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Thread: Adaptation of an Anton Checkov play

  1. #1
    Neophyte ayalpinkus's Avatar
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    Adaptation of an Anton Checkov play

    These are page breakdowns for a four-pager adaptation of "Swan Song", an early play by Anton Checkov. Feedback/critique would be very welcome!


  2. #2
    Monkey with Crayons [Moderator] Veritas71's Avatar
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    Better fit in the Sequential Section.
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  3. #3
    Neophyte ayalpinkus's Avatar
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    Veritas71 I was wondering about that as the Sequential section only seemed to show finished work. Thank you for moving it!

  4. #4
    Your "perspective" is killing you. I don't know if you're still using your computer grid (which as previously discussed simply makes gross mistakes with lightning speed) or if you're trying to "wing it" (which is beyond your pay grade)

    Pn 1- The closer the VP to the frame, the more distortion you get. By placing the VP at right too close to the frame you've introduced distortion. The floor is a severely inclined plane rather than parallel to the ground. Placing the horizon above the frame introduces the third VP below which you've ignored. Your chairs are 5D Dada, your people don't fit within them...

    Elsewhere, chairs are angled to the wall then they're squared. Pictures pop in an out, go from portrait to landscape. We look up at balconies we should look down on...

    You need to get a grasp of the basics. I suggest Ernest Norling's Perspective Made Easy and Loomis' Fun With a Pencil and Successful Drawing

  5. #5
    Bryan E.Warner's Avatar
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    Well you seem to have a good idea of what you want...You Just Need To Be More Convincing..you have gotten excellent advice..I can Not wait to see you Improve
    Keep that Pencil Busy!

  6. #6
    Neophyte ayalpinkus's Avatar
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    Smitty, thank you so much! How embarrassing. You're right. I eye-balled this and forgot to check if the perspective was okay. Ahem.

    Brian E. Warner, yes, it is amazing that Smitty is willing to give his time to give advice, I will not let it go to waste!

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