still glowing as he creates an energy field around her. Causing her to blackout.

PANEL THREE: Zhi-Ming looks over and points at Gecko.

ZHI-MING: THE BOX.

PANEL FOUR: Johnny is still on the ground by Zhi-Ming’s feet. Behind him you see the exo skeleton of 24.

GECKO: SURE, I HAVE IT RIGHT HERE. JUST STOP FIGHTING.

PAGE EIGHT: 2 Panels

INSERT PANEL ONE: Close up on Zhi-Ming’s eyes. He is surprised as he looks down.

ZHI-MING: WHAT THE…

BIG PANEL: The case is falling to the ground. 24 is in mid air exactly were the case would be. He is shooting Zhi-Ming with an electric current. Zhi-Ming is screaming in pain as the electricity flows through his entire body.

ZHI-MING: HHARRR!

PAGE NINE: 5 Panels

PANEL ONE: Ambulance entrance at the Neon City Hospital. Ambulances and people are all over the place.

PANEL TWO: Tony and Giovanni are both lying in bed in a room by themselves. Giovanni has bandages over his eyes. Kiefer walks in with his partner Natsu. There is a policeman outside the door. Several of Tony’s goons are standing around.

KEIFER: TONY, JUST THE MAN I WAS LOOKING FOR.

TONY: DETECTIVE DICKHEAD, WHAT THE **** DO YOU WANT?

PANEL THREE: Kiefer walks up next to Tony. He pulls out a pad and pen.

KEIFER: YOU KNOW WHAT I WANT TONY. I KNOW YOU WERE AT THE AIRPORT LAST NIGHT. SO CUT THE SHIT AND TELL ME WHAT REALLY HAPPENED.

TONY: LOOK DICK I DON'T KNOW. I HEARD THAT THE PLNE BLEW UP OR SOMETHING.

PANEL FOUR: He grabs Tony by the throat. Tony is trying to get his hands off him.

KEIFER: LOOK YOU PRICK. I DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOU. YOU ALL READY CAN'T WALK YOU WANNA GO FOR BREATHING THROUGH A TUBE. IT MIGHT HELP YOUR FAT ASS.

NATSU (OP): DETECTIVE HIDESATO!

PANEL FIVE: Tony is pissed, yelling and screaming as Kiefer is being pulled out by his arm.

TONY: I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!

PAGE TEN: 2 Panels

INSERT PANEL ONE: Kiefer is smiling as he stops at the door and looks at Tony.

KEIFER: TONY, YOU WANT ME YOU KNOW WHERE I WILL BE.

BIG PANEL: Kiefer, Natsu and the policeman guarding the door stand out side the room talking.

KEIFER: THE FAT ASS. JOHN, DON'T BOTHER GUARDING HIS ASS. JUST MAKE SURE YOU KEEP ME POSTED ON WHAT HE IS DOING.

JOHN: YES, SIR.

PAGE ELEVEN 3 Panels

PANEL ONE: Vencenzo is holding down Tony.

TONY: THAT SACK OF SHIT IS GOING TO DIE! I WANT HIM DEAD! YOU HEAR ME? I WANT HIM DEAD!

VENCENZO: BOSS YOU HAVE TO COME DOWN.

PANEL TWO: Tony grabs Vencenzo by the collar.

TONY: I WANT HIM TAKEN CARE OF ASAP.

VENCENZO: YOU GOT IT BOSS.

PANEL THREE: Vencenzo looks over at a few of the other men.

VENCENZO: I WANT YOUSE TO GO FIND OUT WHEN CAIN HAS TAKEN CARE OF THEM. IF HE SCREWS UP KILL HIM.

PAGE TWELVE: 5 Panels

PANEL ONE: Suzie and Johnny are watching him. Gecko is hooked into the net.

GECKO: OKAY, GUYS I AM GOING IN.

JOHNNY: JUST FIND OUT WHO HE IS.

PANEL TWO: Gecko is on the Global Net. He is standing in front of cyber space. He has a black panel in front of him acting like a keyboard.

GECKO: DAM MILITARY CODES. IT PAYS TO BE AN ARMY BRAT.

PANEL THREE: Gecko has a huge thing of information going in front of him. Zhi-Ming's name highlighted.

GECKO: GUYS I GOT IT.

PANEL FOUR: In front of Gecko its like a virtual reality image of Zhi-Ming comes up.

GECKO: OH SHIT! GUYS YOU ARE NOT GOING TO LIKE THIS. SUZIE, SENDING IT TO YOU.

PANEL FIVE: Suzie and Johnny are at the computer. In the back you can see Gecko unhooking from the Net.

SUZIE: WHAT THE #### DOES A MONK WANT WITH THIS BOX?

GECKO: YEAH A MONK WITH A MILITARY BACKGROUND. I NEVER SCENE THAT. THE GUY TRAINED BLACK OPS OPERATIONS.

PAGE THIRTEEN: 4 Panels

PANEL ONE: Gecko walks over to them.

GECKO: LOOK MAYBE WE SHOULD GET OUT WHY WE CAN. SHIT, THIS GUYS A PRO.

PANEL TWO: Suzie is checking the computer. Johnny is looking over at 24 who is standing next to a tied up Zhi-Ming.

JOHNNY: LOOK, I WILL CONTACT THE BUYER. SEE WHAT THE #### IS GOING ON. THIS IS MORE THAN A SNATCH AND GRAB.

PANEL THREE: Johnny contacts Suki. The digital scrambler is on.

SUKI: WHERE IS THE BOX?

JOHNNY: THE BOX IS SAFE BUT IT IS GETTING TO HOT TO HANDLE.

SUKI #2: LOOK I WANT RESOLTES NOT WHINNING. I WANT THE BOX HERE TODAY OR ELSE.

PANEL FOUR: The computer screen goes blank. Johnny hits the keyboard.

PAGE FOURTEEN: 4 Panels

PANEL ONE: Night in the harbor distract. There are warehouses all of them are quite most are abandoned. One has its door open and lights are coming from inside. A man stands out there smoking a cigar as he watches out for cops. Across from that is some people watching from the roof.

PANEL TWO: Through night vision goggles you see two Yakuza soldiers in full combat gear. The two are loading their weapons.

PANEL THREE: Three Yakuza soldiers are on the roof of the warehouse building that the Cain and his men are in. They are opening the skylight.

PANEL FOUR: Cain and several men are loading an unmarked van. There are guns, masks and other weapons scattered on them.

CAIN: THIS IS A STATEMENT TONIGHT BOYS. NO SCREWUPS.

PAGE FIFTEEN: 4 Panels

PANEL ONE: Cain and Malcolm are looking at a blue print of the dance club the Yakuza owns.

CAIN: LOOK WE HAVE THREE OF THE BOYS HERE AND THEN SEPARATE THE REST INTO TWO TEAMS.

MALCOLM: YEAH, ADD SEVERAL SMOKE BOMBS IN THE VENTS AND ITS GOOD.

PANEL TWO: As Cain and the boys continue loading the van. Several of the Yakuza are running across the rafters.

CAIN: MALCOLM MAKE SURE THEY GET ENOUGH SMOKE BOMBS.

PANEL THREE: Malcolm points up at the Yakuza. As he does a bullet hits him right in the head.

PANEL FOUR: Cain’s men are running grabbing their guns and firing as the Yakuza fire at them. Smoke bombs are being dropped by the Yakuza.

PAGE SIXTEEN AND SEVENTEEN: 1 Panel

FULL PAGES PANEL: The Yakuza are coming down from the rafters and everywhere. Cain and the men are being massacred. The men with Cain are dropping like flies as bullets are flying everywhere.

PAGE EIGHTEEN: 3 Panels

INSERT PANEL ONE: A completely black panel.

SUZIE (OP): ****! WHAT THE #### ARE WE GOING TO DO WITH HIM?

JOHNNY (OP): LET ME THINK.

GECKO (OP): OH SHIT! GUYS HE IS WAKING UP!

INSERT PANEL TWO: Show everything through Zhi-Ming's eyes. It is a little blurry as he sees Gecko, Johnny and 24 standing there.

ZHI-MING: ALL I ASK IS THAT YOU LISTTEN TO WHAT I HAVE TO SAY.

BIG PANEL: Zhi-Ming is still in the chair tied up. The four are all standing around him.

ZHI-MING: THE BOX IS NOT WHAT IS IMPORTANT, IT IS WHAT IS INSIDE. INSIDE IS A VIRUS THAT WAS CREATED BY YAMAMOTO INDUSTRIES. IT IS SPECIFICALLY CREATED USING NANO TECHNOLOGY TO ALLOW IT TO INFECT BOTH ORGANIC AND IN ORGANIC.

PAGE NINETEEN: 4 Panels

PANEL ONE: Matsumi is in his lab studying a variation of the virus. He is glued to a computer screen showing several diagrams of the original virus.

MATSUMI: INTERESTING. IT SEEMS AS IF IT GROWS IT ALSO LEARNS.

SHIDENKO (OP): SIR SHOULD I WATCH SUKI?

MATSUMI #2: NO, I HAVE SOTO TAKING CARE OF THAT. YOU HOWEVER CAN GO KEEP AN EYE ON FATONI, MAKE SURE HE DOES NOT RUIN OUR PLANS.

PANEL TWO: A screen showing another diagram of one of the nanoids. With it has several of the basic statistics.

MATSUMI (OP): WELL, WELL. IF I FIND A WAY TO MANIPULATE THE INHIBITERS, THEN I CAN ACTUALLY CONTROL IT LONG ENOUGH TO MAKE SHIDENKO INTO PERFECTION.

SFX (OP): RING. RING.

PANEL THREE: Matsumi picks up the phone. He is talking as he looks at another diagram.

MATSUMI: HELLO MR SOTO, REPORT.

SOTO (OP): SHE WENT TO THE LUNCH WITH SENITOR MASON, THEN SHE WENT TO FUNERAL HOME, AND AFTERWARDS SHE WENT TO AND MADE A PHONE CALL AT A PAY VIDPHONE.

PANEL FOUR: Soto standing at the corner of some city street. He is looking across the way over to see Suki getting in the limo.

SOTO: SIR SHE IS LEAVING.

MATSUMI (OP): FOLLOW HER AND KEEP ME POSTED.

PAGE TWENTY: 3 Panels

PANEL ONE: Zeek is at his lab. He is still studying the microchip.

PANEL TWO: One the computer screens there are all the diagrams and files listing each part of the nanoids.

ZEEK: THIS IS AMAZING! THIS HAS MORE SHIT THAN GECKO COULD EVER SAY.

PANEL THREE: Zeek begins to freak out as he watches the video taken during the test phase.

ZEEK: OH GOD!

PAGE TWENTY-ONE: Panels

PANEL ONE: The panel is a monitor screen. It is showing a black and white video of several scientists using a specially made glass enclosure. Inside is a rabbit in a class cage.

SCIENTIST #1: EXPEIRMENT 13, JANUARY 30, 2107 WITH VIRUS #27.

PANEL TWO: The nanoids comes up from the floor in a glass container. They have a special arm to open the lid on the container.

SCIENTIST #1: STARTING TEST. BEGIN TIMER.

PANEL THREE: The nanoids cover the ground. It starts entering the cage that the rabbit is in. The rabbit is going wild.

PANEL FOUR: The rabbit is bleeding as metal wires and pieces come through his skin.

ZEEK (OP): OH GOD. UMMMBLAH!

PANEL FIVE: The rabbit is still changing his eyes are bleeding. There is some blood and tissue all around the bottom of the cage. He still resembles a rabbit somewhat.

SCIENTIST #1: TIME IS 45 SECONDS.

PAGE TWENTY-TWO: 2 Panel

INSERT PANEL ONE: Close up of his hands typing on the computer.

FULL PAGE PANEL: Close of his face. He looks in horror.

SCIENTIST #1 (op): TIME IS 60 SECONDS. THE END RESULT IS A CMPLETE METAMORPHOSIS INTO A NEW SPECIES OF A NEW BIO MECHANICAL ORGANISM.

[theory9]

I think I've seen this script somewhere else. Did you post this at digitalwebbing before?

Anyway, here goes:

• I think the first page can be expanded on, in terms of visuals. If there are two separate cities, I think asking an artist to fit that onto one page and asking the reader to appreciate the enormity of such an art (the city rebuilding) will be tough.
• The opening caption works, working to draw the reader into your world.
• I think page 2 is another example of asking the artist to do too much. The establishing shot of the crowd will be fairly small in relation to the rest of the page, diminishing the impact of the scene.
• Page 2, Panel 1 would probably be better if the action (EDGAR running/goons chasing) were split into separate panels. It can sometimes be visually overwhelming to have too much going on in one panel.
• This description: PAGE THREE PANEL TWO: See through Soto’s eyes. You see a small screen that is almost see through so you can still see his surroundings. didn't make sense to me. What exactly is the artist supposed to draw here?
• Some of the dialogue comes off as a bit stilted and formal. After getting beat up, EDGAR is more likely to say, "I DUNNO..." than "I DO NOT KNOW" (PAGE 4 PANEL 2).
• Honestly, I had a lot of trouble reading through the rest of issue #1. The exposition was minimal; is PHOENIX sending a different officer to oversee EDGAR'S murder case? If the murder case is that important, he should've already sent his best officers: he has no reason to hold back. Work on plotting your stories more tightly, and make sure you're in control of your characters.

Hope that helps.

[daredevil30269]

Guys could use some good critiques so how about it? Theory thanks and I know some of it seems weird and I am working on it.